Recently I read an interview about how to maintain a strong and healthy marriage - one of the keys is to let them be who they are, and the other one is to be truly happy for their spouse’ success. 

It is exactly how I felt when my husband’s business won an award last year or when my first book was released, I could see he was really excited for me. 

I realized it is key to a good marriage and I also notice it is sometimes not so easily done - say if you have been struggling with your business or weight loss or trying to conceive or to find a romantic partner. When someone you know brought in the good news, you secretly feel sad for yourself.

It can be hard not because we don’t want that for the other person, but it is the fear that we would never have it for ourselves. It is true if it a competition, like winning an Oscar, there is only 1 winner in that scenario, but chances are, most of us are not facing this type of direct competitions daily.

More often than not, the way we fear falls into the zero-sum game category, where we say all the good men are taken or who is going to buy my products if they get yours, etc. We live in the fear that there is just not enough to go around.

Another type of fear stems from unworthiness or question do we deserve that good thing, deep down. 

It is tiring, to say the least, and unproductive most of the time. 

Do you also notice it is far easier to be there for someone when they are wounded than truly happy for their success? 

I figured it all comes down to your attitude - if you are the type who see the glass is half full instead of empty, it is more natural for you to say: If she can do it, so can I! 

Another factor is how willing and capable you are to make peace with where you are. The ability to find gratitude in the unlikely moments. 

The truth of the matter is - we all want to same things - happiness, peace and joy. 

When we are stuck in that fear of lack, or negative self-talk and jealousy, we direct all our energy into the “I am not having what I want” mind space. Even if a good opportunity or perfect solution comes up, our mind wouldn’t be able to recognize it or act upon it. 

In another word, cultivating a good attitude is key to finding success or experiencing happiness.

So next time, when you catch yourself feeling down because you somehow feel “less than” or unable to celebrate someone else's success, remind yourself you can change that line of thinking. 

Draw a breath. Pause. Take a U-turn.

Choose thoughts like:

If it is possible for someone, it is possible for me - if it is right for me. 

The universe conspires to bring me joy, even if I don’t see the full picture right now. 

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change too. 

#positiveselftalk #celebratesuccess #changeyourmind #mindset #findingsuccess #happiness