Chelsea's Vocation

Fed up with exclusion from relevant conversations, disability rights activists popularized a slogan in the 1990s: “Nothing about us without us.” Was this group marginalized because non-disabled people inherently believe people who are disabled need “fixing”? While challenges brought about by autism are worthy of supports, the concept of ableism lurks in corners of parenting, education, and employment.

Guest Sxdni Small brings their lived experience as a neurodivergent person to this discussion. Born on the traditional and current land of many Native Peoples, including the Ojibwe, Ho-Chunk, Menominee, Oneida and Potawatomi Nations, Sxdni was raised in a Milwaukee, Wis., household graced by kitchen table lilac blooms. Reading and community organizing were household staples in a home filled with love for words and learning. Sxdni is a dog training geek and honeybush tea fan, as well as a member of the Wisconsin Writer’s Association. They treasure their spouse’s poetry and the growing pile of books atop their own kitchen table.

Previous episodes that provide more context: Episode 1 (Intro), 2 (Justus), 3 (Noey), 4 (Chelsea), 20 (Masking)

Topics, terms, and resources, in order of their appearance, that might evoke some curiosity:

• Leah Smith on ableism
• Nicole Ciarlone’s “4 ways ableism still affects people with disabilities”
• Stella Young on inspiration porn
• medical vs. social model of disability
• The DSM-5 (The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th ed., 2013) diagnostic criteria for autism
• Dr. Stephen Shore: "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."
• “cis, het” = cisgender, heterosexual
• spiky profile
• identity-first language 
• neurospicy
• R-word
• empathy and autism
• dyspraxia and autism
• Auditory Processing Disorder
• Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)
• stress levels of mothers of autistic children

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

Creating supportive environments for autistic children involves understanding their unique needs and making intentional adjustments in various settings.

In this episode (the longest to date), Chelsea offers suggestions for setting autistic children up for success across three environments: home, school, and short-stay community outings. Remember, every small change can make a significant impact on our kids’ ability to engage and flourish in a world created without their nervous systems in mind.

These previous episodes might provide more context for this topic:

• Episode 1: Introducing Chelsea's Vocation, the podcast, and Chelsea's family
• Episode 2: Introducing Justus
• Episode 4: Chelsea's Evolution

Here are more topics, terms, and resources, in order of their appearance in the podcast, that might evoke some curiosity:

• pre-verbal: a period of time in a child’s life when they don’t use spoken language (yet). Refer to Episode 17: Language Development & Autism. 
• central nervous system and clothing: See this article from Golden Care Therapy.
• tactile defensiveness: sensory sensitivities connected to touch are heightened, so what might be perceived as a mild annoyance to most nervous systems is perceived instead as painful, which may elicit a fight, flight, or freeze defense.
• neurospicy
• co-/self-regulation: See this blog from Autism Awareness Centre.
• sensory input: See this article from the National Autistic Society.
• Autism and ARFID
• Refer to Katrina’s input on telling your child about their neurology in Episode 24: Bonus Content.
• stim toys, fidgets (not an endorsement or paid advertisement)
• functional behavior analysis/assessment (FBA): A systematic approach to identifying specific behaviors, understanding what that behavior is communicating, and either pre-boarding mitigating measures to prevent an undesired behavior, or establishing a set of action steps to manage harmful behavior once it starts.
• Just Give Him the Whale!: 20 Ways to Use Fascinations, Areas of Expertise, and Strengths to Support Students with Autism, by Paula Kluth & Patrick Schwarz 
• meltdown: not a tantrum, but the physiological response to a state of overwhelm

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

If all behavior is communication for an autistic person, could some of that behavior actually be a response to trauma? Chelsea welcomes guest Becky Aten, who identifies as neurodivergent and neuroqueer, is late-diagnosed ADHD and autistic, and also lives with diagnoses of Complex PTSD, anxiety, and depression. They walk listeners through what trauma is (and isn’t), how we as parents and caregivers might be contributing to trauma, and what we can do to support our autistic loved ones going forward.

Becky wears many hats in their work as a human resources professional, neurodivergent yoga facilitator, community-builder, and neurodiversity advocate. With over two decades of experience working for mental health recovery programs serving the neurodivergent community, Becky is passionate about cultivating welcoming, mindful, trauma-aware, and affirming spaces for community care that honor each individual’s experiences and intersecting identities. In their free time, Becky also enjoys hiking in the forest, petting moss, reading science and sci-fi books, and tabletop gaming. 

Check out the chapter markers / video version to appreciate some of Becky and Chelsea’s moss photo swaps!

The following terms and resources, in order of their mention in the podcast, might evoke some curiosity:

• Wellpoint Care Network 
• Nityda Gessel, The Trauma-Conscious Yoga Institute 
• Haruvi-Lamdan, Nirit et al. “Autism Spectrum Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: An unexplored co-occurrence of conditions.” Autism: the international journal of research and practice vol. 24,4 (2020): 884-898. doi:10.1177/1362361320912143
• Rumball, Freya et al. “Experience of Trauma and PTSD Symptoms in Autistic Adults: Risk of PTSD Development Following DSM-5 and Non-DSM-5 Traumatic Life Events.” Autism Research: official journal of the International Society for Autism Research vol. 13,12 (2020): 2122-2132. doi:10.1002/aur.2306
• co-/self-regulation: See this blog from Autism Awareness Centre.
• Related episode, Masking & Autism  
• Individualized Education Plan (IEP)
• meltdown: not a tantrum, but the physiological response to a state of overwhelm

Check out these other content creators: Kelly Mahler, NeuroWild 

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

Even if you listened to all 23 episodes of this inaugural season of the Chelsea’s Vocation podcast, this will be all new to you! 

• Chelsea realized her humility makes room for God’s power. She refers to these Bible verses, found in 2 Corinthians 12:5-10 (ESV)

"On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses — though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

• Dani Jo shares advice for moms of newly-diagnosed children. 
• Katrina explains how it might be difficult for autistic students in middle school to make friends.
• Chelsea and Katrina implore parents to share what they know about their child’s brain wiring with them.
• Katrina reminds parents of neurospicy children to give themselves grace.
• Emily and Chelsea admit that their 5-year plans changed during college, and it’s okay for autistic students to change their plans, too.
• Emily reframes the role of parents of autistic learners as their adolescents become college students.

The bonus content in this episode are from the recordings of these previously published episodes, so here are those links:

• Episode 6: Faith & Autism 
• Episode 9: Momming Autistic Humans 
• Episode 13: Puberty & Autism 
• Episode 14: College Considerations 

Be sure to share your topic suggestions with us for Season 2!

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

When Chelsea didn't receive any feedback from families about how they were "winning" the holidays, she deduced that maybe it was hard to get those "W"s. That made her think of five ways extended family members can help neurodiverse families navigate this season better together.

While this is a great episode to share, there might be some terminology that's unfamiliar to those not living the neurodivergent experience. Chelsea recommends going back and listening to Episode 1 for baseline definitions. 

Here are more topics and terms, in order of their appearance in the podcast, might evoke some curiosity:

• SpIns (special interests): focused fascinations or passions that occupy much time and attention. Check out Episode 21.
• celiac disease
• co-/self-regulation: See this blog from Autism Awareness Centre.
• sensory input: See this article from the National Autistic Society.
• stim toys, fidgets (not an endorsement or paid advertisement)
• neurospicy
• meltdown: not a tantrum, but the physiological response to a state of overwhelm
• central nervous system and clothing: See this article from Golden Care Therapy.

And just when you think Chelsea might have gotten through the entire first season of the podcast without crying during an episode, it happens right near the end. Shout out to Amy Grant and her song "Breath Of Heaven (Mary's Song)" that both permitted Chelsea to fall apart and have a good cry during the holiday season and gave her a prayer to get her through. 

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

If there are couples who consider the possibility that they might raise children with developmental disabilities, Chelsea and Pete were not one of them. In fact, Chelsea admits they had all sorts of ideas about how they would parent both before they were pregnant and after their first child was in their arms. There was an expectation that they’d spend some married time together before they had children, and spend many more years together after they’d raised their children. Those “how” details are so elusive!

Chelsea’s husband of 30 years, Pete, joins the conversation in this episode, not to provide any “how to” template for raising neurospicy children while staying married, but to offer a birds-eye view of their partnership journey in the hope families might find some encouragement as they’re going through it.

In case you want to read the articles Chelsea refers to (in order of reference):

• Epstein, Sarah. (2019). “If My Parents Are Divorced, Is My Marriage Doomed to Fail?”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/201902/if-my-parents-are-divorced-is-my-marriage-doomed-fail#
• Gaille, Brandon. (2017). “21 High School Sweethearts Marriage Statistics”. https://brandongaille.com/20-high-school-sweethearts-marriage-statistics/ 
• Hartley, S. L., Barker, E. T., Seltzer, M. M., Floyd, F., Greenberg, J., Orsmond, G., & Bolt, D. (2010). “The Relative Risk and Timing of Divorce in Families of Children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder”. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(4), 449–457. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0019847 
• Sarris, Marina. (2017). “Under a Looking Glass: What's The Truth About Autism and Marriage?". Interactive Autism Network. https://www.kennedykrieger.org/stories/interactive-autism-network-ian/whats-truth-about-autism-and-marriage# 

In case you want to make an episode-related playlist:

• “You’re Still the One” by Shania Twain https://youtu.be/KNZH-emehxA?si=8D8PYBjPOOwWK7Qr 
• “Never Would Have Made It” by Marvin Sapp https://youtu.be/TWrGjzBheno?si=SvgoTMn0IoQM6A7_ (Consider changing the “I” to “we” as you listen.)
• “I Will Be Here” by Steven Curtis Chapman https://youtu.be/vU2hPIwqbTk?si=O4Q83cpw0-HU_-Op (Originally released in 1989, this was a wedding song for us.)
• “Dancing in the Minefields” by Andrew Peterson https://youtu.be/_Gs3fg_WsEg?si=FBMQbiv_WxZO8l8G

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

Humans are built for joy and community. Somewhere along the line, neurotypical people decided autistic joy inspired by special interests was “perseveration” and required “extinction”. Neuroaffirming perspectives recognize the universality of passions, fascinations, and collections, even if their expansiveness and topic are beyond the neuromajority bell curve.

Chelsea welcomes guest Margaret Fairbanks, co-founder of and Director of Education at Islands of Brilliance, to talk about leaning into special interests or “SpIns” for this episode.

In her own voice, Margaret explains: “I am a parent of an autistic son, special educator and CLTS/IRIS service provider in this world called autism. Our son has taught me pretty much all I need to know about patience and empathy and that has driven all of my choices since his diagnosis. I love this community and do all I can to love and support them.”

Check out Justus' digital art in the last three chapter markers!

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

The component of Halloween that’s all about pretending lends itself to talking about autistic masking. What is it? Is it inherently bad? Why is it such a pervasive part of being autistic? Guest Donna Brendel joins Chelsea to give fresh insight in this episode.

Donna is a late-diagnosed woman on the autism spectrum, but she’s arriving on the scene just in time. She is the host of the podcast, “I Should Say That Out Loud,” and the author of two memoirs, Autistic Revelations: Body Edition and Career Edition. She’s turned her decades of personal autism research, for the sake of her children and herself, into a pursuit of study at university now, for the sake of humanity. She has more memoirs planned and would love to engage with you about your own curiosities in the autism realm for both her podcast and her research.

The following topics and terms, in order of their appearance in the podcast, might evoke some curiosity:

• Maya Angelou’s “The Mask”
• J.D. Barker episode of Donna’s podcast
• Autistic Advocate Kieran Rose on Autistic Masking
• “The Martian” (2015)
• Dissociation (WebMD)

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

How is autism diagnosed, and what is the value of seeking a medical diagnosis? Chelsea turns to local experts Amy Heffelfinger, who diagnosed Chelsea’s own children two decades ago, and her colleague Lauren Miller for answers in this episode.

Dr. Amy Heffelfinger is a mom of two 20-something daughters, a proud professor and chief, a child neuropsychologist, a wife of 28 years, a lover of nature, and a grateful child of God. She loves to work with young children and their families. While basic cognitive abilities are very important, and at the core of a neuropsychological evaluation, she wants to help children function best at home, in school, socially, and in their community, helping to remove racial, socioeconomic or cultural barriers to their success through maintaining quality education and early intervention. 

Dr. Lauren Miller is a pediatric clinical neuropsychologist specializing in the care of children with medical, neurological, and neurodevelopmental conditions, with particular focus and expertise in working with children under age 6. Dr. Miller's background includes significant experience in the early identification of autism through screening and early diagnostic evaluation. She trained under Dr. Deborah Fein, a renowned expert in the field of autism and pediatric neuropsychology, and co-author of the M-CHAT-R, the most widely used screening tool for autism in toddlers. Dr. Miller's clinical and research interests are aligned and include a focus on developing and refining efficient screening and diagnostic processes for autism in the context of medical conditions, as well as understanding and predicting neurodevelopmental outcomes as children get older. 

Chelsea refers to the following previously published episodes of this show, so here are those links:

• Episode 1: Intro
• Episode 2: Justus
• Episode 4: Chelsea
• Episode 5: Pete

The following topics and terms, in order of their appearance in the podcast, might evoke some curiosity:

• pediatric neuropsychologist: "A pediatric neuropsychologist is a licensed psychologist specializing in the relationship between a child's brain and their learning, behavior, and emotional functioning, often assessing individuals with conditions like epilepsy, traumatic brain injury, or developmental differences through formal testing and clinical observation. They conduct comprehensive evaluations to identify a child's strengths and weaknesses in cognitive areas such as attention, memory, and problem-solving, and provide detailed recommendations for creating effective treatment plans and educational supports." (Google AI Overview, 2025)
• Global Developmental Delay (Cleveland Clinic)
• Pervasive Developmental Disorder (Cleveland Clinic)
• DSM-IV: The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed. (1994, TR 2000) diagnostic criteria
• The DSM-5 (The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th ed., 2013) lists the diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disor

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.

Once upon a time, there was a mother of two young children with autism whose husband traveled a lot for work. She was exhausted all the time. She often wondered how she could take her two children out of the house by herself and keep them safe. One day while she was folding laundry and the TV was tuned in to Animal Planet, she landed upon coverage of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Commentator Ron Reagan made frequent references to specific breeds of dogs that made great therapy dogs … worked well with children … and she wondered … Is there such a thing as service dogs for children with autism?

Her internet search landed her at 4 Paws for Ability. And while, sadly enough, even the best dogs don’t live forever, so therefore there was no "happily ever after", it’s still a good service dog story. Chelsea is delighted that Kait is willing to facilitate more good stories, since her family’s began two decades ago. In this episode, Kait explains the three primary tasks 4 Paws autism assistance service dogs are trained to do for their children, including search and rescue tracks. Chelsea provides real-life examples of those tasks from Justus and Noey's childhood.

Kaitlyn Jones is a Client Services Coordinator at 4 Paws for Ability, a nonprofit in Xenia, OH, that places service dogs with children and veterans with disabilities. She began her journey with 4 Paws over 8 years ago, initially as a volunteer in college. Kaitlyn earned her B.A. in Psychology and now supports families through onboarding and post-placement support. Passionate about the impact dogs can have, she is dedicated to making a difference in the lives of others. Outside of work, Kaitlyn enjoys outings with her registered therapy dog, Jude, exploring the community and spreading joy wherever they go.

Resources:

• Differentiating between emotional support, therapy, and service dogs (ADA National Network)
• Americans with Disabilities Act (1990) and service animals
• Assistance Dogs International

Podcast includes an introduction for episodes 6 and following at the beginning. Transition music, "Taking a Vocation", by Noey Budde.

Closing narration for episodes 6 and following.