Buying power tools at the hardware store and then attempting some DIY, you may as well arm yourself with a weapon of war and become yet another casualty score around the world. The body counts are much higher than in most modern theaters of war.

The English aristocrats are completely crazy. One used to ride around his country estate on a giraffe-drawn dray and kept giant tortoises. He kept every type of animal in his house. This is a funny sketch about Thornton Harding the junior and his obsession with exotic pets. He's building kangaroo net ball team.

A short sketch about a friend who was always in the dry out clinic or a shrink clink where he would telephone and try to explain what his psychiatrist was doing , exasperatedly he would shout back that it was nothing to do with the drink !!.

"Belfry" was the name for his depression a pet black bat .

A poem I wrote for my father who was born in 1926 and now similar to an old model T ford motor car needs constant tinkering and maintenance to keep him running . I've done my best to copy his gasping Yorkshire speech ,he was born in the days of the horse and cart starting work at the age of twelve down in the mills on the east side of steel river , he mentioned that not only were the steel dreys pulled by the huge shire horses but during the second world they also used the might of elephants due to the lack of trucks and the rationing of fuel , for a boy of twelve it was a terrifying experience walking past these huge rumbling beasts that were stabled under the railway arches , each time a train grumbled over the viaduct these massive mammals would bellow out their deafening roars.

A musing about our Star Trek scientists who make it sound like our intergalactic fate is just a walk through a subway station into some subatomic particle Stargate .

The birds and bees are leaving their flowers and trees to join in order to join us us in lapping up our left overs, they'll hardly be floaty lite on the breeze after eating our fast food of  sleaze .

A short sketch about a Christmas bash with the old deaf relatives, cooking programs, and war movies on alternative TV stations, with their daughter trying to talk in between both of them without success.

A short poem for Todd's forth birthday his name means the fox although the only thing I've seen him foraging for are chocolate lollipop from the icebox .

The old post office Harrogate is located about a century behind Greenwich mean time, the pensioners there are disciplinarians by design if you slip out of sync or cross the red line then these old soldiers would quickly bark you back into the align.

Humorous little sketch I wrote for Jeanine who was going to see strictly come dancing live in Leeds I wrote the sketch after listening to two old men complaining about the aches and pains in witherspoons Darlington it's narrated in their yorkshire accents, the photo is from strictly come dancing the same night in Leeds sent by JEANINE .