Cleverness is Sexy - Listen to the Podcast The Rise of the Nerd Alice is an exceptionally brainy young woman who’s pursued her academic interests to the exclusion of almost everything else in life. There will, she reasons, on the verge of her 23rd birthday with the MA she’s strived so hard to attain almost completed, be plenty of time to pursue other interests later. Travelling perhaps, a life outside the university library, something mundane as clothes shopping for goodness sake. Used to being an outsider - teacher’s pet, nerd, bookworm and swot are familiar, frequently uncomplimentary descriptions - Alice embraces her geek status with pride. Sure, she attends the occasional post graduate party, more out of a sense of obligation than any real enthusiasm, blokes her own age don’t really do it for Alice. Seemingly either intimidated by her intellect or determined to brag to their mates they’ve ‘scored a nerd’ it really isn’t worth the hassle. Being one of very few scholarship entrants among so many private school educated peers doesn’t help her social integration either. The invitation to join the college quiz team is an entirely different prospect, both a challenging intellectual test and, best of all, the chance to meet Giles Knighton, celebrity quizmaster (‘QM’), of the TV series ‘Battle of the Brightest’. This popular programme involves a collection of brains the size of Mars competing for, well, since you ask, an engraved glass bowl. No cash prize, no foreign holiday, simply a public validation of higher education. You see Alice secretly fancies Giles; she’s minimal experience of such matters but something about the way he solemnly utters the phrase “five point penalty” when an over eager contestant answers prematurely makes her damp with desire. So much so that in recent months she’s had a bizarre recurring dream of being summoned to his office where the QM, dramatically stretching each syllable, insists Alice pay a pen-al-ty and then spanks her across his knee. Where on earth did that idea come from? Never smacked by her impeccably liberal parents as a child and top of her class each year she was a regular goody two shoes. Is spanking even a thing, Alice wonders? Oh! Apparently it is and that’s a question she won’t be asking Google again anytime soon… The quiz show is filmed over three consecutive days at a London TV studio with overnight stays in a posh hotels - luxury after years in grotty student housing - culminating in a grand final, followed by a winners’ dinner with Giles. On the first day of competition Alice, an avid fan of the show, doesn’t share her teammate’s nerves. This assurance momentarily leads to over confidence when she impulsively answers before the QM has even finished a question. Wrongly it turns out, he looks directly at her - just like in the dream. “Five point penalty,” says the QM solemnly and Alice becomes simultaneously mortified and excited. Perhaps she’s mistaken but it subsequently seems the QM’s focus is on her whenever she looks up. One of the production team also notices and nods to a colleague. “QM’s got one of the students on his radar” “Well we know where that’s going,” comes the amused reply. Day two, Alice’s team aces the quarter and semis to secure a place in the play-off. Filming is through by early afternoon, allowing everyone time to prepare for tomorrow. Alice belatedly realises she’s woefully underdressed; her default outfit of hoodie and jeans really doesn’t work on camera. Aware of the QM’s burgeoning interest she knows that while cleverness is sexy - an aphrodisiac in its own right - it might not be enough to keep him focussed. Her appearance urgently needs a revamp, but purchasing new clothes is intimidating; supercilious assistants, too much choice and a budget of next to nothing posing seemingly insuperable problems. Without much hope she seeks sartorial salvation in a nearby upmarket charity shop. Alice selects a dress and in the course of trying it on gets chatti