Since I first found out I was adopted, around the age of 5 or 6 years, every time the subject is brought up in any possible situation, what follows directly after is some kind of comment that tries to direct my perception of what happened at the beginning of my life to a place of non-importance – trying to normalize it.Needless to say, 99% of people who have done this, are not adopted and grew up with their biological family.

For example: "But your biological origin doesn't matter, what matters is your real family". Or: "Think how lucky you were. Imagine where else you would be now if you wouldn’t have been adopted". "Mom is not the one who gave birth to you, but the one who raised you". Or the classic: "you are looking for excuses to play the victim and not take responsibility for your life", or "you choose to identify yourself as adopted because it is what you know and who would you be without that identity?". Or even, "we all have problems, I also sometimes wondered if I was adopted”.

In recent times, since I started telling people about the search and the documentary that we began filming in 2015, the most frequent comment has been: "Don't let this define your life, try to live instead."All these comments, I believe, were never made to harm me. As I understood after my rape, when people feel powerless in the face of injustice, what they try to do is control the damage caused by the unchanging reality, since there is no way to change society and reality as a whole. Just like the comments after my rape that pointed out directly, or indirectly, that I could have done something to prevent it – or that I could have done something to prevent the trauma it caused – many people have tried to do damage control of a cruel society that they are part of, by putting the blame for my pain on me.To illustrate more clearly, what happens is something like this: Imagine that for a reason that you can't control, you step on a floor that is on fire and burn your feet.So people's reaction would be:"Why did you walk on that floor?" And not "Why was that floor on fire?"As the burn-wounds heal, these people push you to walk again."It's over, it's in the past, how much longer will your rehabilitation last?" And not: "how are those wounds?"While the soles of your feet continue to hurt and it is difficult for you to walk, they’ll comment:“I also once wondered if my feet were burned, we all have problems sometimes”, instead of: “I can't really imagine what that pain is like, but I'm here if you need to talk”.While looking for different ways to disinfect the wounds so that they can heal once and for all, some people proclaim:“I think that you really like to identify yourself as the burned one, you like to play the victim”, instead of: “You can do this! One day at a time, you will heal"And every time you are filled with frustration and you wish you were someone else, and not have to go through all that rehabilitation process:“I think you actually like to be the burned one. Who would you be if you weren't that? You know that there are people that are burned far worse than you, right?" Instead of just giving a hug and encouraging: "You're moving forward, keep going, we love you just the way you are."In the event that the anxiety caused by the pain of the reality that one is trying to avoid makes one look for ways to escape from it all and keep one’s self entertained by, say, working too hard, never staying still, seeking toxic relationships, or eating poorly: “Stop running away! Your problem is that you don't confront your pain! You do not accept your past! You don't let go!"Instead of a simple: "How are you?"And the last and most frequent one: "Don't let this define your life, try to live instead."

There is so much information in that comment that I don't even know where to start. The phrase that comes to mind is: "What John says about Peter, says more about John than about Peter"For example, how and when could I not let this define my life?

Perhaps at the time I was born? Should I have just stood there and said, "No, I don't want to be adopted." Or when society repeatedly pointed out, since I was a little girl, that I was different, should I have responded: "No, I do not allow any of you to define me as different!" Or when my mom repeatedly told me that I had “slum genes”, should I have stopped her right there and said: “First of all, I don't think that the “slum gene” appears in the human genome. Secondly, what’s wrong with being from the slums? And thirdly, in the event that there was such a gene, according to science at this time, it is the habitat that activates different characteristics in people, that is, if my so-called slum gene was activated, it is thanks to you.”

I was illegally adopted as a baby. I did not grow up with my biological family. I don't know what the reason was, but that was my fate. That is a fact. I didn't “let it” define me, because I had no choice. The verb “let” in that sentence implies that I chose it. Babies don't choose. They exist. Adults have more options. The identity I received from a society like the Argentine/German one is one that was given to me. The reason why this identity was given to me has to do with many other very complex factors, which have a lot to do with ignorance, consciousness or lack of it and the times we live in. It's not personal, but it happened to me. That I have spent part of my adult life trying to get rid of that identity, and have tried to find an identity that is broader, more inclusive, and in line with who I really am, is my choice. That is my will. 

That's why I decided to search for my roots; to understand, accept and eventually let go, all in due time. 

That I did learn from my rape. Traumas shape us, until they no longer shape us, until we rebuild ourselves, until we become more than the sum total of the parts that made us. The most important thing is to accompany one’s self at every step, with compassion for the person who bears the pain. In the same way that one would accompany a best friend, by acknowledging courage, frustration, sadness and strength.With this, I don’t want to say that it is not true that sometimes I feel like a victim and I want to curl up on my sofa and never leave my house again. Or that sometimes the pain and pity for myself do not allow me to see the great things in my life, the love, abundance, beauty and creativity. No, that happens to me too.But when people tell me to try to live my life instead, I wonder if they think I'm a millionaire and don't have to go to work and do whatever it takes to live my life like any other grown up person.No, nobody pays my bills so I better take care of myself and stay healthy.Luckily, and probably thanks to the 12-step program, I found a way to still get out of bed every day. If that would change, I would look into other options, such as medication.

In the case that "trying to live" actually refers to "trying to enjoy life", well that's a bit more difficult. But believe me, it's not for lack of willpower. Sometimes the wounds just won’t leave me alone. Besides, enjoying life and feeling grateful for what one has, isn't that a challenge for everyone?Oh, and why don’t I heal faster?I don't know. I think somewhere in all of this there is a plan. The other day, I was thinking, without really deserving such a comparison but just to use it as a very clear example, that hadn’t it been for the pain that Martin Luther King felt, what would have happened to the social change that his civil rights movement led?

Perhaps it is necessary for us to be exactly who we are, and to walk the path that we are going through in exactly the way we are doing, because in our healing, in each story and each path, there is everyone’s healing.I don't know.I only know that I will not stop being sad because someone tells me to do so. The only thing that would happen then, is that I would stop opening up, talking, sharing. I would instead get depressed, convinced that I deserve my loneliness. Convinced that I deserve my abandonment. And that it's all my fault.And then I would curl up on my sofa and want to disappear.

To stop living my life is not an option. I will always do what I can, with the strength and tools I have, like everyone else.Now, on behalf of all of us who are on a heavy path such as the search for our biological identity, I ask you dear people for understanding, hugs and patience.Don't worry about the rest, we've been rootless and defined by it since the beginning of our time, and we're pretty used to it by now.I can assure you, we will live despite it.