Welcome to episode #282! When Both Spouses Have a Story: Finding Hope After Sexual Brokenness With RJ and Melissa Whaley

What happens when both spouses bring sexual brokenness into a marriage? RJ and Melissa Whaley join us to share their incredibly honest story of pornography, betrayal, recovery, rebuilding trust, and discovering that God can use even the hardest parts of our story for His glory.

Their journey is a powerful reminder that recovery isn't simply about stopping a behavior. It's about learning to become healthier people, rebuilding connection, taking responsibility for our own choices, and creating a new path for our marriages and families.

Most importantly, your story doesn't have to end where your struggle began.

Key Takeaways

• Marriage doesn't automatically fix sexual brokenness—healing requires intentional work.
• Your pain matters, but you are also responsible for how you respond to it.
• Recovery isn't just about sobriety; it's about rebuilding the relationship.
• Trust is rebuilt through honesty, consistency, and actions that match our words.
• Look for the small wins—or "glimmers"—that show you are moving in a healthier direction.
• You can't change your spouse, but you can change how you show up.
• You don't have to walk this journey alone. Authentic community can make all the difference.

Scripture Highlight

“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve.” — Joshua 24:15

We have a choice in how we respond, how we show up, and what direction we take. We may not be able to control everything around us, but we can choose the next right step.

Action Steps

1. Take responsibility for your yard. Ask: What is mine to own in this situation?
2. Look for a glimmer. Identify one area where you or your relationship is doing better than before.
3. Choose one small change. Don't try to fix everything at once. What is one healthy step you can consistently take this week?
4. Find community. Don't keep sexual struggles, pain, or recovery isolated. Find someone safe who can walk with you.

Remember: You don't have to change perfectly. You just have to keep choosing differently—and keep moving toward Jesus.

Connect to the Whaley's:
Instagram: The Trail Blazing Life
RJ and Melissa's Website

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Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Porn Recovery Resources

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Listen to today's Laugh Again with Phil Callaway, "The Best Policy." Enjoy!

What happens to our faith when hope seems to collapse? Dr. John examines the surprising courage of Joseph of Arimathea, a secret believer who finally steps into the open to claim Jesus's body, alongside the quiet, unwavering faithfulness of the women who never left his side — a reminder that God's sustaining grace meets us in our darkest hours.

The End of the Beginning: Everyone knows how this story ends — Jesus is crucified, buried, and rises again. But in this 15-part series through Luke 23-24, Dr. John Neufeld shows why these familiar chapters still reward careful study, tracing the trials before Pilate and Herod and the road to the cross. Along the way, he uncovers details unique to Luke's account that reveal what kind of King Jesus truly is.

Got questions about Christianity you’re almost afraid to say out loud? Doubting your faith can feel especially lonely when everyone at church seems so stinkin' certain. Brant Hansen, author of Blessed Are the Misfits, joins Dave and Ann Wilson for an unpolished conversation about skepticism, introverts, uncomfortable questions, and belonging when you don’t fit the Christian mold. Because stuffing your doubts isn’t exactly making them disappear.

Show Notes and Resources

• Connect with Brant on Instagram.

• Connect with Brant on Facebook.
• Learn more about Brant on his website.
• Listen to Brant and Sherri’s podcast, The Brant and Sherri Oddcast.
• Get Brant’s book, Blessed Are the Misfits.

• Thanks to the Christian Standard Bible for sponsoring this episode. Learn more at CSBible.com.
• Follow us on all social platforms: Facebook | Instagram | YouTube
• Find resources from our podcast at shop.familylife.com.
• Download FamilyLife's app!

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Like an accused criminal with no defense attorney, Job represents himself and presents his case before his friends. He even invites an answer from his sovereign Judge.

From the Series: Job: A Man of Heroic Endurance

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Our default is to embrace a horizontal perspective of life, but once we embrace a vertical perspective we acknowledge God’s hand on our lives. God is sovereign, no matter what happens.

Dr. Danny Huerta and Rebecca St. James discuss how Christian parents can bring God’s Word into public schools. They talk with Kori Pennypacker, CEO of Bible2School and author of Backpack Faith. She explains that First Amendment freedoms protect students’ rights to express faith at appropriate times, including praying, reading the Bible, wearing religious messages, using faith in assignments, and meeting for Bible studies with equal access rules. We also answer a listener's question about taking her kids out of public school.
Backpack Faith: Helping Your Child Live Confidently for Jesus in Public School
Bring Your Bible To School Day
Get Your Free Download of Important Decisions That Affect Your Child
ABCDEF Sheet For Parents
Ask Us Your Question via Voicemail or Email
Alliance Defending Freedom
Speak To A Counselor

Bob was one senior who was a tremendous blessing to our ministry. He’d been the kind of volunteer who had been there for every kind of project you could imagine. His whole life—it seems like he’s been a warrior for the Lord. But then, he had some illnesses and an accident that slowed him down—even to the point of walking with a cane and honestly looking a little more stooped than usual. We asked him if he could help oversee this important remodeling project at our Headquarters. Before we could finish the tour of the area that needed work, Bob was spouting out ideas about how it could be done. Later I actually saw Bob in the hallway—walking tall, walking fast, without his cane, like a man half his age!

I’m Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about “The Healing Power of Making a Difference.”

A new spark, a new spring in his step–what made this almost overnight difference in our friend? At least in part, I think it was the prospect of making a difference again! He was re-energized by having a mission. You know what? That might be just what the doctor—I mean, The Doctor—ordered for someone who’s listening right now.

In Proverbs 11:24-25, our word for today from the Word of God, the Bible spells out this healing power of making a difference for other people. Here’s what it says. “One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

When you’re all focused on yourself, your world is small, your hurts are big, you’re claustrophobic, you’re sometimes bitter and self-pitying. But when you’re focused on people who need you, on things you can do to make a difference, it’s literally life-giving. Jesus described this strange but ever-true equation: “Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it” (Luke 9:24).

Hold onto your life, you lose it. Give your life away, you find it. I’ve seen that proven true from teenagers to people way up in years. We all need a mission. It begins by looking around your world and asking this great question, “Who needs me around here? Who can I help with what I know? Who can I help with what I’ve been through?” Often we’re looking for someone to help us instead of someone to help. We’re focused on who could meet our needs instead of whose needs we could help meet. And we’re miserable. Nobody wants to come to our pity parties, and life looks ugly because we keep looking through a dirty window, and that window is called “It’s all about me.”

Maybe it’s time for you to think more about “giving your life away”—about a mission you could become involved in. You might have some very real limitations, some hurts, some handicaps. But there is someone you can help with what you know; whether it’s in person, or letters, or emails, or texts, or with the phone. At least you can tell them about your Jesus and help them be in heaven with you.

A young man once wrote to Mother Teresa, and he was asking how he could have the kind of significance with his life that she was experiencing as she ministered to dying people in Calcutta’s worst slums. She wrote back just a four-word reply: “Find your own Calcutta.” That’s the answer. Find a place where you are needed, where you can pour yourself into someone other than yourself, into something bigger than yourself. And, when you do, prepare to experience the awesome healing power of making a difference!