Cochrane UK Trainees Podcast

This poem is read by Professor Scott Murray, Edinburgh University. It is by Mrs N, about caring for her husband who has had a stroke.

Well, he’s the same again,

Started, you know,

The swelling up.

And the doctor

Didn’t put off,

Any time,

This time.

She said,

It was much better,

Just to get him in.

So he went in,

At the beginning of December

And he actually had been having,

Some rather strange turns.

Very dizzy turns.

It just seemed to be

Something that

Came over him.

And it’s one

Of the tablets,

That he has

For his asthma,

Which they say

Is a very

Dangerous drug.

He’s been on it

For many years,

And it’s affecting

His heart,

And they are trying

To stop it

But they can’t

Stop it

Because

He can’t breathe

Without it.

The hospital doctor said,

The last time we were in,

That it had

To be stopped,

And we did try

To stop it

And I had to phone

Our own doctor

Because he was struggling

And she came in

And she said to him,

“Which would you rather have,

You know,

The heart out of rhythm,

Or not able to breathe?”

He said,

“Well,

If I’m going to die,

I’d rather die

With my heart stopping

Than gasping

For breath.”

Well anyway,

They took him in

And he was hooked up to things

And couldn’t get

Moving around

At all,

But they decided

They were going

To let him home

For Christmas.

And he had

Christmas Day

And he took ill

The next day

And he has not really

Picked up

Very well

Since then

I got the doctor in

And I was quite disappointed

Actually

At the lack of support

And even the nurse

Agreed with me

When she came in

For his blood.

I said,

“I feel

I’ve just been left

With it

I just don’t know

What we’re going to do

With him really.

Do you have a gun

In your bag?

He probably needs

A gun!

And his circulation

Of course

Isn’t good

And that

Doesn’t help.

In fact

If you were a horse

They would shoot you.

Stroke: things feel out of control - a daughter’s experience.

I think it’s quite humbling

When you realise that

It doesn’t matter how old

Your mother is

She’s still your mother.

When that happens

It is quite a shock,

It is doubly a shock.

I suppose then you think

Well because she’s 86

Are the NHS going to really try

As they might

To keep her hale and hearty?

The stress from the stroke

I think really has to be

Two-fold.

First of all

Supporting her

And not encouraging her

To be anxious

About anything

Because it’s all a bit rubbish just now,

But we’re trying to get things

Better for you.

And also supporting her sister

Because they’ve lived together

Virtually all of their lives.

So whilst there’s no kind of

She doesn’t have a spouse any more,

My father died in ‘96

There is someone there

That I do need to support as well.

So in amongst all that

I’m having to do stuff at home

And I’m having to keep going to work,

And I’m not giving anything

As much of the attention as I should do

So I think I’m being stretched

Across many different things,

And I really don’t like that because

I’m a bit more used

To being in control.

(This poem is read by Marilyn Kendall, a Senior Research Fellow at Edinburgh University).

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