 My husband and I often have struggles, frustrations, and miscommunication. When we're talking, we may miss what the other person is wanting or needing in order to connect. Many times, I want to go deeper into something, and he tells me there's not anything deeper to be said. He will sometimes make what I think is a controversial statement and my response is to kind of roll my eyes. What I didn't know until this interview is that we're trying to connect in a way that's typical for our gender and the way we're cultured. In the limited time we have as law enforcement couples, it's always beneficial to see the signs that your spouse is trying to connect.  Kristal DeSantis talks about the concept of the four positions of conversation which can greatly enhance communication and strengthen relationships among first responders and their partners.    Strong.love    @atxtherapist   Strong, A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man. 

Ep 112: Communication Differences Between Men and Women: The Four Positions

Code4Couples is the premiere podcast for Law Enforcement relationships hosted by Cyndi Doyle, author of Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship, psychotherapist, and a law enforcement spouse working to educate officers and spouse on the impact of law enforcement on their relationship for them to counter the impact and create connected and resilient relationships. She is the author and creator of Hold the Line products including a train the trainer program for departments.
Contact Cyndi for speaking, training for your organization or department, or bulk orders of books at info@code4couples.com

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 Communication and connection are a challenge for all of us in law enforcement relationships. There are some extra special challenges when you're on call all the time or you're in situations where you just can't talk due to being in a special assignment such as undercover work or maybe the part of a SWAT team.  Heather Williams, a law enforcement professional, turned police psychologist, and SWAT spouse talks about the unique challenges of special units, their impact on relationships and strategies to communicate and connect.   Premier First Responder Psychological Services Premier1streponder.com heather@premierfirstresponder.com.

Ep 139: Communication Challenges in Special Assignments

“I just don't want to burden my spouse with what I experience on the job” is a way of protecting the people that you love. I always thought my husband was open only to find out later that this happened a few times within our relationship. Most of the time an officer's spouse and family sense that something is up. It bleeds over. While protecting the family is noble, it is also a way that an officer can avoid talking about difficult things. Our relationships need to involve trust. Officers, trust that your spouse can handle what you are sharing, and as a spouse trust that an officer will navigate that line between sharing and traumatizing. This week, law enforcement couple Brett and Danielle Koss joined me to discuss developing a reciprocal relationship of trust and understanding.   CCS Behavioral Health and Recovery (ccswebsite.org)

Ep 138: Let Family In

  We have all worked in a toxic work environment due to the workplace culture, co-workers, supervisors, or the work itself.       Stephanie Kiesow is a former law enforcement officer, cop kid, and cop’s wife.  She saw how work impacted her parents, their mood, and in turn the family.  She started her career in law enforcement at 18 and in 2011, when her fiancé had a pending IA, lost him to death by suicide.  This kicked off what Stephanie calls her obsessive curiosity about suicide and how the workplace contributes to the permanent decision.       Stephanie is currently working on her PhD in Organizational psychology.  Through her research and education, she found contributing workplace factors that impact mental health and cause death in a perceptual sense or literal sense and coined the term workicide.       Stephanie’s goal is to help people mitigate a work-related decline in their mental health and increase their overall well-being so they can enjoy work and love life. She has written the book  Workicide to help others do just that.         This is a deep topic but you will want to hear her research and her solutions for our law enforcement culture.      LinkedIn:  Stephanie K.   Workicide: How to Overcome a Career-Related Decline in Mental Health and Reignite Your Passion for Work and Life.   Burnout — Code4Couples  Beyond the Badge — Code4Couples 

Ep 137: Workicide

In this podcast episode, host Cyndi Doyle interviews John Blumenthal, a Retired Master Sergeant (Ret.) with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Blumenthal shares his personal journey of struggling with trauma and making poor choices, which led to the deterioration of his relationships with his family. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing wellness and seeking help. He discusses his involvement in peer support and wellness programs, including his work with the Warriors Rest Foundation and the National Cops Program. Blumenthal encourages law enforcement officers to seek support and make positive choices to improve their well-being and relationships.  Essential Skills for Law Enforcement Couples: Free Guide  john@warriorsrestfoundation.org. Warriors Rest Foundation COPS    Code4Couples: Get Updates on Latest Podcasts and Resources! 

Ep 136: To Hell and Back

 We all know that this lifestyle means long hours and lots of stress. Loss of sleep only impacts stress further.  When does stress become burnout?     Burnout is oftentimes a precursor to more serious mental health issues. If we could catch burnout or even work to prevent burnout, officers would be safer on the job and relationships are potentially more stable. If spouses could catch burnout, they might continue to have patience and compassion.  With burnout, we all wear a little thin.      How do we identify burnout?  How is law enforcement burnout unique?  What can we do if we already realize we are in burnout?  How can we reverse the impact?    Deana Kahle, LMFT, shares her story of burnout after serving to support mass multiple incidents.  She shares the impact, her story of recovery, and how you can address it if you are amid burnout or want to prevent it.     The Story of the Boy and the Starfish    @Copshrink    aboveboardconsulting.com.    Copshrink911@gmail.com        

Ep 112: Communication Differences Between Men and Women: The Four Positions

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