Caregiving and the Workplace, A Way to Bring Harmony to Both with Amanda Varga

Do you have a loved one that's aging and needs assistance? It can happen fast. In most cases families are very reluctant to discuss what the loved one wants prior to an acute event. Then families are left to guess. If you are a caregiver, taking care of yourself is very important was well. We can take care of others if we don't care of ourself.

About Amanda

Amanda Varga is the Owner of CareTreks, LLC, which is focused on supporting Family Caregivers of aging loved ones by providing the skills, knowledge and resources they need to be more confident and competent Caregivers.

Amanda’s caregiving experience started at age 11 when she was the neighborhood babysitter.  Her first work with the elderly was in middle school, as a volunteer Candystriper at a local nursing home - yes, the red and white striped uniform and the cap!

While earning her Bachelor of Social Work degree, she also provided specialized respite services for children with special needs.  Immediately after graduation, she worked in brain injury supported living, quickly moving from direct care to management.  After some years in the corporate world (primarily in HR and Executive Team roles) and having three amazing children, she found herself back in the professional Caregiving realm as both an overnight-awake hospice sitter and Director of Client Care for a home care agency.

Caregiving became far more personal when she and her husband moved his parents in with them in July, 2014.  Both required 24/7 care and supervision with hands-on assistance.  Amanda's personal Caregiving Journey had begun...and the following month her three kids started 4th, 5th and 12th grades. 

Life was complicated, to say the least.  It has been this personal experience with caregiving that inspired the idea behind CareTreks – to find a way to support others who find themselves in a family caregiving role.

www.caretreks.com

www.ageucational.com

Full Transcript Below

Caregiving and the Workplace, A Way to Bring Harmony to Both with Amanda Varga

Sat, 5/29 8:52AM • 45:42

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

caregivers, care, home, people, talk, mom, support, kids, caregiving, doctor, options, adult children, terry, amanda, child, conversation, find, living, feel, solution

SPEAKERS

Terry, Amanda, Roy Barker

Roy Barker  00:00

This is Roy,

Terry  00:00

this is Terry.

Roy Barker  00:01

So we are the podcasts that is chronicling not only my journey through aging, I'm not gonna throw Terry under that bus. We're chronicling my journey through agency, his time while she does not age. But also our parents, we both have parents that are living and so, you know, as we go through the challenges of the different things that they need and trying to help them through the different obstacles of aging. We want to put that out there. Just to let you know you're not alone. It's happening to other people. But also we have professionals Come on from time to time to give us some advice, things to look at just to talk about. Maybe talk to the seniors talk to the adult children talk to caregivers, just to put out some information that is hopefully useful when today is no different. Terry, I'm gonna let you introduce Amanda.

Terry  00:51

Yeah, Amanda Varga is the owner of Care Treks LLC, which is focused on supporting family caregivers of aged loved ones, by providing the skills knowledge and resources they need to be more competent and competent caregivers. Her caregiving experience started at age 11 when she was the neighborhood babysitter her first work with the elderly was in middle school as a volunteer candy striper and heard that in a long time. at a local home. Yes, the red white and red, red and white striped uniform and that gap. while earning her Bachelor of Social Work degree she also special she provided specialized respite services for children with special needs. Immediately after graduation she worked in brain injury supported, she worked in brain injury supported living quickly moving from direct care to management. After some years in the corporate world. And having three amazing children she found herself back in the professional caregiving realm as both an overnight awake hospice sitter and director of client care for homecare agency, caregiving became far more personal when she and her husband moved his parents and with them in 2014. Both required 24 seven care and supervision with hands on assistance. Amanda's personal caregiving journey had begun and the following month her three kids started fourth, fifth and 12th grades. Amanda, thank you so much for coming on the show. We're so excited to talk to you about your journey.

Amanda  02:26

Thanks for having me. That was That was great. It's kind of funny to remember all the different things.

Roy Barker  02:32

Oh my gosh, it's funny talking about the hat team, because I just, I was looking at an old picture the other day of nurses. And you know, they used to have that little cardboard hat that they were around all the time. So

Amanda  02:43

well, it's a candy striper. You had to earn your cap, you earned a cap and you are independent. It was a ceremony you had to be there for so long. And so you had to earn the right to wear the little striped hat and it's your pins. Oh

Terry  02:54

my gosh, depending on the hat and the striped pins. That was your captain's lapel stuff. Exactly.

Roy Barker  03:04

Well tell us what how do you support caregivers in in your endeavors that you have going on, you know, we want to talk about, eventually we're going to talk about some different things, you know, things that have come up with you and your life and things that you have seen also, but I just want to say, uh, you know, let you tell us how that you are supporting our caregivers out there now.

Amanda  03:24

I definitely it changed when COVID came because care trucks really launched the end of 2019. And that was not you know, hindsight is 2020. Right? So we're clients, and either the original iteration of care tracks was to one family at a time work in their caregiving space, see what they needed to make caregiving easier and more efficient in their home. And obviously, that wasn't going to happen through most of 2020. So I shifted gears a little bit and changed my message and focused more on how to support people through other businesses. So one was to come alongside other service providers. So you know, if you're working with a wealth manager, financial planner, they have a solution for you at every stage of your life. Right? They can help you if you're a young professional or young family or growing family and into retirement, but they don't have something tangible to support you when your caregiver. And for me caregiving came in in midlife, right? For some people, it comes much later when they're caring for a spouse or a sibling. And so by coming out with care tracks, they can offer their clients, hey, I have someone to help support you and you're struggling in this. Let me connect you with care techs that that's one area, okay. I'm really excited about is actually, I want to bring care checks into the workplace as an employer sponsored benefit. So all of these working family caregivers who are trying to juggle their professional world, and their homeworld and it's, as you guys know, it's kind of chaotic in your head, even if you're not doing all the direct hands on stuff. It's distracting during your day and who's going to take mom to the doctor tomorrow and, you know, should I be worried about the symptoms I'm seeing And being able to say, hey, my employer offers something I know I can access this information and get local referrals, local information to support me. That's really where I think career tracks is going to go.

Roy Barker  05:13

Okay. You know, and that's, it's an awesome journey because, well, from, from my experience, the daughter in law is the one that typically ends up taking care of everybody's family, you know, of the husband's family, I guess. So. Terry does a good job at supporting mine, for sure. But also, a lot of times our caregivers have to leave the workforce. And so Either that, or, you know, I was talking to somebody the other day that was telling me the, they have an employee that has some issues going on at home, and it's really affected her work life. So I think, don't want to speak for you. But I think that's the message that you want to try to get out there is how do we manage that as a company as an employer? How do you manage and help your employees where they can still take care of those family members and do what they need to do but yet be a productive part of their company in their job as well?

Amanda  06:14

Yeah, and that productivity is really the key because these employees are losing productivity, they're losing, you know, money, if you really bring it down to it with their caregivers, or their employees being distracted by what's going on in their lives. And if that employee needs to leave, they're going to have the expense of turnover. Now they've got to recruit and train and onboard someone new. So doesn't it make sense to find out? How can we help this person rebounds? things? Do we need to talk about a job share? Do we need to talk about, you know, obviously, flex time, or working from home is much more prevalent now, which is great. But it doesn't mean when that employee is working from home, they're able to focus as much either. So how can we bring support into the home and educate on Adult Day programs or home care, whatever the options may be to help them be a more effective employee and still be a caregiver to their loved one. So it's a matter of everyone's situation is different,

Roy Barker  07:07

right. And it's, it's becoming more prevalent with the baby boom, generation moving that way, with our lifespan. growing longer, you know, it's like, there, this is not something that's going to peak in a few years and just go away, I think this is going to be around for a while. And you know, this worked a lot in the senior living industry. And of course, you know, we expected the peak years and years ago, but people have put it off longer people are healthier, longer, people are getting out into their 80s, before they decide to make that decision, not 65. Like, you know, it was once thought it could be. So these are going to be things that employers are dealing with for years to come, you might as well embrace it, and figure out how to navigate through it.

Amanda  07:57

Yeah, be proactive with it, have a solution, your employees before it becomes an even larger issue, and you're scrambling. So that's definitely the message I'm trying to get. Let's Let's help these folks before the crisis.

Terry  08:09

Well, and, and, and along the way, I mean, we're, we're all getting older, so it'd be nice for us to have something in place to be to be able to, you know, deal with that as well, you know, yeah.

Roy Barker  08:26

Yeah. And when we talk about turnover, you know, like you said, it's a, it's a two phase deal. First off, you'd lose the productivity. And then the second part is somebody's gone, you have a vacant space. And so I mean, this, this can affect your company for months. I mean, it's not like, Hey, we hired somebody yesterday, and our problems are solved. Because even if they've been in that same industry, there's still a lot to learn about the company that you go to work with. So I and I do a lot of, in my consulting practice, I do a lot of work, you know, focus mainly on that turnover. So that's why it's kind of a hot button for me is that, you know, we really need to figure this out, because we're losing good people that could work this out. But the I think everything grows, that tension grows up to a point that they're like, I just can't take it anymore. And the easiest solution to leave the job and go do this full time. And then maybe after two or three months, they get things settled down and worked out. So if we could have this, you know, I'd say it but an intervention, if we could have an intervention early here, help them solve these problems. You know, what a great solution, a win win for everybody.

Amanda  09:35

Right? Right. And it's funny when you're talking about that turnover piece. The Harvard Business School did a study called the caring company they released I think, in 2017. And what they found is statistically, it's your C suite level, who will leave the workforce completely right the entry level and the lower level of mid level managers. They may need to leave a workplace and find somewhere else that currently fits. They can't afford to stop altogether. But your CFO It was even clean one day and like, I'm out, you know, they they've made their mark on the world they play have a great retirement plan, and they're working now because they really enjoy it and they're fulfilled. But mom is sick, right? Can I do Am I gonna stay in this job that I really don't need? Technically, for my retirement, I'm gonna take care of my mother, and all of that knowledge, all of that industry knowledge and all of that corporate knowledge that walks out the door. Whereas like you said, if we can have some kind of intervention or support you for that breaking point. Yeah, awkward balances, I can have the job share, how can we make this work out for everybody?

Roy Barker  10:36

Yeah. And I think it's the educational part, which I'm sure you know, that's a big component for you. But it's educating the the employers and educating the employees, sometimes they don't really realize that the burden is not all on them, there are avenues or things that you can do to get help. You know, and I doubt I can list all of them. But you know, there's homemaker services, to have that person come in and maybe go through there, help them with the mail, just make sure they're okay. The other great thing I think that we've talked a little bit about is the, the FaceTime or whatever, some kind of a video conferencing that, you know, it's easy to try to set up a dedicated machine for the senior at their house where you know, you can check on them. But anyway, there's a lot of solutions out there, I think it's a matter of just thinking that situation through.

Amanda  11:33

Yeah, and making it Okay, I think for caregivers to or family members who have said, Don't worry, I'll take care of you someday, or their parents has said Promise me, you'll take care of me. Everyone is cut out for the hands on part. And maybe for the person taking care of mom means finding the most appropriate place for her to live, and keeping that parent child relationship alive visiting often and taking them to lunch being involved. But maybe not the hands on stuff. And that has to be okay. And a lot of people struggle with that saying I promise Mom, I take care of her. Yeah, this may not be your thing. So let's find the best way to take care of there's a big

Terry  12:11

there's a big guilt issue involved there. Is, I mean, uh, gosh,

Roy Barker  12:16

yeah, well, and the other thing is that we taking care of them may may be just like you, I mean, good gravy, if I had, if my mother had to depend on me to take care of her, you know, she would pull her hair out and scream. And so she, she knows that for us, the best thing would be for me to find somebody that is more capable of taking care of her and just kind of be that manager to make sure that the care is being delivered to her. And, you know, you bring up the other point about our living situation. You know, there's so many tools to keep people at home and coming out of the senior living industry. You know, I believe in that, I think it's a great option. But I don't think it's the only option. I think, you know, there are a lot of tools at our disposal that we don't even know about electronic, I think, you know, their bed monitors and other kinds of monitors that are non obtrusive, they're not videos all the time, but things that we can do in order to kind of ensure some level of safety at home.

Amanda  13:19

But yeah, I mean, one of the ones I was most fascinated by ages ago was is a GPS tracker that just goes in your shoe, you plug it in at night when your care recipient is sleeping, and then it goes in the in their shoe. And if they happen to wander, you know where they are, right, but they don't feel like they're trapped. It's it's that just in case, you know, but there's, there's, again, things where you can have a video monitor at home, but there's also just motion sensors you can have in your home. So no one feels like they're constantly on camera, but a family member or medical professional could say boy, they haven't crossed the hallway into the bathroom for like 18 hours or they're crossing that hallway to the bathroom every 30 minutes. You know, maybe we need to check in on something. So there's not a video but there's still a way to monitor right so be amazing, you know, innovative options right now. It's it's really fantastic. You know, I

Terry  14:09

wish we would have had the track the GPS tracker for my dad who had Alzheimer's. Oh my gosh, he he was a bull. He just did not want to give up his car keys. He didn't you know, and there were a couple of times when he when he left the house and was gone. He was he drove and he was gone overnight. I think two days one time it was not a good to if we hadn't had not that the amber I mean, the amber alert was out but I you know, we had no idea where he went. And he didn't he didn't even really know he just Yeah, well, I was down here and I met some new friends and you know, he just wanted to socialize, I guess but I wish we would have had that that would have been a godsend.

Roy Barker  14:56

Yeah, and a lot of I think you mentioned the shoe monitor. You know that The A lot of times people don't want to wear the bracelet or the pendant because they feel like it is so obtrusive that they're, you know, I think that's a cool thing about the little shoe deal is that a lot of times they don't even know that they have it on. Right. So but the, you know, there there is that time, though, and this is a conversation, that's difficult, but there is going to be a time where we do have to, you know, people become a danger to themselves at home, if they have fall habits, fall habit well, habits, but also if they have fall traps in the house, and you know, there are a lot of things we can do to remove those obstacles, extension cords, throw rugs, but sometimes, you know, like, I'll just say from my parents house, they have different levels, you know, it's not that big, but you go down into the bedroom up to the bathroom, the the tile is like a some kind of a, almost an actual rock looking stuff. That's very, I mean, it's hard enough for me to walk across this trip. And so, you know, there are things that we kind of have to do these in home assessments as well, to see is it truly safe for that person to be here?

Amanda  16:19

Yeah, and I mean, caregivers can definitely access you know, most occupational therapists will come into a home assessment. I'm part of the living in place Institute, so certified living in place professionals, anyone with that designation has access to a checklist, we can go through the home room by room, and let's talk about some hazards. And let's talk about some changes. And then, you know, there's there are home modification experts and home designers who specialize in that kitchen and bath, especially because those are usually the most dangerous, who have all sorts of amazing solutions that can change someone's home into a safer, more accessible place. So a lot of people think, Oh, my home's not quite right, as I'm aging, but I love my neighborhood. And I know my grocery store, and I know the mailman and I don't want to leave. There are ways to mitigate what's dangerous in your home, and make it a safer place to live. And there's professionals out there who that is exactly what they specialize in.

Roy Barker  17:15

Yeah. Yeah. And it's, it's a difficult decision, especially, you know, if somebody is not ready to go, you know, sometimes people are like, Oh, I'm out of here, I'm ready to go. And I think that's kind of the way we are, we're looking forward to it would get us an apartment where you can shut the door and go traveling, do stuff and not have to worry about all the maintenance. But, you know, that's the way we feel today. Now, talk to me, again, when I'm 85 or 105, I may have a different story, then. Because it's that it's like that loss of sometimes it's a loss of independence. But there are a lot of Salafi emotions that are wrapped around that as well.

Amanda  17:53

Yeah, yeah. And you know, even when you're looking at someone who's lost a spouse recently, you know, and that, I want to stay here, but I don't if I can stay here, and should I stay here, or maybe they're just ready to go, I'm going to go move by kids, I'm moving on with kids, I'm going to find an independent living by my kids, you know, that there really are enough options to meet the needs of almost anyone if they're willing to think through what they want. And to be a little flexible in the specifics. You know, there's options.

Roy Barker  18:20

We were talking pre show, it just came up, you know, you've gone through some recent situations, I know. And we were talking a little bit about the Tella doc. And, you know, part of the other thing is like, sometimes it's hard to get people to go to the doctor, it's hard to get me to go to the doctor's not something, not something I want to do like to do. And you know, it's like the last resort. But the nice thing, I think that the pandemic has opened up more and kind of shown us this teladoc feature, we can do some things remotely. And so we were just talking about, you know, maybe not solving all of our problems, but that initial Should I go to the doctor, you know, I'm feeling this feeling that but I don't really want to load up and go sit in the emergency room, even though vaccines are out and you know, we're seeing a numbers go down, you know, there's still that COVID effect that's out there. So let's talk a little bit about, you know, how we could use that. The teladoc system kind of as a, yeah, you really need to go seek more help.

Amanda  19:29

And it's a great, it's a great initial tool, right? Because just like you were saying, if you are caring for an elderly person, especially if their health is already frail, yes, maybe experiencing a health issue. But do you really want to take them to the emergency room and have them sitting with someone else do you really want to take them to the waiting room, the doctor's office, and you know, this is one of those silver linings of COVID because more physicians are open to this option. You know, they're signing on with their practices to have access to a telehealth option. are working to inform all their patients, hey, this is this is my preferred method of initially speaking to you, let's you know, let's talk about your symptoms, let's you know, take your temperature, a lot of folks have a blood pressure monitor in their home. So we have we have a blood pressure, monitor pull thoughts, we can do blood sugar, we can take all those measurements in our home, and let the doctor know, hey, this is what we're seeing this what we're experiencing. So I think that as more and more people are open to the idea of having this kind of a face to face with their doctor initially and become more comfortable, it's going to be that much better in the health system, and especially for those in rural areas. I know out here that's been a topic of conversation on the networking meetings I've been on is how do we get appropriate hair in response to those more rural areas where they're going to have to drive to three hours to potentially get cared to see if maybe they have COVID? Okay, let's back this up. Let's talk through symptoms and say, yeah, you should probably make the driver know you're treated this way. Let's talk again tomorrow. So yeah, this has been one of the again, it's been a great silverline because telehealth has been here for a while. Yeah. Now it's becoming more prevalent and more people are more comfortable with it.

Roy Barker  21:07

Yeah. And it's just the The other thing too, is, you know, you don't want to be an alarmist. It's like, Oh, I woke up with the pain this morning. Oh, my gosh, I need to run to the doctor. You know, most people aren't like that. And so, but there's got to be, there's got to be a responsible range of time, because, you know, as we were talking pre show, it's like, Yeah, well, you know, I woke up with a little pain this morning. I'm just gonna shake it off, walk it out. And then next week, it's like, still there, maybe even worse, and then two, three weeks, and then you go to the doctor, and they're like, yeah, I mean, if you came in three weeks ago, you know, we could have nipped this and been done with it. So I think it's just trying to find, you know, where is that line? Have? We need to seek further help, it's not going to go away by itself, or we can't self medicate with aspirin or Tylenol or whatever.

Amanda  21:59

Right? And it gives, especially the caregivers or the adult kids some peace of mind, right? Because if mom or dad, they're resistant to going to the doctor, I don't want to do this. I don't need this. It's one thing like you said later, it might be worse. But you've also got these adult kids who are worrying now. Okay, I'm not going to be they're not going to sleep soundly in case that phone rings the middle of the night, they're going to wonder is mom Okay, are we ignoring the wrong thing? So in some ways, it really kind of helps both parties. Yeah. Make sure the health of the elders okay, but we're also going to get some peace of mind to the the adult children. And that goes a long ways,

Terry  22:29

right? Oh, yeah. That peace of mind is a huge. It's a huge thing.

Roy Barker  22:36

I can't even imagine, you know,

Amanda  22:39

sometimes you need to phrase it like that. Dad, can can you go to the doctor, for my sake, I realize you're probably fine. But let's, let's just we'll do the telehealth thing. We'll polyp the doctor and I'll feel better knowing that you're okay. Yeah,

Terry  22:51

you'd be the heavy I mean, as much as you can.

Roy Barker  22:55

Right? Yeah. Yeah, the it's one thing, you know, we live very close to our parents, but I can't imagine, you know, living out of state because they can, they can pick up the phone and call and we can be there in 20, you know, 20 minutes easy. But, you know, you think about these adult children that live across the country or something, and it's just got to be such a burden that they carry.

Amanda  23:19

Right, right. And that, you know, if we can connect those caregiving long distance caregiving children to a care manager, local to mom and dad who can kind of step in when needed, or, you know, be aware of other services, and, you know, help encourage mom and dad to stay as independent is, is they're able, but you can't give that adult child some peace of mind.

Roy Barker  23:40

Right? It's huge. Yeah, exactly. So let's get back to the employer. I know, you know, everybody is different. But, you know, is there a general checklist? And, you know, kind of what is the? Because I think when as I was thinking through this, everybody's gonna have a little different situation. So it's not going to be generic. But I think the biggest part may be I don't, I don't want to call it the shame. But admitting that we need help admitting that this is a burden for us is, do you see that as kind of some resistance?

Amanda  24:15

Only to a certain point? I mean, you know, when you talk about how it tends to be that that daughter in law, or maybe it's that oldest daughter, who's who's taking I mean, we, I am pretty much a classic case where those people who you've got that level of responsibility we also have that caregiving genuine material bodies, okay. And there's still comes a point at which you know, okay, I'm, I'm way overwhelmed. And it's, it's just there's a lot of guilt, you know, not as much shame I think, but guilt, because you start to second guess, every single decision. Yeah, you know, when it told me a couple years ago there, the guilt is a caregivers constant companion. And it's true because no matter what decision you make, No matter where you decide to spend your time, there is an opposite place you could be spending your time. You know, for me, if I'm focusing on my in laws, am I not spending time with my kids? or caregivers? If I have mom and dad in my house, it's not really my thing? Would they be better off in a community, you place them in a community? Would they be better off at home? Right. And I think that, first of all, giving those caregivers an opportunity to say all those things, you know, it's really hard to say I love my mom, I just really wish I wasn't dealing with this. It's not that you wish mom wasn't there, you just wish situations were different. caregivers have so much guilt and confusion with I don't even know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to feel or how I'm supposed to respond. So the idea is to just educate them, talk to them about what their options are, give them solid solutions for you know, any of these options are good to keep, keep mom in your home, and you'll be the caregiver, heat mom in your home and bring in home care, heat mom in your home, but during the day, she's at an adult day program, have mom in a community care setting and you go visit mom, and you're involved with mom, every single one of those is a good decision, right? It's just a matter of what makes the most sense for you. And that I think is the biggest thing for caregivers is understanding their options, understanding many of these options are good choices. And it's okay to make a decision and, and move forward with it. Because otherwise we get stuck, you know, and you're just spinning your wheels, you're not doing anything, you're not changing anything, you're not exploring anything different. So people often don't even realize what their options are, you know, there was a different choice. And that's really where that customized help comes into play. Yeah.

Terry  26:44

Oh, god, I'm sorry. Well, I was gonna say that. So many times, we don't we don't know what we're looking for. Because we're having to react to a situation, you know, something has happened to your parents or whomever you're you're going to be in the caregiving role with and you just you react and just do what comes naturally to you, and you don't know what you need to look for. So I think it just seems to me that there are a lot of people just kind of going through the motions and just responding to the, the emergency situation and just doing the best that they can and not knowing that all these other resources are out there until they kind of stumble across something. That's what we think, you know,

Amanda  27:32

your loved ones not going to have an emergency when everything is called right. It's like, we've never had an ear infection. On Wednesday afternoon at one o'clock, it was always at six o'clock on a Friday. And I know when when you hear that mom's had a stroke or something has gone wrong. Most likely these adult children have jobs, have social lives have groups are involved with have kids in sports. And like you said, it's just reactionary. What is the immediate thing I need to do right now because I can't even think a day or two ahead or week ahead. And that's when lack of knowledge limits their choices. There's a resource to say, What do I do? This just happens? Okay, like a deep breath. Let's talk about some options and steer you in the right direction.

Roy Barker  28:18

Yeah, no, it's gonna, that was the next point I was gonna make is that within, you know, kind of a family advisory role that you can take is talking these things out. Sometimes it's like, I had a great idea, but when I actually verbalize it to Terry, it's like, oh, man, that sounded crazy. So, you know, sometimes it's just sometimes it's just having that sounding board, somebody that you can talk these things through, but then also, with your experience, and with your knowledge, you know, you've got that, you know, kind of that deep and playbook does like, Okay, well, this is happening, these are things that I have seen done in the past to give them a choice, instead of either being reactionary or thinking that there is no choice. Right, exactly. And the other, I think that the other part that goes along with that is just support caregivers. A lot of times they, by the way of the situation become isolated, you know, they don't get to go out with their friends and socialize. Maybe the person that they're caring for is somewhat non communicative, where it's not like, we can sit and have a great conversation and watch TV and do things together. So I do have some human interaction. But anyway, so having supportive somebody that they can reach out to to say, Hey, this is happening, what do I need to do and can kind of the other part of that is making sure that they keep some outside friendships or, you know, just somebody that they can call and talk to, that gets them away from that caregiving role for just a few minutes. That's

Amanda  30:01

Yeah. And that access to respite, understanding where they can get rested, and what kind of support they can have. And it's funny, I have a presentation that I do for senior service providers. And it's meant to talk to them about what it's like from the other side of the table. I mean, I worked in the industry before I needed services. And it's the other side of the table is a little bit different. And with COVID, it actually gives a very tangible example, you know, so many people know, you say, Okay, what happened to you, for you during COVID? What happened in your life? Well, I couldn't go where I want it to go, I couldn't see all the people I wanted to see at my life really wasn't my own, I was limited to certain times you go to certain places like that is the life of a family caregiver, depending on the needs of your carrier. I mean, honestly, our lives in our home, didn't change as radically as it did for other people, because we were already limited to being able, we couldn't just pick up and go somewhere. Because we have adults we're caring for it's a little different than bundling up your child and putting them in a car seat, it's not always going to be the best option. And so, you know, there have been a lot of things we haven't done over the last seven years as family caregivers, because it just didn't make sense. And we need to make choices of well, maybe we shouldn't do this, because you know, so and so it's not really feeling well, we don't want to bring something home and my kids have been washing their hands when they come home thoroughly for years because you didn't want to get grandma grandpa's sick. You know, they were my kids were sick, they were isolated in our house already, because I cold consent, someone's already frail to the hospital. Right. So, you know, it helps for people who are not caregivers to understand that. That feeling of restriction and being limited that they felt during COVID isn't going to change that much for some family caregivers. And that gives people I think, some empathy to say, Hey, can I come sit with your mom for a couple hours you need to the movie, go, Jim, oh, have dinner with your husband. And hopefully people will step up and be willing to support cameras and keggers will be willing to ask and say, Hey, I'd love to have a little bit of freedom to can you Would you mind sitting with my mom, you know, I'll make you dinner and you know, it just come and hang out with her

Terry  32:06

and not feel guilty about it. I mean, know that you need the respite I mean, for for your well being as well as for who you're taking care of.

Amanda  32:17

You're much better caregiver, if you step away from it. I definitely learned that I needed to step completely away from everything for a couple of days, and then come back and I'm ready to take it all on again. It's so hard to

Terry  32:28

recognize that too. It's like, oh, wait a minute.

Roy Barker  32:32

Yeah, and we don't think about it's our loved one. But I used to be a long term care ombudsman volunteer here in the state of Texas. And one thing that we noticed is that when abusive or borderline abusive, you know, maybe verbal, or just how residents were being treated, usually came when somebody was doing the caregiver was exhausted. And it was a person that would never ever lash out. Under normal circumstances, but you know, we asked them to double over working, you know, 24 hours just because they need a body there. So that's the other part of that whole respite business is that, you know, I think when we step away from it, we can come back refreshed. But also we have to know that that is when the when we're tired, when we've been doing it for, you know, days and days and days in a row. That is when the I guess the greatest chance for things to go wrong, either for us to lash out and say something or do something we wish we hadn't have done, or for us to miss that sign or not take them serious. So it's it's really important for a lot of reasons.

Amanda  33:45

Yeah, yeah. safety of your care recipient and your mental well being you don't want to regret that later. Like, I can't believe I said that to Mom, I was just tired. Yeah. You have to be able to recognize in yourself when it's just time to step away for a little while.

Roy Barker  33:58

Yeah. And I think Terry mentioned this, too, it's not selfish. I mean, we shouldn't feel bad, that we need to have that time to ourselves just to, you know, decompress for a minute. And because, you know, I think caregivers tend to fall into this trap. It's like, they're there all the time. They're on 24 seven, and they just don't feel like they can ever step away, which kind of leads into one more thing. I know, we're running a little long on time. But the other thing is communication. Before the fact and setting up

Terry  34:33

pre everything.

Roy Barker  34:34

Yeah, a pre plan and knowing that everything is not going to always go according but you know, I'll use Terry and her sisters. You know, they communicate very well about what who's going to do what for their mother, and not waiting until it's that emergency. And like you said, the emergencies usually happen, you know, Friday night at 10 o'clock at night, where nobody's around anywhere. And then now I'm trying to call my brother and my sister Say, Hey, this just happened. What are we gonna do how we handle it? We're, you know, some things you can kind of talk out prior to it and then see, you know, if this happens, these are some things that we want to do even have a person like you, Amanda who's we've got on our speed dial that, you know, something happened, we can ring you up and say, Okay, look, we're in this position, you know, help us navigate this. But it's because again, going back to the volunteer ombudsman situation is, and I tell the story all the time, but it's the when I took that position, I thought I was protecting the nursing home residents from the big, bad corporate nursing care providers. And after being in that role for a while, what I figured out was my biggest job was protecting the residents from their family members, because family members can, unfortunately, do some bad things. But not it doesn't even have to be bad. But it can be like, disagreements with the siblings be like, Well, I think we need to know we need to do this. Well, do we even know what mom or dad would have really wanted? Have? We talked about that? Kind of having that game plan? Because there's no use wasting two or three days arguing amongst siblings before we can actually take action?

Amanda  36:19

Yeah, and that I mean, it talks to the fact that you need to have conversations way before things are even potentially wrong. You know, I took an advanced care planning certification class through a local hospice in cu and shoots and talked about how to help facilitate conversations with families, because it's interesting. We don't we don't do a death very well, here in the United States. It's just it's something we don't want to talk about. And the thing is, is quite often, the the elders, the parents, I don't want to let the kids know what's going on. Yeah, kids, they're afraid that kids are going to hear well, when I die, and everything's gonna spiral off this like me conversation. And the kids don't necessarily want to bring it up, because they're afraid mom and dad are gonna hear well, when you die, you know it in make it be a negative thing. But it's really about encouraging families to have an open conversation to say, you know, I've, this is what I would like, I want to be here as long as I can. So something happens to me, you know, use medical intervention, or I've lived an amazing life. And the last thing I want to do is be like someone says, Well, I saw on TV or heard something about and I have my documents in place, you know, you need to make sure folks have their, their medical power of attorney, their financial power of attorney, they have their last wishes written out, so that those kids aren't arguing. You know, there's so many, you'll hear these families who Yeah, cuz back generations, you go back a couple decades, and it wasn't uncommon if you don't have seven to 12 kids. Right, right. Talking about mom or dad right now, and they're maybe late 90s, early hundreds and something goes wrong. And you have seven to 12 kids who are not? Oh, my God, yeah. get ugly, you know, so it's a matter of having those conversations. For the parent side, have those conversations for the sake of your kids? Yeah, let's let's decrease the stress kids are going to go through, they're going to miss you so much, and feel the pain of your loss. Let's not add arguing into it as well. And present for those kids to make sure they're not putting mom and dad through medical procedures that mom and dad never wanted.

Roy Barker  38:23

Yeah. I just gonna say for goodness sakes, write it down and share it with every one because it's like, you know, that's another thing that you find is like, I've got this document, but one per, you know, one of the seven kids hasn't has access and everybody else like, Well, yeah, where did that come from? Did you wrap that up? And, you know, just the validity of that. And the other thing that we've kind of started talking about is having this conversation, from the child perspective is we don't just have to blurt out, what do you want when you're dying? Or we don't have to make that a negative or a, you know, kind of in that direction, but we can start the conversation with, hey, let's talk about your family, you know, this, like, you know, what, tell us about what did you like, as a child or, you know, try to learn some facts that may be you don't really know, but then, you know, you can kind of ease into the more difficult things like, you know, so if something were to happen to you want to be on life support are, you know, do you have these other documents in place? The other thing is, where are they because, you know, what I've found again, I'll talk a little bit about, you know, some of our family members that they know that they have all the documents, but they're kind of like it's like an Easter egg hunt, because they're, they're at the they're at the safety deposit box. Well, we took them to the lawyer to get some stuff updated. Okay, we've got him at home. So it's like, you know, it's kind of that move and target where are they really at right this moment. So letting people know, having them as one thing but you got to make sure people know where they And how they can access them. Because it's sometimes it's things that need to be accessed fairly immediately. I mean, we don't have time to spend a week 10 days digging, digging through closets and garages trying to find this information. Right.

Amanda  40:14

Right. Well, and I was, I was talking to an attorney earlier this week, who said, If you keep your official documents in your safety deposit box, and you have died, and no one else is a signer, on this, it will you kind of need those documents to get permission to get into the documents. And it's a whole process to go through. So, you know, let let your family know where your documents are. We don't want them to read them, seal them up in an envelope and say that this is where they are. Yeah. And something happened to me. Here's where you come and get that make sure everybody knows where to find them. Because you don't want to waste time, like you said, looking looking for the Easter eggs. Exactly, exactly. problems right away, and find out what those you know, what those wishes are? And you know, ideally, you've had a conversation already, but you need to have them in writing for the hospital.

Roy Barker  41:01

Yes. Yeah. All right, Amanda, well, thank you so much for your time. I know, we went a little long, but it's just a lot of great information. I feel like our audience needs this, you know, we need to hear we need to, you know, me and Terry even need to be reaffirmed of these things, make sure that we're taken care of and know, you know, have that planning and the communication in place before things go, you know, before there is that emergency, so we're not in a panic mode. And then also, what we'd like to ask our guests at the end of the show is what is a tool or a habit? What is something that you do in your daily life that you feel like really adds value?

Amanda  41:43

adds value. You know, I make sure that I have that priority. I still have kids at home. No, we are caregivers still for my father in law. But I still have 1517 and 24 year old who are here. And they are my priority. And I think that being a caregiver has shifted my perspective on how I live my life. Because while again, this is not to say we're unhappy to be caregivers, but there's things I don't want my kids to have to do for me. And so I will focus more on taking care of myself now at my age, so that there's less of a chance my kids will need to step in and provide the physical care for me later. And I think having that perspective to it has has definitely changed some direction for me. I mean, it's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it changes my motivation in many of the decisions that I make what I'm doing today, how will that impact me 30 years from now? And how will that impact my kids? And I think for that middle generation of caregivers, that's, that's a big deal. Yeah. Sure. Your focus on something important?

Roy Barker  42:54

Yeah, that's really important. Something that we have started talking about a whole bunch, we may have to coined this phrase, but you know, don't outlive your wellness. It's, you know, nobody wants to be a burden on their kids or their spouse. And, you know, we kind of jokingly talk about that all the time is, like, I'll tell you and some of our solutions we come up with, but anyway, you know, it's like I just, you know, I would hate for something to happen and burden Terry down or burden my kids down. So you're right, we need to take good care of ourselves and think about the decisions we make today. You know, for our health care, our Well, the way we take care of our bodies, I guess and what are those ramifications going to be like in the 30 years from now?

Amanda  43:36

Right. That's not to say you don't sleep now and then but maybe you hit the gym a little bit.

Roy Barker  43:39

Exactly, exactly. You

Amanda  43:41

know, that chocolate cake is good today, but I am gonna have more vegetables tomorrow. Yeah, no, it's those things out because they it all adds up. Right. Exactly. It's it's down that path.

Roy Barker  43:51

Yeah. All right. Well, Amanda, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to be with us. So if you would tell us how, who and see who can you help, how you can help them and of course, how they can reach out and get a hold of you.

Amanda  44:06

Sure. So let's start with the easy part first. My website is easy. It's just caretreks.com, care treks. My email is [email protected]. Oh, number 720-512-7441. And I'm certainly willing to have conversations with almost anyone. I am really, truly working to grow an employee benefit piece that carry Texas offering in the Denver area first, just because I'm very embedded here. But that does not mean I'm not ready to start expanding my network and talk to organizations outside of Colorado and start growing this. That's ultimately the goal is to have a network of care treks, guides around the country in these in the cities to help support so if there's an employer says, This is what we need, we'll figure something out. We'll make it work. So no, but certainly reach out through the website.

Roy Barker  44:57

Okay, awesome. Again, thanks a lot. that's gonna do it for another episode of educational Of course, I am Roy, Jerry and you can find us at www.ageucational.com we're on all the major social media networks as well as the major podcast platforms, iTunes, Google, Stitcher, Spotify. If we're not a one that you listen to listen to your podcast on. If you'll reach out we'd be glad to add you. Also, you know, if you're a professional in this space, if you have a good family story, from the caregiver or the adult shop perspective, we would love to get you on and let you share your story with everybody. So until next time, take care of yourself and take care of your family.

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