WASHINGTON, DC—A new study published Monday by the American Association for the Advancement of Science has concluded that cats are, in fact, just as annoying as you think they are.

“After a comprehensive analysis of all available data, our research team found that cats are indeed as aggravating and insufferable as you have always believed them to be,” said lead researcher Dr. Peter Hirschmann, adding that the study confirmed that cats are “completely fucking inscrutable” and “make this awful mewing sound when they’re hungry or want attention.”

“Furthermore, we have determined with a high degree of certainty that cats are not cute and cuddly; rather, they are small, furry nuisances with sharp claws and an inexplicable ability to land on their feet after falling from high places.”

The study also confirmed that dogs are actually pretty cool.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/21/cats-are-just-as-annoying-as-you-think-they-are/