...rest of my life with this man, but I do not want this continued Satanic link to Pam. This goes far beyond an emotional or physical need, but I fear for my household with his present connections. I have told him many times that if he could give Pam every dollar that he has and all that we have together to buy his way to freedom from her that I would be happy to be poor with him, forever. When I met and fell in love with him, he told me that he was just a lot boy working in the yard for minimum wage for a tyrant of a boss. I believed and loved him.
I think Don is perhaps too afraid of being poor again to do that, and in retrospect of the conversation that I had with Pam, I don’t think that she would let him go. She desires to be rich beyond perception and has told me that she needs Don’s “magic” to increase her own wealth. This has proven itself to be tru based upon the fact that she never had anything before she seduced Don and in all of her investing with other people since meeting Don she has managed to tie up every cent that they gave her, which has been somewhere between $150,000.00 and $250,000.00 and has been unable to turn any kind of a profit. If her ability to make money for Don was based upon her own talents, then there is no reason why she has not been successful with other people, unless her words were true that she had to be able to tie into Don’s “magic.” (In retrospect, I believe Pam didn’t understand that I was the primary source of Don’s money making “magic” and even though Don told me she had other investors he was probably siphoning profits off our deals to buy properties in her name.)
As much as I love him and want him to share my life, I see that there is too much at stake here to be selfish. I thought that his love for me would be strong enough to cause him to break off all connections with Pam when he was faced with the reality of my leaving him. Don has made it clear that he wants both of us, and I know that the reason he moved in with me was because he knew that I would stay for the love and he knew that Pam would continue to see him as long as he kept her happy with the money. I had hoped that he would opt for love over money when I left, but see that he is still trying to hold on to both. If I continue to give him love, I don’t know if he will ever have the driver necessary to see Pam for what she is. If I take that love away from him, will I make him even more vulnerable to her? I would never again let him know how much I love him if I knew that there was something that would save him. I don’t know how to make that happen. I pray for him constantly, but it is said that the Lord helps those who seek Him, and as long as Don is being led by Pam, I don’t see any chance of him turning to God. What can I do to turn Don’s face to the Lord, when He is the only One who can help? I believed that Angels intercede for us and I can’t help but wonder if that is why Don was in that nearly fatal plane crash and was later threatened by that hoodlum. Was it God trying to cause Don to face something more precious than his money in hopes that Don would see that…(words blocked out) grace and so that perhaps he would be more open to need God’s commandments, and spare his own soul?
I pray that God will guide me and help me to find the answers. I pray that it is not too late.
