Come Heck or High Laundry: Raising the Kids You Didn't Expect to Raise

You’ve raised kids before. You know how to do this. So why isn’t it working with the child you’re raising now?

In this episode, Erin shares what changed when she went from raising four boys in a “free-for-all” house to raising kids who came to her after hard starts in life, and why the timeout and the firm voice stopped working. You’ll hear what actually helps: a predictable routine, squeeze hugs, a lower voice, naming the feeling, and the hardest one of all, not taking it personally.

In this episode:

• Dreaming of six daughters and getting four boys
• Why kids who’ve been through hard things react the way they do
• Triggers, and why what was fine yesterday can set off a meltdown today
• The 7:00 bedtime rule, and what happens when it slips
• Squeeze hugs, a lower voice, and naming the feeling
• Why “it’s not about you” was the most freeing thing Erin ever learned

Your one small step this week: Pick the part of the day that goes sideways the most (bedtime, mornings, or after school) and make it predictable. Same order, same words, same time.

The parenting that worked before wasn’t wrong. It was built for a different kid. You’re allowed to learn a new way at any age.

Links mentioned:

• The Back Porch, a home for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and relatives raising kids: https://backporchscore.com
• Child Welfare Information Gateway: https://www.childwelfare.gov
• The Connected Child (book):  https://link.amazon/B0dUpzx3q
• Picture routine chart for the fridge: https://link.amazon/B05A0LNgH
• The World According to Nestie Jr. (Erin’s children’s book): https://link.amazon/B0hqhW0Sm
• Windshield Wisdom on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ErinsRaisingKidsAgain

Next week: Who’s taking care of the one doing all the taking care of?

I’m not a therapist, social worker, or lawyer. I’m a relative caregiver sharing what I’ve lived and what I’ve learned.

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

You said yes. Now what?

Maybe nobody official is involved and you're figuring it out on your own. Or maybe, like me, you had caseworkers, adoption workers, and psychologists, and still nobody showed you how the pieces fit together. Either way, you can end up at the kitchen table wondering what comes next.

In this episode of 62 and 2 AM Feedings, I talk about:

• Why most kinship families raise kids outside the foster care system
• Child-only grants: money set aside for the child, where your own income usually doesn't count
• Why a school and medical form isn't the same thing as custody
• Kinship navigator programs, and how to find one by calling 211
• Why you're the file now, and what I learned about keeping important papers safe after the Camp Fire

Your one next step: make one call this week. Write down the date, who you talked to, and what they said.

Mentioned in this episode:

• Notice Them Grow (The Noticing Log): https://noticethemgrow.com
• Fire-resistant document bag:  https://link.amazon/B0b8QmAE9
• Grandparents as Parents by Sylvie de Toledo and Deborah Edler Brown: https://link.amazon/B04PssrfC
• The Back Porch, a community for kinship and relative caregivers: www.backporchscore.com

As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

I'm not a therapist, social worker, or lawyer. This episode shares my personal experience and general information, not legal, medical, or financial advice. Rules are different in every state, so check with your county or a qualified professional about your situation.

Next week: the parenting that worked before, and why it might not work now.

Maybe it was a phone call. Maybe a text. Maybe somebody showed up with a car seat and a trash bag full of little clothes. However it came, you said yes before your brain caught up. Then the house got quiet and the panic set in.

In this first episode, I share the day my brother called and asked if I could get custody of my baby niece, while I was living in a one-bedroom cabin with no plan and no manual. If you're a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or other relative caregiver who just got the call, this one is for you.

In this episode:

• Why the panic doesn't mean you made the wrong choice
• What the first night is really for (it's simpler than you think)
• Who to ask and what to ask when you're ready
• One small homework step to start getting organized

Grab my free guide, Navigating the Call, on The Back Porch app. It walks you through the first few days one step at a time.  www.backporchscore.com

I'm not a therapist, social worker, or lawyer. I'm a relative caregiver sharing what I've lived and learned.

The porch light's on. Pull up a chair.