The moment a conversation turns in your favor isn't when someone says yes. It's when they say "that's right." Those two words mean something a yes never does — they mean you see me, you understand me, you get it. And once someone feels genuinely understood, defensiveness drops and resistance softens.
Former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator Chris Voss explains why high-stakes negotiators chase "that's right" instead of a counterfeit yes, and how to get there using the most overlooked tool in communication: the summary.
It isn't repeating someone's words back like a transcript. It's capturing meaning — and there's a specific structure that makes the difference.
In this video:
Why "that's right" and "you're right" are opposites — and why one of them means you've lost
The three things every strong summary pulls together
What to do when you get the summary wrong (it's better than you think)
What a real summary sounds like — and the beat that comes right after it
Three walkthroughs: someone venting to you, an argument going in circles, and getting buy-in from a hesitant decision-maker
Most people try to move a conversation forward by talking more. The best communicators move it forward by demonstrating comprehension. Once someone no longer has to fight to be understood, they can finally think, listen, and collaborate.
Don't rush to solve. Slow down. Summarize. And listen for those two words.
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Chapters:
00:00 — The real moment a conversation turns
1:40 — What a summary actually is
2:24 — When they correct you: the second chance
2:38 — "That's right" vs. "you're right"
3:00 — What it sounds like — and the pause after
3:50 — Scenario 1: Someone venting
5:10 — Scenario 2: The argument on repeat
6:00 — Scenario 3: Getting buy-in
6:32 — Outro
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Chris Voss is a former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of "Never Split the Difference", and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group, a negotiation training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations.
Recognized globally as a leading authority on negotiation, Chris developed his approach through decades of experience in crisis negotiation. Today, he and The Black Swan Group apply those principles to business, sales, leadership, difficult conversations, and high-stakes communication through The Black Swan Method® and Tactical Empathy®.
"Never Split the Difference" has introduced millions of readers around the world to Chris’s negotiation methodology. Through The Black Swan Group, Chris and his team help people go beyond understanding the concepts in the book and develop negotiation as a practical, repeatable performance skill through training, coaching, practice, and live experiences.
The Black Swan Group offers in-person negotiation training, live and self-paced online negotiation training, coaching, keynote speaking, and advanced negotiation experiences for business owners, leaders, sales professionals, and other professionals who want to become more effective dealmakers.
Learn from Chris Voss and The Black Swan Group:
Negotiation training and resources: https://www.blackswanltd.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=negotiationmastery
In-person and live training: https://www.blackswanltd.com/live-events?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=negotiationmastery
Online negotiation training: https://www.blackswanltd.com/online-negotiation-classes?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=negotiationmastery
