While I was growing up, my family moved every 3 months or so in the middle of the night. We had no time to tell anyone goodbye. We never returned to any of those places and we never knew where we would end up next.

我小时候，我家每三个月搬一次，而且都是在半夜。我们从来没有时间和任何人道别，从来不回到曾经待过的地方，也从不知道接下来会去哪。

I had been told as a teenager that my stepdad had caught his first wife cheating on him and had killed her & the man. Now that I’m an adult, I think the reason for our hasty departures every few months was because someone was after my step-father, and kept catching up with him. This was long before the internet or any way of nationally tracking people.

我十几岁的时候才知道，我继父将他的第一任妻子捉奸在床，然后杀了这对狗男女。现在我做为一个成年人，才想明白我们每隔几个月的匆忙离开是因为有人在追捕我继父，而且一直都紧追着他。当然了，那时还远没有互联网或者任何形式的全国范围追踪手段。

Another family secret: My great-great grandfather owned a southern plantation and had slaves. In all the family photos, there was a black woman. She was the only slave that was ever photographed with the family.

另一个不可外扬的秘密：我的曾曾祖父拥有一座南方的庄园和奴隶。在所有的家庭合照里，有一个黑人女性，她是所有奴隶中唯一一个进入合照的。

My grandmother was an extremely nervous person who was always greatly concerned with proper behavior and the importance of marrying the “right” people (society people with wealth and influence). My mother was the “black sheep” of the family and my grandmother was beside herself with the negative attention she drew to the family.

我的祖母是个极其神经质的人，总是特别在乎合适的言谈举止、婚姻的门当户对（要嫁娶财富、地位相当的人）。我的母亲就是所谓的家中“害群之马”，而我的祖母就一直特别介意她给家庭带来的负面影响。

When I was in my 40’s, my mother gave me some old family photos, including the family photos of my great-great grandfather’s family and photos of my grandmother as a teenager. That’s when it hit me: My grandmother had “passed” for white and married a white man (he surely must have known because he had seen the photos, but he never said a word that I know of). She was no doubt always worried she would be discovered (which was a MUCH bigger deal in those days). That’s why she was so concerned with decorum and marrying the right people.

我40岁时，母亲给我看了些家里的老照片，包括我的曾曾祖父一家和我祖母小时候的。那时我才意识到：我的祖母“通过测试”并嫁给了一位白人（我祖父肯定知道，因为他见过这些照片，但我从未听他提起过这些事），毋庸置疑的是她一直都在担心自己被发现（在当时可是极其严重的）。这也是她特别在意举止得体和婚姻合宜的原因。
 

My mom had black curly hair, high cheekbones and full lips but light skin. My grandmother’s hair wasn’t so dark but she had tight ringlets and if it weren’t for the fact of her pale skin (she wouldn’t spend time in the sun), any discerning person would suspect she was mixed.

我母亲有着黑色卷发、高颧骨和厚嘴唇，但皮肤是白的。我祖母的头发颜色不深但又密又卷，所以如果不是因为她浅色的皮肤（她从不在把自己暴露在阳光下），任何有洞察力的人都会怀疑她是混血。

For some reason, my family still denies it all, despite the logical conclusions one may draw. My only problem with it is that I’m pretty certain that young woman in my great-great grandfather’s pictures did not enter voluntarily into that affair. That breaks my heart. But I am a good person who has raised fine children and I hope that wherever she is, she is content that her bloodline continues with people who fight for equality and civil rights for all—especially people of color.

出于某些原因，我的家人还是全盘否认这些事情，无论你得出什么逻辑合理的结论。我唯一介意的是，我十分确定那个出现在我曾曾祖父相片内的年轻女孩，绝不是自愿参与那些事的，这让我太难过了。但我是一个养育了很多好孩子的好人，我希望无论她身在何方，都能因自己的血脉延续在了一群为了公平和文明的权利而不懈努力的人——尤其是有色人种身上，而感到欣慰。