The factor I want to talk about today is time.  Think about the decisions you made recently whether they be for work or personal.  How often did you consider the question, "How will I feel about this decision over time?  In an hour, in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year, in decades?"  Part of what you want to consider here is, how easily can the decision be undone in the future if needed.

Let's take a simple example that many of you can relate to like making a decision to eat that extra scoop of ice cream for dessert or while on vacation.  Sure, in the moment I want to tell myself, ah, you're on vacation enjoy yourself.  But then, before I buy the double scoop vs the single scoop, do I consider, how will I feel about this in an hour, in a day, in a week, etc.  How many times have said just minutes after eating something, Oh, I probably shouldn't have eaten that?  So next time, consider the question, "How will I feel about this decision later".  Remember I talked about part of your time consideration is, how easily can the decision be undone.  Once I eat that extra scoop of ice cream, I can't uneat it.  I'd have to work out extra harder and longer, and let's face it, that's not going to happen.

The next example I think many people can also relate to.  It happened last week while on vacation.  We were taking a horseback riding excursion to a waterfall.  My wife and most of my friends decided to go swimming in the pool by the waterfall.  As I stepped into the water it was freezing cold.  By this time, my wife and friends were all waist deep or completely immersed and swimming in the water and having a great time.  I stood on the banks telling myself it's too cold, it's too cold.  Then I though... How would I feel about this decision to not join my wife and friends and take a plunge in this once in a lifetime opportunity?  I realized that the minute we got back on the horses and began to ride back, I'd regret not taking the plunge.  So, I did, and I am glad I did.  Coming back to how easily this decision could be undone... it's highly unlikely that I would ever come back to this same spot with these same friends ever so this was literally a once in a lifetime opportunity that could not be undone.

This last example comes from what I've been seeing on the Supreme Court confirmation hearings of Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson.  Stay with me on this, I won't get political, but just share what I observed happening in the hearings.  As expected, both sides were polarized and partisan.  Once side appeared very much against her nomination, while the other side seem to embrace it fully. As you may know, Supreme Court Justice appointments are "for life" or as long as the Justice desires, so once made, effectively, this decision cannot be undone.  But let's talk about what is driving both sides to be so divided.  It's clearly what each member believes to be their values in parenthesis (at the time of the hearing).  So while the appointment can't be undone, someone's values can change over time.  Speaking from experience, I'll tell you that 30 years ago, I was very extreme in my political views.  Today, I am much more centered and moderate.  If I were in a position to confirm a supreme court justice based on what I valued 30 years ago, I don’t think I'd vote the same way today.

So, as you go through life and are making dozens is not hundreds of decisions a day, you may not need to consider the question "How will I feel about this later", but pause for the once that are impactful to you and the others around you, and especially for the ones that are difficult or impossible to undo.

In Q4 2021, Facebook's total user base declined for the first time in the company's 17 year history and as a result their stock price dropped by over 20% in a day wiping out $251 Billion in value for the company and $32 Billion in net worth for Mark Zuckerberg.

During an analyst call, Mark did four things that every leader should do when they are off track.

1. He said he was proud of the work the team did in Q4

2. He talked about what Facebook believes impacted the business

3. He shared a plan to get back on track

4. He communicated confidence about that plan and why he was optimistic

When things go wrong, many leaders are tempted to blame the team and citing their shortcomings.  At least on this public analyst call, he didn't do that.  While he didn't take outright responsibility for the loss, his message implied that the failure and accountability lie on the shoulders of the leaders of Facebook and ultimately him.  I'm sure inside Facebook he is emphasizing the urgency and priorities needed from the team to get back on track, but as a leader, never abdicate your responsibility.  Instead, be clear in your priorities and expectations of the team and then be ready to help them to successfully execute on those priorities.

At first blush, it may seem like Mark Zuckerberg was blaming "the competition", specifically naming the unprecedented (and it appears unanticipated) growth of TikTok, as well as transitions toward short-form video causing impression growth in the near-term.  One could argue why this was not anticipated.  The fact is, it wasn't.  And I am sure in your world there are things that arise that you won't anticipate either.  But Zuckerberg is communicating an important element here which sets him up for his next message, that being his plan to recover.  But before coming out and just saying what he will do about the user growth decline, he has to name the root cause.  He has to share what the company believes is the problem to solve.  So sure, the problem was unanticipated, but showing that you understand the root cause lends credibility to your plan.  

Now that he briefly laid out what caused the growth decline at Facebook, Zuckerberg spent most of his time talking about what he plans to do about it to get back on track.  I won't go into details, but he talked about the company's investment and priority on Reels, Community Messaging, Business Messaging, Ads, Privacy, AI, and bringing it all together, the Metaverse.  What's noteworthy about the plan is that it addresses both the short term growth decline as well as how it all ties into the broader strategy which had previously been laid out on the Metaverse.  Showing stakeholders how you address the problem as well as how your actions are tied into your overall strategy goes a long way to instilling confidence in your plan.

Finally, throughout his speech, Zuckerberg mentions his optimism about certain investments such as Reels, and confidence in the short-term trade offs they are making and he closed with saying he was confident these are the right investments to focus on in 2022.  These are two very powerful words when communicating to stakeholders.  When things go wrong, your stakeholders are looking at you to see how you respond.  You can choose to respond to disruption with panic and anxiety, which others will sense, or you can press forward with optimism and confidence in your plan.  Optimism and confidence allows you to look for a way out of a bad situation without being consumed by it.  Communicating optimism conveys that there is something better in the future, and it motivates you and others around you to pursue it. 

Volatility - Characterized by a state (or tendency) of dynamic instability brought about by drastic and rapid shifts.

Uncertainty - Unclear about the present situation and future outcomes of your actions

Complexity - Consisting of many different and connected parts: multiple key decision factors

Ambiguity - Open to more than one interpretation; can be understood in different ways; inexactness

It's that time of year when you think about making a New Year's Resolution.

Most people make resolutions like stop smoking or eat healthier or exercise more.

These are all activities and for many people, they are actual negative experiences.

To make resolutions that you can stick to, make them about positive outcomes like, I want to be able to live long enough to see my grandkids grow up, or I want to be fit enough to take long hikes in the mountains that you love so much.

By making a resolution about a positive outcome vs a specific activity that you dread and have to force yourself to do, two things can happen.  1.  You're not locked into a specific activity and throughout the year you can potentially find other ways to achieve your goal, and 2.  If you do have to do an activity that you hate or dread, then by having a positive outcome as the goal, you focus on that positive experience and not the negative task.

So for example, let's say you are out at dinner with some friends and everyone wants to order dessert, don't focus on the negative and think, I'll deny myself this piece of cake and thereby making that a negative experience.  Instead, I want to lose weight so I can have the stamina to enjoy more outdoor activities with my friends and family so I'll forgo the cake but I can still enjoy the time at dinner with my friends.

Same for exercising.  I personally hate the monotony of exercising.  I had to learn to tell myself that I didn't have to drag myself off the couch a few times a week and do some very monotonous exercise, but rather, remind myself that I'd like to be healthy enough to continue to enjoy traveling well into my retirement.  And secondly, exercising 5 days  a week wasn't the only solution to my goal.  A combination of eating a little healthier and exercising maybe just 2-3 times a week would allow me to accomplish my goal.

So, if you've struggled with sticking to your New Year's resolution, instead of resolving to doing some behavior that you hate, but instead resolve to some positive outcome.  Then think of numerous ways you can achieve that resolution.  And even when you have to do that behavior that you hate, don't think about it as a negative experience, but focus on the positive outcome you are working toward.

Simply translated, Pura Vida means “pure life” or "simple life", but in Costa Rica, it is more than just a saying... It is a way of life. 

Costa Ricans (or Ticos) use this term to say hello, to say goodbye, to say everything's great, to say everything's cool.  Similar to how Jamaicans say Irie or No problem.

Pura Vida is the way Ticos live. Not surprisingly, Costa Rica has been named one of the happiest countries in the world, mostly because its inhabitants don’t stress about things the way many people in the rest of the world do. 

Ticos have a very relaxed, simple way of looking at life. No worries, no fuss, no stress.  To them, Pura Vida means being thankful for what they have and not dwelling on the negative.

Most recently, I was scheduled to be on a call with a friend who is a Tico living in Costa Rica.  Our call was scheduled for 11am.  The day before the call, my wife asked me to go to the airport to pick up her brother, so I emailed my friend and asked her if she could reschedule.  She suggested 1pm that same day and I agreed thinking I would have enough time to get back from the airport.  

On the morning of the call, I checked the flight status and the flight was delayed and was now coming in at 12:30 so given that we rescheduled the call, to 1pm, I would not have enough time to get back.  So I promptly emailed my friend and asked her if she could move the call back to the original time of 11am.  

About 30 minutes later, I checked the flight status and it was updated and the plane apparently was now coming in at 11:30 so rescheduling to 11am would no longer work and requested she just leave the rescheduled time of 1pm.

I told her in my email that was sorry for all the back and forth and all the emails, and in her response she said she understood, and ended her email with "Pura Vida!".

When we finally spoke I thanked her for reminding me to not stress about small things like that and just maintain an attitude of Pura Vida!  

If any of you have driven in any of the urban areas of Costa Rica, you know that traffic is a nightmare.  So one day, several colleagues and I were commuting from the hotel to the office.  On this particular morning, it was the usual bumper to bumper traffic.  As we approached the office after being in the van for about 25 minutes, right when we were about to make the turn on the street just 200 yards from the office a man on a motorcycle starts to have a conversation with another man on foot.  They both stand in the intersection long enough to block all traffic and they just go about their morning talking as all the drivers seem to just wait.  My colleague who was in the front seat of the van starts to get very animated waving her hands as to suggest they move out of the way and she starts to yell that accordingly.  She pleads with them to simply step 5' off the road so we could all pass.  Eventually after a few minutes the two men conclude their conversation and the traffic starts moving.  At this time my colleague is livid and looks at the driver and says, "I don't know how you drive in this traffic all day?"  The driver turned and looked at her and shrugged his shoulders and simply said "Pura Vida"

While many people use the saying ‘pura vida’, until you’ve been to Costa Rica, you will not truly know what pura vida feels like. 

It’s an emotion and an attitude, that embodies joy and happiness, and it’s a way of life.  Once you’ve visited, you will understand the true meaning of pura vida.

But until then, during the Holidays when so many things can get you stressed out, remember the things that really matter in life, and try to embrace the emotion and attitude of a more pure and simple life as embodied in the saying, Pura Vida!

The CEO of better.com laid off 900 employees over a zoom call.  It's a lesson in Emotional Intelligence, but it's not what you might think.

CEO of Better.com, Vishal Garg, summoned employees onto a Zoom call the afternoon of Dec. 1, and announced they were being let go. The layoffs—impacting approximately 9% of the company's staff, about 900 people—would be effective immediately. Then the affected employees’ corporate accounts promptly went dark.

He said "If you're on this call, you are part of the unlucky group that is being laid off.  Your employment here is terminated immediately", adding that he does “not want to do this.”

"This is the second time in my career I'm doing this and I do not want to do this. The last time I did it, I cried," Garg said on the call.

The CEO has been involved in controversy before, as evidenced by an email he sent to his staff that was obtained by Forbes.

It read, "You are TOO DAMN SLOW. You are a bunch of DUMB DOLPHINS... SO STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME," he wrote.

CFO Kevin Ryan said in a statement to CNN Business.  "Having to conduct layoffs is gut wrenching, especially this time of year" 

Let's go over the framework of Emotional Intelligence to see specifically where he went wrong.

1. Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.  With all the I statements, I just can't believe he is focused on how his emotions or feelings impact others.    

2. Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.   From a self-management perspective, in his email, with all caps screaming at his staff, he was out of control. 

3. Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.  The time of year that he timed the layoffs, the fact that other than informing people they were laid off all he talked about was how it impacted him.  No where does he recognize the hardship on them, no where does he thank them for helping to build his company.

4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.  The remaining employees will remember how their colleagues were treated and any future employees will also know. 

It is clear the real audience for this talk was the street.  He was pandering to the investment community.  Okay, I'm not saying you don't need to do that, but compassionately laying off 900 people and then having an Investor Relations or industry analyst call to give the investment community the confidence that you have a sound strategy are two different meetings.  If I were an investor, I'd definitely take queues about how he treats his team.

The Magnolia Group at Morgan Stanley

Don Whitehead - Managing Director (713) 965-5060

The key to having a civilized conversation about politics or religion or any controversial subject is to not go into the conversation with the goal of convincing the other side you are right

Fact is, those people you dread talking to almost always think they are completely right and everyone else who doesn't think like they do are completely wrong.  And you're no different.  So their goal is to convince you.  To win the argument.

The technique most of them use is called aggressive assertion where they aggressively assert their "position".  This is called a positional argument.  Positional arguments rarely succeed because if the other side doesn't believe in their position, all the aggressive assertion of all the facts and beliefs they have won't convince you.  You have to remember that they came to these beliefs from a lifetime of experiences and thoughts based on a strong confirmation bias.

So come back around to how you can have a conversation with this type of person.

Step #1. As I said before, change your goal from "winning the argument" to just having a conversation.  Remember, what you were dreading was spending time with tis person because you know they just want to argue.  You probably wouldn't be at Thanksgiving dinner with them if they are not someone you'd care to get to know better.  So your goal is to have an enjoyable conversation and get to know someone better.

Step #2.  Instead of ramming your views down their throat, start by trying to find common ground.  Most likely, you can find common ground in what you both value.

Step #3.  Once you find out what values you have in common, (I call that the "what" you both care about, then your next question is to ask them why they believe what they believe.  Your goal at this point is to really listen with an intent to understand why they believe what they do vs you jumping in and telling them why they are wrong.

Step #4.  Once you have established that you both have common values, and that you are disagreeing on beliefs, after you have given them the time in step 3 to share their beliefs, and you have listened with the intent to understand and empathize, then your response is a technique called "assertive inquiry".

An example of that response is, "I've heard what you had to say about why you believe the way you do.  I can now see why you feel the way you do. I have a different belief that I think is worth hearing.".

Ask them if they would like to hear it.  They will most likely say yes.  Then you now have a chance to communicate your beliefs.  You may want to remind them that you're not trying to convince them they are wrong, you are simply stating your beliefs.  Now you need to know they will most likely cut you off and jump in and start aggressive assertion again, it's the only way they know how to have these types of conversations.

Politely remind them of the things you have already talked about (a) your common values (b) You listened to their beliefs patiently and understand and empathize with them, and now it's your turn for them to listen and empathize with your beliefs.  At this point it is really hard for someone to deny you the opportunity to talk.

But, if they do, then let them come back to asserting their beliefs, and when they are finished try to repeat step 4 again.  If they still don't give you the opportunity to be heard, then it's probably time to go talk to someone else.  You'll at least have the comfort in knowing that you know a little more about this person's values and beliefs and they know little about yours.  That always puts you in a stronger position in the next conversation.

1. Humility gives a leader the capacity to lead out of a position of strength. ​

When you choose to be humble, you are choosing not to think less of yourself, but to think of yourself less and others more.​

2. Humility makes a leader more persuasive.​

A leader’s most powerful tools is his ability to cast a vision to his followers, and to persuade them to unite to make that vision a reality.  Humility engenders trust, loyalty, buy-in, and enthusiasm far better and more purely than fear, manipulation, or even people-pleasing will ever do.​

3. Humility gives a leader the courage to set aside personal gain for the good of others.​

A humble person sees others as inherently valuable while prideful leaders focused on themselves.​

4. Humility gives a leader the candor to be honest with their followers and change course if necessary.​

A humble person separates himself or herself from their accomplishments. When their accomplishments receive criticism, they don’t take it personally, but constructively. Prideful leaders, on the other hand, lash out due to fear, anger, or self-entitlement.​

5. Humility gives a leader the character to respond charitably when attacked.​

Because a humble leader doesn’t derive his or her identity from their accomplishments, they are able to deal with criticism.  The humble leader simply owns the truth of the criticism—if there is any—and discards the rest.