Cassandra

Good friend Lou is repulsed by the Cassandras’ Mediterranean oatmeal recipe, preferring instead a garnish of freshly grated nutmeg (never pulverized). We settle our culinary differences with the painter while dining on “the Bushwick pizza of record” during a final night at his old studio. He walks us through his campaign against the Guggenheim, opening Grindr in Annapolis, sailors putting lube on an obelisk, leaving his house in Italy to his gayest niece in his will, getting called out for kicking his senile dog Margaret by a Baltimore light rail employee, his secret past as an RA, his new french-vanilla country-kitchen abode in Greenpoint, the squirrel nibbling on his bergamot, swimming laps at the Y, the letter his stalker mailed to his mother, the nasty toys boyfriend Tom (diddling off-mic) collects off the street, his crucial high school musical voice-crack, the bitchy painters in Delacroix’s journals, “dappling” a la Anne Carson, a dead pigeon portrait as ode to New York, the sophomore pressures precluding his solo show Morning, and what gay men have to do with the mud in the Chesapeake Bay.

Comedian Joe Castle Baker and the Cassandras embark on their content-creating journey, discussing Lil Nas X riding down the shaft of a vaccine needle, Joe getting followed by Alison Roman, how duck fat is the Of Montreal of gastronomy, Joe's secret twin sister, the fake joy of the Bon Appétit test kitchen, the Eriksonian identity formation of mean children on TikTok, Joe’s most bizarre Cameo request, what made him unfollow Nikocado Avocado, the gay and violent video game he’d design with his boyfriend, his fake true crime podcast, his event series Get Reel, and his Cassandra prediction.

Part 2: deep cuts for the fans. Ian Lewandowski and Anthony Cudahy give the backstory for their forthcoming freak folk podcast: a gag-gifted Joanna Newsom CD, Lilith Fair, stalking your date on Tumblr, and Chicago alt radio. They also discuss the inspiration for their duo show title, Ian’s teaching style, Virginia Woolf, Anthony ghosting his own solo show opening at 1969 gallery, and Ian’s dark past at Yahoo corporate and Thinx.

Photographer Ian Lewandowski joins us with a gallon red eye, a Topo Chico, and a garish bachelorette party marg to offer his review of boutique grocery store Erewhon. Alongside him is his husband, the painter Anthony Cudahy, who drinklessly remembers his inadvertent date with Sufjan Stevens at IFC and proving to Fran Drescher that he knows her deep cuts.

A quick walk from their home in Brooklyn, the artist couple give us a tour via vintage webcam of their new shared studio. Anthony’s great uncle, Kenny, was a touring musician who once performed with Aretha Franklin, and a self-taught photographer who worked outside of the fine art academy. His photo journal archives serve as an inspiration for their first duo show together. It Was Dark In His Arms opens at Deli Gallery this Friday.

We reminisce about VH1's late-aughts reality TV heyday (Rock of Love, 90 Day Fiancé, the I Love Money serial killer, the Smallville sex cult, The Real World reunion, The Simple Life), and weigh in on the new crop of documercials (Paris Hilton, Joan Didion, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Kurt Cobain, Toni Morrison, Andre Leon Talley, Mister Rogers).

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Were you silent or were you silenced? We join the dethroned royals to lend our voices to the voiceless, abandoning a viewing of Silence (2016) to instead roll with the LGBT, and call people gay in the pejorative sense. Starring gay shows du jour: It’s a Sin and La Veneno.

Also gay enough for discussion are the Vulture profile of Gay Icon Trisha Paytas and Coco Klockner’s essay "Main Character Energy" for Real Life Mag.

Questions:

Does Meghan Markle have main character syndrome?

Would you rather cancel Eminem or Dr. Seuss?

Should you self-punish by flogging yourself or by watching the Golden Globes?

Were the Cassandras duped by Brad Tromel’s Hunter Biden deepfake?

Are Rolling Ray and his bf the new Romeo and Juliet?

Should you stop watching Drag Race?

Is Gayle King holding her tongue on Good Morning America?

Are Meg and Harry friends with Jeffrey Epstein like their brother?

Is Jon Ossoff a more workshopped Pete Buttigieg?

Did Scorsese direct Pirates of the Caribbean?

Is Lauren Servideo a future friend of the pod?

Will the more annoying Cassandra continue to bring up Ella Emhoff?

Is Trisha Paytas hot-girl-with-BPD representation?

What is Amy Sedaris on about?

Should you live in Yollywood or Bollywood?

Is Divorce Court a part of the Tyler Perry Industrial Complex?

Which Veneno would the Cassandras get a drink with?

Was AIDS a government hoax?

Can Americans be funny?

Should we call our fans Cafandras?

Congrats to Chloé Zhao, who won best director for Nomadland at the Golden Globes. We discuss the film's roving #vanlife boomers, its cinema vérité stylings, its nods to Terrence Malick, the affecting story of Swankie, Zhao’s interview with Barry Jenkins, Frances Mcdomand’s letter to Amazon, and the pride and perseverance of Trump’s America.

(Part 2 of 2; in Part 1 we discuss Allen v. Farrow, the Cruella trailer, and much else.)

Thirty minutes of estate-porn foreplay preclude what the Cassandras call “a real-life yuppie New York soap opera” and “salacious tabloid fodder with a veneer of respectability.” As per Grace Fraser’s city escape in The Undoing: is there a state more HBO than Connecticut?

Also:

Should you donate 10 dollars to Film Forum?

Is Beta O Rourke the biggest Beta in Texas?

Is Tulum in Cancun?

What are Daft Punk’s pronouns?

Is Mamma Mia better than Ratatouille The Musical?

Is Elliot with 2 T’s the winner of Rupaul’s Drag Race?

Should the Girls HBO reunion be in Abu Dhabi?

Is the Fake Famous director a charmless opportunist?

Is Jenna Lyons permitted any non sequiturs?

When Naomi Fry writes about something will we watch it?

Should TFW No GF cancel Letterboxd?

What do incels and influencers have in common?

Are Goodreads reviewers adult Disney fans?

Who will pull Simone Weil out of the void of suburbanization?

Is the Adam Curtis doc Little Britain for smart people?

Which Fred Armisen character is Josh Harris?

Are Ion Pack or Red Scare the superior interviewers?

Was anything besides Chloe Fineman good in the Christian Cowan show?

Is Joe Castle Baker joining the cast of SNL?

Are zoomer models indebted to Trisha Paytas?

Is Cruella in the same cinematic universe as La La Land?

Can Cassandra talk herself to death?

(Part 1 of 2; in Part 2 we review Nomadland.)

On the eve of New York’s chaotic Valentine’s Day reopening we review Framing Britney and the pastoral family drama Minari, written and directed by Lee Isaac Chung and starring Steven Yeun. We discuss sentimentalism, the strength of classical filmmaking, and fictionalizing the truth.

Also: the Bachelor scandal, L train student financiers, Anna Delvey’s escape from Rikers, Pete Buttigieg's new gig, and tv trolls Bridgerton and Emily in Paris.

In the wake of Biden’s inauguration (recorded 1/23/21), we debate: is Promising Young Woman a piquant spin on #MeToo or a failed piece of faux-slasher propaganda? We discuss liberal feminism, ends preceding means in art, and market-tested comedy.

Also: vaccines up the ass, avoiding zoom parties, turning off notifications, the husband of pete buttigieg, socialite hedonists, vampire weekend’s balaclavas, hot obama in hawaii, latinx reporter ana navarro, ella emhoff, luann de lesseps’ son, swingers kelly ripa and mark consuelos, bushwick beacons closet, moma’s constructivist exhibit, the joan didion doc, lady bird, never rarely sometimes always, laura van den berg, carrie mulligan’s superior flicks: wild life and an education.

We discuss our plummeting stocks and the fourth season of HBO’s Scooby-Doo-in-Williamsburg comedy Search Party, namely: what makes for toothy comedy, the standout Chantal episode, and the fake-out ending.

Also: gay scare, a culturally insensitive white partner, kiehls up the ass, vegetarian cheesesteaks, rereading pride and prejudice, the keira knightley tiktok impersonator, the eric andre show, industry hbo, silicon valley hbo, [redacted] jackson, killing eve, cole sprouse vs dylan sprouse, the slums of the cw.

Alternate title: Turning Looks Stunting Pretty, Search Party Takes Place in New York City