Hey there, come on over and join me for a chat about collars. No, no, not the one your pet wears unless your pet is an amazingperson who just happens to be submissive. For some collars are simple yet deeply meaningful, while others build a detailed process, but as with everything in D/S, there is no right or wrong answer. Heck, a collar in BDSM might symbolize something entirely different than a dynamic. This episode is one you do not want to miss, even if it is for the answer to one question: How can a collar tell someone they have a 'cheap' dominant?

“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want,” exclaimed the Spice Girls back in ’96, and sadly, almost thirty years later, many of still us suddenly get shy when it comes to telling someone what we really, really want, especially when it comes to BDSM, D/S, and kink. Perhaps it is because we think those things we really, really want are so unique that others would not want them. We fill our minds with worry, wondering if we shared it, the answer would be “no”. Plus the fear that this no would also lead to possibly having the person we shared it with no longer see us as desirable. The truth is fetishes, sexual fantasies, and all things kinktastic that we might hesitate to share are shared by thousands who never speak about them. Discover just how common our naughty sides are, and next time you look around at your co-workers, you will be wondering which ones are into this too!

How did you discover BDSM?
My story began with an ancient Roman historian, hunger pangs, a taco craving, and a healthy dose of naivety. Then came the moment I ran into a professor at what seemed like the wrong place (a porn store) at the wrong time. As if there is ever a good time to see a professor in a porn shop, color me mortified.
Discover how Tacitus, tacos, and fate brought me to the BDSM community in ways I never saw coming. Tune in to hear how it all connects in this BDSM podcast episode and prepare to be surprised by the most unlikely path into D/S.

Just a quick update following one of the most amazing birthday weekends.

In the world of D/S there is much written and said about redflags in dominants but what happens when supposed red flags are actually green flags? Or a submissive mistakenly blames a dominant for upholding their boundaries, labels them as a fake because they are not a sadist, or heaven forbidden they are a caring soul?

This episode looks at what some have called red flags but are actually positive, green flags, breaking myths and stereotypes helping you avoid the scourge of false warnings to see positive omens hidden in the myths.

How does a flaming car connect to BDSM vetting, D/S, and kink? What happens when you focus so much on being open to being vetted that you do not do your homework on someone? In this episode, I reveal the mistakes I made and the heavy cost of replacing due diligence with blind trust. This story stands as one of my most valuable BDSM lifestyle and relationship lessons. Listen to uncover the warning signs I overlooked that led to automobile flambé.

People often say “trust me,” but in BDSM and kink, trust goes far beyond words. In this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper, uncover why saying “trust me” does not make someone trustworthy. This is why it is essential to invest time in proper vetting, whether someone is a potential play partner or a long-term life partner. In this episode, you will hear about red flags to avoid, green flags that show promise, practical tips to improve vetting, and common processes that seem helpful but can actually be risky.

A man once believed that lemon juice could make him invisible to security cameras. He had read that lemon juice worked as invisible ink, and he assumed the same principle applied to his face. He robbed a bank and was shocked when he was arrested. This episode uses that story to examine the kinds of false assumptions and overconfidence that can show up in BDSM.

The episode is about self-awareness, poor logic, and the very real consequences of not understanding what you are doing. It breaks down how ego, lack of communication, and assumptions can lead to serious mistakes in kink. It offers direct insight for anyone who wants to improve their practice, avoid common pitfalls, and take BDSM seriously.

This episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper is personal.

A recent family emergency brought forward a challenge to my identity as a dominant. According to some, my actions mean I am not a "true" dominant. In this episode, I explain what happened, explore why rigid definitions can be more harmful than helpful, and discuss how there are moments in every D/S relationship when the focus must shift to partnership rather than roles. This is a reflective and provocative conversation about leadership, care, and the reality of living this lifestyle.

What really happens when a dominant says they are punishing their submissive?

This episode takes a provocative look at the outdated idea of punishment in D/S relationships and why it may be time to leave it behind. From the misunderstood kink of being “punished” to the concept of “funishment,” and then beyond into more constructive alternatives, the conversation challenges long-held assumptions and asks whether punishment has any place at all in a healthy dynamic. If you are tired of hearing that D/S must include punishment, this episode offers a bold rethink.