You had to be there to feel the menace!
I wouldn't have believed it possible. So much threat packed into such a small package.
It was at my supermarket last Saturday. Ok, I was slightly jaded having just completed a shop almost three times the size of normal (my wife has a large family coming to stay). Pushing a heavy trolley with a frozen wheel round a crowded shop in search of elusive ingredients had not been its usual fun. (Why does sausage meat always seem to appear and then vanish at this time of year? Why don't they stock reasonably sized jars of cranberry jelly?)
And ok, I admit that as I approached the exit, my hyper-critical genie had escaped its normally strong container. Since becoming an atheist my sympathy for the Salvation Army has slightly diminished, but when I saw around 20 of them causing a fair degree of chaos by parking themselves in the supermarket doorway, I did start to get annoyed. I mean, fighting to get a bag of sprouts and queueing at a checkout are kind of legitimate, but having to queue and fight to get passed a brass band in nineteenth century uniform is not on! It was the Saturday before Christmas and the shop was heaving! And I don't know why - perhaps it was their first Christmas jaunt, perhaps this Saturday was the first outing of the season - but the normally soothing background carol music was grating against my already fraught brain. They were definitely playing out of tune. I mean, I'm no Mozart and am slightly deaf in one ear, but even I could tell they were playing out of tune. If I had had a dog, it would have been howling.
And then I saw her. A small, elderly lady - the kind that normally evokes natural concern and sympathy. She was certainly less than five feet tall, and I would guess she was in her late seventies or early eighties. She was guarding the pass - positioned by the small space for people to squeeze through as they left the shop, standing with a collecting tin thrust at you, staring at you, daring you to pass her without relieving yourself of cash.