Miles gets complimented on his style, while Bob takes the polar plunge.

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And we’re off to the races. Miles gets caught with his pants down. Oh, wow. There we go. got Rush Limbaugh here with me. How are you doing, Rush? How are you doing, Rush Limbaugh? He’s all hopped up on pain medicine. You going to make it? But I have to say… Are you going to say hi to everybody or no? Hi, everybody. Miles. Did you know that miles is on drugs and he missed the bears game? Apparently he’s Bing Crosby’s love child here tonight. Okay. That’s fantastic. You’re going to say more than two words and make a bunch of noise or what? I feel like I’m on Ghost Adventures or something. Somebody touch me. Hey, Miles. Welcome to Static Radio. Did you hear that? Did you hear that’s the Ghost of Miles title? Oh, my gosh. Somebody touch me. Ay, ay, ay, ay.
Possibly the biggest ghost show ever. I bought a glass of orange juice there, Bob. Fresh and sweet. My wife did what? Somebody touch me. You okay? I’m ready. I’m ready now. I wasn’t sure. I’m just listening up. Are you in the bathroom? Not now. Okay, good. It’s in bed naked. Oh, okay. No, I’m not naked. I’m sure your wife would have a problem with you being naked in the sheets. Yeah, it’s not good. She’d be like, we don’t need another Pollock. Yikes, yeah. Various bodily fluids leaking out on the bed sheets. Yeah, right. Your precious bodily fluids. I’ll be like Johnny Depp’s girlfriend there. She should have the bed. But yours would be unintentional. Yeah, like, oopsies. Oopsies. I swear to God, I thought it was a fart. I swear. I was just doing my Bing Crosby impersonation, and I swung the golf club too hard. If you know what I mean.
Yeah. My nickname’s Putter. Putter. Oh, my God. What’s going on in Bob’s world today? Too cold. Too cold? What? Yeah. Well, it’s getting cold, you know. It’s like 50 degrees out. Well, today it was, but we had a dip there where it was like in the 30s for a while. Oh, for a day. Well, it was a day that will live In infamy. Oh, fuck. Here we go. So, I think I’ve mentioned this, although maybe I haven’t mentioned it enough. Maybe it’ll become one of these things that I say and then you’ll be all offended. Okay, go ahead. You know, like I say, you know, since my house burned down and then you get all upset. No, I don’t. So I have been swimming here lately. Right. What’s that? You love swimming. I do. For some reason, I do. I don’t know why. I didn’t grow up swimming. Are you buoyant because all your fat? It could be. Yeah. Shames to me. You lived your life like a turd in the sewer.
guys partly no so actually my wife wanted to go swimming and she’s like, would you go swimming and I yeah sure why not you know yeah whatever I mean you know and so I’ve been going regularly. Right. And so the other day it’s like 35 degrees here. Right. now we don’t go to an outdoor pool or anything. It’s an indoor pool, but as you, may be aware the pool is in the ground right there’s correct and then they build a structure over it, cover it, right? Like a, it’s like a, you know, building. It’s not like they do, you know, dig it out so that it’s not in the ground. And, uh, so unbeknownst to me, I’m not sure if my wife knew or not. Unbeknownst to me, we get there. There’s like nobody there.
Oh. And I’m like, well, this is fantastic. I mean, there’s nobody here. We can go swim in peace and quiet, you know. It was Veterans Day. No, no, this was not Veterans Day. This was actually the day before Veterans Day, as a matter of fact. And so I’m like, yeah, this is great. And then the lifeguard was in the office and they’re like, oh, I’m glad you’re here. I really don’t want to sit in the office. yeah okay we’re gonna look at porn, but uh since you’re here i guess since you’re here i guess i’ll monitor you. That’s always the weird part. Whenever you’re the only one and the lifeguard just kind of stares at you yeah awkward but usually she walks around, which is not so bad but oh okay all right let’s get where this is going. All right. Yeah. So, uh,
And so, you know, we’re getting ready to get in. And then my wife was chatting up the lifeguard. And she’s like, how cold is the pool today? And she’s like, oh, it’s not that bad. It’s only about five degrees colder than usual. And I didn’t think anything of it until I got in. Yeah. And, uh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t listening. I was looking at your camel toe. I’m sorry. Could you say that again please no i i was i was like oh yeah whatever you know and so yeah i get into the pool. Well, lo and behold, it’s like fucking freezing yeah because their boiler was out. They normally heat the pool. Oh no. Oh my God. I’m like shivering in the water and yeah i started swimming.
And I didn’t even realize, and I don’t know if my wife like withheld this information or whatever. I didn’t know that there was no, like it was basically, you know, like a puddle outside in the weather. We did our swim, but I was like, this is the coldest I’ve ever been. And I didn’t find out until like later that the boiler was out. I want my money back. Maybe I wouldn’t have agreed to get in there. I don’t know. I was like, holy moly, this is brutal. That girl had gumdrops. I felt like I was becoming a member of the polar bear club. Yeah. Were you okay? Yeah, I was fine. Did you have shrinkage? Well, I’m sure. I did not take a ruler out or anything. Yeah, right.
Well, I’m just saying I know how you like to show off at the changing room. I think it was your last story. That’s right. You and the boys were kind of like taking bets. Yeah. No, but it was incredibly. I never. I swam normally, you know, with these kind of things. You get in. It’s kind of cold because it’s cold outside or whatever. And then you warm up as you move around. Well, I did not really warm up at all. And then I got out and it was even colder. And man, this was a rough day. Rough, rough day. I got to take off my floaties. Well, you know, I’m not a young man. And I’m like, I get in and I’m like, I’m going to have a heart attack. Oh, come on. This is what happens. People, they get in the extreme temperatures, right? So they go…
outside to shovel snow in the cold and then they get too hot and then they just drop dead. Okay. we got quentin on the phone yeah i was really, I was like, when i first got in, I’m like, uh-oh maybe this lady will, will not be happy that we showed up and you know she got out of the office. Yeah. Yeah. She’ll be like, got a hall shamu up onto the deck here. Oh man. I shaved for this. Oh yeah. anyway so everyone just got scared, like, oh, if it’s too cold, we’re not doing it apparently i don’t ever read anything. Apparently, they put it out on their facebook or something that the boiler was out. Oh, so all these like 80 year old people picked up on it but yeah like yeah but not me.
Yeah, when people like 50-something can’t figure it out. That’s right. I don’t ever read it. I don’t look at any of that. Come on. Oh, come on. You check out everything. No, I don’t. Honestly, I don’t even care. I have a time. No, come on. I go at the regular time. No. You’re probably like, what’s the weather in Iceland today? Let me look. Well, I could look, but sometimes I don’t. get curious. Yeah. I’m not curious about that. Yeah. I’m going to be now. I’m cool. Curious. I went this morning. Oh my gosh. It was the most delightful. I just jumped right in. It was it was fantastic how early do you go? Well, I don’t want to tell you because people show up or something, but you know i go yeah me yeah yeah okay i go early in the morning yeah i’m gonna show up to watch you swim.
I don’t know. You may just show up to hang out in the locker room for all. Well, what does the lifeguard look like? I mean, well, no, I’m just saying you’ll hang out with all the guys. Donald ducking it, you know? Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Hey guys. Hey, Irv. How’s it hanging? Oh, wait, I can tell. Looks like a pencil eraser. Oh my cow. Oh my goodness. Um, no, no, I do. We go early in the morning. Yeah. Five? I’m not telling you what time I go. Come on. 5.30. It’s early. Before you would go, I can tell you that. You used to get up at 10 and race into work and barely make it. This is the latest I can be before I get in trouble. I have work jobs that way. That is true. Come on.
I get up early, I do my swim, then I get ready and go to work. But I pretty much work from home nowadays, so it’s not a big deal. So I basically go swimming on company time is what he does. Is what he’s not telling us. No, I don’t go big swimming on company time. Oh, I swear to God, I’m working, boss. I swear to God. I swim in the early in the morning or I’ll swim at lunch. Yeah. One of the two. One of the two. Yeah. Okay. All right. but yeah, that was the cold day. It was cold it was yeah this guy’s there at 10 o’clock now some guy did show up, uh, as we were finishing and i don’t think that he paid attention to the announcement either. Oh, you weren’t a nice guy like hey mister no yeah no i’m like hey he’s here. Same as me.
Nobody said, hey, you might not want to get in. It’s really, really cold. Right, right. No, they didn’t say that. In fact, she said it was only five degrees colder than normal. I’m like, well, what’s normal? I don’t know what it is. She knows. I have no idea. Maybe she does know. It’s not like a bath. It’s not like 90 degrees. It’s probably like 70 degrees or something. I don’t know. Blair, tell me what’s normal. You tell me. so anyway, yeah, it was, it was, uh, well, I’m sorry. So you had to go to that ordeal. Wow. Yeah, I know. Whatever you think this, uh, children starving in africa and bob’s got to swim in a cold pool. You know, I was like, I know. Oh my god first world problems right here man i know i know humanity i love it
Can I turn off the pool, please? I’m like, thank God. I’m not spending $20 a month to swim in a cold pool. I’m going to tell you that right now. Yeah. It was cold, I’m telling you. That’s the coldest. Are you going to be okay? I’ll be fine. I didn’t die, although I was concerned about it there for a little bit. I read a story about it. Oh, like… Yeah. All I could think about was, isn’t the temperature change, isn’t that what kills people in the wintertime? No. Super cold and then super hot or something? No. What is it? No. You would know. People with clogged arteries, they shouldn’t be out traveling. I’m sure your doctor probably tells you not to do certain things. What are they? Don’t jump in a really cold pool, Miles. Oh, no. I’ll ask my doctor. I’ll ask my doctor. Or he goes…
Maybe, Miles, you want to get in a cold pool to shrink up that giant stretched-out nutsack of yours. I see. Oh, I see. I do you some good. I’m going to get in a hot tub. Nah, come on. You’ll be dragging the ground. That’s right. That’s right. So what’s going on with you? I’m very cold. I jumped in a cold pool and I saw Jesus. You know what I’m saying? Did you? Yeah. no, you know what? I was like some little bitch here last week. I thought you were a little bitch. Yeah, really? Yeah. No, this like lady comes in like twice a year. Probably. She said she sells like, you know, pens and pencils and office supplies and stuff. You know, I’ve, I don’t know. I’ve talked to her. I don’t know. Over the years, you know, we’ve talked and joke around and stuff. And I don’t know why it was like, what have you done? You look,
Different. You look really nice you she said this to you yes i’m like what just like she must have needed to make quota or something. Yeah, because i like had not shaved in like five days my hair i just cut my hair recently, but my hair was like really long is that is is that a beard or just your extra skin around your neck? Yeah, well, that’s a different story yeah but miles has got a neck beard that’s made out of skin. Yeah, that’s a different story, yeah. I’ve actually been talking to people on the phone, like holding the phone up with the shoulder, and they’re like, you sound like you’re muted all of a sudden. I go, it’s my third chin. I’m sorry. I’ve had several people tell me this. I’m like, what the hell? Yeah, but anyway. It sounds to me like you’re talking through a steak. No, it’s weird. This lady is like, your hair. Are you doing something to your hair or something? Are you just…
Do you dye, are you coloring your hair? Well, here’s the, here’s the most incredible part of coloring it white. Yeah. No, uh, no, here’s the most incredible part. Ready? Have you lost weight? Oh yeah. Okay. Now I know what’s coming. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah. You know, pencils are on sale this week. Yeah. I lost weight. You think? Drop your pants. I want to see what’s doing. Let me see. Is it because I’m not wearing sweats today? Yeah, I don’t know. But I was eating it up. I was like, oh, really? I don’t know. Thank you. I guess I’m a little cute. Yeah, I guess so. I am cuter now than I was back there. I don’t know. It was weird. I was like, I don’t know. Did anyone tell you you look like a young Chris Farley?
Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, you look like a shit. I don’t know what you look like. You could be a Farley brother. I swear to God. Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah, just totally. This lady has never buttered me up like this before. Oh, wow. She must have really been hurting for a sale. Like, hey, what do you got going on, mister? I’m getting the vapors. What’s your skin routine? Oh. I’ve got to know, what’s your Zodiac? You don’t look half as pimply and flaky as you did last time I saw you. Well, that’s because I bought this $600 face cream down in New Orleans. Yeah, I don’t know what that was about. It was just like, oh, okay. Your face used to look like a homeless man’s ass out on the street, but now it hasn’t.
You’d look like a guy that would jump in a 50 degree pool. You know that you do. You look exactly like a homeless guy that would do that. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, I was totally getting the whole tree. I know. I think I know how women feel a little bit now. Like, Oh, I’m a little cute. I don’t, I don’t know. I’m sure. Did you buy something or no? Come on. Oh, I don’t buy it. All that work and all that, like holding down vomit. I’m not the manager there. I’m not the manager there. He’s the guy that does that. She’s like, you know, you’re really good looking. Hold on. I’m going to throw up my mouth. You look like Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp now, back then. I want to take one of these pencils and gouge my eyes out. Hold on. Stop.
She apparently had some Tony Robbins tape she was listening to in her car. She comes in and she’s like, when you’re trying to make a sale, tell them how good they look and how fun they are. She gets out and she’s like, takes a deep, deep breath. Do you know where I’m at? Do you see what I’m going to walk into here? Yeah. She’s probably sticking her like a pin into her leg the whole time. Like, okay, don’t laugh. Don’t laugh when you say it. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Have you lost weight? I was like, could you put on this metal bikini? I’m recording for my life. Thank you. Yeah. Oh my God. You always take it too far, and you’ll be like, is there any chance I could get some nude pictures from you? With us together. Just with the pencils. Yeah. I can’t believe you didn’t break down and just go, yeah, I’ll take a couple of Ticonderoga packs. I’m not Boblement, okay? Wow, she thinks I’m cute. She thinks I’m cute. My nose turned red.
Miles, you’re not going to be able to be Santa this year. You’re too darn slim. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Is that strawberry blonde? Is that the color you put in your hair? You look like Ryan Gosling. I don’t know a little bit. I don’t. Now, if she would have said Larry Flint, I’d be like, you know, okay, that’s fair. That’s fair. I’ll take that. You look like what John Goodman lost. Oh, my God. wow diabolical man it’s premeditated wow oh my god you look that good oh watch out oh my god yikes yeah are you a gq model oh god Listen, I’m going to sell these pencils. I’ll do anything. I don’t care. Can I just leave them here? All right. So did you return the favor or no? You’re not looking so bad yourself, young lady. Is that a shoppie in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? I mean, this lady and I are about the same age, but she has taken care of herself. You know, whatever, you know.
I did not pour it onto her as she poured some sugar on me. Oh, really? You didn’t? Okay. I’m like, hey, I don’t know what you’re into. Can I get a selfie? You like piña coladas? You know, I got a bet with the guy down at the Casey’s when I go to get my double slice at lunch. After I’m done swimming, of course. You’re never going to believe this. You say all those things while we’re taking a selfie and i’m recording. Did I call my friend bob lament and you just say all these things again so he can hear him it’s true, Bob. He looks so good. He looks good compared to, uh. You can’t even tell elastic waistband in his pants. Yikers. Well, that’s lovely. I’m glad that, uh, you took in all that, you know yeah positive positive energy and, uh,
Yeah, I don’t. What did you have for lunch that day, by the way? I don’t remember. I don’t know. Did you go home for lunch? You go home for lunch a lot. Not anymore. Oh, they canceled that. Okay. Yeah, that was taken away with our union. Yeah. We lost that bargaining there. Oh, I’m sorry. Yeah. Okay. Well, you know. I need some thighs, you know. Yeah. She’ll be like, I’ll be back in six months. I know you will. I can’t believe you didn’t return the favor. That would be a you thing to do. That’s a man’s thing. He doesn’t return the favor. You know what I’m saying? No, you would be like, oh, honey. Well, what are you doing, Farrah Fawcett? Damn. Goddamn, girl. Yeah. Exactly. You ever see the burning bed? Come on. You shit with that ass? Oh, my God. That’s your compliment. Yeah.
That’s your car. Okay. Yeah. Well, I’m sorry she didn’t get a sale. Well, next time. Obviously, it did wonders for your team. Next time, I’m going to pour it on her. I’m going to say, wow, damn, man. Step inside. Walk this way. You and me, babe. Hey, hey.

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