This week on Hitman you'll believe a hardened killer can pontificate like a 2nd semester philosophy student... for far too long and without reaching a satisfying conclusion.

Pull up a stool and join in... this round of Haterade is on us.

We now venture one jaunty pop-and-lock step in time forward into a previously unexplored sub-genre of video game film... the video game horror movie! Get you're stethoscopes & hot cop badges ready because we're going to throw this baby into the well in Silent Hill!

Now that we're all over the shock of not living in a world where the 87th most attractive woman of 2001 actually exists... we have to get our asses to mars.

Fatigued by all the running and jumping from last week Jon, Jason and Mack venture into the blissful surreal world of eco-sci-fi-action in Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. Hopefully "the spirits" are whiskey and "within" means my stomach.

After last weeks movie-equivalent of batting-at-string Jason, Jon and Mack are ready to doff their fedoras and set off on their Indiana Jo... cough sorry... their Lara Croft: Tomb Raider adventure. Needless to say we are much relieved to be doing something that isn't a 1v1 stand-up combat game.

Star Log Entry #0205-1999. This week *Wing Commander* Deveraux is being a total jerk bag again. She told me to wash my underwear out and said I can't play bumper fighter anymore. She's such a drag.

I'm going to run away.

- Todd "Maniac" Marshall

XOXOXOXOXO

In an epic showdown for the ages Jon & Jason go toe-to-toe with death risking annihilation. But when the critical moment arrives they refuse to accept the match saving the day! In this weeks episode the mega-super-ensemble film Mortal Kombat lurks in the shadows taking the form of gummy worm waiting to attack!

Moving forward, or in this case laterally towards the center, we continue to one of the most venerated game franchises of all time Street Fighter. Hide your hatchback's kids things are about to get dangerous!

Get ready for your favorite dish to share with friends! Surge basted glass noodles shaped like a hairball. That's right! We're chowing down on a Critter ball... specifically Critters 3!

This week watch with misty eyes as Scott Wolf Fist-Fives his way into the heart of Alyssa Milano... at until he loses control of his half of the magical medallion in Double Dragon.