In those days John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness of Judea, proclaiming, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” This is the one of whom the prophet Isaiah spoke when he said,

“The voice of one crying out in the wilderness: ‘Prepare the way of the Lord; make his paths straight.’ ”

Now John wore clothing of camel’s hair with a leather belt around his waist, and his food was locusts and wild honey. Then Jerusalem and all Judea and all the region around the Jordan were going out to him, and they were baptized by him in the River Jordan, confessing their sins.

But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for his baptism, he said to them, “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Therefore, bear fruit worthy of repentance, and do not presume to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our ancestor,’ for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children to Abraham. Even now the ax is lying at the root of the trees; therefore every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

“I baptize you with water for repentance, but the one who is coming after me is more powerful than I, and I am not worthy to carry his sandals. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.

Magandang Hapon! We’re now on our fourth installment of our Advent series “Crying out to God.” Last week we talked about the Magnificat, which was Mary’s song and cry of joy to God, when the angel Gabriel announced to her that she will be conceiving a child. We discussed the hope that Elizabeth and Mary received from God, and like them, we as a Church are also given a hope that we have the responsibility of parenting, the same way that Elizabeth and Mary raised John and Jesus.

Just a fun fact before we proceed, ang patron saint ng city kung nasan tayo ngayon ay si St. John the Baptist, that’s why as a true-blooded San Juaneno, we celebrate our fiesta which is wattah wattah every June 24. Kaya markahan niyo ang date na yan, at wag na wag kayong dadaan sa San Juan between 6 AM to 12NN on that date kung ayaw nyong mabasa.

We will fast-forward a bit with our passage today, which is about John the Baptist preparing the way for the ministry of Jesus.

Ito na ang moment that the hope of Elizabeth was fulfilled, and as we’ve discussed John the Baptist also was dedicated by Elizabeth back to God. I only wonder kung ano ang reaction nya, when her son would go against the establishment where Elizabeth and Zechariah belongs, the priesthood, the dominant religious institution during their time.

In our reading today which is a passage from the Gospel of Matthew, John the Baptist is described as someone whose clothes were made of camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist. Hindi po yan Gucci belt or a designer piece, yes it’s authentic leather, but during their time, his wardrobe is giving poverty. John the Baptist lived a simple life.

The Gospels also imply that John the Baptist started his ministry in the wilderness. As I prepare this sermon, this got me asking, ano daw? He was preaching repentance in the wilderness? Eh wala namang tao dun? But just two verses after, nasagot din naman, because people come to him from Jerusalem and all Judea and the whole region of the Jordan. That’s just me na madaling mag over react. But, may isa pa kong theory diyan which we will be discussing later.

There’s only two words that I want all of us to remember in this preaching, wilderness and repentance or metanoia. What is metanoia? This is basically the original Greek word used for the English translation “repent!” as we all know the New Testament was originally written in Koine Greek which is the most commonly used language in the Mediterranean during their time. Metanoia is basically a change of heart, a change from the inside, that leads to outward transformation.

Two words that are worth reflecting on as we spend the remaining days of our 2024 in vacation, well, for some who took their leaves.

Wilderness, what do you imagine when you hear that word? Para bang gubat or ma-pine trees tulad nung sa Baguio? Maybe for most of us it’s an enjoyable place where we go to para magbakasyon or mag-hike.

Wilderness is basically being in the wild or a desert where only a few people dare to inhabit. The heat can be scorching and in my experience going sa gilid ng Holy Land, the desert can be so freezing cold sa gabi at pitch black, with only a bit of light from the stars. (Yes, sa gilid lang kami which is The Kindgom of Jordan, and still part parin naman ng mundo ng New Testament. And I just researched and found out na natanaw pala namin ang Judean wilderness there, where John the Baptist preached, sa pagkakaalala ko it was basically all sand. Hindi rin kami natuloy mag baptism sa Jordan river na may parang rope sa gitna which serves as their border with the state of Israel, kasil ung kulay nung tubig is giving leptospirosis, and sorry lord, wala kaming faith nun to believe na hindi kami tatablan ng leptospirosis o ma malaria) That’s wilderness for you! Hindi siya masaya, its boring, and it can be even dangerous.

The word translated as wilderness occurred in the Bible around 300 times. A lot of our heroes of faith had spent their time there at some point in their lives. Abraham, Moses, Elijah, and even Jesus spent some moments wandering in that desolated and even dangerous place, showing us that in the comforts of our domestic and civilized lives, we are still meant to be in the wild from time to time, where we are freed from our human tendency to cling to certainty and security. And in the lives of some of our heroes of faith, spending time in the wilderness was also necessary. Hindi pwede ang shortcuts or expressways when it comes with our journey sa pananampalataya.

Wilderness isn’t only geographic, it’s a place in our journey with God, it’s also a state of heart. Wilderness is where we are all stripped off of our superficialities, like John the Baptist in his very simple lifestyle,, this is where we are left alone to ourselves with nothing but God and us. This is where we see our core. I’m not saying that material possessions or any other pursuit is bad. But sometimes those can be a distraction in living a life that is true to who we are because wilderness is where our defenses are down making it easier for us to be more honest with ourselves and with God.

So here’s my theory, maybe John the Baptist preached to himself first kaya sa wilderness niya sinimulan ang ministry nya? That he also repented there, the place where metanoia or the transformation of John’s heart started. We’ll never know, it wasn’t explicitly written there.

As a queer Church, all of us here are fighting for our place in this society who also needs metanoia in the way they view people like us.

But just like John the Baptist, as we prepare and start our ministry this coming 2025, let us not forget that we also need metanoia. For some here who aren’t in the wilderness right now, John the Baptist’s life is also a model for us, that from time to time we should make an effort to return and intentionally spend time in the wilderness, where metanoia or repentance happens best. Yes God loves us and we have reclaimed our worth and value before God as queer people, and that our queerness is part of God’s creation and divine image. But that doesn’t mean to say there is nothing to repent from or no transformation for us – we are still part of the human family that needs repentance and transformation. Transformation from greed, selfishness, and apathy. Repentance and transformation ng mga acclang madadamot, makasarili, matataray, at walang pakialam sa lipunan.

We should cry out to God in the wilderness where no people is listening.. That before being a Christian witness in the world, like John and Jesus, we should first remove lahat ng ingay ng mundong ito so that we can listen to the inner voice within and do a self check.

Like them, before engaging in their ministries, we should allow ourselves to be comfortable with silence. Our spiritual lives or inner lives (for those who are non-religious) needs tending to, or else we would be swayed with the unrelenting noise that this capitalist society is screaming at us in loudspeakers, which to be honest, many of us (yes, I’m raising my hands) have been already drawn to, especially in this season of peak consumerism, Christmas, a very far-cry from that image of Christ laid down in a lowly, un-hygienic, mabaho at un-Instagrammable na manger.

And from the wilderness and our silence, we will see the things that need metanoia. We would see what needs to change as an individual and as a collective. Mga bagay na hindi nakakaganda.

Mga bangayang maiiwasan naman dapat if we just know how to shut the fuck up. Wasting our energies and time by not choosing our battles wisely or not choosing where and when to give our limited fucks, mga putakan sa social media that could have spent in serving our queer siblings in whatever small ways that we can. Lahat nalang inaaway, even our allies. The feeling of being morally superior na totoo naman minsan, char, but what’s bad is that nabubulag na tayo sa ating moral or intellectual superiority that we become the same people that we vowed not to be, it’s just that we’re on the opposite side of the spectrum.

Yes! We appreciate that we are passionate about other people, the marginalized, and the oppressed. But, like Jesus and John, it is important that we know first who we are before we can be that voice that speaks in the wilderness, so that we can utilize our zeal and anger in service to our cause. Hindi pwedeng tira ng tira at sugod ng sugod.

Let’s go back to the wilderness mga bakla, let’s return to the silence of the desert. Ask ourselves, who am I? What do I stand for? And what drives me to fight for what I stand? What does the voice in the wilderness is telling me? Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me, ganern!

And for some of us who serve, why do I serve here?

For those who have been serving, leading, and volunteering for a long time now at na-experience na ang maraming wilderness moments or even crucifixions…

Okay ka pa ba? Are you still motivated to the core and heart of why you serve in the first place?

Baka kasi natatabunan ka na rin ng maraming bitterness and resentment for all the years of service you have given?

Start from the heart. Is it coming from a place of love?

Yes, we affirm that all of us can serve here kahit iba iba ang paniniwala natin at iba iba rin ang ating dahilan. But, nahukay na ba talaga natin ang ating puso to reach that depth where we can say it’s because of love?

Because our service can leave us exhausted and minsan drained, it’s important that we know our core, at malalim ang ating hugot so that we won’t have any resentments and we will be always left energized as we serve.

Because sometimes, your heart that is cultivated and transformed in the wilderness is the best protest and witness in our world. We need to cryout from the wilderness of transformation because only people transformed repeatedly in the wilderness can proclaim God’s transformative power. People will feel it eh. And maybe that’s the reason why hindi si John the Baptist ang pumupunta sa mga tao to preach repentance, it’s the people who are drawn to him even taking the inconvenience of going to the Judean wilderness to listen to his message.

Maybe that’s the reason why some of our straight siblings are also drawn to MCC, also taking the inconvenience of knowing na hindi sila makakarelate sa mga drag race fans dito including me na isang straight, straight na bading. Could it be that they are also hearing God’s prophetic call in this wilderness we call MCC?

People will be drawn out when our heart is right, right with ourselves and with God. People might not understand or even listen sa ating mga iyak, iyak ng protesta. Iyak para mabigyan ng pantay na karapatan, karapatang napaka basic tulad ng mabisita natin sa ICU ang ating same-sex partner, or maging kasama tayo ng ating mga partner in their dying days sa ospital.

Hindi man nila maintindihan yun, kapag ang puso natin ay iisa sa Diyos, what they will see is our lives. That in their prejudice, they will be confused as to how our lives as queer people and same-sex couples are characterized by love. Dahil when it comes sa ating pamumuhay, wala silang palag jan, they can throw Bible verses after verses to invalidate our lived experiences, but they can’t deny when they witness it first hand in our lives. Na pwede palang maging nasa isang loving and committed relationship ang dalawang accla, that they too can raise children and create a loving and safe environment that will allow them to grow as themselves in the wholeness of their potentials. That queer people can be committed and loving followers of Christ too. That our SOGIE is a gift from God.

And when our lives start being marked with a heart transformed by love in the wilderness, Like John the Baptist who rebuked the religious powers of his time, we too can do the same with conviction, strength, and love, knowing that our lives are marked with the prophetic anointing of the Holy Spirit producing fruits of lasting metanoia. So let’s retreat and go back to the wilderness, as we prepare the way for the coming of Jesus, who will baptize us with the Holy Spirit and Fire as we face whatever 2025 will throw at us. God bless us all! Thank you!

The post Crying Out To God From The Wilderness appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

In those days Mary set out and went with haste to a Judean town in the hill country, where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the child leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And why has this happened to me, that the mother of my Lord comes to me? For as soon as I heard the sound of your greeting, the child in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her by the Lord.”

And Mary said, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked with favor on the lowly state of his servant. Surely from now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name; indeed, his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. He has brought down the powerful from their thrones and lifted up the lowly; he has filled the hungry with good things and sent the rich away empty. He has come to the aid of his child Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, according to the promise he made to our ancestors, to Abraham and to his descendants forever.”

Makulay na hapon sa ating lahat. Today is the third week of our Advent series titled “Crying out to God.” Our first week was about “Crying out to God in our suffering” where we discussed why our tears can also be a form of worship, something that’s different sa nakasanayan natin where worship is supposed to be happy at celebratory. Last week naman we talked about “Crying out to God in Shame,” where we became upfront to the shame that we queer people experiences, shame rooted in factors that are beyond our control yet deeply affects us. 

And today, paparating na tayo sa exciting part. Pwede bakong maging Evangelical for a bit? Sabihin mo sa katabi mo, “paparating na tayo sa exciting part mars!” 

Our reading today is about the song of Mary, which for Catholics is popularly known as The Magnificat. A hymn that mary sung after nyang bumisita sa kanyang pinsan na si Elizabeth, who was pregnant. 

While in this story, si Mary ang main character, we also have Elizabeth who was celebrating because God has liberated her from being barren, which her society sees as a form of curse or a punishment from God similar to Hannah whom we discussed last week. 

We see here two women who were totally different yet share the same struggle. For Elizabeth, being part of the elite, as a wife of the priest wouldn’t suffice for her to be honorable in a society that only sees women as baby makers. Si Mary naman ay isang nobody, hindi sya galing sa isang prominenteng pamilya like Elizabeth. She didn’t even live in a fancy address, not BGC nor even Wilshire Annapolis, sa sobrang insignificant ng kanyang hometown na Nazareth, in the first chapter of the Gospel of John, one of the disciples even exclaimed “does anything good come out of Nazareth?” 

In the midst of this differences, these two women shared the same struggle, ang maging isang babae sa panahon at lipunan nila. Women were seen as a second-class citizen and even a property, yes nasa Bible yan. 

For Mary, it also didn’t help that she wasn’t married yet when she got pregnant. Isang malaking skandalo that will surely have her criminalized. 

Yet, because of their struggles, Elizabeth saw past beyond those systemic prejudices towards Mary. 

Elizabeth was also astonished, sabi nya nga “But why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” Elizabeth clearly saw how privileged she was, to be a recipient of the the prophetic proclamation of how God’s power and favor rests upon those people that seems to be insignificant in the eyes of the society. 

Sobrang saya ni Elizabeth that in fact, pati yung baby sa tiyan nya ay napalundag sa tuwa nung narinig nila si kumareng Mary sa pinto.

Very similar ang situation with all the characters that we’ve talked about for the past weeks. All of them were just ordinary people, mga taong we could definitely relate to. Mga taong walang rights, oppressed, and also suffering from shame out of society’s expectations. 

Kaya nalang when they received the good news, they celebrated. Agad agad lumuwas si Mary papunta kila Elizabeth to share the joy from the news that they both received. 

We are now in the period of Advent where hope is getting real, we have now received the news of the coming of Jesus. Naiiyak na natin lahat ng ating sakit at pighati as an individual and as community. 

Mary and Elizabeth’s initial reaction was to immediately share the joy that they experienced with the people that matters to them. After they both individually experienced the roller coaster of emotions upon receiving the news from the angel Gabriel. 

What are those joys in your life that need celebrating? Maybe minsan nahihirapan tayong magisip and it’s hard for us to see things worth celebrating. It doesn’t necessarily have to be grand, it can be as simple as having hopes of a better future. Remember that the object of Mary’s celebration hasn’t been fulfilled yet. A hope that is even dangerous for her or should we say, ilegal? Dahil she wasn’t married yet. 

We can celebrate the fact that we have hope. 

Some of us feel it, some of us are hopeful this Advent, lalo na’t malapit na ang bagong taon. Hope na magka jowa bago ang cut-off sa 31. Hope for a new life, mga new year’s resolutions, new year new me. Those alone are reasons for us to celebrate, hope, as it fuels us and makes life bearable is a gift from God. 

And also while we acknowledge that our individual successes and joys are a gift from God and something that is ought to be shared. The challenge for us Christians is, like Mary, how can we respond to God’s blessing in a way that’s true to our calling? 

Like Hannah, Mary, and Elizabeth, while celebrating God’s favor sa buhay nila, of course they are happy and they are supposed to. We owe it to ourselves to celebrate and savor God’s grace in our lives. We just have to remember that God’s grace doesn’t end with ourselves and shouldn’t be contained to us. Hannah, Elizabeth, and Mary saw their blessings or pregnancy to be specific, as a gift from God that they ought to dedicate to God as well. They saw the significance of their pregnancies, as God channeling grace through 

them through their children. That eventually, their children will be a blessing to the Jewish nation, and later on, to us queer people gathered here, liberated by the love of Jesus. 

It is a testament to God’s favor towards what our society sees as the least, and Mary acknowledges that in the Magnificat. God’s favor rest sa mga taong tulad natin that seemed to be powerless to enact change in our world, a group of humble people, although naka-aircon tayo, walang wala tayo kumpara sa mga Churches na makapangyarihan. Nagrerenta nga lang tayo dito because of the people’s generosity na hindi naman always sure. Walang certainty. Pag hindi na ulit nagpledge ang mga members for whatever reason or no reason at all (knock on wood) – okay naman na ako hindi ko na kailangan MCC – Eh di ligwak ang airconed chapel ng mga accla sa greenhills. But to reiterate, I believe God’s favor rest sa tulad natin na sa

song of Mary, the “outcast and the lowly”. The song of Mary is an affirmation of God taking the side of the poor and the oppressed, and that is Good news. God affirms us and promises to lift us up. 

But the song of Mary is also a challenge to us, on how we can turn God’s grace and hope in our lives to be a channel of blessing in the world that we’re in. How God’s blessing of liberation in our lives can be a seed of hope and transformation in the lives of our queer siblings and even straight Christians, Amen ba straight Christians? and how can this can be a prophetic witness in the society we’re living in, a society built on the tears of injustices. 

This hope is for each one of us and as a Church community. God’s favor rests in MCC? Agree? Kahit may kachakahan at dark ages, favor is with us as long as we cooperate with God. Poor MCC but full of grace. Santa Mesa napupuno ka ng grasya. And as our year is closing, can we remind all of us how far we’ve gone? In the past few weeks, we’ve talked about how our Church was built on our tears as queer people exiled from our faith home. That like our ancestors in the faith, they needed to start from nothing, and rebuild their homes and live in a foreign land. That was our story right? As mga taong galing sa iba ibang simbahan Although hindi ko nawitness personally, we’ve come to a point na tatlo na lang ang umaattend, and for sure iniisip na nila kung may future ba ang MCC? 

While we are celebrating hope, let’s also not forget that we’ve cried many tears before we got to this position. Like Hannah, dumaan tayo sa proseso ng pag grieve at pakikipagbuno sa Diyos, and for some maybe even questioning God, and that’s totally fine. May we not forget that our hope was also rooted in our helplessness and cries before God. May we also be inspired by the courage and fighting spirit of those who went before us, the reason why we are here, being blessed by a safe space such as our Church with all of its imperfections and flaws. 

And yet here we are, with the things that have happened to our community in the past years, there’s no denying that it was God’s way of announcing to us the same hope that God has announced through the angel Gabriel to Mary. That in Mary’s humble stature in life, she will be used as an example that God can use the lowliest of the low to show God’s love to everyone. We are all like Hannah, Elizabeth, and Mary, mga taong in the eyes of the world are powerless, oppressed, and even have no rights. But God’s favor rests upon us. We are saved, we have been delivered, and when the time comes that we have savored God’s grace, like Mary, we should now share that blessing to others especially to our queer siblings. 

Advent is about hope. And as a Church, can I just remind all of us that hope is with us right now. That hope is in the changes that we have witnessed, the growth, the systems in place, the aircon maybe, and most important of all the, the stories of healing and liberation na ating nawiwitness, in fact some of them are seated in this room right now. Can we celebrate that? Trigger warning, magiging Evangelical ako ulit, can we give God a round of applause? Pakitapik din lahat ng kilala mong volunteers dito, yan ang hope! Minsan kasi it’s hard to notice those things that are worth celebrating because it happens gradually, it doesn’t come like a Beyonce entrance na may pa fireworks at marching band. Pero mukhang malapit na kasi may drumset na tayo, na hindi pa bayad kaya enjoyin na bago maremata, joke! 

For some, this challenge to be an embodiment of that hope might be overwhelming, we might feel sometimes that we are not qualified, or as practicing Christians may doubt tayo whether tinawag ba tayo

ng Lord dahil parang ang weird lang na wala naman tayo masyadong nakikitang mga queer Christians who was able to live as a queer and called at the same time. Parang may contradiction nga sa terms na yun eh, queer na may calling? Hmm, parang imposible. It also doesn’t help na sa ating mga previous Churches, we don’t get to see openly out queer people in positions of authority. 

As an Evangelical, we always say before, that God “doesn’t call the qualified, but God qualifies the called.” We might feel that we’re not up to the task, that this hope hasn’t been done or been fulfilled before. Can I remind you that you are favored, that God calls you to do the unimaginable just like the nature of Mary’s pregnancy. God calls all of us to be the “voice that calls in the wilderness,” a voice that breathes safe spaces to life so that future generations of queer children will live in a world filled with love, and even a place where straight people will be relieved from the pressures of our patriarchal societies. For as long as oppression and injustice exists, the Church’s mission does not end. It does not end until we bring God’s kingdom here on earth, as it is in heaven. 

God will definitely lift the humble, and rulers will see where the power of God actually resides, it’s in the places that they least expect. Places and people that our society despises, that are recipients of prejudice. People and places that are mocked while being exploited at the same time to maintain the same system that benefits the privileged at the expense of the oppressed. 

People like Mary, whom the society sees as insignificant and even scandalous, I’m sorry to break it to all of you, but this is where God’s power is made manifest. It’s through you, a queer Christian or even a suwail na straight Christian frowned upon by today’s religious powers, that God’s voice is going to be heard, through your life and message that denounces acts or systems that breaks the heart of God. 

God has already sent us the message of hope, and like Mary our task doesn’t end upon receiving that hope. Mary was given the responsibility to raise that hope from its infancy until he is ready to proclaim the good news of healing and liberation. So let us carry this hope with us, no matter how small it is or how uncertain our situation looks now, and as one chosen family, we will parent this hope until God’s promise, like the promise to Abraham and his descendants, are fulfilled – to multiply it as the stars of the heaven. As long as there are tears falling from the eyes of a queer children, we won’t stop clinging to this hope that has been Given us. Amen? To God be the glory!

The post Crying Out To God With Joy appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

There was a certain man of Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham son of Elihu son of Tohu son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. He had two wives; the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.

Now this man used to go up year by year from his town to worship and to sacrifice to the Lord of hosts at Shiloh, where the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were priests of the Lord. On the day when Elkanah sacrificed, he would give portions to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters, but to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, though the Lord had closed her womb. Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the Lord had closed her womb. So it went on year by year; as often as she went up to the house of the Lord, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?”

After they had eaten and drunk at Shiloh, Hannah rose and presented herself before the Lord. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the Lord. She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly. She made this vow: “O Lord of hosts, if only you will look on the misery of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant but will give to your servant a male child, then I will set him before you as a nazirite until the day of his death. He shall drink neither wine nor intoxicants, and no razor shall touch his head.”

As she continued praying before the Lord, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying silently; only her lips moved, but her voice was not heard; therefore Eli thought she was drunk. So Eli said to her, “How long will you make a drunken spectacle of yourself? Put away your wine.” But Hannah answered, “No, my lord, I am a woman deeply troubled; I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord. Do not regard your servant as a worthless woman, for I have been speaking out of my great anxiety and vexation all this time.” Then Eli answered, “Go in peace; the God of Israel grant the petition you have made to him.” And she said, “Let your servant find favor in your sight.” Then the woman went her way and ate and drank with her husband, and her countenance was sad no longer.

Maganda at mapagpalayang hapon sa ating lahat. It’s the second week of our Advent series titled “Crying out to God.” For those who were here last Sunday, naalala niyo pa ba ang preaching last week? Ano ang ating pulot? 

Last week we talked about our tears as a form of worship and the need to cry out as an expression of being honest with our emotions.

I think the passage for today which is 1 Samuel 1, is something that is very relatable sa ating mga queer people, except for the fact na hindi tayo mabubuntis or makakabuntis, kaya mga accla wag feeling may matres.

How many of us have cried out because of shame? How many of us despised ourselves and prayed to God na gawin tayong straight? Cried out because of who we are, dahil nahihiya tayo sa pagiging bakla, tibo, or trans, in a society where we are led to believe that just being who we are is shameful and wrong, which we ourselves believe and accept. 

Maybe this is the experience for some of us growing up and hearing every Sunday that who you are right now is not what God has intended for you. That as a closeted gay man, your attraction with one or two of your cellgroup is a sin. Maybe, there’s also a feeling of shame after mo gawing gown ang kurtina nyo or paglaruan ang makeup ng nanay mo. A shame so overbearing that the sad reality is, for some people, it seems like ending their lives might be the best option rather than experience gradual death in a world that despises them. 

And like Hannah na napagkamalang naka-toma, for us queer people, in our attempt to be honest with ourselves, our emotions, and our prayers, these are sometimes misinterpreted. Even with people who think they mean well. Shame intensifies when the only comfort given to us in our cries is “mag-girlfriend or boyfriend ka lang para maging straight ka.” Or ipagdasal mo lang yan at babaguhin ka ni Jesus. Yung mga “from gay to pastor” na drama. Ang malala pa is that sa ibang Churches, nagiging katatawanan pa sya even in the pulpit. 

Iilan din satin dito has tried pursuing heterosexual relationships kahit deep inside we feel na di uubra sis, that there’s something off, trying to convince ourselves na baka pag tinuloy-tuloy natin eh maconvert at mabago nga talaga tayo, tutal kung ito ang kalooban ng diyos para sa akin, God is too powerful to change me. And we know that some were able to live the heterosexual lie for 10 years or more tulad nung isang dating ex-gay leader of Exodus international pero kalaunan, after more than 10 years finally naamin nya na hindi nga uubra. 

The source of Hannah’s shame wasn’t even her doing. The pressure for Hannah to bear children is a product of their society’s belief that children are a blessing from God and being barren means that you are cursed. We might be thinking that this pressure should have been easy for Hannah to dismiss, but let us remember that their society values childbearing in service of their theocratic nation-state. This is also the same with some of us queer people na kahit paulit-ulit ng naririnig na walang masama sa pagiging tayo at hindi ito kasalanan eh nahihirapan tayong tanggapin ang mensahe na ito, all because of the heteronormativity ng ating lipunan, mula sa ating media at mga theology na itinuturo ng karamihan ng simbahan. 

Relate ba tayo mga bading? I remember na grade 3 palang ako alam ko na na isa akong member ng pederasyon, and I tried praying narin na mawala to, pero alam ko talaga sa sarili ko na hindi ito nadadaan sa dasal dasal lang eh. And yet this is a reality that I don’t want to be known for. There is some feeling of guilt when I am spared from receiving mockery dahil lang sa hindi ako out, I thought I could have been the one receiving those shameful remarks. For some of us, that may be our past. Malamang ay may mga nagawa tayong kachakahan out of our fears as queer people, and that’s all in the past now. Extend the grace you give to others to yourself.

Can you put your hands on your shoulders right now as a gesture of forgiveness, grace, and compassion sa sarili mo? Remember, while we are accountable sa ating mga actions, we’ve all been traumatized and hurt by some people who didn’t know us any better, and none of it is within your control back then.

Like Hannah, hindi nya control ang pagiging baog, it was a shame born out of the expectation of her society, when having a child is considered as a blessing and barrenness is a curse, and sa ating mga accla, the pressure to conform and to deny our sexualities is also because of our societies’ expectation where patriarchy and misogyny are the dominant norms in people’s lives.

Please allow me to preach God’s Good News – Gospel – to each of you, you are fearfully and wonderfully created by God as a queer person. Going against your God-given sexuality is going against the One who created and designed you! It’s not you who is sinning here but the people who deny God’s colorful creation in the person of you, a queer person created in God’s own image. Isn’t that wonderful? 

Hindi ka isang pagkakamali o isang anomalya. Let me reiterate that. God affirms you, and mahirap mang maigine for some of us right now, you can also see that with the same Book that might have traumatized you, the Bible. Although, it’s going to be a challenge and will take more effort for us to find our stories sa Bible, it’s in there.

We fully know that our SOGIESC is a gift from God, why? Hindi naman natin siya pinili, it was innate in us, contrary to the popular belief na it is just like a switch na pwede nating maswitch on and off kapag trip natin.

Sabi nga sa Psalm 139 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.” Yes, you are not an exception to that. The sciences have also declared sexuality and gender has always been diverse across time and culture at walang mali o problema sa diversity na iyon. If science declares so, then we have to accept that it is part of God’s creation in the natural world and in human evolution. And when we say unconditional, totoong unconditional! Kasi yan din naman ang tinuturo sa atin ng ating mga previous Churches, yes God loves you unconditionally PERO, you have to be straight first, you have to renounce your God-given sexuality and pursue the path of being a heterosexual Christian. That’s not the unconditional that I’m talking about right now. I’m preaching a real UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And that applies sa ating mga makukulay at sometimes maiingay na mga accla. God loves you unconditionally. 

And that’s why MCC exists. To proclaim God’s unconditional love to all of us at ito ay isapamuhay, as a queer individual and as a community. To make that unconditional love more felt sa ating mga queer Christians and sa ating mga queer siblings out there, being rejected and being led to believe that God despises them, through the presence of our queer Christian siblings here.

Because sometimes, accepting the message of God’s unconditional love is easier, when we experience it through the life and witness of queer Christians.. Mahirap talagang alisin minsan ang doubt, kung Church nga ba talaga and MCC? Heck, are they even Christians when they affirm queer people?

But through our presence as queer follower of Christ, those question vanishes as they see the work of the Holy Spirit in us. 

Kaya nga Come. Taste. And See. 

I know that for some if not most of us queer people, this is something that is hard to accept when all our lives, we’ve been conditioned that we are an abomination. It’s ok, take your time lang, to cry and to feel hurt and process your feelings, like Hannah na walang pake kahit mapagkamalang lasing.  And remember that in your crying,  Jesus is right there with you, crying and hurting with you because anything that hurts God’s creation breaks the heart of Jesus too. 

And in your crying remember na may community ka, find friends that you can be vulnerable with, mga taong bukas ang puso at isipan upang unawain ang iyong struggle bilang isang queer person. Pwede karing umiyak dito sa MCC kasama namin, like you, a lot of people here have cried those tears before. Tears from the rejection of their societies, families, and Churches. Yung Batch 3, who just had their retreat last week,  nag-iyakan diba at hindi emeng iyak dahil pressured umiyak dahil retreat. Genuine na mga iyak at mga luhang punong-puno ng kwento: Tears from frustration, confusion, and self-loathing rooted in our society’s unmet and unfilled expectations like those of Hannah’s.

But of course when you’ve been liberated, and have fully accepted yourself, hindi pwedeng hindi maging pulutan yang dramarama era mo sa mga baklaan moments, pagtatawanan natin yan because where you are right now or someday will be a thing of the past, something we just can laugh about. A story of hope that is also your Christian witness to your other queer siblings of faith. 

Sabi sa Psalm 30 “There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.” As queer people, we might not be able to see a society that fully accepts us, but as an individual we can find a lot of sources of hope. This second week of Advent, the spirit of hope is still alive, and that hope is approaching. In our cry, let’s be reminded that there are queer people fighting for us. There are even straight allies who despite their estrangement to our experiences and suffering, are there for us. We have NGOs and advocacy groups being a source of hope in their own way of serving our community. Groups that unapologetically cry out against the injustices towards queer people, making themselves vulnerable to being misunderstood or magmukhang mga lasing like Hannah, in front of others. Same with our Church, na hindi lang mukhang lasing sa mga mata ng mga conservative, but also high na high because of our audacity to proclaim God’s radically inclusive love, and we love it! 

You might be struggling now in this world who seems to be hating you or your struggle might be that hate comes from you yourself, know that it’s going to pass. That like Hannah, the Lord will deliver you, and God’s way of deliverance is by giving you grace to fully accept and love yourself for who you are, a wonderful queer or even straight individual created in God’s very own image. 

And although we’re not like Hannah na may matres, God’s promise to Hannah also will come to us, we will also become chosen mothers, fathers, and parents to countless queer children and through our collective work crying out for justice and equality, and by the power of God, like Hannah, we will give eventually give birth to a new and more inclusive world where they can live free and equally holy just as they are. 

And as a queer children birthed by our chosen parents in faith, we are like Hannah’s firstborn, Samuel, whom she dedicated to God. Let us all be reminded that we are a testament to God’s grace, and may our lives reflect that of Samuel’s. A life spent in service to God, being prayerful, gracious, yet firm as a judge and prophet who advocates for the people that he serves. Amen.

The post Crying Out To God In Shame appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

After a long time the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their slavery and cried out. Their cry for help rose up to God from their slavery. God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. God looked upon the Israelites, and God took notice of them.

Mapagpalang hapon sa inyong lahat. Nakapanood na ba lahat ng Wicked? Sinong mga kumanta sa sinehan? Ok, ibaban namin kayo dito sa MCC, Hermanas, paki usher nalang sila palabas.

Today marks the beginning of Advent in the Liturgical Calendar. Advent is the season of waiting and preparation for the coming of Jesus. Excited na ba kayo sa pagdating ni Jesus? We? Mukhang excited lang naman ata kayo sa mga paraffle sa office nyo na ngayon palang ay namomroblema na kayo kung paano niyo maiuuwi ung mapapanalunan nyong ref, tama ba? Or maybe excited narin kayo sa Christmas break. I’m also excited for that. 

Our theme for this year’s Advent series is Crying Out to God.  As mentioned earlier, Advent is a season of anticipation for the coming of Christ, bakit naging “crying out?” Ano ang koneksyon ng Exodus passage na binasa natin sa Christmas?

Just a background lang no for our passage today. The Book of Exodus has been Matthew’s inspiration in his Gospel. Matthew presents Jesus as the new and even better Moses, we can see this in the parallels sa buhay nilang dalawa. Details such as their birth wherein both were born under the threat of death. If you remember, Pharaoh ordered to kill all Hebrew male children that are going to be born, while at the time of Jesus’ birth, Herod ordered all male infants to be killed. Both were also spared from that ruthless policy, Moses, through the daughter of Pharaoh na nakakita sa kanya sa Nile river at itinago sya sa palasyo while Jesus was spared when an Angel warned “his dad” Joseph, that there is a threat sa buhay ni Jesus, kaya sila umalis papuntang Egypt. Those are some of the details that Matthew used, to present Jesus as similar or the better Moses. Showing us that Jesus is meant to be the response to the cry of the people just like Moses. 

So bakit paskong pasko eh naging about crying out? Maybe a better question would be, why hope? Why need Jesus?

Because Christmas is a story of God’s hope as a response to the cry of the people. Like in Exodus, God used Moses for the liberation of the Hebrew people whose cries and groaning was heard by God. 

We only hope because we are looking for a better future, different from our present state, and I think hope is what keeps us alive. Meron ba ditong hindi naghohope? However small or insignificant that is, as small as you hoping na masarap ang makakainan niyo after the service, or sa mga accla hoping na magkabooking mamaya, or as big as mapromote ka sa work. Nothing wrong with those, just stating this as a proof that all of us do hope. 

For the Hebrew people during that time, wala silang ibang choice but to cry out to God because they were under extreme hardship of forced slavery and oppression, and this is also the story of Christmas, it is a story of hope that comes from wrestling with our hopelessness, hope that comes from vulnerability and facing the reality of the here and now. 

In that state of hopelessness and despair what do you usually do? Do you deny reality? Do you pretend like everything’s ok? Do you hold back your tears? Do you stop yourself from experiencing your emotions and sitting with them?

I always catch myself apologizing whenever I cry in times of vulnerable moments with the people I love, and I think this isn’t only me, maybe some of us do that too. I realized that maybe the reason is that we see crying as an unpleasant act. We feel that showing it to people can cause disturbance to the existing peace and we don’t want ourselves to feel like we are a burden to other people that’s why we apologize. We do not want our weaknesses to be exposed hence we should avoid it at all costs. 

Crying carries with it unpleasant feelings and emotions and our human tendency is to suppress that, we tend to always hold on to feelings or emotions that we see as positive. 

So, in this preaching, I invite all of you. Cry out! Wag kayong makinig kay Fergie that Big Girls Don’t Cry, no! Mature and healthy individuals do cry and see its value in their lives. 

Sitting with your sadness and crying out is a form of worship, it is the admission of our helplessness and reliance on God who listens like how the cries and groaning of the Hebrew people was heard by God. Worship isn’t supposed to be always a happy act, of course God wants us to be happy, but I think God also wants us to embrace and sit with our sadness or to cry because, I think, God is pleased when we are honest with ourselves, Just like a partner or a parent who wants their loved ones to be totally transparent with them so they know how they can help or how to be just present in their suffering.

Your tears, your cries, are a form of worship. God collects every tear you have shed and God counts not only every hair of your head but also every tear that comes out of your eyes. Crying is a ritual and every tear is holy water, an offering to the God who cries with us. There are also some things and situation where healing can only come by crying and your pain being washed by unrestricted flow of tears. 

Crying is being present with ourselves. It is us acknowledging that we are hurting or suffering and the things happening around us are not what it is supposed to be. This can also be a gift from God as it allows us to see things around us more clearly, things that we are not capable of noticing when we are happy, it gives us insights on what needs to be worked on in our lives, thus making our lives better. 

Sadness also allows us to connect with others by being sensitive to their suffering. This also enables us to cry with and for other people as we see injustice more clearly after our rose-tinted glasses have worn-out and when the feeling of happiness has dwindled, we now can’t avoid seeing the concerning things around us that we don’t usually notice before. The pro-poor and Roman Catholic martyr, Bishop Oscar Romero said, “There are many things that can only be seen through eyes that have cried.” Crying and groaning for the injustice that other people are experiencing is the first step in following Jesus’ mandate to us which is to love our neighbors as ourselves. It’s only through these tears that we will be compelled to take action, like some of our volunteers here are doing. This DIY Church is built on the tears of our members, tears from their experiences as queer people rejected, tears that come from their concern towards their queer siblings, these tears translated into action and service here in our humble Church. Do not suppress your tears, do not hinder these emotions to do its work for you. 

Also, not everyone is celebrating this Christmas season. There are people who do not have enough to be able to celebrate, there are some of our queer siblings who don’t have families or communities to celebrate it with after being disowned or rejected because of being queer. The festivities might even be a trigger for some because it just magnifies the loneliness and injustices that they are experiencing. As we hope for Christmas, let’s remember that. 

While we all cry out in this season of advent or allow ourselves to cry, it doesn’t just end there. Let’s remember that while the Hebrew people were crying and groaning, hope is working its way in the background. Just as when Moses was rescued by the Pharaoh’s daughter and Jesus was spared through the angel’s warning, hope was already moving without the knowledge of the people crying for it, the palace is too out of reach for the Hebrew people enslaved in Egypt for them to know what’s happening inside, Mary and Joseph’s family is also too insignificant for people to know their whereabouts, or to even know if the child is safe, yet hope is working even when the people don’t even think of it.

And this also true for all of us, as Christians we are supposed to be people of hope, but let’s admit it na may moments where we feel hopeless, we feel beaten, we are hurt and questioning where will this end? I encourage you to just feel it at iiyak mo lang but as a people of hope, be comforted with the truth that hope is behind you and around you working even when you don’t fully see it or are even thinking of it.

Be comforted na ang Diyos ay kumikilos sa ating buhay at ating mundo kahit hindi mo feel, kahit parang ang chaka ng mga ganap at sobrang fucked up ng mga bagay-bagay na mapapaisip ka kung end times na ba talaga. There’s still a lot of good sa paligid natin na hindi natin fully nakikita or nauunawaan.

Maraming magagandang bagay sa paligid natin that we even sometimes take for granted, mga maliit na bagay such as the clear blue sky in the morning, the smell of our morning coffee, the sunlight na tumatama sa mga halaman making it’s green color more vibrant making our mornings happier.

We see that good sa mga taong willing tayong tabihan sa ating pag iyak, sa mga cuddle moments sa ating mga booking, sa mga taong nagpapatakbo nitong DIY Church na ito, the reason why we are here hearing this message of hope. Diba nga, there was a time na hindi nyo alam na meron palang ganitong church? And how many LGBTQIA+ Filipinos who do not know that there is a church living, doing, and proclaiming love and safe space? In their despair which was your despair before, there is good happening in Greenhills, San Juan, and hopefully, int heir hoping and crying out, they will find Open Table MCC the way that each of us did. 

You are doing good, in your small ways and you in itself are part of that good in this world. Kaya let’s continue being hopeful and embodiments of hope in this world even in the midst of our tears. 

As we end, I have one question for two different groups of people in this room today. For the first group, you might have not been feeling ok recently, maybe a lot of things have been going through sa buhay mo, sa personal life, sa work, sa family, anything that is weighing you down. Can we all close our eyes? (slowly)  Feel your emotions right now, think of all those things that make you want to cry, just allow it to pass through you, wag mong husgahan ang mga emosyon, don’t think of it as something negative, breathe. While you are sitting with your emotions. Keep your eyes closed. 

I will take this time to ask the second group of people here in this room, maybe you’re happy right now or wala lang, everything’s ok naman and there is no reason to cry, that’s totally fine, and let’s thank God for that blessing. My question to you now as your eyes are closed, when was the last time that you cried or felt sad for other people? May it be your family, your friends, or anyone suffering. Who comes to mind? Can you say a prayer for them right now? 

Let’s pray, aming mapagmahal at Dakilang Maylikha, we thank you for this opportunity to come together and just cry out as one people, much as we are thankful for all the joys and blessings, we also thank you for all the tears shed for we know that even in the darkest moments of our lives, you are with us. Comfort us, and bring healing to our weary souls.

Can you also give us the grace to turn these tears into grace and compassion, to ourselves whom we constantly beat up because of the pressures and rejection of this world, grace and compassion to other people who needs to hear your message of love, inclusivity, and liberation. All of this we ask in the name of Jesus, whom we try our best to follow. Sya Nawa. Amen!

Of course Advent doesn’t end here, we may be crying now as we wait on God, but there is a promise, and it is in God’s presence in us, through Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us. God bless us all!

The post Crying Out To God In Suffering appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

Does God have a gender and if God does, what is God’s gender? Biblically speaking, God is anthropomorphically presented with both male and female attributes.

Biblical verses that present God as Female or Feminine:

Deuteronomy 32:11-12 – As mother eagle – As an eagle stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, as it spreads its wings, takes them up, and bears them aloft on its pinions, the Lord alone guided him; no foreign god was with him.

Deuteronomy 32:18 – As a mother who gives birth – You were unmindful of the Rock that bore you; you forgot the God who gave you birth.

Isaiah 42:14 – A woman in birthing labor – For a long time I have held my peace; I have kept still and restrained myself; now I will cry out like a woman in labor; I will gasp and pant.

Luke 15:8-10 – A woman who lost and found her coin – “Or what woman having ten silver coins, if she loses one of them, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it? 9 And when she has found it, she calls together her friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found the coin that I had lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Biblical verses that present God as Male or Masculine:

Isaiah 64:8 – Yet, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Isaiah 42:13 – The Lord goes forth like a soldier; like a warrior he stirs up his fury; he cries out; he shouts aloud; he shows himself mighty against his foes.

Hosea 2:16 – On that day, says the Lord, you will call me “my husband,” and no longer will you call me “my Baal.”

The same Bible presents God as someone beyond any human condition.

Biblical verses that present God as non-human:

Exodus 3:1-4 – God as burning bush

Exodus 13:21 – God as Flame by night & Cloud by Day

1 Kings 19:12-13 – God as Silence

1 Chronicles 7 – God as All Consuming Fire

Exodus 20:21 – God inside a thick darkness

John 8:12 (Light is gender neutral) – God as light

In a world of conquest and domination between peoples, physical strength and the brute force of the male became the standard and became divine. Therefore imperial (monarchical) patriarchy privileged man, masculine, and paternal, therefore God became (mostly) male, masculine, and paternal.

But is God only expressed as female and male or is God exclusively male and father?

We know that the first created human in the Genesis (1:26) mythos – the adam from adamah – earthling is not man or male is interpreted as being genderless, intersex, or genderful.

In the beginning God also created male and female, in God’s own image, God created them. So in the same way that God created realities in between, outside of, and beyond night and day, land and sea, or fish and birds, so God also created people with genders beyond male and female. Trans and non-binary and agender and intersex, God created us.

Biblical verses where God favors Eunuchs:

God’s eternal promise to Eunuchs:

For thus says the Lord: To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, I will give, in my house and within my walls, a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. – Isaiah 56:4-5

Eunuch’s life seems to be better than heterosexual marriage:

“If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” – Matthew 19:10-11-12

Eunuch conversion: Eunuch and Philip – Acts 8:26-40

Sexual or Gender Diversity in Creation

Creation itself reveals the diversity of sex, sexuality, and “gender”. From simple life forms who can reproduce asexually and life forms who can interchangeably become “male” and “female” at the same time up to other insects and animals who can also be male and female or a combination of it up to animals who exhibit same sex behaviors or relationships as well as what humans may interpret as cross gendering functions. All manner of creatures and life forms in a multitude of maleness, femaleness, something in between or something totally outside or beyond male and female. The classification of male and female and its functions is a human categorization but not necessarily an exact definition or even a fundamental description of life forms. The diversity of creatures and lifeforms as signatures not only of natural selection and multiplicity of evolution but also the intentionality of God and God’s creative and playful power.

Sexual or Gender Diversity in Humanity

So it is no wonder that through human history and civilizations across different cultures from many different places, there have been humans who cross gendered between male and female. There are those who were a mixture of both or something entirely different or beyond male and female. And even within European patriarchal societies and colonization of other peoples, divergent genders and sexualities have always emerged even in the face of oppression and suppression.

If God incarnated and became flesh in the person of Jesus Christ… If Christians believes that God can transubstantiate ordinary bread into the same flesh of Christ… Then there is no reason not to believe that God has always been transubstantiating and incarnating transgender people since the dawn of humanity.

Jesus describes himself as a mother hen, a cross gendering self-description:

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! – Luke 13:34

Lesson 1: God is presented in the Bible as female and male and cross gendering between the two. God is presented in other forms, images, names, and elements. The writers of the Bible had no problem presenting God in a variety of ways.

Lesson 2: Diversity is a mark of God’s creation including diversity of genders and sexualities, and all of it are equally holy and loved.

Lesson 3: Gender identities and expressions barely has anything to do with being good or bad. Acceptance and celebration of the totality of one’s self and potential often always leads to a meaningful and good life.

Lesson 4: Gender and Sexuality is one important part of your totality as a human being. Embrace it and express it in the most fabulous and creative way you feel. It is a way to honor the God who has creatively made you. While at the same time, do not reduce nor define the totality of who you are with your SOGIESC. You are so much more than your SOGIESC.

Lesson 5: Transgender and gender diverse persons are created in the image of God and an expression of God’s creative power. To reject them is to reject God. To speak abusively against them is to speak against God. To hurt them simply because they are trans is a sin against the One who created them. To kill them is both a crime against humanity and an mortal offense against God.

Lesson 6: Even if you do not understand the gender identities and expressions of others, respect, honor, and celebrate other people who are different from you. Call them by the name and pronoun they wish to be called. Advocate for them and their rights. Help them find their voice and creativity. Love them and hold them accountable by that same love. Encourage them to tell their stories. Receive their blessing and bless them also.

Our Triune God who has created and continues to create diversity delights when we co-create justice and joy for our trans, gender fluid, and gender non-binary siblings.

The story and names of God of many genders and beyond human understanding has been spoken.

May our faith be enlightened. Thanks be to God. Amen.

The post Transgendering Of God In The Bible appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

Are there “trans” or cross gendering saints and holy people in the history of the church?

The Answer: Both Yes and No.

Are there persons we can consider as saints or holy people FOR the transgender, fluid, and non-conforming Christians?

The absolute and strictly male and female binary is mostly Western Christian Gender Construct and was imposed upon other cultures and societies during the age of European Colonization. Although Binary and Heteronormative counterparts are also found in East Asian Imperial Societies rooted, ordered, or influenced by Confusian Philosophy.

There are other societies, cultures, and religions who have recognized gender identities, manifestations, and expressions other than male and female. These societies have gender constructs that are fluid or a combination of male & female, or something entire outside the binary, or in other caes positively allows cross gendering practices to the extent of attributing spiritual authority and power to such individuals or groups.

But even within strictly Christian binary societies, gender crossing individuals have always existed even if it is in hiding or bravely in public even to the point of martyrdom.

Euphrosyne / Smaragdus (Emerald) of Alexandria is a 5th-century saint who left life as a woman to become a monk in an Egyptian monastery. Sept. 27 is this queer saint’s feast day in the Episcopal church. In an apparent acknowledgement of same-sex desire in monasteries, the abbot orders young Smaragdus to live in a separate cell to avoid arousing the other monks. (Kittredge Cherry)

Rev. Kittredge  listed down women who crossed dressed and/or cross gendered to become priests and monks to avoid marriage or other strict expectations for women. There could be more that were never discovered or recorded. The question also, why the need to crossdress and take on male identities when they can enter the monastery as a monastic nun to avoid marriage and get education like Hildegard of Bingen and other notable women saints. There’s probably more to it (for some of them) than just escaping marriage. (www.qspirit.net)

Men who crossdress as women (on occasions) are mostly from the monarchy and elite class. They have the resources and the palaces that afforded them some degree of privacy and also protection. Their power and privilege offered some shield from outright prosecution by church and civil authority.

For historical and contextual integrity, we cannot exactly apply current and western understanding of SOGIESC including the current understandings and experiences under the term transgender towards pre-modern individuals and their own experiences, struggles, and identities. We can only try to loosely resonate with whatever recorded gender non-conforming experiences and practices from medieval Europe and other times in ancient history.

In the same way we say that Jesus is embodied and representative of the poor, the marginalized, and the oppressed; that Jesus is in the face of every exploited peasant laborer, abused woman, person living with HIV, so too can we look to gender crossing saints of the past as embodying and representative of us today. Not that we are saying that historically and absolutely they are trans, gay or lesbian as we understand today, but the lives and struggles they have lived and the bravery they have exemplified in crossing gendering with great risks to them is something that can inspire and inform us as queer and trans people of today.

(Source: www.britannica.com)

Joan called herself ‘the maiden’, but that isn’t necessarily because she wanted to emphasise her femininity – she believed her virginity was crucial to her religious calling. She wore men’s clothing, but that doesn’t mean she thought of herself as male – masculine clothing may have been a way to express her role as a military leader or her sexual unavailability.

In taking such inspiration from medieval figures, we need to be aware we are placing our modern experiences and values on someone who didn’t share them. Whether we conceive of Joan as a woman, non-binary, or even transmasculine (and I think all three are valid historical readings), we must remember that we cannot define her, we can only ever interpret her.

That doesn’t mean we can’t relate to Joan’s experiences of gender – just that there is a whole spectrum of ways to relate. Women have a right to be inspired by Joan as a strong woman acting in defiance of a patriarchal society, but those of us who are queer or non-binary should also be able to see ourselves reflected in her transgression of gender roles and refusal to conform.

(Source: www.thepinknews.com)

What lessons and inspiration we can take from her and other cross gendering saints?

Courage & Conviction – To fulfill her mission of national liberation and to insist her crossdressing as divinely commanded even to the point of martyrdom. Fight for liberation from foreign occupiers and oppressors and to stand firm against religious authorities.

In retelling of the complicated story of Joan of Arc and other non-conforming saints the Good News has been spoken. May our faith be enlightened. Thanks be to God. Amen.

The post Joan of Arc: a Saint for Trans and Gender Fluid Christians appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

My name is Allie (or Brigs if you know me through the internet), pronouns They/Them. I have been part of the community for two years now; though I realized that I’m not fond of talking about myself and preferred to listen and follow along conversations. Trying to recount particular notable stories in my life can be a little challenging; maybe mostly because I see that my past life was generally unremarkable on a conservative standpoint, perhaps even a particularly noteworthy “soul-winning story” for some at the start. I hope that by the end of what I will share you will be taking something home with you.

I was a solo kid born to a career-oriented single mom, raised by my grandmother, your lola’s gorl. I always found myself fascinated by less conventional interests than the norm. Though I am interested in dolls, some of my favorite toys were cars and making “cityscapes” with the help of my older cousin; a thirst to know and learn as I marathon educational science shows.

Interestingly with my inclination toward science, I have also been fascinated with other religions, beliefs, schools of thought, and even unexplainable supernatural mysteries. My first exposure to spirituality was my Catholic mother teaching me to pray “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep”. It goes like this:

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my Soul to keep[;] If I should die before I’wake, I pray the Lord my Soul to take.

Your typical school kid who likes to pray and meditate at the Adoration Chapel during free time; looks in awe at the architectural wonders of churches and the multitude of depictions of the saints and the Blessed Virgin.

Despite all the interesting things and my efforts to connect to others, somehow I felt like I was more inclined to be alone. As my mom put it, it seems that I am perpetually searching for something. What can I say, I like to ask questions.

High school came around and showed me some more variance to the pool of people I was interacting with. Being a teenager, my desire for belonging and making a difference (or being of worth) was something that I tried to fill in with clubs. It was difficult for me to fit in, because of the “habits” I have and the way I spoke.

If you have not heard of the “Impressionable Years Hypothesis,” according to Krosnick & Alwin, in their 1989 journal article “Aging and susceptibility to attitude change” from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it states the following:

[…] individuals are highly susceptible to attitude change during late adolescence and early adulthood and that susceptibility drops precipitously immediately thereafter and remains low throughout the rest of the life cycle.

Of course, there are various factors that shaped my life aside from being a big My Chemical Romance fan. But in the simplest words, as a reflection about the hypothesis in my own life, I feel that at the time I was primed to be in a position where absorbing and subsequently living out the theology I followed vastly changed my life.

My partner at the time was specifically adamant that we should be “yoked equally” as partners, and seeing that I was not “saved,” I was “shared the Gospel to” by others. Throughout my high school I attended several Evangelical megachurches and did so, because of how convincing the “Word of God” was for me. I stopped asking questions. I was so deep into it that throughout my faith journey, I volunteered in different ministries such as Sunday school, youth, ushering, and stage design where I stayed late at the worship venue as a teenager. I shared God’s Word the best as I could everywhere, and to everyone even to my mom, who I converted. At the time, Allie was a conservative who believed in sola scriptura and raised an eyebrow when I heard about Pride Marches and the equality movement (and might have been protesting against it even if I was bold enough). I was active, even at the tail end of my college life doing my best to win youths’ souls for Christ which took most of my spare time, and even had a life verse to hold on to.

When I confided with my post-college sweetheart Danjo about my concerns with where we are spiritually, we realized that the feeling was mutual. We felt that whatever effort we tried such as building our bible study groups, tithing 10% every month, and trying to get along with people that we meet up with every week (sometimes twice a week even) in an apolitical “just pray for your leaders” church culture feels… exhausting. We then agreed simply slowly fading out and finding a community that suits us.

The Hermit in symbolism does not necessarily visualize a crab, as he is typically an old man standing at the peak of a mountain or a cliff, holding a lantern and a staff. There was a feeling of emptiness and conflict as I was examining myself. Like the Hermit seeking knowledge from within, I eventually let go of others telling me to just “pray my problems away” and that “the bible only says this and that.”

I felt that there was something wrong with me not realizing that all this time I was hurting myself and pushing my identity deep down to conform with a cookie cutter mold of what I was supposed to be… of what Danjo and I were supposed to be. I was in denial that I was someone that I myself hated. Eventually, I surrendered and accepted the fact that I was a nonbinary individual that ached for belonging, and a sense of self.

Coupled with a second wind of my now young adult angst, I did what I do best: I started asking questions again. I promised myself to keep myself open to new ideas and to stay curious. We tried different churches and eventually, I thought of searching for queer-affirming churches on Google where we found Open Table MCC.

My experience as a first-timer was met with a warm welcome, a stark contrast to where the chapel was located (which was then the easy-to-miss De Oro building next to the MRT Boni station). Coming from megachurches, Danjo and I were not used to such a small community, even in an older facility, but we wanted to give it a chance. Who knows, maybe we can discover something new- a place where we can be ourselves or at the very least, a place we would maybe attend every once in a while. We were genuinely curious so we decided to attend one September afternoon, removing our footwear and opening the blue door with narrow office blinds. *Shalom*

I am, to this day, a big believer in messages of what the universe is trying to tell me, and my attention was caught when the reading and interpretation were spoken. Luke 15:1-7. The Parable of the Lost Sheep. I feel that something was struck within me. How ironic it was that Danjo and I were searching for belonging, when maybe we were the sheep, with a spring in our step, were quite foolish wandering off… And who would have known that we would find God again, in a little chapel with such welcoming spirits despite my literal resting bitch face? We were a conventionally heterosexual presenting couple as guests, in a dominantly queer presenting community. Like us, we all had similar concerns— careers, family, friends, and a desire for a better tomorrow. After the service and the chikahan, Danjo and I agreed that we liked the vibe, and we’d try again next Sunday.

Remember the Impressionable Years Hypothesis mentioned earlier? Well, let’s say that despite being highly saturated in my old crowd, I changed perspective. As part of my faith deconstruction, I realized that the past 14 (!) years of my life were full of hostile discriminatory thinking and a lot of legalisms instead of meaningful connections, love, and acceptance. I feel like I transformed in truly the most radical way: from someone who was a quiet hateful conservative, to a (still reserved) nonbinary individual enjoying life. Never in a million years would 19-year-old Allie see themself as a queer person who has a much bigger heart that has so much love for my partners. Someone who can reconcile their identity and faith; and, at the same time challenge and ask questions of what we ought to do to share the grace that we once longed to feel towards others.

As much as I want to fully trash talk about my religious background, I can’t simply nuke it from myself. 14 years is a long time, and I forgive past Allie who thought that it was the right thing to do. I feel that past Allie was trying their best to keep the fire going within them. I learned to take full accountability with my faults back then and admit that I was wrong in not respecting boundaries, in creating such a hostile space for others. God’s grace is also present in admitting I was wrong and did wrong in the past. Perhaps this is also redemption both by the grace of God that led me and Danjo to Open Table MCC and by the redemption coming from personal accountability.

To be clear, I want to remind everyone that this community will not be perfect for everyone. There will always be something different between us, and that’s where the beauty is. Sometimes those differences might be strange, hard to understand or even challenging because the beauty of community is like a true work of art. It is not without the artistic struggle to create. Knowing that we, despite our differences, can share a safe space if we put in the work, is what makes a community and a work of God’s art through our human hands.

My involvement in Open Table MCC may not have been as intense as where I have been in the past. This time I’m going through it at my own pace, where I am not running a numbers game or doing all of this to fit a mold. Whether you are someone who is new to spirituality or have been long finding a home church that you can call as your people, I hope you do your best to see the good, the opportunities ahead, and the things that can be changed. And, don’t be afraid to ask questions, because God is mostly in questions.

To close, I want to reclaim a verse that I fully believed in, and even sandwiched in my phone case before as a remembrance of my spiritual journey. Kumbaga, the life verse I have placed out of context to be the “Philippians 4:13” of my life.

As a backgrounder, the passage I am about to share is one of Paul’s letters. This is not his first letter, but already one of many. Corinth, the church to whom is the recipient of this letter, was a diverse city, with complex and colorful people from various backgrounds. As tension and confusion rises in the community, Paul decided to write to them to help address these concerns. The resurrection was meant to bring them together and not split them apart.

The verse in 1 Corinthians 15:58 reads:

Therefore, my beloved brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord because you know that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

Paul’s message in 1 Corinthians 15 speaks of the power of the resurrection. A gift of a new life, transformation and hope-for all. For those in the queer community, who often face rejection or feel “less than” because of society or traditional religious views, Paul’s words can be a profound affirmation.

My brothers, sisters, and siblings in Christ, remember that as impossible as it seems… People can change for the better. I am, as they say, a work in progress. Just as Christ’s resurrection broke through death and brought new life, so can all of us no matter our identity or orientation can find hope and renewal in God’s love. Not as toxic positivity, but knowing that there is opportunity for growth in allowing yourself to stop for a moment— to ask.

Be encouraged that your efforts in seeking truth in love especially through social justice work is valuable. What we are doing is truly important: we hold space for those who are weary, for the marginalized, people who are hurt. For the queer child who feels alienated and abandoned, and for the people who feel they lost their way. As we ourselves got lost once like sheep, through living and learning from our decisions, let us also be the shepherd in another’s life.

Let’s welcome them with joy, knowing that they will be part of our lives and we will be part of theirs. I leave you with something to think about: regardless of how big or small, how has someone impacted you, and how have you been part of someone else’s life today?

The post Now Testament: Allie Almazan appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

I grew up in Los Angeles, Southern California. Not wealthy, but okay. My father worked at carpentry. He made cabinets and dressers and other similar things. I grew up with both my mother and father, and one sister who is two years younger than me. Also, a dog that was a pain in the butt.

I grew up in church. My family was involved in a very traditional, very conservative evangelical church. We lived and breathed church – at least three to four times a week. Sometimes we would go to church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, a bible study on a Wednesday, socials on Fridays. I lived in the church.

I grew up being taught that it is a sin being gay. Homosexuality is an abomination. You go to hell, that’s what my pastor said. And when we’re little and we’re taught that over and over and over, you just believe what you’re told because that’s all you know. That’s what my parents believe, my grandparents, all my cousins, everyone in the church. And I believed it. I mean, I’m a little kid. I believed it was wrong.

We didn’t even say “gay.” My pastor always said “homosexuals.” (I think it sounded more scary or something.) He would just tell us, absolutely don’t even consider it, it’s wrong.

I guess I was a little lucky. Nobody really picked me out as gay when I was a kid. I played sports growing up. I played baseball. My father used to take me out to teach me how to play baseball. We’d go fishing together, and we did stuff all the time. I had a good relationship with my dad. I had lots of friends. I was popular at school. I had girlfriends. (I think I only had girlfriends because my friends had girlfriends, so to be cool, I had to have a girlfriend.)

I had a girlfriend all through high school, and went to the prom and everything. I went to college. When I graduated from college, I became a member of a Black church in Compton, working with gang members. I wanted to do outreach and give back. I wanted to reach out to young kids to show them there’s alternatives to being in gangs, and to provide them alternatives for that. So, I actually formed an NGO, a non-profit organization, and we have probably 50 to 75 teenagers that were involved in our youth group. I was a youth pastor of the church.

While I was there, I met a girlfriend of mine. I was only 20 years old. She and I ran the youth group. And we became best friends. She was my buddy. So, I just knew I found the solution! If I just do the right thing and get married, God will work this all out. Because that’s what I was taught in church.

So what did I do? I proposed, and we got married at 21 years old. And the church thought we were wonderful. I was the youth pastor, she was my wife, we were running this youth group. Everything on the outside looked amazing. On the inside, it was not working.

You know you change a lot in your 20s– you start to realize who you are. You become aware of who you are. When you’re young, you just do whatever your parents tell you. You follow your parents. But when you get in your 20s, you start to realize stuff about your life.

And I wasn’t happy.

I loved her with all my heart. But as my best friend. Not the same as what we would want for a wife.

Our marriage lasted 2 years. And in the end of 2 years, we both knew we weren’t happy. (Personally, I think she was lesbian, because neither one of us really wanted sex a whole lot. It worked out so good!)

We were both trying to prove what the church said, to please God, to please our pastor, to please our families. From the outside, it looked beautiful. But on the inside, neither one of us was happy. And it was getting harder and harder every day.

I was feeling guilty. I was having these thoughts about my male friends.

“Oh, my god, I can’t do this! This is wrong! “This is wrong!”

I was just in major denial. It doesn’t mean I wasn’t gay. I was just in denial. I can’t be gay, or I’ll go to hell. I kept hearing that message. The messages the church has put into us, the traditional church, it goes deep. And we hold on to those messages, and they affect us.

The day we separated, my wife walked out. It’s kind of we both knew it was coming to an end. She walked out. Very next day, it was the first time I walked into a gay bar. Oh, but it wasn’t that easy because I came from church! That’s sin! That’s wrong! I knew I was gonna get hit by lightning. I was waiting for something to strike me down. If I come out, the tires of my car would be slashed. God would get me somehow. I’m just convinced those messages can damage us on the inside so deep. I didn’t really believe it that God could love me the way I was. I had to be fixed, I had to be tamed.

So, after probably 2-3 months of going out and drinking up alcohol for the first time (and I knew that was a sin too, as my pastor said). Those internal messages damaged me well enough that I said I gotta change.

So I joined an ex-gay ministry. A church ministry that said they were gonna fix me and make me straight. Prayer, scripture memorization, confessing all of your sins, which meant confessing every guy you’d ever had sex with. Group counseling. The theory of an ex-gay ministry is everywhere around the world. They’d say they can change you. The theory is we were all born heterosexual. And because of some damage: abuse, bad parenting, something that happened; our attractions got redirected incorrectly. But if we just pray, memorize scripture, confess, go to counseling– if we keep doing the right thing, then our natural heterosexual desires will begin to emerge on their own.

Two years of ex-gay ministry. I prayed for hours and hours. I memorized so much scripture. I confessed every nasty thing I’ve ever done. And I felt a lot better, but there was no heterosexual desires coming out naturally. Nothing could change. In my heart, I still know what I love.

I don’t know why we love what we love. Why do we love pepperoni and not salsa? Why do you like vanilla ice cream but you hate chocolate ice cream? Who knows? God makes diversity. And sometimes, we just do! When we walked down the mall and we see something that looks good, it just does! We don’t choose. People always say that we choose to be gay, we choose to be trans, we choose to be a lesbian. There’s no choice! Think about it, when did you make that decision?

I always ask my straight friends: when did you decide that you were gonna like women and not like guys? They say: I never did that! Of course, they never did. None of us do. We just are who we are. That’s what God created us to be.

It took me 2 years of going through a lot of trauma before I realized that maybe, if God wanted me to change, God would’ve changed me. But nothing has changed. I prayed. God knew my heart. God knew I wanted difference. If that’s what God wanted for me, then God would’ve done. So I finally had to start looking at scripture from new eyes. I had to start looking at everything I’d been taught my whole life in new eyes, new vision, and in all new way.

It was at that time that I decided I needed to change life. I had set up my whole life to please my family, now it’s my turn.

I was working in a business environment. I always wanted to be a police officer. Don’t ask me why, but in my mind, I wanted to do something that mattered, that I can actually help people when they’re in trouble and actually make a difference. And working in an office just didn’t do that for me. I want to be somewhere at two in the morning when they’re trying to cut their wrist or harm themselves. I can be the one to show up and say: babe, you deserve better than this. Let me get you the help you need.

So, I changed my job. I left the church that I had been going to– the traditional church telling me that I was horrible, that I was going to hell. I said, I’ve gotta change. I started going to another church that started just at the same time as MCC, called Unity Fellowship. It was a predominantly Black church, but it’s just like MCC– same theology, progressive, supportive of LGBTQ people.

I decided it was time to change my life. So many times during my life growing up, I thought I couldn’t go on. Everything was wrong with me. I thought this is the end. What I didn’t realize, through all of that, was that God was making a way. God had never left me. (My pastor said God left me, but God hadn’t left me. Maybe the pastor did. That’s his problem.) But God had been there all along. God has stood by and made a way for me, even when I thought it was absolutely impossible, that there is no way God could approve of me. But God did.

There are many times MCC Quezon City, now Open Table MCC, has thought it was not going to survive. It has moved from location to location to location, and trying to figure out: will this church make it? But through it all, God continues to make a way. God made a way for me, God is making a way for Open Table, and God will continue to make a way for each and everyone of you.

(Transcript from one of Reverend Troy Perry’s sermons on the beginning of MCC Church:)

Just Heavenly Father, we come to you this day oh Lord, thanking you God for your divine mercies and your goodness. Lord, we ask oh God that you would look down upon this assembled group, that you would anoint us this Sunday in Metropolitan Community Church. We know, oh Lord, that you can move and that you can help when no one else can or will. We we ask, oh Lord. Move now. Let your power and your goodness flow upon us. In your holy and Your precious name, we pray, amen and amen.

I looked back to October the 6th 1968 and I ran into some of the people who were at that first service and I said, “What do you think?” They said, “I can’t get a seat.” And I look back to that little group of Christians who met and prayed and believed that God could do a thing and it was something unusual and different that a group of persons would have to meet together just because of their sexual orientation and yet that’s what it boiled down to. They were a group of people who felt like they were denied the rights of most Christians to even worship God. As I always say, in that service, God moved. And, when we got through, it wasn’t a matter of having 12 or 1200, we knew that the spirit of the Lord had been in that service. And, we started growing and finally, we reached the grand number of 36 and we just couldn’t get them in the living room of my house anymore. And we said: we’ve got to find something.

And you’ve heard the story but I want to tell it again. We went to the Women’s Club. They asked what kind of group we were. We smiled, said we were a Church group. We wanted to rent their facilities and we were scared to death. Willie Smith went with me and was very charming to the ladies as we talked to them. Flattered one on the way her hair looked, and talked about another’s dress. And when we got through, the women let us sign the lease for the building. They said, “Okay, great. You can use it.” And, we started worshipping God there. We went from 36, to 40, to 45, to right around 50. All at once, an article appeared in the Los Angeles Advocate. And when it did– and that was a move of God too.

I want to tell you something, God works in strange ways sometimes. And we outgrew the bottom of the Women’s Club and had to move to the top. We went to their upper room and we finally started averaging around 200 upstairs in that building, when disaster struck.

One day, I went over to pick up my robes for a wedding and the president of the Women’s Club met me and she said, “I’d like to talk to you.” She said, “You people can’t rent the building anymore. After the next two weeks are up, you’re paid up to then and that has to be it.” And I said, “Why?” She said, “Well, the janitor doesn’t want to come in and work on Sundays.”

So I went upstairs and picked up my robes and walked back downstairs, I said, “Now, tell me something. What’s the real reason?” and she said, “Well, that’s the reason we’re giving.” And I said, “All right. God bless you. Thank you.”

But, you know it was really strange we were visited by some people who weren’t really friendly to our community. Just about four weeks before that, they come down to look us over. A certain man was running for a certain public office here in Los Angeles and I never tell you people who to vote for. But I preached– when that man was running– that if you voted for him, you’d almost die and go to hell, if you remember that. I didn’t care who you voted for, but I just wanted to let you know how I felt about him. Most of you got the message and you voted against him and he lost. That was a victory for our community. Amen? Amen. Alright.

We moved and we moved to another location— Embassy Auditorium in downtown Los Angeles, and we got to stay there for one month, before one day some minister walked into the basement and wandered into the wrong room. Then one rose up in the back and said: “I have a question I want to ask.” And of course, when he asked this question, the man’s mouth just fell open. As the young lady said, she just spoke up and said: “As this type of individual, what would you say to me?” and all at once, he started looking around. And, I just saw this look cross this man’s face and it scared him to death.

He got up and he walked upstairs. “Do you know what kind of group they have worshipping down there?” and the person looked and said, “Why, a Christian group, I guess.”

“No, no, they can’t be Christians. They’re this, that, and the other, and that was terrible.” And we were given a two weeks notice to move from there. And, I was really broke up on that and finally one of our friends who was a member of the First Methodist Church went to them and said: “Look, here’s a group of Christians that need a place to meet. Can they meet here?” And they said: “Okay, for one week.” So, we started making announcements. You better stick with us because you’re liable to show up next week and you won’t know where we’re at or whether we’re worshipping. Sure not, that happened. We got to stay in the Methodist Church for 2 weeks. They extended our tour.

And from there, we went to the Encore Theater. Willie Smith, who was the projectionist there, walked in and asked Mr. Louis Fredericki, who was the owner of the theater said: “Look, we’re a Church group and we need a place to meet for about four or five weeks.” He said: “would you permit us to use your auditorium?” And of course, we didn’t stay there four or five weeks. We stayed there for over a year. And, you know something, Louis Fredericki never attended our Church. He only arrived once, that was one day, the day that we honored him. And yet, he was a real Christian. He didn’t charge us a bit of rip to that building. He didn’t attend MCC. But he believed we were a group of people and he wanted to be compassionate and help out a little bit. That was being more Christian than some of the Christian groups had been. But, you know, we overstayed our visit there and we started looking around.

When I look back, it’s almost comical that things had happened to this Church. In Huntington Park, when we were young, one day, someone came and said: “We have found the Church.” And I said: “Oh, where’s it at?” And they said: “Oh, it’s over here.” We went over to a certain area of town, it’s right next to a junk pile and I remember, we went and looked at this little Church and it would sit about 75 people. And we all got together– the board– and we tried to decide whether to buy that church or not. And I remember we said: “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. We’ll wait, we’ll pray, and next week, “the Lord will let us know whether to buy that church or not.”

The next week, we had 90 in attendance and that was God’s answer. Amen.

I want to tell you something: a building a Church doesn’t make. We’ve got a Church building here. But I want to tell you, if we get so wrapped up in this building and unwrapped in God, we’ll fail like so many other churches have. Amen. If we get to the point where we forget Him and we remember just ourselves and we put us on the pedestal and we say: “Look what we’ve done”– and we forget it was God who did it for us, we’ll fail. The day that we refuse to worship God and to serve Him and to look to Him as the author and finisher, we’ll fail. But, if we look to him, and we’re the doorkeeper in the house of the Lord, we shall overcome. And we shall run the race with patience, and we shall see the end of this thing. Some people look at us and say: “oh we’re here, this is it.” But I want to tell you something. We’ve just begun. This is the start, church. We’re not going to give up and throw up our hands. We’re not going to quit tomorrow. We’re going to look to Jesus Christ and we shall march forward, victorious with him.

—

I grew up believing that I was cursed. God could not love me as I was. But I was wrong. I am so glad I was wrong. God loves me, just as I am. And God loves every single one of you in this room, just as you are. Gay, straight, bi, trans, non-binary, fluid. We are all god’s children. Everyone of us. Regardless of what your priest used to say, regardless of what your pastor used to teach you, what your grandmother said… You are here because God created you and God does not make mistakes. We are exactly who we are supposed to be. Just because some relative or some political politician doesn’t approve of us, that doesn’t matter because God does. God loves us exactly as we are.

As Reverend Troy Perry said at the end of that video, a building doesn’t a church make. This building is not the church. YOU are the church. You’re the church tomorrow morning. Wherever you’re going to be. If you’re going to school, you’re the church at school. If you’re going to be at the mall, you’re the church at the mall. If you just stay home and sleep all day, guess what? You’re the church at home.

God lives and breathes through everyone of us. You could not be sitting here breathing today if God didn’t put that breath in you. God loves you! Otherwise, you wouldn’t be breathing. We would not be here. We are all God’s children.

So, does that mean God is trans? Does that mean God is non-binary? Absolutely. Everything that we are comes from God. God is trans, non-binary, gay, straight. God is all of that and more.

We all come from an amazing, loving, Heavenly Father/Mother, and Spirit who loves us and created each of us in Their own image. Know that today. Hear it.

Some of us have been in MCC for a long time. We’ve heard that message, but we even kind of forget and deny how deep those old messages we heard when we were kids are. They are still in there, and sometimes at night, we still feel like maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe if I was only different, my mother would love me more. Those messages do serious damage. It took me years to work through that– the damage the traditional church did to me.

I don’t know what you grew up in religiously, if you grew up Catholic or Christian, Muslim, Seventh-Day Adventist… Some of those traditional messages of choice, that some of us are better than others, that pit us against each other. Those messages have gone deep. This morning, I want you to put those messages down and know that God truly loves you exactly as you are today.

Let’s pray: Lord God, we just thank You this morning. We thank You for Your incredible unconditional love for each and everyone of us here in this room, and each and everyone of us out on the street, outside this building right now. Lord, thank You for creating all of us just as we are meant to be. Thank You for sending Your child, Jesus, to show that example to sacrifice His love for us to let us know that we are worthy. We truly are worthy of Your love. Lord, we still mess up, and we doubt, and we stumble, and sometimes we really screw up. But every time, You stand by us and You continue to make a way for us. You make a way for us each and every day, every week, every month. When we think that we don’t see a way ahead, that I don’t know how I’m going to get through this, that it’s so bad, I don’t see an answer. Lord help us feel Your presence and know that You’re standing right beside us and You’re not going anywhere. Help remind us that we are your children and that You love us with all Your heart and soul and mind and all Your being, that You created us just as we are and You are proud of who we are. Thank You for that love. Help us to share that love. To share that with others. To let all of our friends and family and our acquaintances and our schoolmates know that they are also created in Your image, and that You will make a way for them also. Just thank You for all that You have done and given for us. And this morning, we give You the praise, and we give You the honor, and we give You the glory in Your wonderful and holy name. Amen.

The post Now Testament: Don Mueller appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

Hi everyone, I’m Mariz, ang tita nyong taga etivac na mapagmahal sa kawali! I am a cisgender female who identifies as pansexual – married to the love of my life, my wife Mikay.  

I’m a late bloomer— I was once just an ally of the LGBTQ+ community, unlike many of you na bata palang nagidentify na bilang sirena o diwata w/ glitters dahil lumilipad sa chinese garter, I identified as a straight ally until my early adult years.  

People may think na, “Ah, naheartbroken sya sa lalaki kaya sya pumatol sa babae” – Nope.  

People may think na, “Ah, may family issues yan kaya nagrerebeldeng nagjowa ng babae” – Nope. 

People may think na, “Ah, nageexperiment pa siguro sya, maghahanap din ng lalaki yan” –  Nope. Sino bayang people na yan? Wag kamo silang paladesisyon. 

So, what was my life like before joining Open Table MCC?  

Growing up, I often heard the phrase “homosexuality is a sin” during church services. Kung saan normal maging pulot ng katatawanan ang pagiging effem or “babakla bakla”. But to me, bilang pinalaki ng Sexbomb girls, I  grew up with bakla frennies who were such vibrant individuals that brought creativity to my life. I couldn’t see what the hate was all about – dahil nuong bata pa ako, hindi ko pa naman naiintindihan ang konsepto ng pakikipagtalik ng isang lalaki sa kapwa nya lalaki. So, I hadn’t fully understood the hate; because to me, they were just talented people deserving of love and respect and I always had a protective instinct to stand up for them. 

That is of course, until I became one myself. Yinakap ko ang bahaghari when I chose to have a relationship with a woman. In 2019, after recovering from depression, I found myself asking the universe for a love that wouldn’t hurt me, yung hindi ka lolokohin. Little did I know, that quaint prayer would lead me to my greatest confusion—and my greatest joy.

When I met Mikay, para syang eksena a K-drama, nagslo-mo sya sa harap ko and it was like she had all the gravitational pull papunta sa kanya. To clarify my feelings, I dated guys, hoping to figure it all out na baka sipon lang to that would go away. Pero hindi eh, walang spark, my heart was unmistakably drawn to her. Sya talaga. After the long internal Q&A portion with my intrusive thoughts, I embraced my identity as pansexual.

This is the first time I had a girlfriend, and I definitely wasn’t prepared for this experience. As we started going out in public and sharing our relationship on social media, I became acutely aware of the fact that we were two women together. “Babae at Babae Kami”. The glares and side glances felt heavy, and I could hear the unspoken societal judgments echoing around us.  

Doon ako nagsimulang mag-alala sa mga iniisip ng iba, lalo na kung ano ang masasabi nila sa pamilya ko kaya we became somewhat lowkey – lowkey pero hindi secret. There were people whom I loved, that didn’t agree with this new change in my life who told me that “If you really love her. you should let her go so you can both go to heaven” and “alam mo naman ang stand ko about this, kasi hindi ito ang turo ng bible”. These were actual hurtful verbatims that were said to me by the closest people I loved the most. Hence, from when they spoke these words, either we had a falling out or I cut them off completely and kept my respectful boundaries. I also struggled with my faith and thought that I’m contradicting with this kind of love. Tinanggap ko nang maging panggatong nalang after this life. 

This was a sample of a micro aggression towards being queer that I experienced first-hand. Akala ko noon naiintindihan ko na sila, hindi pa pala.  The happiness coming from our romantic relationship was fluctuating to and from the guilt that what we’re doing is wrong – that’s when I realized that “Internal Homophobia” really hits different, and it hits you hard.  

Despite all of that, I loved her fiercely because I knew she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I focused on her happiness, determined to create a safe space for her amidst the negativity we faced. I wanted her to feel cherished and valued, not just by me but in a world that often seemed unkind. Every glance and whisper became a reminder of the challenges we had to navigate, but I chose to rise above it. Pag may nakikikita kaming na-o-off sa affection namin in public, mas lalo pa kaming lumalagkit at nagpapakasweet. 

I encouraged her to embrace her joy and to know that our love was something to celebrate, and not hide. Kasi wala naman kaming ginagawang masama, wala kaming inaapakang tao, and wala kaming ginagawang ikasasakit ng iba. In those moments, I realized that love is a powerful force; it can shine brightly even in the darkest of circumstances. I was committed to protecting our togetherness and standing against the tide of misunderstanding and prejudice.  

So sa dinami rami ng sinabi ko, paano nga ba kami napadpad sa MCC – and what was our motivation?  

Three years into my relationship with Mikay, we felt a significant void that our love couldn’t fill. She was attending a conservative church, while I was also in a homophobic mega church, both leaving us spiritually unfulfilled and often sad. Discussions about faith became sensitive topics because we were practicing two different beliefs of Christianity. We rarely went to church – and we never went together kasi the sermons in church would ultimately always make us feel bad about being together. We longed for a faith community that accepted us, yet the sermons we heard in our current churches felt hateful and exclusive, so we let go of that possibility.  

Frequent arguments made us realize that the absence of God in our lives was taking its toll and it was like an uncontrollable poison that was spreading fast. Despite that turmoil, we always knew in our hearts that we wanted to be in each other’s lives forever. Diba, sana all? And had talked about having a Holy Union ceremony for the two of us. Kahit hindi legal sa pilipinas, but a sign of our commitment to each other. 

Upon searching for LGBTQ Churches in the Philippines that officiates a “Holy Union” service – we stumbled accross MCC sa Google Search results. We thought we can check it out to get the vibe and if it’s really something that we want for ourselves, or baka clout chasers lang kami.  

The first time we experienced MCC was on December 11, 2022, when we decided to make the two-hour journey from Cavite to Boni, to attend a Sunday Service. We rode our motorcycle to De Oro Building in Boni, navigating through a sketchy entrance that added to my anxiety because the building lowkey looked kinda scary and looked like one big safety hazard. I hesitantly rode the elevator, feeling uneasy but reminding myself that we had traveled so far—and there was no turning back. Upon reaching the fourth floor, we took off our shoes and entered Unit 401, arriving ten minutes late. Pastor Joseph was already beginning his introduction, but paused warmly to welcome us and introduced himself as the “Mother Superior of Roses.” I looked around to the congregation that were mostly composed of mga badeng which I was expecting to be intimidating, pero surprisingly ay hindi. 

Pastor Joseph was wearing pink, Jun and Josh wore the same uniqlo shirt that day, Kuya Jack was the one-man choir with his rainbow-strapped guitar, and Ralph came up to the Pulpit to preach “Joy in Suffering”. I vividly remember uncontrollable tears streaming down my face because I was caught off guard by the depth of my emotions. It felt like God was whispering, “Anak, you’re home.” I glanced at my partner, hoping she was as moved as I was, because I was hopeful that I can convince her to do this again the next Sunday.  

As the service continued, I remember that it had been years since I practiced communion, so I’ve been feeling unworthy of receiving the body of Christ. But, when Pastor Joseph mouthed the blessings over the bread and wine, “Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech haolam, hamotzi lechem min ha-aretz. Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu melech ha-olam, borei p’ri hagafen.” hand to my heart, that I had goosebumps.  

I was invited to come with my doubts, my fears, my brokenness, and I came with my lover, as we were also – children of God. It was as if Christ himself, invited me to supper. It was a hug of belongingness na “Anak din naman ako ni Lord”. It was my first communion, where I accepted it not out of the program flow, but out of my heart opening up to the invitation of this open table. I quietly prayed to God – not with any desires, but just uttered how grateful I was to be led here to experience His Love in this space. Akalain mo yun, mararanasan pala namin ang presensya ng Diyos sa loob ng isang simbahan na nasa loob ng isang building na may nakakatakot na entrace at nakakatakot ng elevator. Who would have imagine or think that God is present in a small space of an old building with a scary and shady entrance? 

And ever since that first service, my partner and I, continued to immerse ourselves in this wonderful and colorful community. We were not a queer couple here, but we were only a couple – naramdaman naming maging normal couple and was warmly accepted with love. We continued to build relationships with the people of Opentable, and chose to show up to family dinners, community hangouts, and pride marches. 

When I first came to MCC, I had no expectations. But as I reflect on how this church has impacted my life, I asked myself why I put in the effort to be here. I could easily choose not to attend kasi ang layo layo ko nga – pero pinipili kong magsimba sa MCC dahil ramdam ko kasi na ito ang community for me.  

Here, I’ve come to understand advocacy issues that I once overlooked. Listening to the life stories of others has helped me grasp the struggles they face and the reasons behind their fight.  

Here, I learned about the struggles of coming out, the pain of rejection, and the resilience it takes to embrace one’s true self in a world that often seems unwelcoming.  

Here, the stigmas I once held have faded significantly as I encounter real people with real stories—each one unique and powerful. Kahit pa makalat ang story na yan, mas makalat, mas inspiring because there is power in being vocal about your vulnerable experiences.   

Initially, I carried preconceived notions shaped by society’s narratives like misunderstandings about what it meant to be queer or stereotypes about LGBTQ+ individuals, and/or a lack of awareness about the diverse identities within our community and lost the panghihinayang in the phrase “kaso bakla sya”. Gwapo sana sya kaso – Magaling sana sya kaso – Okay na sana kaso – 

These conversations challenged my previous beliefs and prompted me to confront my own biases. I began to see the richness of our community, and that our identities are not just labels but they are woven into the fabric of our own experiences. Ang saya maging bakla! I recognized the importance of allyship, solidarity, and the need to advocate for one another. 

As I absorbed these lessons, my stigmas transformed into empathy and support. I realized that by breaking down my own misconceptions, I could contribute to creating a more inclusive environment, not just for myself but for everyone seeking acceptance and love. This journey has deepened my understanding of both my own identity and the collective strength of our community – I find motivation in facilitating our Online Community Connect because it’s where I can allocate my energy to help extend this safe space remotely. 

I used to attend church and follow its teachings without question, driven by a deep-seated fear of judgment and a desire to conform kasi takot akong hindi makarating sa heaven. For so long, my faith was shaped by the expectations of others—rules about how to live, whom to love, and what to believe. I feared stepping outside those boundaries because I worried about disappointing my family, my community, and even God. Pero nakakapagod itong isustain. This blind obedience left me feeling disconnected, as if I was merely going through the motions rather than truly engaging with my spirituality.  

However, as I journeyed through queer safe spaces and found acceptance within the MCC community, my perspective began to shift. I realized that faith should not be about fear but about love and understanding.  

This transformation not only deepened my relationship with God but also healed the wounds of past rejection and self-doubt. I started to ask meaningful questions like “What does it truly mean to love and be loved by God?” and “How can I reconcile my identity with my faith?” Profound diba? Here, it’s okay to question your faith and find answers according to your own heart. 

Now, my faith is a journey of exploration rather than obligation. I approach it with curiosity and openness, eager to learn about the vastness of God’s love and grace. I now understand that God’s love is inclusive and affirming, embracing all of who I am. This shift has allowed me to experience faith as a source of strength and comfort, rather than a burden, and it inspires me to share that love with others. 

This story of self-discovery ultimately prepared me for my holy union with my wife. It equipped me with the understanding that our love is a reflection of God’s love—beautiful, sacred, and deserving of celebration. As we stand together, committing our lives to one another, I feel a profound sense of peace and joy, knowing that our love is not only accepted but cherished in this community of faith. And that it would not have been as meaningful, if it wasn’t for the people in this space.  

I think that the most important lesson that God taught me through MCC is to “Come As You Are“. 

In a world that often tries to define us by labels or stereotypes, it’s essential to embrace and celebrate what makes you uniquely you. Your individuality is your strength. You are a unique genetic combination that has come into existence. No one was like you before and no one will be like you in the future. Individuality is a gift from God otherwise sana ginawa tayong parepreho ni Lord. Mass production of Mariz. Your individuality is what allows you to stand out and to connect authentically with others. Embrace your quirks, your passions, and your unique story—these are the things that makes you who you are. 

Remember, that your journey is your own, and there’s no one way to be queer! Wala namang rulebook na nagdidikta pano maging bakla, live life on your own terms while making sure that do not harm others and you are still able to live with different people with their own uniqueness. 

In uplifting your individuality, you not only honor yourself but also honor the God who made you unique and doing so you also pave the way for others to feel empowered in their own identities. Let your voice be heard, your colors be seen, and your story be told, follow your disturbances and express your beliefs even if they differ from the mainstream. 

But of course, individuality has its challenges. It is also here in MCC I learned that unique individuality includes all our imperfections, traumas, and even mental health conditions, and this can be very challenging for a community that proclaims itself as a safe space because it attracts also diverse people with diverse problems, traumas, and mental health. On this part, I am still learning and growing because to accept my individuality and the individuality of others, I have to also recognize my imperfection and the imperfection of others. How to extend grace and understanding for others as much as others will extend grace and understanding for someone like me. Sometimes this is the true test of love dahil sabi nga, not only in the good but also in the bad. Not only in celebration but also love in difficulties, particularly, in the difficulties attached with diverse individualities. Hindi pwedeng love lang sa mabuti, maganda, at masaya. All the more ang love, patience, and understanding sa malungkot, nakakairita, at mga chakang pangyayari. 

I’d like to share a memorable passage that Pastor Joseph highlighted during our Holy Union, because it beautifully illustrates the power of love and devotion: the story of Ruth and Naomi. 

In the book of Ruth Chapter 1 verses 16-17, Ruth expresses her unwavering commitment to Naomi with these heartfelt words: “Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”  

To me, this speaks as a reminder that love is not limited to traditional definitions or societal approvals. Ruth and Naomi’s relationship is a testament to the beauty of chosen family and the courage it takes to love authentically, even when faced with adversity.  

As we reflect on this passage, I want to encourage you to be courageous in your own expressions of love! 

Love, in all its forms, is a divine gift. Just as Ruth’s love for Naomi, when you find it, embrace it, cherish it, because your love is valid. 

The world may not always understand or accept us, so let her words remind us that love knows no boundaries, and may we carry the truth forward in our own lives. So, let’s continue supporting one another in our own journeys, and remember that while we have our own journeys we also journey together. Your individuality is not just for yourself but also for others. And I thank God that I’m able to continue my journey and be just as I am with the person I love by journeying with others in MCC. May we always remember: love is love, and it is meant to be celebrated! 

I encourage you to love boldly, love authentically, and know that you are creating a beautiful testament to the power of love that reflects the heart of God.  

The post Now Testament: Mariz Carcillar appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.

When Pastor Joseph first approached me to do a testimonial preaching and share about my life and faith, my initial reaction was, “Meron bang matutunan sa story ko? Parang wala naman.” 

But let me try to summarize and unpack my 34 years of existence and see if there is anything that can be learned from it while keeping it as organized and as concise as possible.

Before becoming a part of Open Table MCC, I would describe my life as tumultuous.

Growing up in a family of mostly boys, I already knew that I was different from my brothers. I had more effeminate inclinations, and I would strut in front of our helpers like a fashion model for their amusement. When people would take my picture, I would pose proudly with my hand on my hips. This was met with some frowns from my brothers, who didn’t want me to be that way. I was banned from watching shows like Sailor Moon. But that didn’t stop the magical girl in me from enjoying shows like Jem and the Holograms and Akazukin Cha Cha. My closest friends growing up were mostly girls. The rough and tumble of boys didn’t appeal to me. As a young child, I would be labeled as “malamya”, soft, pabebe. Maybe it comes with being the bunso. But that didn’t necessarily mean that I was homosexual, right? Or so I thought. 

My family went to an Evangelical bible-believing church. I remembered enjoying going to Sunday School. One Sunday, my punishment for not finishing my breakfast was not being allowed to go to church. And I cried after my mother. Perhaps my enjoyment ended on that day. But I grew up in that church community. So, it wasn’t long before I learned that homosexuality was labeled as a sin. At the time, I didn’t identify as one, so I didn’t think much of it. But it wasn’t long before puberty hit where I found out that the clobber verses applied to me as well. 

I think it was around high school when I started noticing my attraction towards boys. And at the time, it felt like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. What followed was a cycle of shame, guilt, and praying for forgiveness, then repeat. I think the first person I ever spoke to about my “struggle” was my small group leader. In 2005 when I was about 15 years old, I attended our church’s encounter weekend. I confessed to him that I was struggling with “gender confusion”, and he prayed for me. He would check up on me every now and then. But he didn’t really know how to deal with it. I don’t think anyone knew how to deal with it at the time. Eventually, the term changed to “same sex attraction”.

It was around college when my internalized homophobia reached its peak. I found an ex-gay ministry based in Makati. There, I met Christians who were trying to deal with their unwanted same sex attraction. It sounds silly now, but it made so much sense to me at the time. It felt like my only choice. It wasn’t long before I realized that most of them didn’t lose their attractions. They just dealt with their behaviors. It was like Alcoholics Anonymous but for gay people. We would sit in different groups and talk about our struggles, answering a series of questions like “Did you lust about a member of the same sex? Did you indulge in internet pornography? Did you masturbate? And lastly, did you lie to the group?” 

This was my first exposure to a queer community. But there was just one issue: Most of the attendees at the time were people who had “lived the lifestyle” and were turning away from it. Prior to that, I had absolutely no experience. When I shared this concern with someone, they told me to experience it so I know what I’m turning away from, and I wouldn’t have any regrets. So, I did. And I never looked back. 

What followed was a series of explorations, hookups and a few serious relationships. Some led to heartbreaks which would cause me to seek an outlet for my pain. One of my outlets was theater. After my 3rd “breakup” (where I was basically ghosted a day after we became official), I attended a theater workshop and discovered my passion for theater. Then, I auditioned and was accepted for a Christian theater company, where I performed for a year.

On one hand, I was serving God through theater. But on the other hand, I was actively exploring the boundaries of my sexuality. Sounds like split level Christianity on paper. Being gay in the theater industry is kind of like an open secret. I wasn’t very open with mine, however. Only a few close people knew. 

While I was going through my relationships, I’ve experienced being cheated on. And I have also done the same to others. My 6th serious relationship was with someone I met in the Christian theater company that I mentioned. After about a year of being together, I decided to end things with him and confessed to him that I have cheated on him several times. And I was already seeing someone else. I will admit and own up to my mistakes. But this led to some devastating consequences, which I will expound on later.

On my 7th relationship, I met someone who had plans to leave and move to a different country after a year. So, I knew that it probably wasn’t going to last. Nevertheless, I was extremely infatuated with this person, and I wanted to pursue him and see if we can make it work. I also felt compelled to be a better person. Knowing my tendencies to cheat, I sought therapy for my behavior. But after about 6 months, I met someone else who tested my resolve and who wasn’t going to leave the country. One thing led to another, and I was already emotionally cheating with this other person. To add to the drama, I was confronted by the leader of my former Christian theater company.

I don’t know exactly if I was outed by my ex. But after a few months of breaking up with him, I received a phone call from the leader of the Christian theater company with a very concerned voice expressing dismay over my chosen lifestyle. Suffice it to say that it was a very uncomfortable conversation which led to the leader praying for me as we ended the call. At the time, I felt vulnerable and that any time, my Christian community and subsequently my home church would disown me. I also felt that my life and subsequent choices were leading me down a spiral. I didn’t like the person that I was becoming. This led me to seek MCC.

I already knew about the Metropolitan Community Church from several years prior. I first heard about it on an interview with Karen Davila and the former pastor. At first, I felt amused and was interested to attend. However, I was discouraged from attending at the time for fear that the doctrine may not be sound. After all, how could homosexuality be accepted in a Bible believing church? 

But when I felt compelled to seek an affirming community, I set my doubts aside and sent my first message to the Facebook page of Open Table MCC: “Hi! I would like to visit your church. I’ve had the urge to attend your church for a long time but couldn’t get around to doing so. Lately, I’ve been facing some persecution; and the struggle between my faith and sexuality has been put in the forefront. I would also like to seek counseling to help me become a better person, the kind God wants me to be.”

Then on September 30, 2018, I attended my first service in NCCP. 

My first impression was that it was a very small community of about 5 to 6 people. At the time, there was no sermon, but only a holy conversation and a series of guide questions being answered by the group. It was more like the kamustahan of Community Connect that we have now. Then, we would form pairs and share our prayer requests with one another. 

I felt at the time that the group was struggling to maintain its attendance. Nevertheless, I believed that it was the only community where I could seek answers to my questions: If homosexuality is not a sin, what is? Tackling the concept of consent, monogamy and faithfulness, how can I be a good gay Christian?

At the end of the service, I had a talk with Pastor Joseph and I asked him a few questions. What I remembered was his explanation on the importance of mutual consent and covenant agreement between partners. Whether monogamous or otherwise, what makes something sinful and an offense is the breaking of the trust, the consent, and the covenant with a partner. 

Despite its small number, I continued to attend Open Table MCC because I believed in its potential to be a safe and affirming community for people like me. I wasn’t aware at the time of the many struggles that the church has faced. But I was only focused on looking at what would come next. 

After attending for a few months (we already moved to Alfonso de Oro building), I became more comfortable with reconciling my faith with my sexuality. I made my parents watch a movie with me called Prayers for Bobby that mentioned MCC. After the movie, I told my parents that I have accepted my sexuality as part of my identity and hoped that they would do the same. My father was already accepting of me, but my mother still had her reservations being strongly rooted in what the Evangelical church taught her to believe.  I told them that I was attending Open Table MCC and that I was in a committed long-distance relationship. Prior to that, I would tell my mom that I would meet some “theater friends” every Sunday afternoon. 

So every Sunday morning, I would continue to attend my home church with my mom as my way of appeasing her, and so she wouldn’t question me when I would go to MCC in the afternoon. At first, whenever I told her that I would be going to MCC, I would be met with a furrowed brow. Almost like her saying, “Why do you feel the need to go to that church?” Over time, she stopped questioning me. 

What I appreciate about MCC is its supportive and nurturing environment. We are not perfect, but we do our best to be a safe and affirming space for each other. I recall moments when we would celebrate each other’s wins at Wendy’s after service, whether it’s finding a new job, a successful booking, or coming out to our families. We would also share struggles and seek advice. I was in a long-distance relationship with my ex at the time, and it was definitely a struggle for me to maintain. It was through dialogue and conversations with other members I gained the insight and resolve to end my LDR of 4 years. 

Through MCC, I also gained the courage to march for the first time during the Metro Manila Pride March in Marikina in 2019. 

Today, it has been 6 years since I joined Open Table MCC. I stayed because I believe in its mission to maintain a safe space for LGBTQIA+ individuals seeking to pursue their faith without being judged for how they identify or who they are attracted to.

So did my home church ever disown me? No. Not yet anyway. From time to time, I would still serve, sing praise and worship and lead the choir in my home church. Maybe after today, they would find out and eventually confront and excommunicate me. If they did that, I think I would be fine. I would probably welcome the opportunity to have more free time every Sunday and focus my energies on what I truly believe is aligned with my purpose in life.

Our series also begs the question: Where is God, Jesus Christ, and the Gospel in my story? It’s a difficult question because most of us were taught that when we say God, Jesus, and the Gospel, we always refer to the Bible, especially coming from my evangelical church. But it is also here in MCC that I discovered that God is present in my life even when sometimes I do question it, especially during those difficult and painful times. Where is God in my story? Perhaps God was watching me with joy and glee through the eyes and smiles of our maids who watched me walk the runway as a child. Perhaps God was the loving father who accepted me as his gay son after watching a gay film. Perhaps God was in theater acting as me and acting with me. Perhaps God was also in the middle of my questions and struggles. That Jesus was there in the flesh was when 5 to 6 people struggled to continue a church so that someone like me, a seeker, can come and ask my questions on one ordinary Sunday of September 30, 2018. I do not know how my life would have turned out if there was no MCC back then. I could have returned to my church or that other ex-gay ministry and continue to live a disjointed or split life. Come to think of it, such a split life was and is very destructive to one’s mental health and spirit. Perhaps, Jesus was in the flesh of Pastor Joseph answering my questions about sexuality and relationships. And Jesus was in the flesh of every other friend that I have made in MCC like Kuya Mike, Choi, Dandy, Chris, Ralph, Sean, Jack, Kuya Vince, and many others who listened to me and to my many other struggles. 

If there is one lesson that I have learned from MCC that speaks of the Gospel or Good News that I would like to impart to others, it would be to know your worth. You are loved and you are worthy of love. True and genuine love. A love that nourishes, cares and a love that sets you free. You are worthy of God’s love and the love of family, friends, and community. After all, God’s love can only be experienced by the love that comes from warm bodies. 

For the current members of MCC, recall your deepest why. Remember why you felt the need to look for a queer affirming church. What brought you here in the first place? Perhaps like me you needed to find some answers to how you can live a more fulfilling and meaningful life as a queer Christian. Perhaps you also sought an affirming community that will not reject you for who you are and who you are attracted to. And once you harness that fire, keep it burning so that others may see your light. That way we can give back to the community and continue to fulfill its mission. For the newbies, you are welcome here as you are. And I hope you can find your worth as I have found mine.

Let me end with verse that I chose that I feel resonate with my life and message for today:

Jeremiah 29:11-14 – “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you form all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”

Matthew 5:14-16 – “You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

The post Now Testament: Joshua Cheng appeared first on Open Table Metropolitan Community Church.