Challenge Your Guilt

What happens when the pressure to be a calm, patient, endlessly capable mother collides with the reality of modern motherhood?

In this episode of Challenge Your Guilt, I’m joined by clinical psychologist, author and maternal anger specialist Dr Caroline Boyd to explore one of the most taboo and shame-filled parts of motherhood: maternal rage.

We talk about why anger so often feels incompatible with being a “good mother”, why guilt and shame rush in after we snap, and why maternal anger needs to be understood in the wider context of overload, unequal responsibility, impossible expectations, sensory overwhelm and lack of support.

Caroline also explains why anger can be useful information rather than something we simply need to get rid of, and why repair matters far more than getting motherhood “right” all the time.

I also share a very recent moment of rage from my own motherhood, involving an extremely unrelaxing bath, a five-year-old and a slipper being thrown into the water, and what it taught me about my own need for space.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The anger–guilt–shame cycle
• Why maternal anger doesn’t exist in a vacuum
• Mental load, overstimulation and unmet needs
• Why suppressing anger can make it come out sideways
• The importance of naming what we’re feeling
• How to step out of the spiral when you feel close to snapping
• Rupture, repair and “good enough” mothering
• Why we need to repair with ourselves as well as our children
• How movement, space and nervous system regulation can help

If this episode has resonated...

If this episode has made you recognise how much you’re carrying, and how often guilt, responsibility and impossible expectations are consuming the capacity you need for yourself, your work and the life you want, The Capacity Reset is my six-month 1:1 coaching programme designed to help you change that.

This isn’t about becoming more productive or better at coping with too much. It’s about understanding what is draining your capacity, deciding what deserves it, and creating more space for the life and work you actually want.

If you’d like to explore whether it’s right for you, you can find out more here. 

About Dr Caroline Boyd

Dr Caroline Boyd is a clinical psychologist with more than 10 years’ experience working in the NHS and mental health settings. She supports parents from pregnancy through childbirth and beyond, offering anger courses, workshops and 1:1 therapy through her independent psychology practice, Parent Therapy Hub.

She is also the author of Mindful New Mum and an Ambassador for UK perinatal mental health charity PANDAS. 

Website: www.drcarolineboyd.com
Instagram: @_drboyd

Caroline’s maternal anger course

Caroline’s self-paced maternal anger course is designed to help mothers make sense of their anger and develop tools for responding to it.

Course: https://dr-caroline-boyd.mykajabi.com/mr-signup-autumn-2025

Listeners of Challenge Your Guilt can use the code PODCAST to receive £100 off the course price for a limited time. 

Seeking further support

If you’re experiencing frequent moments of anger, overwhelm, or difficult feelings that are impacting everyday life with your baby, please talk to a supportive loved one and a trusted health professional such as your GP.

You can also reach out to PANDAS UK or Samaritans on 116 123.

For emergency help, call 999 or visit your local A&E department. 

Connect with me

The Capacity Reset
Challenge Your Guilt – the book
Instagram

If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review or share it with another mother who needs to hear it.

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✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode of Challenge Your Guilt, I’m joined by Rachel Vecht, founder of Educating Matters, to talk about working parent guilt, perfectionism and why “good enough” parenting may be far healthier than trying to get everything right.

Rachel has spent 25 years supporting parents, carers and organisations at the intersection of parenting, education, wellbeing and work. She is also a mother of four and speaks honestly about the gap between knowing the parenting theory and living the reality yourself.

Together, we explore why parenting has started to feel like a competitive sport, how guilt shows up for working mothers, and why every decision can feel like a trade-off.

We discuss:

•  why perfectionism can undermine connection with our children 
•  what “good enough” parenting looks like in practice 
•  how short bursts of focused one-to-one time can make a difference 
•  the importance of boundaries, values and modelling self-care 
•  why flexibility should be a normal way of working, not a special perk 
•  how managers can better support maternal mental health 
•  why supporting fathers and carers matters too 
•  how to tell the difference between guilt that reflects your values and guilt driven by outside expectations 

Rachel also shares the idea of creating a family mission statement, helping families become clearer about what they stand for and how they want life at home to feel.

For any mother who feels she is holding everything together by a thread, this conversation is a reminder that your children do not need a flawless performance. They need connection, safety and the experience of being deeply loved. 

Rachel’s resources

Rachel’s free Parenting Matters Masterclass shares practical tools and strategies for raising children to thrive:

You can also download her guide: What does it mean to be a “Good Enough” Parent?

The guide explores emotional coaching, special time, values, boundaries, modelling, self-regulation and how to define what “good enough” means for your own family. 

Find Rachel at educatingmatters.co.uk and follow Rachel Vecht on LinkedIn for more on parenting, working parenthood and family-friendly workplaces.

Find Belinda

You can buy Challenge Your Guilt: How to Flourish in Motherhood, Work and Life or apply for a free call to explore coaching and workplace support through the links in the show notes.

Subscribe to Challenge Your Guilt wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with another mother who needs to hear it.

The guilt you have been carrying was never yours to hold. It is time to put it down.

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode of Challenge Your Guilt, I’m joined by writer Caro Giles, author of Twelve Moons and Unschooled, for a deeply honest conversation about motherhood, care, shame, identity and what happens when families no longer fit neatly within the systems designed to support them.

Caro is a single mother of four daughters, two of whom are autistic and unable to access mainstream education. In this conversation, she shares what it means to be not only a mother, but also the default advocate, carer, educator, emotional regulator and infrastructure holding family life together when external systems are either absent, inadequate or actively hostile.

Together, we explore how maternal guilt is so often internalised as personal failure, when in reality many mothers are carrying the consequences of systems that were never built to support real care. Caro speaks powerfully about the shame that can come with needing help, the pressure to appear as though you are coping, and the impossible standards placed on mothers who are judged whether they are emotional, unemotional, struggling or managing too well.

We also talk about the importance of writing, nature, connection, honesty and finding ways back to the woman behind the mother. Caro shares how naming shame, finding like-minded communities and recognising the value of unpaid care can help mothers feel less alone inside experiences that are too often hidden.

This is a conversation for any mother who has ever felt she should be coping better, asking for less, holding more, or hiding the truth of how hard things have become.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Maternal guilt as a response to systemic failure, not personal inadequacy
• The invisible labour mothers carry when they become the default advocate
• What happens when children cannot access conventional education systems
• Shame, benefits, housing insecurity and the judgement placed on mothers who need support
• The pressure on mothers to appear calm, capable and endlessly selfless
• Identity loss and how writing can help women find themselves again
• The importance of nature, awe and tiny moments of sensory grounding
• Why connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to shame
• How mothers can begin to value their own care work in a society that does not

About Caro Giles

Caro Giles is a writer and mother of four daughters. Her memoir Twelve Moons explores single motherhood, landscape, identity and survival, while her latest book Unschooled looks at family life, care, education and what happens when children no longer fit within conventional systems.

Caro writes with rare honesty about motherhood, disability, caregiving, nature, desire, shame, resilience and the complex realities of family life.

Links

You can find Caro on Instagram, Substack and in her monthly column for Psychologies. Her books Twelve Moons and Unschooled are available now.

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, leave a review, or share it with another mother who needs to hear it.

You can also buy my book Challenge Your Guilt: How to Flourish in Motherhood, Work and Life, or DM me at [email protected] to apply for a free 60-minute Motherload Breakthrough Call to explore whether 1:1 coaching is the right next step for you.

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this powerful episode of Challenge Your Guilt, I’m joined by the brilliant Tamu Thomas - somatic coach, speaker, founder of the Live Three Sixty brand and author of Women Who Work Too Much.

Together, we explore one of the biggest lies modern women have been sold: that being a “good” woman, and especially a “good” mother, means being endlessly busy, endlessly giving and endlessly available.

Tamu names how womanhood and motherhood have become conflated with martyrdom, and how the cultural celebration of “selflessness” can keep mothers trapped in cycles of overworking, over-giving and self-abandonment.

We discuss why so much of what we call “mum guilt” is often closer to shame - a manufactured sense that we are somehow failing at our core if we are not constantly doing, caring, achieving or proving our worth.

This conversation covers toxic productivity, invisible care work, the mental load, the myth of work-life balance, nervous system depletion, the pressure to optimise every inch of family life, and why slowing down can feel so radical when you have been conditioned to measure your worth by how much you do.

Tamu also shares practical ways mothers can begin to reconnect with their bodies, their rhythms and their needs - including simple grounding practices and the powerful question: what actually matters to me?

If you have ever felt like you are holding everything together on the surface while quietly running on empty underneath, this episode is for you.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Why motherhood is so often confused with martyrdom 
•  The problem with celebrating mothers for being “selfless” 
•  How care work is devalued precisely because it is essential 
•  The difference between guilt and shame 
•  Why many mothers are trapped in toxic productivity 
•  How the mental load keeps women in a state of over-functioning 
•  Why balance may not be the right goal 
•  How to make decisions based on your actual capacity, not your conditioning 
•  Why rest, rhythm and nervous system care are not luxuries 
•  How mothers can begin to become “self-full” rather than selfless 

Where to find Tamu

You can find Tamu on Instagram at @tamu.thomas.

Her book, Women Who Work Too Much, is available wherever you buy books.

If this episode resonates, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with another mother who needs to hear it.

You can also buy my book, Challenge Your Guilt: How to Flourish in Motherhood, Work and Life, or email me ([email protected]) to apply for a free Motherload Breakthrough Call to explore working with me 1:1.

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode, I’m joined by award-winning science journalist and author Melissa Hogenboom to explore maternal guilt through a powerful lens: biology, psychology, and culture.

Melissa’s work has deeply influenced my own thinking, and in this conversation, we unpack one of the most important truths about modern motherhood:

Much of what we experience as “personal failure” is, in fact, systemic design.

We explore why women are still carrying too much, how deeply embedded gender norms shape our daily lives, and why even the most empowered, high-performing women can feel stuck in cycles of guilt, overload, and self-doubt.

This is a conversation that will help you zoom out, reframe, and start questioning the narratives you’ve been living inside.

What We Cover

•  Why maternal guilt often feels visceral-and why it isn’t actually about you
•  The difference between internal guilt vs. socially conditioned guilt 
•  The concept of “gendered cognitive stickiness”-and why roles are so hard to shift 
•  How maternal gatekeeping forms (and why it’s not your fault) 
•  Why women still carry the mental load-even when they earn more 
•  The hidden emotional and psychological cost of being a breadwinning mother 
•  Why empowerment (financial + psychological) changes everything 
•  The reality of modern motherhood: too exhausted to build the village we need
•  How connection acts as a buffer against shame, depletion, and isolation 

Key Takeaways

•  You are not failing at motherhood-you are operating inside outdated systems
•  Guilt is often a signal of conflicting societal expectations, not personal inadequacy 
•  Letting go of control (even imperfectly) is a crucial step in reducing mental load 
•  Financial and psychological autonomy are deeply linked to wellbeing 
•  Social connection isn’t a luxury-it’s protective and necessary
•  The solution isn’t doing more-it’s rethinking everything you’ve been told you should be doing

About Melissa

Melissa Hogenboom is an award-winning science journalist and author of The Motherhood Complex and Breadwinners. Her work explores the intersection of biology, psychology, and culture-particularly in relation to motherhood, gender, and identity.

Links & Resources

• Melissa’s website
• Melissa's Instagram
• The Motherhood Complex + Breadwinners – available wherever books are sold 

Work With Me

If this episode resonated and you’re ready to stop internalising guilt and start creating a way of living and working that actually works for you, you can:

• Buy my book Challenge Your Guilt
• Subscribe to my newsletter for weekly insights and support 
• Email me - [email protected] - for the link to apply for a free 60-minute Motherload Breakthrough call - a powerful starting point for real change.

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

What if the problem isn’t you… but the rules you’ve been living by?

In this powerful and deeply validating conversation, I’m joined by psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach Becky Selbie (also known as Motherway), to unpack one of the most important - and overlooked - drivers of maternal guilt: the invisible rulebook.

Because when you become a mother, you don’t start from scratch.
You inherit a complex set of internalised rules about what it means to be “good.”

Rules about:

•  How much you should give 
•  How patient you should be 
•  What balance should look like 
•  What success, ambition, and sacrifice mean 

And the problem?
Many of these rules are impossible to meet - and guilt becomes the mechanism that keeps you trying.

Together, we explore how this rulebook is formed, why it feels so powerful, and what it really takes to step outside it.

🔍 In this episode, we explore:

•  What the “rulebook” is - and how it quietly shapes your experience of motherhood 
• The difference between micro conditioning (your personal upbringing) and macro conditioning (societal expectations) 
• Why modern mothers are caught between conflicting rulebooks (the “perfect mother” vs “have it all” narrative) 
• How guilt acts as an enforcement mechanism keeping you stuck in impossible standards 
• The powerful distinction between motherhood (the institution) and mothering (your lived experience)
• Why awareness is the first - and most essential - step in breaking free 
• Practical ways to identify and challenge the rules driving your behaviour 
• How your rulebook may be clashing with your partner’s - and what that creates at home 
• Why rewriting the rules is uncomfortable… but ultimately freeing 

🧠 A key takeaway

You are not failing at motherhood.

You are trying to succeed within a system of rules that were never designed to support you.

And when you begin to see that clearly?
 You stop internalising the pressure - and start reclaiming choice.

🌿 About Becky Selbie

Becky is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and coach who supports mothers to understand their internal rulebooks and build a more compassionate, conscious relationship with themselves and their motherhood.

You can find Becky here:

•  Instagram
•  Website

📣 If this episode resonated

If this conversation made you feel seen, I’d love you to:

•  Subscribe to the podcast 
•  Share it with another mother who needs to hear this 
•  Leave a review - it helps more women find this work 

🔗 Work with me

If you’re ready to stop living by impossible standards and start creating a way of working and living that actually works for you:

→ Book a Motherload Breakthrough Call
(application only - email [email protected])
→ Buy my book: Challenge Your Guilt: How to Flourish in Motherhood, Work, and Life

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode, I’m joined by conscious parenting coach and somatic practitioner Emily Hughes from Finding Flow Parenting.

When we first spoke, she said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“I see far less guilt in parents… and far more shame.”

Not “I did something wrong” - but
“Something is wrong with me.”

And that distinction matters more than we realise.

Because shame doesn’t just sit at the surface.
It lives in the body.
It shapes how we respond to our children.
And it can quietly define how we see ourselves as mothers.

In this conversation, we explore what’s really going on beneath those moments where we lose our temper, spiral into self-criticism, or question whether we’re “cut out” for motherhood.

In this episode, we cover:

• The crucial difference between guilt and shame - and why so many mothers skip straight to shame
• How core beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m failing” drive the shame spiral
• Why shame thrives in secrecy - and begins to dissolve in connection
• The role of the nervous system in parenting triggers and emotional overwhelm
• How neurodiversity and sensitivity can intensify experiences of shame
• The concept of belonging as a buffer to shame - for both mothers and children
• Why rupture is inevitable in family life - and how repair builds deeper connection
• The link between self-acceptance and how we parent our children
• Practical ways to regulate in the moment (even when you’ve completely lost it)
• Somatic tools (including movement and awareness) to release shame from the body

A key insight from this conversation:

Shame isn’t just psychological - it’s physiological.

Emily describes it as an “implosion in the body” - something we feel, not just think.

Which means we can’t just “mindset” our way out of it.

We have to work with the body too.

Why this episode matters

If you’ve ever:

• Snapped at your child and immediately felt like a terrible mother
• Spiralled into self-blame after a difficult moment
• Wondered why some parenting struggles feel so personal

…this episode will help you understand why.

And more importantly, how to respond differently.

About Emily Hughes

Emily Hughes is a conscious parenting coach and somatic practitioner, supporting parents who feel overwhelmed, triggered, or stuck in challenging family dynamics.

Her work focuses on creating “de-shaming spaces” for parents — helping them understand their nervous systems, build emotional awareness, and parent from a place of connection rather than reactivity.

Find Emily:
Website
Instagram

Work with me

If this conversation resonated, and you’re ready to change your relationship with guilt (and shame) at a deeper level:

→ Book a free 60-minute Motherload Breakthrough Call
This is an application-only call for mothers who are ready to step into coaching and do the work - not a quick advice session, but a space to explore whether 1:1 Reframe coaching is right for you. Email me for the link to apply - [email protected]

→ Buy my book Challenge Your Guilt
A practical and compassionate guide to understanding and overcoming maternal guilt.

→ Subscribe to my weekly newsletter
For deeper reflections, tools, and conversations on motherhood, identity, and flourishing.

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode of Challenge Your Guilt, I’m joined by Clare Willetts - gender equality consultant, founder of Not Only Pink and Blue, and former advertising and brand leader.

Through Not Only Pink and Blue, Clare works with businesses, schools and organisations to challenge gender stereotypes and create more equitable cultures - from the playground to the boardroom.

Clare’s work sits at the powerful intersection of childhood socialisation, maternal guilt, workplace inequality, the limits society places on fathers’ caregiving roles and the impact this has on mothers' lives and careers. This conversation connected so many dots for me.

We talk about how gender stereotypes are learned shockingly early, how they follow us from the playground straight into the workplace, and why initiatives aimed at “fixing women” or “encouraging dads” will always fall short unless we address the system underneath.

Clare shares research and real-world insight from her work with businesses, schools and parents - including some statistics that stopped me in my tracks.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why girls lose around 30% of their confidence by age eight - and why it rarely returns
• How boys as young as seven are taught that anger is the only acceptable emotion
• Why workplace gender equality initiatives often come 20+ years too late
• How caregiving is devalued, feminised, and treated as “lesser” - at work and at home
• Why fathers don’t take up shared parental leave, even when policies exist
• The hidden career penalty mothers absorb - and why men are watching it happen
• How “parenting out loud” is praised in men but penalised in women
• Why rolling back DEI isn’t neutral - it’s a brand and trust risk
• What meaningful change would actually require (hint: it’s cultural, not cosmetic)

This conversation is essential listening if you’re interested in maternal guilt, workplace inequality, gender stereotypes and norms, or the deeper systems shaping modern family life. Clare’s work makes clear that while mothers carry a disproportionate burden, fathers are also constrained by gender norms that limit their emotional expression, caregiving roles and freedom at work - and that meaningful change requires us to address the system as a whole.

Where to find Clare Willetts:

• Website 
• Instagram
• LinkedIn 

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode, I’m joined by Esther Amira-Opie, a natural therapist and women’s health practitioner, for a deeply honest and compassionate conversation about maternal guilt, health anxiety, burnout, and learning to listen to our bodies as mothers.

Esther shares her own journey from corporate healthcare into holistic practice, including how postnatal depletion, stress, and a pre-diabetes diagnosis became a turning point in how she understood health, balance, and self-care. Together, we explore the invisible pressures modern mothers are under - and how guilt so often shows up around our children’s health, our work, and our own needs.

This episode is especially for you if you’ve ever:

• Felt guilty for not doing “enough” for your child’s health
• Questioned past medical decisions with the benefit of hindsight
• Struggled to rest, sleep, or switch off without feeling selfish
• Felt torn between modern medicine and more holistic approaches
• Known what you “should” do for your wellbeing - but found it hard to actually do it

In our conversation, we explore:

• Why guilt is such a constant companion for so many mothers - especially self-employed and working mums
• The pressure to “bounce back” after birth, and how this harms women’s physical and mental health
• Esther’s experience of burnout, hair loss, over-training, and stress - and what her body was trying to tell her
• An integrative approach to health, where modern medicine and holistic support can coexist
• How maternal intuition gets undermined - and why learning to trust ourselves again matters
• The role of sleep, stress, gut health, breathwork, and nervous system regulation in women’s wellbeing
• Why perfectionism keeps us stuck - and how small, compassionate changes really add up
• The powerful reframe of moving from a to-do list to a ta-da list

Throughout the episode, Esther reminds us that when we know better, we do better - and that guilt has no place in decisions made from love, care, and the information we had at the time 

About Esther Amira Opie

Esther is a natural therapist and women’s health practitioner who supports women to find balance, wellbeing, and confidence in their bodies and lives. Her work is grounded, practical, and compassionate - focusing on root causes rather than quick fixes, and helping women work with their bodies rather than against them.

🔗 Find Esther here:

• Website
• Instagram

If this episode resonated with you:

• Subscribe to Challenge Your Guilt so you don’t miss future conversations
• Share this episode with another mother who’s carrying too much
• Leave a review - it really helps this podcast reach more women

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.

In this episode of Challenge Your Guilt, I’m joined by Lauren Currie OBE - social entrepreneur, author, activist and founder of Upfront, a global movement supporting women and marginalised genders to build confidence, take up space and feel braver together.

I’ve admired Lauren’s work for a long time, because so much of what she explores - confidence, visibility, shame, shrinking and self-censorship - sits right at the heart of the maternal guilt conversations I have with mothers every day.

In our conversation, we explore how guilt and confidence are deeply interconnected, and how many women - particularly mothers - are trapped in a cultural double bind where confidence is encouraged in theory, but punished in practice.

Lauren explains why women don’t “lack confidence” - and how living in a system that penalises confident women leads many of us to avoid conflict, over-function, and take responsibility for everything and everyone. The result? Guilt, exhaustion and a constant sense of not being enough.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why the so-called “confidence gap” is systemic, not personal
• How women are praised for being accommodating, but punished for being assertive
• The double bind that keeps mothers stuck between being too much and never enough
• Why guilt often feels safer than conflict - and what that costs us
• Lauren’s idea of “runaway guilt”, and how low confidence erodes boundaries
• How motherhood intensifies guilt even when you intellectually “know better”
• What it looks like to notice guilt without letting it run the show

Lauren also shares honestly about guilt in her own motherhood journey - from early working-mother guilt, to the emotional pull between ambition, presence and rest - and how she now meets guilt with awareness rather than self-attack.

We also talk about Lauren’s children’s book Taylor Meets the Trick, and how giving families simple language to name patriarchy can remove shame, defensiveness and silence - not just for children, but for adults too.

I close by asking Lauren one question I return to often on this podcast:
What is one small act of courage a mother could take this week if she’s feeling stuck in guilt, self-doubt or invisibility?

Her answer is deceptively simple - and incredibly powerful.

🔗 Links & Ways to Connect with Lauren

If this conversation resonated and you’d like to explore Lauren’s work further, here are the best places to find her:

📲 Follow Lauren on Instagram:

Lauren Currie (personal account)

Taylor Meets the Trick (children’s book)

Upfront (confidence & community)

Lauren also writes regularly on LinkedIn and Substack, and I know she’d genuinely love to hear what landed for you from this episode.

📚 Books Mentioned in This Episode

Taylor Meets the Trick
A playful, powerful children’s book that gives families simple language to talk about patriarchy, gender roles and “the trick” - without shame or blame.

Be Upfront: 24 Rules for Life-Changing Confidence (published February '26)
Lauren’s first non-fiction book, distilling over a decade of confidence-building work into practical, culture-shifting insights.

💛 If You Enjoyed This Episode

Please subscribe, rate and share Challenge Your Guilt - it really helps this podcast reach more mothers who need these conversations.

You can also:

📚Buy my book, Challenge Your Guilt: How to Flourish in Motherhood, Work and

Support the show

✨ If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a mother who needs to hear that guilt was never hers to carry.