Careging Tool Kit with David Moyer

While building a successful career growing companies and trotting the globe for clients, David and his Wife lost several parents, stepparents and two siblings that brought into focus how little time we have together.  We know parents are going to die but are often not prepared when it happens.  In addition, stress, anxiety, fear of making a wrong decision haunts us all in some aspect.

As a result of these experiences and seeing others in the same situation, David studied the challenges of aging so that he could help others through this time of life.  David is a Certified Senior Advisor and developed the Caregiving Toolkit that educates family members on how to start the conversation with your parents through end of life and beyond so that everyone knows what to expect and can make informed decisions when the time comes.  The Caregiver Toolkit has 14 lessons and over 30 assessments and worksheets to walk families through this process. 

www.udumo.co

www.ageucational.com

 

Full Transcript Below

Roy - AGEUcational (00:03):

Hello, and welcome to, uh, one of the inaugural, um, episodes of age educational podcast. Uh, my name is Roy and my co-host is, so what we're going to be doing is we're going to talk about pretty much everything aging. We're going to try to, uh, provide information. We're not only going to talk about the journey that we're on with our parents. And of course in our life, my life, I'm not going to throw Terry under that bus. But, you know, as I approach that age where I need to take more care, so what we're going to target, you know, seeing the senior population, adult, children, caregivers, and then again, people like myself who are moving into that age to try to learn how to, um, see what we can do to age healthy and to help those that are, are, are needing some extra help. And of course our caregivers trying to provide them some support as well. So, uh, please bear with us as we kinda get through these first few episodes where we'll be learning a lot, but, uh, it's going to be a lot of fun. I think we've got a lot of great information and some great guests, uh, to bring to you. So, uh, without further ado, uh, we'll talk to our first guest is David Maurier. He runs a website called who doomo.

Roy - AGEUcational (01:29):

We were going through some pronunciation lessons before that, but David is a certified senior advisor, uh, and develop the caregiving tool kit that educates family members on how to start the conversation with your parents through end of life and beyond so that everyone knows what to expect and can make informed decisions, informed confident decisions. When it, when the time comes, the caregiver toolkit has 14 lessons, 80 plus videos and 30 assessments and worksheets to walk families through this journey. Of course, uh, you know, David experienced this firsthand hearing stories of others in similar or worse situations, uh, was David's motivation to do something. His approach was to provide education to anyone who was facing similar situations. David became a certified senior advisor and, uh, the experience led him to develop doomo, uh, to be able to reach out to people and help, uh, our go, our, the goal of the website and David is to honor your parents by educating you the caregivers so that you have knowledge to provide a better life to your parent or loved one honor, knowledge love.

Roy - AGEUcational (02:42):

So David, we appreciate you taking time out of your day to be with us and, um, uh, welcome to the show. Well, thanks. Thanks Ryan, Terry, thanks for having me on you bet. You know, and this is, um, I guess since this is one of our inaugural issues, we'll kind of get some of our, uh, information out. I spent 20 years, uh, or more, uh, consulting with the business side of senior living communities. So I got to see a lot, you know, for mystery shop, into looking at finances to, uh, looking at, you know, how care was delivered and, um, started educational as kind of, kind of the same experience just to, uh, put information out there for seniors in their families. Because we, since we were in the business, we had, uh, continually had friends and relatives that came to us asking for information, and it's just, uh, you know, it's not readily, it's becoming more readily available, but the, uh, the quality and who you can trust is always an issue.

Roy - AGEUcational (03:46):

So, uh, that led me to, to begin a educational putting information out. And then after a while, uh, you know, my life kind of moved in a different direction, but the last few months, um, both Terry has gone through some issues with her parent, her mother who is still living. And then of course, uh, you know, my parents are both still living. So we have things that are on the horizon as well. So we felt like the, uh, you know, in conjunction with some written material that we push out that, uh, you know, starting a podcast would be very education, very age education offer for all of us. So that's kind of the, uh, where we started at. So anyway, let's just kinda jump into it. Um, so now I thought, I remember reading David that you also pretty much experienced this, you and your wife had kind of gone through similar situations with your parents, is that correct?

David(04:47):

Yeah, right. That's right. Uh, several times with, uh, our direct parents, our step parents and unfortunately two siblings. Okay. So in the, in the course of probably 10 years, 10 or 12 years, I think it was, um, there was eight, eight people going through that and, uh, in various stages, some that, uh, had everything taken care of and it was, you know, nice and, uh, all the care was there and others, it was just a battle trying to get the basic benefits and health, uh, assessments and health care delivered and, um, you know, dealing with the state, dealing with the County, dealing with the federal government for those benefits was just, uh, difficult beyond all belief. Right.

Roy - AGEUcational (05:39):

And, uh, you know, a lot of times, even though we age, um, as a, uh, slowly, sometimes we have, uh, issues that hit us and something happens all at once. But even though we see our parents or loved ones that age over time, all of a sudden we usually wait till it we're in a critical spot in order to start taking some action. And I think that's, um, kind of part of your message too, is to let's get out in front of this a little bit. Let's make some preparations, some plans. So, uh, we don't put so much pressure on our caregivers, our kids, our loved ones at that time.

David(06:20):

Yeah. And it all starts with a conversation. There's a, uh, a framework that I use called care conversation, assessment, roadmap, and education. And the conversation is just, just start the conversation, right? Yeah. You know, get things going before you're in that crisis moment, then it's not a conversation anymore. It's much worse. It's a shouting match or a screaming match or something like that. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational (06:44):

Well, listeners may not be, uh, as much aware of, as some of us that have been around this for a while, is that especially, I think these statistics are more for your all's Hymers, um, uh, those that have Alzheimer's, but caregivers can actually, uh, die 60 to 80% depending on the study read, uh, uh, they will die sooner than the person that they're giving care to. It is just that stressful.

David(07:12):

Right. Right. And it is a stressful situation. I mean, it's you think of a baby in your you're having fun. They're always learning something new, they're gaining abilities on the opposite end of that is they're forgetting stuff and they're losing abilities. And that is phenomenally stressful to see somebody that has raised you lose those abilities and that stress is taken into your own body, mind, and body stress. And it just wears everybody down. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational (07:44):

And, uh, you know, I used to be a, um, I was a volunteer long-term care ombudsman, uh, here in, in the Tarrant County where we live for, I don't know, probably six or eight years. And then we, what we can add on top of that is if the family members don't agree or if, uh, if they all want to be in charge, then that can add another level of stress. Uh, just beyond belief. I mean, I can't even tell you some of the atrocities that I have seen and it wasn't the, uh, you know, the seniors fault that it was the, you know, the family. Yeah. And, you know, Terry, uh, I'll let her talk about that a little bit. She had two sisters that, you know, when her father got the, um, diagnosis, I think they were able to kind of move through the process. He, you know, easily there wasn't a lot of conflict, but that's, um,

Terry - AGEUcational (08:40):

Yeah, my, I have a sister who lives close by and then I have a we're in the Dallas Fort worth area. And then, uh, I have another sister in California and, um, my sister and when my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, uh, my oldest who lives nearby, we both had, okay, this is, this is, this is it. Uh, she's going to take dad and I'm going to take mom. And that's really, that's what we did. Um, so she was in charge of, you know, finding the, I helped, of course, as much as I could, uh, as much as she blessed me because she's so alpha. Um, but, uh, and, and finding care and all of that, um, for dad and, and, and it was, you know, it was at least a 12 year process. Um, but, uh, it, it was not a fun place

David(09:29):

And it always change. You know, the other part of that is we think it just, uh, you get a diagnosis and then that's that, but it, depending on where you are in that phase, it can, uh, it will change over time. And, you know, we've all seen that with the, uh, uh, you know, like I had a neighbor across the street from where we live that, uh, you know, she actually got out in the middle of the night and, uh, had come across the street and got in one of our cars, you know, woke up in the morning with all the red lights out front, and, um, went out to see what was going on. And, you know, her husband was doing the very best he could to take care of her home, but she got out, it was about a 20 degree night that she ended up in a vehicle.

David(10:12):

And luckily, uh, you know, it didn't, uh, she didn't freeze to death or get sick or anything, but again, you know, as you progress through this, things can change. So it's, it's always a moving target. It seems right. And that's, that's where assessments come in. Uh, you know, you assess the situation, you assess pretty much everything, the ability of, of your parents or child or spouse even right on a regular basis. Can, can they do this? Can they do that? Right? And Terry, there's a whole division of care, uh, capability in that. Okay. Just like you did split up your parents, uh, with responsibilities, you take your mom, your sister tech, your dad, and work through that. So having those constant assessments, you know, where are we today? Where are we next month in? And they start, you know, you start seeing this just like a child.

David(11:11):

It's like, Oh, there's a new ability. This is nice. They can now, you know, say their first word or take their first step in it's on the opposite end. It's Hey, it looks like, you know, mom is having trouble remembering where the spatula was to cook. We now need to assess or in front of the stove or dad driving. And that's, that's the big one that everybody hits everybody. Uh, the most is driving ability. So doing those assessments on a regular basis keeps the family engaged, and it also helps the parent or spouse or child understand the progression of it. So it's not a shock.

Terry - AGEUcational (11:55):

Can I, can I ask something just, just for my purposes, um, what exactly is a certified senior advisor? So certified senior

David(12:07):

Visors are those that are interested in helping families walk through this process. It's a dual certification and it's tested by nationally, Oregon, pardon her national companies in, uh, authorized companies that, uh, go through a series of, uh, studies and workbooks and classes that walk you through the entire life cycle of the aging people. So everything from, um, family dynamics, which you brought up Terry and how to work with them, to, um, working with financial planners and working with, uh, physicians and nurses and home care agencies and those things. So it's a, it's a very detailed, uh, study program and a certified test, um, that people will go through so they can help seniors and their families go through this process with, with less angst, you know, anxiety, stress, and doubt kind of thing. Okay.

Roy - AGEUcational (13:17):

Yeah. And a lot of, I think the other benefit to the, um, to the CSA designation is that the members are held to a higher standard. So it, to me, it's an extra level of protection that is in there for seniors in their families. If you're talking to a certified senior advisor, not only do they have the product knowledge, the service knowledge, but they've got the knowledge of the aging process, how to deal and what is, um, how to deal ethically, I think is the most important part because, you know, sometimes as we, uh, you know, as seniors age, they may be in that, uh, little forgetfulness and, you know, people run out, uh,

Terry - AGEUcational (14:00):

Um,

Roy - AGEUcational (14:02):

Unethical people will run out there and try to get them to sign some documents when they know that they're not in the capacity in order to, you know, take on whatever that responsibility is. So I think it's definitely worth publicizing, you know, to see if you can to seek out, uh, somebody that's, if you're dealing with the aging or elderly issues to deal with somebody who is a CSA certified.

Terry - AGEUcational (14:28):

Yeah.

David(14:28):

And I was just going to bring up the ethical part of it, because these are confidential conversations. I mean, you, you know, they stay with the family and they're in there with the family, um, just like a CPA or a CFP or a physician they're confidential conversations that you, that you keep between the family and the CSA.

Terry - AGEUcational (14:51):

So I was, uh,

Roy - AGEUcational (14:52):

I just wanted to kind of go back to your website for just a little bit, and we'll give, uh, you know, at the end of the episode, we'll give all the information, how people can reach out, but, uh, you've got this broken up into, um, it looks like three sections. And then I think this fourth one is kind of putting them all together, but, uh, it just correct me if I'm wrong here, but it looks like we have the part of start the conversation, which we've been talking about, uh, start the conversation, assess situation, the division of care. So tearing them walked right down, uh, this, uh, this list, Oh, far, then we have that remote gift caregiving, which, um, it's become more common as people are spread out all across the country.

David(15:41):

Dan, and Terry's already experiencing that with her sister. So, and we actually put that in there because my wife and I, the family is on the East coast and my wife is from the West coast. So you had her flying back and forth and, you know, spent a lot of vacation, uh, working with her parents and, and, uh, spending it out there with them. Yeah. But, um, yeah, I was flying her back and forth, um, when she could and, uh, while she was there, I was back here with the kids and working full-time so it's a stress. Yeah. And part of that remote caregiving, one of the important things is setting thresholds because you're either jumping on a plane or, uh, you know, driving for some number of hours, two, three, four, 10 kind of thing. So you have to understand the threshold. Okay. What event is going to trigger me to jump on the plane or get in the car and drive for five hours. Right. So knowing those and setting those ahead of time, um, drops that stress level down instead of, you know, okay, this happened, I'm going. Yeah. And then, you know, two weeks later that happened, I'm going and it just, it just wears you down.

Roy - AGEUcational (17:00):

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Which kind of leads into the next one is the caring for yourself. Uh, you know what I think the old adage is, you know, we have to take care of ourselves before we take care of anybody else. So, you know, and I see that a lot, uh, before, uh, with the caregivers will be so run down and so tired and you can just see the toll that it's taken on them. But anyway, so we get through the, uh, you know, estate planning, all the documents, build the plan, and then the second, uh, module, and this is the aging in place or move, which again, a huge decision where, um, uh, because you know, most seniors do not want to move. And I, you know, I understand that, but for safety, you know, as the, my neighbor escaped. So, you know, there's the security, keeping them secure. Uh, you know, there's a lot that wraps around that, but again, it's a conversation that it's, it's hard to say, uh, it's time to move today. So we're loading up the truck and, you know, taking you somewhere, do you start that conversation?

David(18:16):

I mean, well, first it's, the conversation should be, we're going to try and keep you in your house or your home as long as possible, but we need to do some things to do that, you know, pull up the rugs, the loose rugs, you know, there's a huge number of senior citizens that fall because the rugs, they slip on a rug and they hit their head and they're concussed. And, you know, then that leads to, okay, I'm not going home again. So pull up the rugs know, pull things that they can slip on, pull out, you know, remove the chairs that have the extended legs out into the walk path. Um, when you get old, your site is diminished. So put more lights out, you know, light up the place with Ellie denounce LEDs. You can do that for less expensive than light bulbs. So light up the house so they can see clearly. Yeah. You know, they have bending issues. So, you know, if you've ever gotten up out of a chair and you go, Ooh,

Roy - AGEUcational (19:15):

Many times,

David(19:17):

Uh, well bending down in the kitchen or bending to get in and out of a tub or, you know, in, you know, bending into a closet or a reaching, you know, a lot of people. So I'll just get on the step still and reach up there. Well, no, no more steps to it. Cause balance is, is, uh, off the older you get, the more unbalanced you are. Right? Um, so it's those simple things that you can do to keep in the house, keep them in their house and home. But, but then also look at activities of daily living. So you're doing those assessments on a regular basis and independent activities of daily living. There's a set of those that, um, you can look up anywhere, just the IADL or ADL, independent activities of daily living are like shopping on your own or driving a car or, or doing financial transactions and things like that.

David(20:10):

So those are the things that help you decide. And, and if you work with your parent or spouse on those things, they will actually look at them and say, yeah, I need some help doing this. Yeah. Instead of no, I've got it. And you know, my experience was, my dad was German full German. My mom was full-blooded Italian. So, you know, I was raised in a conflicted life. So real, you know, real passionate about certain things, but I got to get it. Right. Right. You know, my dad didn't want any help, none whatsoever. And my mom was just the opposite said, yeah, here's the bank account. Here's this here's that told me what to do. All right. We'll come help. So you're going to have those, those differences in spouses and care.

Roy - AGEUcational (20:59):

Yeah. And that brings up a good point too, about the generational differences. Because, um, when my grandmother got into this position, she was the same way. It was like, you know, my grandfather had taken care of everything he had passed probably at that point 20 years prior to her. So she had been living on her own for, you know, a good 15 or 20 years. But when it came time to say, you know, do you want us to give you some help? She was like, yeah, please do. So she was good. Now mom working, you know, she had a, uh, a very, uh, uh, successful career trying to wrestle anything away from her, uh, that was going to be a whole nother challenge. And then, but the other part, yeah, the other part I wanted to touch on with this, uh, with the move is the socialization piece.

Roy - AGEUcational (21:48):

And again, I'm gonna use my grandmother as an example. Um, she lived alone on the other side of town. Wasn't a big deal. She, um, you know, she's still motor yard and she did everything. It wasn't, uh, uh, the security risk. Wasn't her getting out as much as you know, I was worried people watching her would try to get in on top of her, you know, in her house number one. But, uh, she stayed in the house because, um, well she said because of church and her friends and, you know, in the neighborhood, they'd lived there for 50 years or so, but you know, what we began talking to her about was that she didn't like driving to church anymore. And most of her friends had passed by this point. And so really, you know, the benefit of her staying, uh, she was giving up a lot of socialization basically.

Roy - AGEUcational (22:42):

And so that is one other, I think a key element is that, uh, to a lot of some, to some, it's not a big deal, but to others, that socialization component is huge. And she went to an independent living community and she flourished. I mean, I would go over there to visit her and I could not catch up with her. She'd be, you know, down in the puzzle room, she'd be at the friend's house, playing cards or dominoes. And it was one of the, uh, the best moves for her ever. But, you know, that's very individual because there's some people that you, you know, they just don't fit in. Don't take part. So the socialization components, not a huge factor. So that is definitely something to consider.

David(23:28):

And that's part of the assessments that you need to do is how social is your parent or spouse or child. That mean if they're out, you know, if they're an extrovert in non social media in going and playing tennis and you know, all kinds things, that's part of the assessment and say, okay, we have to keep that up. Right. You know, and make sure that's, that's part of their life so they can continue on like that. Right. Because, because here's an example, what we do when you're a criminal and you're really bad criminal, what's the first thing they do. But you in isolation and that's what breaks you down. Okay. You know, it's like, okay, think about this. So if you're taking a social person and isolating them in some environment where they have no ability to talk to somebody or not physical ability, but no ability to reach out, they're eventually going to shut down and it's going to affect their health.

David(24:29):

And that's, that's a big impact that COVID had had, has had on a lot of facilities where they've, they've completely shut down. And the only expert will, don't only people that are in and out are the nurses and doctors. Right. So family isn't allowed in there. And, you know, that's the case with my mom is I had, uh, they closed down in late February. They were one of the first facilities to close down and I didn't see her until September. Wow. I called her on the phone. Yeah. But, uh, September they allowed physical distance visits and that went on for, uh, about a month. It was every two weeks you were allowed to come in and in physically destined yourself, no masks, shields, and all that kind of stuff. And it was 12 feet apart, which was, so think about this, you're behind a plexiglass shield.

David(25:24):

You've got masks on in your 12 years or 12 feet apart from somebody that's hard of hearing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's those things you got gotta, and that's the, get your back to the assessments when you're moving somebody into a facility or group homes, group homes are another opportunity, right? Where you have, uh, people of the same age in the same, um, same abilities, same social Macs and those kinds of things. There's a lot of group homes that are starting out because, uh, CCRC is, are, uh, continuous care. Retirement communities are, are, can be expensive 4,500 to $6,000 a month, you know,

Roy - AGEUcational (26:09):

And that's been a conversation in the industry for the last few years. Uh, you know, some of the architects would finally come to conferences and fess up that, you know, we've got to do better being affordable because right now we're all trying to outdo each other to see who can build the, you know, the biggest, the best in this. And then, uh, you know, in some instances, you know, you price people out of that market. Don't want to get into, you know, too deep into that. But you know, our, our, the funding for retirement has changed a lot too, that, you know, back in the day, uh, you retired from a company, you had a designated amount of money that they would send to you every month. Well, you know, most companies by now have switched over to the, um, contribution type plan where, you know, you put money in and then when you retire, you've got, you know, X number of dollars that you've got to make class, uh, you know, you've got to manage it on your own.

Roy - AGEUcational (27:07):

So, uh, that is definitely something to look at because I, you know, working with marketing in the, uh, in that world when, uh, residents would come in for the first time, that was always the very first thing is, you know, I can't afford it. They are definitely afraid of running out of money, deathly afraid of not being able to leave even a small, uh, legacy to their children or grandchildren. So, you know, definitely part of the, part of the process to think about, um, how to pay for the different, uh, different styles of living. But

David(27:44):

So here's, here's, it's good that you're, it's good that you're sitting down because here's the shocker, you know, I've got a 20 year old and he will live past 100 years old. Wow. No, no question in my mind. Yeah. Um, he will live, so, so, you know, the average age now is 80 and 82 for men and women. Um, very shortly. Um, I'm saying probably 10, maybe 15 years, that'll creep up to 88 in 90, and then in 20, maybe 30 years it'll easily hit a hundred. Wow. And, and if you follow the longevity science that is taking off like wildfire, um, they're protecting 120 and even 150. Oh my gosh. I can't even imagine. So, so they, they look at it as aging, as a disease, not inevitable. Yeah. So if you're looking at it that way, you know, retiring at 65 or 60 or 70, it's not gonna happen anymore. Yeah. In, in your finances. I mean, I tell people that when I, when I work with them, I say, you, you have to plan on finances, landing lasting until you're a hundred.

Roy - AGEUcational (29:05):

Well, in the, uh, I think the, the joke in the financial services industry, that it, well, it's the, um, I guess the myth has been perpetrated by population that, you know, in the financial industry, we tried to dispel is that when you retire your, uh, spending, typically doesn't go from, you know, a hundred percent to 20% of whatever you were making, you know, you know, because people want to retire and they want to do things. They want to travel. They, they need, they still have needs. And so it's of a myth that, uh, you know, we always try to bust is that you are going to need, uh, you know, probably 80% of your current income, you know, to live in retirement and that's, then you stretch that out. And I, you know, it's, it's, I guess when you think about it, it's not, it shouldn't be such a shock because when I was growing up and I don't have the empirical evidence on this, but, you know, just intuitively it seemed like that people back then, you know, 60, 65 and, uh, you know, that was a pretty long life where now we're, you know, up into the eighties and nineties is not, um, not unheard of it's, you know, very common.

David(30:24):

Yeah. The number of people over 100, just in the U S is increasing substantially every year. Yeah.

Roy - AGEUcational (30:33):

Yeah. So that kind of brings us to the, um, uh, the next component is the last days and arrangements, and this is, this is difficult and it's not, it's not necessarily difficult for us old people to talk about it because it it's our kids. And, you know, mine, I've tried to talk to my daughter before and, you know, she'll put her, put her hands over her ears and say, Hey, I don't want to talk about that. And, you know, even Terry it's, uh, you know, some things that we've discussed and it's, it's uncomfortable because we don't ever want to think of our loved one, not being here, passing. But, uh, on the other hand, again, if we wait until that happens, then all of a sudden we're, you know, we're in crisis mode, decisions have to be made in a hurry if bank accounts and other things aren't, uh, aren't titled ride in, in, you know, have succession plans for them. Then all of a sudden, sometimes money can be frozen for periods of time as well. So there's a lot of implications of not planning,

David(31:35):

Right? I mean, the money part is just the, is the simplest thing, because that can be taken care of through an attorney. So you got a powers of attorney set up your living, well, set up your will and estate plan. And those, and those are, I mean, you're talking 500, $600 pretty straight forward, and you can even do that yourself. You're several places online that you can do that yourself. You just have to be careful that you get the one for the state that you, where your parent lives in now, because the state, the States all have differences, minor differences. Um, but beyond that, it's, you know, how do you want to be remembered? I just look at this, like, look at obituaries and it's facts and figures, right. You know, born this date died that date, um, married this date, these children worked here did that, you know, but, but there's nothing about the person in that.

David(32:31):

So, you know, go back and ask your mom or dad and say, how do you want to be remembered? You know, not just the organizations you worked for, but, um, your life, your life is more than the companies. Yeah. And that will open up more conversations than you can imagine when you talk. And, and, and here's, here's the, here's the golden part of the golden years. If you want, you're having those in deep in-depth conversations with your parents. You know, I never knew that my mom was scared to death of riding on motorcycles until we got into a conversation. I go, why are you so scared? And she goes, my brother at, at three years old used to put me in now understand this is like way back when her brother had a motorcycle and her brother was responsible for taking care of. And so at three years old, when he wanted to go somewhere, he grabbed my mom and later across the tank of the motorcycle and off they OD, you know,

Terry - AGEUcational (33:43):

Oh, ouch. I remember doing that on the regular bikes, you know, riding on the handlebars and stuff like that. But man, to have a motor right there, that's crazy. I'm sorry I interrupted you.

Roy - AGEUcational (33:57):

I was just going to say, getting back to the obituaries, it's funny you bring that up because it used to be kind of a running joke that I, uh, you know, I'd tell my kids same more than, you know, cause there was a bunch of that came out. It seemed like at one time it's like they were born, they weren't a Baptist and they died and I'm like, okay, well we can probably, we can probably find it hopefully a couple more facts to fling in there, you know,

Terry - AGEUcational (34:21):

To talk about.

Roy - AGEUcational (34:23):

But you know, it gets back to having that conversation, what, you know, uh, cremation versus burial where, you know, because I've, I've got some very specific places that I've seen in my life that I would love to be, you know, interred there. Some people, not some people, not that, uh, don't really care that much about it, but it's, uh, the problem, what I have seen is that after somebody passes is too, unless they've left a, you know, a detailed outline, it's too late to ask at that point. And so then that keeps on some more guilt that we really don't know, or we really didn't talk about it, so it can be uncomfortable, but we can make it, uh, we can kind of lighten it up and make it a little funner, but it just something that needs to be done for sure.

David(35:11):

Yeah. I say, don't wait until you're staring at the funeral. Director's face to figure this out. Right, exactly. You know, get it all done ahead of time and you know, good thing or bad thing. There's a lot more options to handle remains now. I mean, you can shoot them up in space. Now you can put them as a coral reef in the, in the ocean, you can mean green burials are really taking off now where there's no embalming in your either remains or in the ground within a day or two. Right. And they naturally decompose or there's, there's places all over the States now in all throughout Europe where you can, um, have these and they're they're forested areas where natural decomposition takes over. So, so there's, there's different ways for everybody to do these things.

Terry - AGEUcational (36:06):

Yeah. My daughter's telling me, well, I, um, I'm going to be cremated. So my daughter keeps sending me a little note note saying that they're going to turn me into a, um, a seat, a Pat van ATAR CD, or a heart CD or something like that. I'll haunt them forever.

David(36:25):

That's right. That's right. That's a good one. I hadn't heard that one. Yeah. Now the options are available.

Roy - AGEUcational (36:34):

Well, David, we want to thank you so much for, uh, taking time. Not only to be, uh, you know, one of our inaugural guests, we certainly appreciate that, but, uh, this is great information. I think it's something that everybody can benefit from no matter where we are, either as the aging individual or where we are as the adult child, it's never too early. And I think you make a point about, you know, um, some of these conversations, we may can actually get some details or get to know our parents are a little bit better, you know, or some of these details that we may not have known, uh, in the past because we just didn't have the conversation. So always great. But, uh, tell people, if you don't mind how that they can reach out, well, what can you do for them? Number one on, I know you've got this, uh, caregiver toolkit, but uh, you know, what can you do for them? And then of course, how they can reach out and get ahold of you.

David(37:33):

Sure. And thank you for that opportunity. Yeah. Cite is you do Mo it's Udu, emo dot C O in your demo is a Zulu word for honor in a use that as in honor, your parents. Yeah. It's one of the things that we can do for them. Um, you know, they raised us and I realized not everybody had a great childhood, but uh, sometimes that can be, um, rebuilt later in life. So, um, we can honor our parents through this part of their life, um, in, you know, what goes around, comes around. So your children are going to see, you honor their parents, your parents, so they can do the same thing with you when it comes your time. So the site is Udu, emo.co doomo, and there's, uh, as you said, Roy, there's the course that's up there that helps people walk through the conversations.

David(38:28):

Does the assessments helps helps you do all the assessments, um, division of care, home maintenance, uh, when you're going through a facility, um, use your five senses in the facility, those kinds of things, um, all the way to past the end of life, when you're shutting somebody's life down, if they have a business or, you know, the estate plan and doing those things. So all of that is laid out there. So you can build a roadmap with your parents or spouse or loved ones and make it easier. I always say, if you know where you're going, if you have a map and know where you're going, the journey as much easier versus what should we do now, right. So that's all up there and that's on the website. Um, you can, you can get ahold of me there. Uh, there's emails up there, David at [inaudible] dot co.

David(39:20):

Um, and, uh, yeah, it's, it's there for everybody. And, uh, lots of good comments coming back on the course and, and, uh, assessments. And we're always adding new stuff up there. And, um, one of the other things I do is there's a links page on the website. So you go up there and it's on the upper right-hand corner on lengths. And if you, if you want to do it yourself and you don't want to, you know, take, uh, use the toolkit that we have, there's a bunch of links up there to go through and find people that can do things for you. So I'm not opposed to that. It's, it's get the help out there, get people to start talking about these things and give them statistics and give them, you know, the Alzheimer's and dementia associations and certified financial planners in caps. In an earlier conversation, we talked about certified aging in place.

David(40:14):

Specialists could come into your home and take a look at it to keep your parent in there as long as possible. And you know, for $150, it's, it's worth it. And because now you have an independent authority coming in and saying, these are the things to keep you in your home. So now you and your parents can walk through that. Okay, mom and dad, what do you want to do? You know, what can we do? And they'll give you the cost for each one of them. So that's what the whole links page is up there for, you know, use the resources or please just use the resources on the links page. And if you'd like the whole roadmap, it's there in bits and pieces. And as you said, Roy, uh, the complete caregiving toolkit is also the option. So it depends on where you are in the stage of life with their parents or take the whole thing and get started now. Yep.

Roy - AGEUcational (41:10):

It's, it's never too early to get started. We will just make that it's, uh, you know, it's, this is about education. It's about knowing where to turn at those moments and not waiting till we, uh, get in the moment to have to figure things out when it's a, it's a crisis. That's more stress we tend to make, uh, not as good decisions because we don't know what all of our options are. So, uh, go take a look at the website and, uh, you know, download some of these, uh, tools that will be, uh, be very helpful as a, your, your parents or as you go through the aging process, because it can work both ways on, especially on the discussion part. You know, we can get those as the older person and start that conversation with our children as well.

David(41:55):

For sure. It's, you know, if you're of that age, then you want your children engaged in say like, here's, here's the assessments and we're going to walk through them down with your children and it'll take the fear, uncertainty and doubt from the child off and say, Oh, okay, now make parents want to talk about this. Yeah. Let's make the build the roadmap together.

Roy - AGEUcational (42:15):

Right. All right, David. Well, again, thanks a lot. And, uh, w this is going to do it for, uh, R w this episode of age locational podcast, please visit [email protected]. We do have a Facebook group that we would like to, uh, you know, ramp up some conversations in there. So please, uh, you know, go over there. If you have questions, if you have show ideas, if you are a professional that serves seniors, we'd love to hear from you. If you're a senior, that has a good story. We'd love to hear from you, an adult child that, uh, you know, wants to put their, uh, this is, you know, in the beginning, especially, uh, we may refine our mission as we move on, but, you know, in the beginning, we want to hear from a wide range of individuals to, um, let people know first off, you're not alone going through this or other people that have been through it, going through it, and then where we can go get that help as well. So until next time, I'm Roy I'm Terry take care of each other. Thank you so much.

David(43:20):

Thank you. And continue on. It's a, it's a, what you're doing is good. All right.

Roy - AGEUcational (43:25):

Thank you, David.

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