The ladder to happiness, P.E.R.M.A., has M. for meaning. I'm NYC, we identify with our jobs. Don't let it feel like useless drudgery. You are contributing to the quality of life improvements of the poorest of the poor.

Seligman's P.E.R.M.A. model argue that feeling that you are living a life well lived/ happiness, is the result of building these 5 rungs. P. Is for positive emotions.

https://www.sefaria.org/Sotah.22a.13?with=all&lang=bi https://www.sefaria.org/Avodah_Zarah.19b.4?with=all&lang=bi https://www.sefaria.org/Exodus.4.10?with=all&lang=bi&aliyot=0 https://www.sefaria.org/Jonah.1?lang=bi

The first of the 5 components of the PERMA model for happiness is P, for Positive emotions. To achieve that, wonder if everyone is pausing you behind your back, right now! Can you be sure they aren't?

What is the point?

Yes. An atheist can FULLY participate in every part of our tradition, prayers included. The story about hypocrisy is just that, a worry. Focus on finding meaning in the commandments one at a time b you CAN become one of the many greats who have become Orthodox lay leaders even as they were quitely atheist, just because they found it so meaningful.

If you lost your faith, you need not lose your religion.

Feeling the loss while in Mir Yerushalayim's beautiful building

The previous episode goes into Talmudic style rigourous logic to justify my claim: this is the 2 minutes summary. A) You care enough that you actually feel bad. B) In a field where there aren't clear standards, no standardized scores or lap times, "good" means what most people are like, including their bad days and mistakes. C) Your thinking that you did bad, suggests that you are someone who in this area that you 'made a fool of yourself', in that area, you pay attention to what separates a good performance and a mediocre one. In summary: You giving it your best (A), in a field that you studied (C), makes it hard to justify believing that you are worse than the normal performer on a bad day. Since good performance is defined solely on what people are used to (B), given (A) & (C), people must be thinking that you were either good, or a good performer with a glitch.

Listen carefully, dear freind: Feeling cringeworthy about your performance, in any subjective domain, is proof that you are good at that. I will spend as long as you need, to help you understand this radically innovative idea.