The best college preparation may not look like college preparation at all.

By the time a student gets to college, we expect them to manage syllabi, deadlines, different professors, long-term assignments, and a schedule with far less adult oversight. But the executive function skills needed to do all of that do not suddenly appear when the dorm-room key lands in their hand.

In this episode, I talk with Marcia Miller, an executive function coach who spent 14 years working with high school students, about how families can help kids build those skills long before college.

Marcia describes executive function as the old-fashioned secretary in the brain. It helps us initiate tasks, organize information, plan ahead, remember what is expected, and follow through. For some kids, that secretary is organized, color-coded, and running a tight ship. For others, she is very quiet, somewhat overwhelmed, or apparently away from her desk.

When those internal systems are still developing, students need external strategies. Calendars, reminders, routines, written directions, and repeated practice are not shortcuts. They are tools that help a student manage the work until more of the process becomes familiar and automatic.

We also talk about reliability, which Marcia calls one of the least exciting and most essential skills. College professors, employers, friends, and family members all need people to communicate, meet deadlines, follow through, and say something when they are confused or stuck.

The first step is often figuring out where the hiccup is.

A student may understand the material but forget the deadline. They may know how to solve the problem but become completely derailed when asked to slow down and show each step. They may want to begin the project but have no idea how to turn one enormous assignment into several manageable actions.

This is why conversations about how brains work matter. Kids need language for what comes easily, what requires more effort, and what happens inside their brains when a task falls apart. That kind of self-understanding helps make invisible processes visible.

Marcia and I also talk about the shame that can build when a smart student repeatedly struggles to do what school asks. When kids hear only about the missing work, forgotten folder, or disappointing grade, they may begin to believe they are simply bad at school.

The alternative is not ignoring the struggle. It is helping the child identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and develop strategies without treating every difficulty as a character flaw.

Parents can begin by rewarding communication and collaboration. When your child remembers to tell you about the poster project before 3:00 in the morning, that is progress. They have brought the information to the team, and now the team can work on planning, organization, and follow-through.

Preparing a child for college is not only about grades or whether they can complete an application. It is about helping them understand how they learn, ask for support, recover from mistakes, work with other people, and build systems that allow them to be more reliable and independent.

🎯 Key Takeaways

• College readiness begins long before college, but it does not need to be framed that way for kids.
• Executive function includes skills like initiation, planning, organization, working memory, follow-through, and managing deadlines.
• For many kids with ADHD or executive function challenges, directions can disappear quickly even when the child wants to do the task correctly.
• External strategies are important while executive function skills are still developing.
• Reliability may not sound exciting, but it is a major life skill for school, work, relationships, and independence.
• When something goes sideways, adults can help by asking where the hiccup is instead of assuming the child does not care.
• Smart kids can still struggle deeply with showing work, breaking down steps, remembering directions, or managing deadlines.
• Repeated conversations about how a child's brain works help build metacognition and self-understanding.
• Shame can grow when kids are repeatedly reminded of what they are not doing well.
• Parents can support future independence by noticing strengths, rewarding collaboration, practicing strategies, and helping kids understand that their brains may work differently and still be good brains.

About Marcia Miller

Marcia Miller is an executive function coach based in Washington, DC, who works with teens, young adults, and families throughout the DMV area.

After a 14-year career at a private high school, Marcia developed extensive experience supporting both neurotypical and neurodiverse teens, especially students with ADHD. Before working in education, she built a diverse career across corporate settings, law firms, volunteer work, and parenting her own daughter with ADHD.

Marcia brings humor, warmth, and a shame-reducing approach to her work. She helps young people embrace who they are, identify their strengths, understand their challenges, and build practical strategies for success. She also enjoys partnering with parents and believes that perspective is essential to effectively coaching teens and young adults.

About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet

I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.

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