Chasing Dreams with Aimee J.

You can’t just be hustling all the time, you also need to take time to rest. We’ve been glorifying the hustle culture for far too long that taking a break seems unacceptable.

In this episode, Aimee tackles a topic that we don’t normally discuss - taking a break. For the longest time, we’ve been taught that hustling is the only way to achieve our dreams. We didn’t realize that too much hustle leads to burnout and not becoming the best version of ourselves.

There should be no shame in taking a break, it’s also a form of self-care. You spark more creative juices if you realize that your true power lies in having a rest. 

THE IMPORTANCE OF REST

The hustle culture has been around for years but now we see a positive shift. People are more accepting of the thought that rest is needed if we want to function better.

As Aimee mentioned, we’re slowly learning that “hustling isn’t always the answer.” This comes from a personal experience as Aimee also learned the value of having rest. 

Rest helps bring your energy level back up. If you’re consistently working without taking a break, it can be detrimental to your health. You might experience fatigue and burnout and this leads to not feeling motivated to go to work or do something you’ve always been passionate about.

You need to understand that your energy depletes if you’re too obsessed with work, and you need to restore this energy. Taking breaks helps you become more productive and stronger in the long run.

TWEET

"Hustling isn't always the answer." #chasingdream

QUOTE

"Rest helps bring your energy level back to come back stronger."

WHAT WE NEED TO TEACH THE NEXT GENERATION ABOUT REST

We’ve been taught working long hours indicates the highest quality of work but we come to realize that this is not effective. It blocks productivity and drains creativity. 

We need to teach the next generation that rest is a significant part of work, regardless of the industry you’re in. Pulling all-nighters is not going to help all the time. It only teaches you to ineffectively manage your time. 

The power is in the rest. If you’re someone who takes pride in not having a vacation, you better evaluate what you’re doing in life. Take a step back and figure out why you’re not having a well-deserved break. 

Even schools are now acknowledging the importance of taking breaks for the mental health of students. We talked about this in Episode 261. 

It’s the same thing for adults at work. They are at risk of experiencing burnout if they don’t allow themselves to take a break.

TWEET

"The power is in the rest." #chasingdreams

"You might...

We’re halfway through the year, it seems that days went by so fast. Some of us feel like not having enough time to process everything we’re going through. Some days we feel okay, others not so much. But you have to remember, it’s okay to not be okay. 

In this episode, we have another inspiring discussion about it’s okay to not be okay. Aimee shares that for the past couple of months, she’s not feeling good. A lot of things happened, she lost some loved ones and this puts her in a space where she felt not okay.

During these days, Aimee didn’t feel like herself. She didn’t feel motivated, excited, or happy to do the things that normally give her joy. These may be the result of creative burnout and unfortunate life events.

Aimee shares her story and journey towards acceptance that there will be days that we don’t feel okay, and we’re allowed to experience and learn from this.

WE DON’T TALK ABOUT NOT BEING OKAY

Have you noticed that we don’t talk about not being okay? It seems like a prohibited topic in our society. According to an article published by Psychology Today, there are various reasons why people are not encouraged to talk about what they need to express.

No one wants to talk about the hardships in life. We fear that this may only cause stress to the listener and additional anxiety to ourselves. But we have to accept that some days are not roses and butterflies.

We also have days when it’s enough to survive and make it until the end of the day. The good thing is that millennials and Generation Xs are setting a good example that it’s okay to talk about our bad days.

This act inspires the younger generation to acknowledge and accept not feeling okay. They see this as the norm and might continue doing it for future generations. 

TWEET

"Some days, it's not roses. Some days it's just molasses." #chasingdreams

IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY

It’s normal to not feel okay, to realize that not everything goes according to our plans. We all go through this phase and some may experience not being okay for the most part of the year.

Some people may think that they are not allowed to not feel okay because other humans depend on them. The classic example of this is being a parent. Parents think that it’s against the law to feel worried, out of place, confused, and so much more. because their kids look up to them.

This brings up too much pressure to feel okay despite having a raging fire inside that signals they don’t feel good. When parents do this, they build a notion that it’s undesirable to not have everything handled. And children may carry this belief until adulthood. They may think that not being okay means there is something wrong with me. 

What we stand for today impacts the future. Our goal is to bring more awareness to mental suffering so that the kids of tomorrow

For some, getting into the entertainment industry is like having that impossible dream that’s never going to happen. And the perpetual question everybody’s asking - how to make it in Hollywood?

In this episode, Tim Tortora tells how he conquered Hollywood and made a living out of it. He shares some of the biggest lessons that only the industry can impart and why building a connection is the number one factor for success in this arena.

WHAT DID YOUNG TIM WANT TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP?

With both parents having their own businesses, it’s somewhat expected for Tim to follow their path. But it was during a drive around studios that young Tim realized what he wanted to do in life. 

Although the subtle implication was he was going to take over the family’s business as he grows older, Tim vividly remembers telling his dad, “I don’t want to do what you do, I want to work in Hollywood.”

As an undergraduate, he had a job in a recording studio as a tape operator. He eventually had a degree in advertising, and he just never stopped pursuing his passion. Tim was always adamant about creating his own path and always wanted to do the things he was interested in.

He thought that being a musician was for him and as he got close to realizing this dream, Tim saw that there were a lot of guys better than him. In his words, “they were more passionate than me, they played with soul.” He added, “I could play well, but I couldn’t play with soul flawlessly.”

Tim added that the guys who were good at playing music practiced for 6 hours a day. This was just not possible for him as he said, “there are a million other things I’d rather do in 6 hours than sit there and practice drums.”

He had the presence of mind to realize that he had a lot of interests, and he needed to pursue them. 

TWEETS

"I'm not interested in your path, I want to go find my own." #chasingdreams

"I had the presence of mind at a young age to realize that I had a lot of interests and I needed to pursue them." #chasingdreams

QUOTES

"I wanted to pursue what I thought was interesting and what I dreamed of doing which was being a musician." 

"I just had the presence of mind knowing that I'm not going to be happy following my dad's or my mom's path.”

"I could play well, but I couldn't play with soul flawlessly.

THE VALUE OF HAVING PRESENCE OF MIND

Since he spent most of his college career working in a recording studio, Tim saw firsthand band members who were broke, driving cars in bad conditions thus he was no stranger to the struggle.

He thought to himself, “I don’t want to be that guy, I don’t want to be struggling for art.”

His interesting journey of applying for work started when he sent out a cover letter with two typographical errors on it. Although he was not accepted because of this mistake, he corrected them and sent out another cover...

The time used to invest in yourself reflects on the quality of relationships you engage in. 

In this episode, Carolyn Yates shares her expertise and advice for people struggling with their mental health. Our mental health condition is often affected by a lot of factors; the people around us, social media, and personal pressures but the best way to deal with this is to prioritize self-care.

WHAT DID YOUNG CAROLYN WANT TO BE WHEN SHE GREW UP?

Carolyn wasn’t sure what she wanted to be when she grew up. But as a young kid, she’s always been fascinated with how people think and behave. She explored a few different routes, but eventually, she became a psychology major in college. 

Through this, her interest in the human personality further developed. Then she finished her grad school and became a therapist.

Although her journey started out with not being sure about what to be when she becomes older, there was a specific interest she kept in her heart that lead her to who she is today.

Carolyn’s advice for people who are afraid of making a pivot in their lives, “be open-minded to different ideas.” When she graduated in 2008, she entered the workforce but unfortunately, the economy collapsed.

Our situations may seem like adversity initially, but they can become a blessing in the end. Because of the economic crisis, she decided to go back to school and explored new ways of life.

TWEETS

“Be open-minded to different ideas.” #chasingdreams

QUOTES

"Things that feel like adversity in your path may ultimately be blessings in the long term."

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Most of us are raised to believe that we always have to put the needs of others first. This notion is deeply embedded in our culture that we think that by putting ourselves first, we are committing a crime. 

This thinking made some of us resentful toward life. There’s lingering guilt of not being able to do what we’ve always wanted to because we put others first. When Carolyn was asked if it’s possible for us to take care of ourselves first, she answered, “it’s about giving yourself the permission to take care of yourself.” 

She adds, “to have a bit of time for yourself means you can show up in better ways.” There may be a lot of guilt involved in doing this, but this is actually not a bad thing. 

Some people may label this as being selfish but Carolyn reframes this. She makes people understand that spending time on yourself is always a worthy investment. 

When you prioritize yourself, you also get to evaluate how you are towards others and how you treat yourself. It allows you to be more patient and present. 

TWEETS

"Take time for yourself." #chasingdreams 

QUOTES

Mental health is not something we openly talk about and yet it greatly impacts how we live our lives. A lot of us perceive mental health as an essential topic we should be talking about. However, we all know that it’s difficult to take action when we suffer from mental health issues.

In this episode, in celebration of Mental Health Awareness month, Aimee tackles a topic close to her heart and something she supports fully - mental health. Through this episode, Aimee shares how she handles mental stress and recommendations for people undergoing the same experience.

It’s not easy to discuss mental health struggles, but Aimee believes that how we handle it in the present times influences the next generation. When we normalize these conversations, we also create safe spaces where people can freely talk and look for help regarding their conditions. 

THE NEED TO TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH

We may not recognize it, but there is a rising need to talk about mental health. As Aimee stated, “we millennials should understand what we’re doing and how we treat mental health is impacting the generation next.”

This is the right time for us to take a stand and find the help that we need. However, with this thought, it’s also important to recognize that finding help is a challenge in itself. Aimee adds, “what we need to do most importantly is acknowledge that we need help for mental health.”

TWEET

"What we're doing and how we treat mental health is impacting the generation next." #chasingdreams

"What we need to do most importantly is acknowledge that we need help for mental health." #chasingdreams

QUOTE

"Finding help is also a challenge and one that is also being worked on."

THE IMPORTANCE OF TALKING TO A THERAPIST

Aimee is a big advocate of talking to therapists, in fact, Aimee shares that she has a wonderful therapist. “She understands what I’m going through.” Her advice for people with mental health struggles is, “find the right therapist for you.”

Being able to find someone who understands what you’re going through is very helpful because you can easily relay your message. Once you find the right therapist, stick with it.

This is not to say that you should see the therapist every week, figure out the number of sessions that you need. 

Although going to a therapist has always been labeled as taboo, we should be breaking this stigma so more and more people are encouraged to find the help they need.

Aimee says, “a therapist is a third party who doesn't necessarily have a vested interest in the decisions you make.” The best thing about having a therapist is that they root for you, they want what’s best for you, but they allow you to make the choices.

Therapists see you and what you’re going through from a different perspective. They give valuable and reasonable advice that you can do to make changes in your life. 

TWEET

We tend to think that life is hard, and it is but what we fail to realize is that we’re capable of improving our lives, we have the power to pivot and deal with hard things.

In this episode, Aimee explores something that she’s always been afraid to do - speak to her listeners directly. She shares her thoughts and insights about various topics and this episode, it’s about the hard things in life and why we should be empowered to handle them.

Life is not always going to be a smooth ride, there will be bumps ahead but when you choose to look at it positively, you’re bound to enjoy and appreciate it more.

THE DANGERS OF COMPARISONITIS

We’ve all heard the term midlife crisis, society expects us to undergo a dilemma as we enter a certain age. But for Aimee, it’s better to call it “comparisonitis.” We live through the dangers of constantly comparing our lives with others, but this can be cured with time and good practice. 

Comparisonitis normally happens when we don’t feel secure with our lives or when we’re not happy with what’s going on. It’s easy to succumb to this phenomenon if we consistently engage in social media and compare other's “perfect” life with ours.

What makes this worse is being surrounded by people who are judging you of where you are in life, this pressure leads us to believe that we are failing but in reality, everyone goes through hard things, but it’s not always broadcasted on social media. We have to take realize that we can do something about it. 

WHY OUR LIVES ARE BEYOND SOCIAL MEDIA

We have to realize that we can do something about comparisonitis. This begins with the acknowledgment that what we see on social media has been perfectly curated, it’s not always a 100% accurate depiction of other’s real life.

All we see is the end result, we don’t see the struggles and work they put in to get to where they are. You also have to kick the notion that you are failing just because your life is different from others. 

You have to accept that life is full of hard things, you may think that you’re a failure because you don’t have it easy, but that’s just how life is. Moreover, you are here because you can do hard things. 

You need to have your own success scale, so you’re not measuring success through the scale of others. What other people think of as success may not be what you deem as success. Figure out what you want and what you need in life to categorize your success scale.

Life is hard, but you’re here, don’t waste your time comparing your life to others. Think about what makes you feel successful and do it.

TWEET

"You have to kick the notion that you are failing at life." #chasingdreams

"You can do hard things." #chasingdreams 

Tap into yourself, figure out who you really are, and embrace that. 

In this episode, Sylvia and Drew Nixon, share the value of knowing who you really are and walking in your purpose. Life can get too noisy that we often miss the very thing that we would like to do, but we are given the opportunity to recognize our strength and learn the process of chasing our dreams. 

WHAT YOUNG DREW AND SYLVIA WANTED TO BE

It’s always an interesting question when someone asks us what our dreams are when we were younger. Some of us may have varying dreams like Drew or one specific dream that will stay all throughout like Sylvia.

Young Sylvia always knew she wanted to be an actress or a talk show host. She was even considered to be most likely to have a talk show like Oprah in her senior yearbook. Life eventually took a different turn for Sylvia but deep in her heart, she still has that dream. 

While for Drew, he was (on his own terms) “all over the place but not indecisive” when it comes to his dreams. He’s done a lot of different things thus his background is so colorful.

Although he’s always believed that he can do anything, Sylvia has taught him how to hone a specific skill and know who he really is. It helped build his knowledge and his character. 

Now, Drew tells their daughter Chloe that he appreciates every single thing he ventured out when he was younger because it gave him the back-end knowledge and strategies in situations that demanded it.

DREW & SYLVIA’S JOURNEY TO WHERE THEY ARE NOW

When Sylvia was 19 years old she moved to New Jersey in the hopes that her dream of becoming an actress or a talk show host will come to pass. She’s always had the confidence that when she shows up, everything will change. 

There wasn’t a single negative thought in Sylvia’s mind during that time. She didn’t think that it was a very competitive world where it was difficult to get in. Sylvia knew that her dream was very natural for her and she just showed up. All she was thinking was that somebody was going to sign her up for projects.

But as Sylvia mentioned, “it didn’t happen that way.” She came from a small town went to a big city with big dreams and big goals. It sure was a chasing dream moment, but Sylvia added, “it was a chasing dream moment without structure and planning.”

This grandiose event in her life served as an eye-opener. Sylvia realized that she didn’t have to give up on her dreams, she just needed to go in a different direction.

She started learning the ropes of the corporate sector and came back to Florida. Although not everything happened according to how she wanted it to be, it brought her acceptance that “without that dream coming to pass, it doesn’t mean that it’s not going to happen.”

While Drew looks at life from a faith-based standpoint. For him, every encounter he had with life happened for a reason. He uses the turbulence analogy whenever we go through a crisis.

Drew states that “turbulence is a constant reminder that there’s a movement happening and that there’s a destination you’re going to get...

We always believe that we have time to do things. We focus too much on the future that we forget to enjoy the present. 

In this episode, Aimee shares a personal experience with loss, grief, and the learnings she got from losing two people close to her heart. It is during the dark moments in our lives we realize that life shouldn't be taken for granted, and we need to make the most of it.

THE PERSONAL EFFECTS OF WORLD-CHANGING EVENTS

A few months ago, a friend of Aimee's passed away suddenly. This event threw her off, not even sure how, when, or what is happening. Then, another family member has passed around two and a half weeks ago. 

These personal and out-of-the-body experiences have brought her to a point of reflection. It felt weird because as she was getting updates from a family member fighting for her life in the hospital, everybody else was going about their normal, daily routines.

With these situations, Aimee had a taste of reality that our lives can end instantly, and yet we still manage to take a lot of things for granted. She didn’t see these events coming, and her life has made a 180 degrees turn. 

But the thing is, we humans don’t dwell on the idea of death so when it happens, we and our family members are taken aback. This devastating event can be disastrous to our families, but we need to start thinking about how to make the most of our lives and not take things for granted. 

TAKING FOR GRANTED THAT THERE IS A NEXT TIME

During the eulogy for their beloved family member, Aimee’s sister mentioned a compelling statement, “We mistakenly thought we had all the time in the world. We took for granted that there would be a next time.”

Hearing this at a time when you just lost someone dear to you hits hard. We always think that we’ll always have time for the things that we’re putting off. You may know someone so dedicated to working and yet has no plans of enjoying the fruits of his labor until retirement.

Instead of looking for a job that satisfies our soul, we stick to one that’s just okay because we believe that we have time for that in the future. Our mindset is always at having time to do the things we want in the future and not at this moment, at the present. 

As cliché as it may sound, we really don’t know what tomorrow will bring that’s why we need to enjoy our lives now. We’ll never know if we’re going to be as healthy as we are now than tomorrow. 

Don’t wait until you're old and regretful to try new things, to take the vacation you’ve been wanting, or to live the kind of life you’ve always wanted to live.

TWEET

“We don't know what tomorrow will bring.” #chasingdreams

"If there's a trip you want to take, do it now when you can enjoy it." #chasingdreams

QUOTE

“We mistakenly thought we had all the time in the world. We took for granted that there would be a next time.”

“We think that there will be a time for the...

Chasing our dreams will demand persistence to learn and explore various options and oftentimes, it will call for multi-passion experiences. 

My good friend Daree Allen Nieves is back on Chasing Dreams. She was on episode 77 and now she’s here to tell us about her multi-passions. Daree has been doing a wide variety of things in her life and she encourages people to do the same. She shares how it helped her relationships, perspectives, and life in general.

ONE THING THAT CHANGED IN DAREE’S LIFE & SHE’S HAPPY ABOUT

Looking back on the five years since Daree has graced the Chasing Dreams podcast, she’s asked about one thing that has changed in her life that she has no complaints about.

In a heartbeat, Daree answered, “I am allowing myself to do things or not do them and be okay with it.” She used to have a perfectionist mindset where everything she does should be excellent. Although this is perfectly okay, Daree realized that she’s become so rigid and there’s no more room for flexibility and enjoyment. 

One of Daree’s life examples is her podcasting journey. There was just too much pressure of releasing an episode. She needed to be committed to the hustle and prove to everybody else that she is indeed working hard. 

Until she came to a point in her life where she became at peace in not being too hard on herself, that she’s not going to beat herself up for not going through all the hassle to finish something.

However, Daree’s actions are not an indication that she’s lost accountability. What she expresses is giving herself the freedom to loosen the chains of perfectionism and you don’t have to bombard yourself with information and sensory overload.

Daree added, “just because you can do something, doesn’t mean that you necessarily should.” You don’t have to keep up with everybody else. This means that you need to evaluate what you need to prioritize and focus on it.

QUOTES

“Just because you can do something doesn’t mean that you necessarily should. You don't have to do all the things.”

THE OUTCOMES OF THE HUSTLE CULTURE

Glorifying the hustle culture has affected people’s mental health. We become so pressured about doing all things at once and doing them perfectly. People call themselves failures if they’re not able to follow the same exact path that others used to reach success. 

With the hustle culture, people wear themselves out to make sure they get everything accomplished. Others may say that an individual is not hustling because of having a day job.

As Aimee stated, “my day job allows me to take care of my family, have insurance, and have these passions.” For someone who does a lot of things in her life, Daree declares that certain people in life will make you feel that “you’re not a legit entrepreneur unless you do it full-time.”

She recognizes all the struggles and challenges that full-time entrepreneurs go through to ensure their business is successful. But for her, it’s important to go outside the business and learn new skills. She does this by broadening her horizons and committing to knowledge that...

Can you believe that in this day and age of technological advancements and intense social awareness, there are still norms and stereotypes that don’t serve us well?

In this episode, Aimee shares with us why she didn’t come back straight away. She did a lot of experimenting and along came her realizations about life. She was a victim of societal norms and stereotypes and through this episode, she hopes to create a difference and call for a challenge so that other people will not experience the same.

BEING A VICTIM OF SOCIETAL NORMS & STEREOTYPES

Aimee mentioned that she was a victim of societal norms and stereotypes, and she added that “a lot of us are, and we don’t realize it until later on in life.” We may realize that we’ve always wanted to do something but are afraid that we’ll disappoint other people or our parents.

There are also instances where we don’t want to do something but out of pressure, we engage in it. We are led to believe that we want something but if we look within, we want to do something else. 

We have what we call unconscious push or nudging that we get from people surrounding us. These people can be our parents or family members who don’t have bad intentions. They suggest paths that we should take out of their love and care.

This unconscious nudging is a product of societal norms and stereotypes. Out of their good intentions, they think that a particular career or life path will make us happy. But the thing is, do they really know what will make us happy? Do we even know what will make us happy?

THE STORY OF OORBEE ROY

Oorbee Roy is a 47-year-old skateboarder who started skateboarding in her 40s. She’s an Indian mom of two living in Toronto, Canada. Oorbee is a social media sensation known as Aunty Skates.

The reason why she started skateboarding in her 40s was that it wasn’t seen as an acceptable thing to do for an Indian girl or woman. By the time Oorbee turned 40, she developed the courage to brush aside what other people will think. 

She’s now creating a movement that shows people what happens when we start defying stereotypes. Oorbee is on various social media platforms encouraging people to follow their dreams. 

What Oorbee is doing is inspiring people that there’s no need to wait for the perfect time to pursue your passion. She wants us to save time and focus on the things that will make us happy and will give us a sense of purpose. 

TWEET

“We are where we are, it is what is, now, what do we do?”#chasingdreams

“The if's will twist you up and prevent you from moving forward.”#chasingdreams

QUOTE

“The thing about societal norms and stereotypes is it's everywhere and in almost everything.”

THE GLOBAL PRESSURE OF HAVING IT ALL TOGETHER BY 30

The world, media, and the pressure from people make us think that we should our lives together when we reach 30. It’s like saying that we have to follow a rigid...