Catholic Mom Calm

Someone left me a one-star review saying I shouldn't be teaching cognitive behavioral therapy because I'm not a licensed therapist. She's right that I'm not a therapist, and I'm honestly not upset about it... but it made me want to answer a question a lot of you are quietly asking. Am I depressed? Is my anxiety too much anxiety? How would I even know?

In this episode I break down what cognitive behavioral therapy actually is, where I think the clinical line sits (and where I'm honest that I don't know), when I tell a woman on a coaching call that she needs more help than coaching can give, and why so many people tell me years of talk therapy felt good but didn't change their lives. I also tell you how my brain has been throwing a fit since I decided to go to the gym every day, and what I'm doing with those old thoughts.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why "your thoughts create your feelings, which drive your actions" is simply how the brain works and anyone can talk about it (treating someone past the clinical line is a different thing entirely)
• The messy middle between "this season is hard" and a diagnosable disorder, from anxiety to stress eating to a husband's nightly drinks
• The moments I stop coaching and send a woman to get real help, including physical abuse and trauma that still feels like it's happening right now (that's when I point to an EMDR therapist)
• Why talk therapy can feel wonderful for years while nothing changes, and how the way coaching is set up (a set number of months to solve one problem) keeps it focused forward
• Progress isn't a straight line, so backsliding after a hard week doesn't erase how far you've come
• My every-day gym identity shift, which is cognitive behavioral thinking in action

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• [00:00] – The one-star review, and the question underneath it
• [05:00] – What CBT is, and the screening lists for diagnosable conditions
• [10:00] – Shoes in the cubbies, chocolate chips, and the spectrum of "is this clinical?"
• [15:00] – The messy middle: anxiety, alcohol, and when to get professional help
• [20:00] – When I refer women out, and why years of talk therapy don't always help
• [25:00] – How coaching is set up differently, my mom's great therapist, and EMDR
• [30:00] – Progress isn't a straight line, plus my every-day gym identity shift
• [35:00] – Disagreeing calmly, the Advent planning workshop, and the Silence Challenge

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Advent planning workshop, live Thursday, November 5: www.catholicmomcalm.com/advent-2026
• Advent Silence Challenge in the Catholic Mom Calm community (starts Sunday, November 29): www.catholicmomcalm.com/community

Emma Hilger is a Catholic mom of three little ones, and she wrote a board book of rhyming affirmations for moms after a hard day when she realized her six-month-old didn't care what words she was reading to him... so what if they were the words SHE needed to hear? I've wanted to talk with her ever since I saw her Kickstarter, because I think every mom needs a book like this.

We talk about why "I'm a bad mom" is usually "I'm not a perfect mom" in disguise, whether it's prideful to believe you're a good mom, the fear that being kind to yourself will make you lazy, and how to bridge your way to a new thought when you're not ready to believe it yet. At the end Emma reads the whole book out loud, so take a deep breath and let it be for you.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why motherhood might be the only job we do for years while telling ourselves we're bad at it
• "I'm a bad mom" is usually "I'm not a perfect mom," and seeing ourselves as we really are (not better and not worse) is the holy place to stand
• Why believing you're a good mom makes you MORE present with your kids, not lazier
• Bridge thoughts for the days you can't get the words out, and why you don't have to finish all your identity work before you start
• Real neglect vs. too much Netflix and PB&J, and why every mom we know is a good mom
• God chose you to be your children's mother, already knowing every mistake you'd make

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• [00:00] – Meeting Emma, and how a hard day with a six-month-old became a book
• [05:00] – The only job we do while telling ourselves we're bad at it
• [10:00] – "Is it prideful to say I'm a good mom?" and not bad vs. not perfect
• [15:00] – Identity, bridge thoughts, and Philippians 4:8
• [20:00] – Real neglect vs. normal mom worries, and Emma's next books (dads, teamwork, NICU families, a Catholic version)
• [25:00] – Memorizing scripture 100 times a day, and the relationship we worry about 20 years from now
• [30:00] – Emma reads the book, and where to find it

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Emma Hilger's board book for moms: https://goodmomboardbooks.com
• Bob Schuchts (healing work on wounds and vows). Be Healed Book
• Catholic Finishing School (mindset for teen girls): www.catholicfinishingschool.com

Maybe your mom doesn't seem to want time with your kids, or your in-laws would help but live too far away, or every visit comes with a comment about your family size or how you parent.

Maybe you've watched a friend's mom swoop in after a new baby to cook and clean and hold everything together, and felt the sting of not having that. I've been doing this parenting thing mostly without family help too, so I'm walking you through the two kinds of work that bring me back to peace: sitting with Jesus, and the coaching side of clear requests, quiet boundaries, and catching my mind when it starts to spiral.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why someone can disagree with your parenting (or your family size) and still deeply love you, and why it feels so threatening anyway
• Park bench Jesus: telling the Lord how unfair it all is while looking at His wounds, and watching the hurt lose its hold
• How to make a clean request, and why a yes with a little annoyance mixed in still counts as love
• Quiet boundaries you never have to announce, for the "well, you chose this" comments and for family who want more access than you can give
• The deal I made with myself for when I catch myself ruminating (my brain always picks the Wedding at Cana)
• Giving equal airtime to what's wonderful about your parents and in-laws, including the hard parts that made you who you are

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• [00:00] – Why we read family approval as proof of love
• [04:00] – The mom who doesn't want to watch the kids, and the superhero grandma down the street
• [07:00] – Park bench Jesus, His wounds, and hugging your family in heaven
• [11:00] – The theological work, the coaching work, and "let your yes be yes"
• [15:00] – Boundaries for "you chose this" and for family who show up unannounced
• [19:00] – Feeling the grief, accepting your cards, and the rosary deal for rumination
• [22:00] – What's amazing about them, and the love you're really chasing

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Catholic Mom Calm: https://catholicmomcalm.com
• Diary of St. Faustina: https://amzn.to/4iylkLq

You took the bath, went for the walk, said the prayer... and you still feel depleted. Sterling Jaquith explains why: when you trash-talk yourself all day, every bit of self-care pours into a cup full of holes. Plus the day a new friend saw her unfinished basement, and she chose not to poke a single hole.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why being mean to yourself all day drains you emotionally and physically
• Needle holes and pencil holes: the small digs vs. the big attacks on your vocation
• Metallica in a Renaissance museum: a beautiful life with a terrible soundtrack
• What Sterling did when a friend saw her concrete-floored basement

EPISODE TIMELINE:

[00:00] Why your self-care isn't working [02:30] The soundtrack of a mom's morning [05:00] The red cup and the holes [08:00] Metallica in the museum [10:00] The friend who saw the basement [14:00] The Advent planning workshop

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Website: https://catholicmomcalm.com

Mother Teresa wore whatever shoes were left until her feet were deformed, and Catholic moms often share that story like it's a calling for all of us. Sterling Jaquith, Rita Johnson (Health and Hormones) and Denise Jelinek (Weight Loss with the Holy Spirit) talk honestly about why caring for yourself isn't vanity, why your kids are watching how you do it, and how it can become a form of worship.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why we put off self-care: choosing habits from woundedness instead of praying about them, and believing lies like "I don't have time"
• Authentic self-care: knowing your needs, meeting them, and how you talk to yourself
• Mother Teresa's shoes and a dorm-room mattress: why another woman's calling isn't yours
• Your kids are a mirror, and how caring for yourself honors the God who made you

EPISODE TIMELINE:

[00:00] About the Back on Track workshop [02:00] Meet Rita, Sterling and Denise (and the one self-care habit each of us struggles with) [10:00] Why we keep putting it off: discernment and lies [15:00] Authentic self-care and the "either/or" lie [20:00] Mother Teresa's shoes, sacrifice vs. self-neglect, and comparison [28:00] Self-care as worship, and what we hope you take away

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Back on Track workshop with Rita, Sterling and Denise (3 days, $39, recordings available if you join late): https://healthandhormones.org/back-on-track/

I just got back from two weeks away (the Fulton Sheen conference in St. Louis and then France with my 15-year-old daughter) and I brought two big things with me to pray about in some very holy places.

I asked for clarity every single day, and I kept thinking He'd surely talk to me on the 10-hour flight home, because airplanes are where I so often hear Him. He didn't. When I crawled into bed at 11:30 that night I was surprised and honestly a little embarrassed.

Then a sentence came to me that may have been a gift from the Holy Spirit: if He didn't tell me, I don't need to know today. I'm sharing what I do when God is quiet, the three little lies I caught in my own head on the way home, and one question I'd love for you to ask about whatever is weighing on you right now. What if you already have everything you need today?

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why God being quiet about your question might simply mean you don't need to know today, not that you're blocking His voice
• How "I have everything I need today" can be true next to a negative bank account, a hard diagnosis, or a child who's struggling
• God gives us no grace for our imaginary problems, so the hours we spend worrying about things that never happen are hours we don't get back
• The three stories I told myself when I came home without an answer, and how quickly they fell apart once I called them lies
• Why you can handle watching someone you love feel disappointed, even when it feels like they were counting on you
• Why I believe our prayers are a real currency, even the simple ones

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• [00:00] – Home after two weeks away: the Fulton Sheen conference in St. Louis and France with my daughter
• [04:00] – Bringing two big questions to holy places, and waiting for God to speak on the flight home
• [08:00] – "If He didn't tell me, I don't need to know" and a deeper level of surrender
• [12:00] – You have everything you need today, even in the big hard things
• [15:00] – The embarrassment, my husband's question, and the three lies I caught
• [18:00] – What if God said "you don't need that today"? Being present for the little things
• [20:00] – One Million Rosaries, the three-day workshop, and Party Like a Saint
• [24:00] – Why our prayers matter more than we think

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• One Million Rosaries Challenge (free, join any time, a prize given away every day): https://onemillionrosaries.com
• Three-day workshop with Rita Johnson on sleep, energy, and hormones, me on house systems, and Denise Jelinek on food and emotional self-care ($39, replays included): https://healthandhormones.org/back-on-track/
• Party Like a Saint (All Saints Day party goods): https://www.partylikeasaint.com/

CONNECT WITH STERLING JAQUITH:

• Website: https://catholicmomcalm.com
• Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmomcalm

Getting kids out the door is a banana circus. That's what I told my daughter in the driveway the other morning, after somebody forgot a lunch and we had to turn around and come back.

It's going to be a circus no matter what I do, because children bring chaos and no amount of systems fixes that. The only reason we're never late to school is that I just start the circus earlier than other people do.

So this episode is about being on time when you have kids, and underneath that it's really about how you adopt a new identity without beating yourself up to get there. I tell you where my own on-time thing came from (a vow I made in my heart as a little girl, which was woundedness), what it looked like to heal that and still genuinely like being on time, and then the actual mechanics: five minutes per kid, the five more minutes nobody budgets for between the front door and driving away, and accounting for the traffic and the train.

If you're chronically late, hear me say first that this is not a salvation issue and there is nothing wrong with you. And then if you want this, here's how.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Where a "person who is never late" identity can come from, and the vow I made in my heart as a kid that I later had to go back and heal with Jesus
• Healing the wound without losing the habit, because being late doesn't have to mean anything about my character or about what I'm communicating to the host
• The five minutes per kid rule, plus the five minutes almost nobody budgets for between walking out the front door and actually pulling away
• Why I start telling everyone it's time to go a full 20 minutes before I want to be driving
• Why I help them find the shoes instead of waiting on them, since being on time matters to me and it doesn't matter to any of them
• Living with a husband whose identity has nothing to do with being on time (except for mass), when to prime him about parking, and then letting it go
• How you actually adopt a new identity: decide clearly, ask what a person like this would do, then practice it until your brain says okay, this is who we are
• Growing from peace instead of from "I'm so terrible," because you're perfectly lovable right now and you can still calmly decide you'd like something different
• Predictable chaos, the train you can get stuck behind for eight minutes, and bringing order to the parts you actually control

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• [00:00] – Growing up with a single mom, the tunnel traffic, and the vow I made about never being late
• [05:00] – Adding a baby to the timeline, then a three-year-old who can't find shoes, and adjusting for every kid
• [10:00] – Seeing the on-time thing as woundedness, healing it, and deciding that late doesn't mean anything about me
• [15:00] – A husband who doesn't care about being on time (except for mass), priming him, and then letting it go
• [20:00] – How identity actually works, 21 days versus 250 days, and deciding who you want to be
• [25:00] – The banana circus in the driveway, starting it earlier, the Sandpoint train, and a million roses for Mary

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• One Million Rosaries Challenge (join any time, the rosaries you pray after you sign up still count toward the total): https://onemillionrosaries.com
• Catholic Mom Calm (where I teach you how to go back to a memory with Jesus and heal it): https://catholicmomcalm.com
• Restore the Glory podcast with Bob Schuchts, the series on wounds and vows: https://www.restoretheglorypodcast.com/
• Atomic Habits by James Clear: https://amzn.to/4hEzeew

CONNECT WITH STERLING JAQUITH:

• Website: https://catholicmomcalm.com
• Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmomcalm

Here's something I find fascinating. A lot of us are living a balanced life with a brain that's a hot mess in there, and so a life we're actually executing really well ends up feeling terrible.

You got everybody fed and you made it to all the things on time, but your mind spent the whole day telling you how far behind you are, and that is what drained the battery. That's not a commitment problem. That's a thinking problem, and honestly it's good news, because you don't have to change your calendar to fix it.

So this episode is how I tell the difference, and then exactly what I do when it really is too much. I list everything out (including the meals and the laundry, because you're already committed to those), I put my finger on each one and pray "Lord, what do you want me to know about this?" and then I ask whether the healed version of me takes this on.

I also walk you through two real decisions from my own fall, the giant yes I'm so glad I said and the hard no I knew would disappoint people, and what happened after.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why the tired usually comes from your thinking and not from your schedule, because your body runs a physiological stress response all morning and drains the battery before anything has even happened
• What a balanced life with an unbalanced mind looks like, and the question to ask about yesterday to find out which one you've got
• Writing down every commitment, with meals and cleaning and clean clothes in big buckets, so your brain can see what it already signed up for
• Praying over each one with "Lord, what do you want me to know about this?" instead of "do you want me to keep this, yes or no," which boxes him in and leaves no room for a nuanced answer
• Some commitments are neutral to God, like the Honda Odyssey or the Toyota Sienna, and you can become a saint either way
• The question I'd never said out loud before: does the healed version of me take this on, or did I say yes out of woundedness
• What woundedness sounds like ("if I don't do it, no one will do it"), and the genuinely healthy version of that exact same yes
• Why the pressure to keep a good program alive is coming from your thinking, and being willing to tolerate some disappointment when the answer is no
• Going to the Lord for the "good job" you're not getting at home... even for cleaning the microwave

EPISODE TIMELINE:

(estimated at 5-minute marks, no timestamps in the transcript, confirm against audio)

• [00:00] – The art of saying no, and that includes backing out of things you already said yes to
• [05:00] – The morning your brain is off to the races, the car, and being tired from your thoughts instead of your day
• [10:00] – A balanced life and an unbalanced mind, and living the exact same day with a better attitude
• [15:00] – Listing every commitment out, the buckets you're already signed up for, and receiving what God gives you
• [20:00] – Praying over each one, neutral commitments, and "does the healed version of me say yes to this?"
• [25:00] – The giant yes: building a Catholic hybrid homeschool option at the parish over six months
• [30:00] – The hard no: stepping back from teaching atrium this year, cleaning the microwave, and the three steps together

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Catholic Mom Calm (come learn how to manage your mind with us): https://catholicmomcalm.com
• One Million Rosaries Challenge (free, all of October, sign up and start a group): https://onemillionrosaries.com

CONNECT WITH STERLING JAQUITH:

• Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmomcalm

I said it kind of offhandedly on a coaching call. "I want to be a blanket of peace in my home." And the moms would not let it go, so I have been sitting with it ever since. Here is what I mean. You have the ability to take your own emotional state and blanket a whole room with it. You already do it. Sometimes what you are laying over the kitchen is frustration or stress or that sharp voice, and sometimes it is calm. The part I want you to hear is that it is yours to choose.

This episode is me asking you to stop settling for awareness of your thinking and actually reach for the peace. I walk you through a chaotic Tuesday morning, two kids off to farm school, two girls off to co-op, a thirteen year old presenting in front of the entire community, and what happened when I decided ahead of time that I was going to be so calm that everyone around me calmed down. We talk about Mother Teresa and how far her peaceful light went into a room, why this kind of power is the power women actually want, and how to say "hey, we are not going to do that in this room, okay, love you" instead of the version you are doing now. Plus two announcements I am so excited about.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• What a blanket of peace actually is, and why your emotional state is the thing filling the room whether you picked it or not
• Humans catch each other's states both directions. Anxiety spreads, and so does calm, grounded and steady
• Awareness of your thinking is not the finish line. Reaching for peace on purpose is the next level
• Deciding before the hard morning starts, so that when they walk in frantic you meet them with the voice instead of matching them
• Why being at peace takes fewer words and less energy, and why it works so much better than snapping
• The power men chase out in the world, and the very different power a woman has to set the tone of a space
• Mother Teresa changed the energy of every room she walked into. How far did that light reach, and can mine do that
• Your mission this week: pick one time of day, one room, one situation where you have been tolerating chaos, and be the calm in it

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• [00:00] – Happy fall girl, sweaters and tea, and the phrase the moms would not let go of
• [05:00] – Blanketing the room with your emotional state, and taking hearts that are troubled and making them feel safe
• [10:00] – The co-op morning, the thirteen year old presenting, and speaking to them in the grounded voice
• [15:00] – Forest bear and "hey, we are not going to do that in this room, okay, love you." Dropping the excuses
• [20:00] – Mother Teresa's golden light, the wins call, and what Catholic Mom Calm is really about
• [25:00] – Announcement one: the One Million Rosaries Challenge for the month of October
• [30:00] – Announcement two: the Catholic Mom Calm app is almost here, plus France and a request for prayers

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• One Million Rosaries Challenge (free, all of October, sign up and start a group): https://onemillionrosaries.com

• Calm Catholic Kids app (free, and you can track your rosaries in it): https://calmcatholickids.com

CONNECT WITH STERLING JAQUITH:

• Website: https://catholicmomcalm.com
• Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmomcalm

Anxiety never comes from the Lord. So the second I feel that tightness show up in my chest, I already know something true about myself. I am thinking about my life in a way that God does not want me to think about it. Period. Because if I were thinking about it the way He wants me to, I would be at peace.

This episode is one question I want you to start asking faster than you are asking it right now. Not "Lord, take this away," but "Lord, what do you want me to know about this?" About this toddler. About my husband. About my body. About this house. I asked Him something this morning and He said, "You already know. You just doubt what I have already told you." Ooh, burn, Lord. We talk about why we are not reaching for Him sooner (we do not actually believe we could be at peace all the time), the grace you have to ask for before He hands it to you, what Fulton Sheen was doing in basically every talk he ever gave, and why Daniel in the lions' den and Mary at the foot of the cross were both at peace.

WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODE:

• The micro moment prayer: the second you notice tightness, throw your hands up and say "Lord, I invite you into this. Come be with me right now."
• Why anxiety is information and not a verdict. It tells you your thinking is off, not that your life is off
• The real reason we do not run to Him faster: we have never met a person who is at peace all the time, so we quietly decided it is not available to us
• Eight out of ten minutes. You will lose it. The win is how fast you come back
• Feeling powerless is the worst feeling there is, and being able to stay calm in any situation is one of the most powerful
• You are not done when you hear the sentence. Your job is to practice it, or your brain will spiral right back in two hours
• The gifts of the Holy Spirit were designed to be asked for. Wisdom, counsel, knowledge, understanding, fortitude, fear of the Lord. Ask
• Being at peace does not mean being peaceful. It means receiving. It means "this is okay right now and I can handle it"
• The surprise pregnancy test, the teenager going through it, the adult child who left the Church. You can be at peace today, in that

EPISODE TIMELINE:

(estimated at 5-minute marks, no timestamps in the transcript, confirm against audio)

• [00:00] – Hope when you feel anxious, trapped, stuck or frozen, and inviting the Lord into the micro moment
• [05:00] – "Lord, what do you want me to know about this?" Why anxiety never comes from Him, and what Mary has to do with our unbelief
• [10:00] – Eight out of ten minutes, and why staying calm is the most powerful you will ever feel
• [15:00] – Cheeky Jesus, the sentences He actually gives me, and writing them down so I can practice them
• [20:00] – My real morning (I do not pray first thing), redirecting my brain, and asking for grace and the gifts of the Holy Spirit
• [25:00] – Fulton Sheen, the beatification, and why all his talks end the same way. At peace is not peaceful. Daniel, Mary, Joseph and the donkey
• [30:00] – Who I belong to, true freedom, and an invitation to the Catholic Mom Reset

LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Join the Catholic Mom Reset: www.catholicmomcalm.com/reset
• Fulton Sheen beatification, plus the conference with Arthur Brooks the day before (Sterling will have a table, come say hi): www.fultonsheenconference.com/

CONNECT WITH STERLING JAQUITH:

• Website: https://catholicmomcalm.com
• Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catholicmomcalm