First, I must WANT to listen.
Proverbs 2:1-2 – “attentive … incline your heart”Matthew 13:15 – “with their ears they scarcely hear”Luke 8:15 – “heard the word in an honest and good heart”John 10:20 – “Why do you listen to Him?”It starts with the right heart.Listening does not mean you agree. But we must be courteous enough to listen.Things that prevent good listening.Differing interestsDifferent personalitiesSlow down to avoid “flooding.”
James 1:19-20The “flooding” response in men is more reactive and slower to recover than in women. Men are more easily overwhelmed by marital conflict.Ecclesiastes 3:7 – “A time to be silent and a time to speak.”Showing down and controlling anger: Proverbs 15:28; 14:29; 16:32; 17:27; 19:11; 29:11Psalms 4:4 – In other words, “sleep on it.”Withdrawal – pursuitPlan a time to talkFocus on listening before figuring out your response.
Proverbs 18:13 – “He who gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame to him.”Proverbs 17:14 – “The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.”Proverbs 20:3 – “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel.”Luke 2:46-47 – Jesus listening an asking questions.The Speaker Listener technique
From the book Fighting for your Marriage(This is a great way to apply James 1:19.)One person is the Speaker and the other is the Listener.Rules for both of you:The Speaker has the floor.Share the floor.No problem-solving.Rules for the Speaker:Speak for yourself. Don’t mind read.Don’t go on and on.Stop and let the Listener paraphrase.Rules for the Listener:Paraphrase what you hear.Don’t rebut. Focus on the Speaker’s message.
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