Compassionate Accountability Podcast

Dr. Nathan Regier is joined by Marlene Chism to talk about conflict and drama, and how they are related to communication, compassion, and accountability. High-level leaders seek Marlene's expertise as a thought partner, advisor, or coach when going through periods of transition or change. Organizations seek Marlene's leadership development courses to teach mid-level and senior leaders strategic communication skills to initiate conversations that get results and increase accountability.

Marlene is the author of four books, including Stop Workplace Drama; No-Drama Leadership; 7 Ways to Stop Drama in Your Healthcare Practice, and From Conflict to Courage: How to Stop Avoiding and Start Leading.

What's in this Episode:

• The genesis of Marlene's new book, From Conflict To Courage: How to stop avoiding and start leading.
• What is conflict, and how does it start?
• What is drama, and how does it interfere with healthy conflict?
• Building conflict capacity by attending to the Inner Game, the Outer Game, and Cultural Factors
• What's the difference between authenticity and being true to your best self?
• What is emotional integrity, and how is it different from emotional awareness or emotional intelligence?

Key Takeaways:

[1:48] Marlene talks about why she chose to dedicate her career to equipping leaders with conflict and accountability communication skills.

[3:07] What is the genesis of Marlene's book From Conflict to Courage?

[4:45] How did Marlene structure her book to accomplish her goal?

[6:15] How does Marlene define conflict?

[7:55] Marlene explains how conflict is caused.

[10:39] Marlene defines drama.

[14:16] What is involved in building conflict capacity?

[17:40] Marlene talks about the value of personal responsibility.

[18:42] How do people misunderstand their responsibility?

[20:34] Marlene unpacks emotional intelligence and explains why it is so important during conflict.

[21:39] Marlene talks about integrity.

[26:45] Marlene speaks of the danger of justification.

[29:15] Marlene shares a tool to work with the resistance to change, nothing happens without willingness.

[33:20] Marlene shares her perspective on compassion.

[35:21] Marlene shares her passion for the topic of leadership identity.

[37:27] Marlene's advice: Work on yourself and seek clarity.

[38:57] Nate shares the highlights of an amazing conversation with Marlene Chism

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

Learn more about Marlene Chism Consulting.

Follow Marlene Chism on Linkedin

Tweetables:

"Every major problem can be traced back to a conversation that should have happened, but didn't." #oncompassion

"There is no conflict unless there is inner conflict." #oncompassion

"Conflict is not the problem, mismanagement is the problem." #oncompassion

"The more responsibility you have, the more choices you should have." #oncompassion

"Change your interpretation and you will change your experience." #oncompassion

"Nothing happens without willingness." #oncompassion

Dr. Nathan Regier welcomes Dan Rockwell to today's episode. Dan is a Leadership Freak, his blog by the same name has reached virtually every country in the world, and as a leadership expert, executive coach, and successful keynote speaker, Dan brings exceptional wisdom and insight to conversations about leadership, integrity, and authenticity.

Humility is a topic in which Dan has shown interest recently, a concept that has a lot to do with compassion and leadership, and that is why it is the center of Dr. Nate and Dan's conversation in this episode.

Key Takeaways:

[2:54] Dan shares what motivated the work that he does.

[4:48] Leadership Freak was Dan's first endeavor in the consulting leadership field.

[6:28] What is Dan's secret to writing a blog per day?

[8:07] Dan shares how he still feels like he felt at 13 years old.

[9:44] Dan tells the story of the time when he realized the world did not revolve around him.

[11:09] Why is it so important that we know we are not the most important person?

[12:07] Dan defines humility as a group of practices.

[13:45] Dan confesses he feels like many people are in his head, especially when thinking thoughts he doesn't want to do.

[15:32] Instead of judging your thoughts, start noticing them.

[16:24] Are humility and arrogance opposites in Dan's perspective?

[18:24] Dan explains what he means by "dancing with the red dragon".

[20:18] Dan and Nate discuss humility defined as thinking of yourself less.

[22:04] Dan explains why he has never been a huge fan of self-esteem.

[24:02] Nate talks about his father who struggled with depression.

[24:40] Humility is not thinking that you are not worthy.

[25:50] One way of practicing humility is by practicing gratitude.

[26:27] Dan confesses he has a better day when people like his blog, and he relates this to his practice of humility.

[31:20] How does religion relate to the concept of humility?

[35:50] Being really successful is strictly related to how you are going to give.

[36:50] Dan shares how hopeful feels to think in humility as a practice.

[39:03] Nate shares his top three key takeaways from a profound conversation with Dan.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea, John David Mann & Bob Burg

Tweetables:

"Instead of thinking how everything is about us, we can start thinking how it is for the other people in the room." #oncompassion #humility #leadership

"Humility is a group of key practices." #oncompassion #humility #leadership

"The overestimation of self leads to arrogance." #oncompassion #humility #leadership

"The biggest threat to future success is past success." #oncompassion #humility #leadership

"There is a big difference between being humble and thinking less of yourself." #oncompassion #humility #leadership

Dr. Nathan Regier welcomes Rob McKenna, PhD to today's episode. He was named one of the top 30 most influential I/O psychologists, he is a TedEd speaker and features in Forbes. Dr. McKenna is the founder of WiLD Leader Inc and The WiLD Leader Foundation, as well as the creator of the WiLD Toolkit.

Dr. McKenna's research and coaching with thousands of leaders across corporate, not-for-profit, and university settings have given him insight into the real and gritty experience of leadership. His clients have included the Boeing Company, Microsoft, Heineken, Foster Farms, the United Way, Alaska Airlines, and Children's Hospital. He is the author of numerous articles and chapters on leadership character, calling, effectiveness, and leadership under pressure. His latest book, Composed: The Heart and Science of Leading Under Pressure focuses on the specific strategies leaders can use to stay true to themselves and connected to others when it matters most.

Key Takeaways:

[3:13] What are some of the most formative influences on Dr. McKenna's journey?

[5:52] Dr. McKenna talks about his motivation to study I/O psychology.

[7:35] What is WiLD Leaders? Whole and Intentional Leader Development.

[8:30] Dr. McKenna explains what the WiLD Toolkit is.

[10:20] Dr. McKenna talks about the genesis of his newest book.

[13:45] How does pressure impact people?

[14:26] Dr. McKenna talks about the importance of efficacy.

[18:50] Thinkers and feelers can both be beneficial but can also become a liability.

[22:22] "Stop trying to be interesting and start trying to be interested."

[22:38] Dr. McKenna explains the difference between empathy and perspective taking.

[27:40] Selfishness looks different for different people.

[28:41] "Human beings are the only species who speed up when lost", Dr. McKenna explains his quote from the book

[31:26] Dr. McKenna talks about the distinction between blame and grace and how it applies to the responsibility as a leader.

[35:41] Dr. McKenna explains the difference between peace-keeper and truth-seeker.

[37:26] Dr. McKenna shares 'the secret sauce': a sense of purpose.

[43:13] Readiness beats potential.

[47:20] Humans make mistakes, how we relate to our failures is a crucially important aspect. Dr. McKenna shares his personal perspective on faith and human failure.

[53:30] Dr. Nate and Dr. McKenna talk about role models.

[56:28] Is there anything on Dr. McKenna's mind that he feels the world needs to know?

[1:01:14] Dr. Nate shares his top three takeaways from an inspiring and energizing conversation with Dr. McKenna.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

Tweetables:

"Pressure impacts people in three fundamental ways: thinking, feeling and doing." #oncompassion

"You can't sacrifice something you don't have." #oncompassion

"The emotional side is the least promoted in leadership development." #oncompassion

"Worry less about what people are thinking of you and worry more about what they think about themselves." #oncompassion

"The person who has the most capacity to lead within any system is the one who can express himself with the least amount of blame." #oncompassion

Dr. Nathan Regier welcomes Seth Godin who has been a great inspiration for millions of people to think and connect with each other differently. He is a leadership expert, marketing guru, prolific best selling author, teacher, visionary, and blogger.

Seth has a consistent focus on authenticity, relationships, curiosity, and connection at the center of our lives, and in today's episode, Dr. Nate is having a conversation with him about how all of these connect to compassion.

Key Takeaways:

[2:03] Seth describes himself and how he shows up in this world.

[2:53] How and why does Seth post every single day?

[4:18] Seth shares what excites him today.

[5:43] Seth talks about the Carbon Almanac.

[7:50] Nate and Seth begin their conversation about compassion.

[9:34] Seth shares his thoughts about authenticity.

[14:16] Nate shares the meaning of compassion.

[14:40] Seth talks about compassion, starting from the professional side and moving to the community aspect of it.

[17:56] How can we move out of resistance while preserving dignity and enhancing it?

[21:19] Seth explains why teaching is not a financial transaction.

[23:48] Seth dives deep into the meaning of the word: Enroll.

[25:45] If you want to lean into compassion, ask this question: What is this person afraid of?

[27:15] Seth talks to leaders about how they can ask the right questions to reach a more compassionate approach, but first, he differentiates managers from leaders.

[30:15] Seth speaks about the scarcity in our world.

[31:10] Seth shares his view on conflict.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

Seth's Blog

Seth Godin

Tweetables:

"Compassion and generosity do not mean you give everything away for free." #oncompassion

"Compassion and generosity can coexist with long-term value creation." #oncompassion

"People actually care about consistency, not authenticity." #oncompassion

"Dignity is not something you can get all by yourself, people also have to give it to you." #oncompassion

Dr. Josh King welcomes you to another episode of The Beyond Addiction Show 

Today, Dr. King is talking about the very peculiar matter of how different people handle difficult situations in their lives, some would want to never experience the hardships they went through, and others might have come through traumatic situations with great scars, and yet, they consider each moment a lesson from which they learned.

 

Dr. King is accompanied in this episode by Catherine Taughinbaugh, who had a daughter who struggled with substance use, and after coming to the other end, she decided she needed to help other parents. Cathy is now a blogger and Certified Parent Coach who has coached parents all over the U.S. on how to help their children. She is also the author of The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Substance Use.

 

Key Takeaways:

[4:09] What is it like to be a Parent Coach?

[7:01] Cathy shares her experience with the coaching parents of children struggling with substance use commonly receive until she met the CRAFT approach.

[8:42] What does Cathy do as a Parent Coach?

[9:42] What can parents expect to do in a session with Cathy?

[14:11] Cathy shares her training on top of her lived experience as a mother helping her child who struggled with substance use.

[18:10] Cathy speaks about the most effective approach from her perspective.

[20:18] Why did Cathy write her book The Compassion Antidote?

[25:34] What does compassion have to do with helping someone facing substance use?

[29:55] Dr. King explains how parents trying to gain more control over their children simply does not work.

[31:34] Cathy says in her book that parents can retrain themselves to think about substance abuse not so much as a moral failing but rather as a chronic disease.

[34:35] How does Cathy help families shift to a more compassionate approach?

[39:01] Cathy suggests to parents how they can start helping their children by changing the conversation.

[43:30] How can parents start to change the conversation with their children?

 

Mentioned in this Episode:

The Beyond Addiction Show

Center for Motivation and Change

Center for Motivation and Change on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn

 

Email Dr. Josh King at [email protected] or tweet him at @DocJoshKing

 

Learn more about CathyTaughinbaugh

 

Tweetables and Quotes:

“CRAFT allows parents to help their children in the way they would normally support them, parents want to help their kids.”— Catherine Taughinbaugh @_TheCMC (7:43)

 

“Trying to gain more control over your children won’t work in helping them with their substance use problem.”— @_TheCMC @DocJoshKing (29:58)

 

“Parents are just scared and want to get their kids on a better path but they have their own lives and you can’t control everything that is going on.” — Catherine Taughinbaugh @_TheCMC (30:31)

 

“Think about your child when he or she was younger, that beautiful kid is still there.” — Catherine Taughinbaugh @_TheCMC (33:09)

 

“Change the conversation, try to stay away from the negativity, and focus on the ways your child is doing well.” — Catherine Taughinbaugh @_TheCMC (39:50)

 

Dr. Nathan Regier, your host, welcomes Ken Blanchard and Randy Conley coauthors of Simple Truth of Leadership: 52 Ways to Be a Servant Leader and Build Trust. Randy Conley is the Vice President of Client Services and Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies. Randy authors the Leading with Trust blog and is a contributing author of the book Trust Inc.: Strategies for Building Your Company's Most Valuable Asset and works globally to help organizations build trust.

Ken Blanchard is one of the most influential leadership experts in the world, he's co-authored more than 65 books including the iconic One Minute Manager. He is the co-founder and Chief Spiritual Officer of The Ken Blanchard Companies®, an international management training and consulting firm.

In today's episode, Nate, Ken, and Randy are exploring the intersection between servant leadership, trust, and compassion by unpacking some of the simple truths included in their book.

Key Takeaways:

[2:48] Randy and Ken share where they are on their journeys and why the book they wrote is so important.

[5:38] How is the book structured?

[7:45] Randy and Ken's intentions were to simplify leadership.

[8:52] Simple truth: The key to developing people is to catch them doing something right.

[10:20] Simple truth: Praise progress.

[12:30] Ken and Randy share their perspectives on individualizing leadership according to their personalities.

[15:07] Ken and Randy talk about the concept of being self-full.

[16:31] Simple truth: People who plan a battle really battle a plan.

[17:37] How do Randy and Ken define trust?

[20:02] Key elements that define trust: Ability, Believable, Connected, and Dependable

[21:12] Simple truth: Trust is a skill that can be learned and developed.

[22:24] Simple truth: People will never forget how you make them feel.

[24:46] Simple truth: Apologizing is not necessarily an admission of guilt but an admission of responsibility.

[28:28] Simple truth: There is nothing so unequal as the equal treatment of unequal.

[32:28] Simple truth: Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for a better past.

[34:56] Randy and Ken share the simple truths that are the most valuable to them.

[37:04] Ken shares a saying from his mother: "God didn't make any junk, there is a pearl of goodness in everybody."

[38:04] Randy shares his favorite simple truth: Love is the answer, now, what is the question?

[40:46] Nate shares his three takeaways from an amazing conversation with Randy and Ken.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

Simple Truths of Leadership

Ken Blanchard

Tweetables:

"People who are servant leaders build trust." #oncompassion

"Leadership is an inside-out process." #oncompassion

"Self-full is about filling our tank so we can show up with energy to serve others." #oncompassion

"Leaders need to remember they have a tremendous impact on people." #oncompassion

"Forgiving others is a great self-full act." #oncompassion

Dr. Nathan Regier is joined today by Blaine Bartlett, president and CEO of Avatar Resources Inc., a company whose mission is to provide resources and services that foster compassionate capitalism. Blaine's work is founded on the thesis that business, as the most pervasive force on the planet, is charged with taking responsibility for the well-being of the whole. His life work is dedicated to ensuring that business leaders develop the skills, competency, and capacity to lead such an undertaking as it is key to thriving teams and organizations and a thriving planet. Blaine is the author of several books, including the international bestseller, Compassionate Capitalism: A Journey to the Soul of Business.

Key Takeaways:

[2:40] What are Blaine's motivations for his passion for the concept called Compassionate Capitalism?

[7:15] Blaine talks about the principles of nature that inspired Compassionate Capitalism.

[10:42] Blaine compares compassionate versus conscientious capitalism.

[15:40] What are the limits of what rational self-interest can do?

[18:28] Blaine shares his definition of compassion.

[22:04] Blaine shares an example of how we tend to believe that our emotional states are predicated on something external happening.

[24:08] Blaine explains what leaders can do to fight the tendency towards rational self-interest.

[28:44] Blaine shares examples of leaders and organizations.

[32:35] Blaine shares examples where companies are not trying to sell more of their staff in order to thrive.

[37:18] Dr. Nate and Blaine talk about an example of a business where everybody thrives.

[38:47] What is giving Blaine joy and purpose today?

[43:07] Dr. Nate shares his top three takeaways from a very inspiring conversation with Blaine Barlett about Compassionate Capitalism.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

Learn more about Blaine Bartlett

Avatar Resources Inc.

The Nature of the Ultimate Business Guru, Blaine Bartlett. TED Talk

Tweetables:

"Everything in nature works as a set of distribution, it gives things away, not for being altruistic, but for knowing that by giving something, something else is going to come back in return, there is reciprocity built in this market system we call nature. " #oncompassion

"The purpose in nature is thriving, while most businesses are trying to survive and there is when competition comes into play, thriving presupposes abundance" #oncompassion

"Most of the inequalities that we see in today's world and struggle with are consequence of rational self-interest." #oncompassion

"Compassion is the recognition that my well-being is predicated on your well-being." #oncompassion

"We are all leaders, the question should be: how effective are you as a leader." #oncompassion

"The purpose of business is to enhance the likelihood of thriving." #oncompassion

Dr. Nathan Regier, your host, is joined today by Kristen Donnelly (MSW, M.Div, Ph.D.) who is an empathy educator, speaker, and researcher with two decades of experience in helping people understand the beauty in difference and the power in inclusivity. In today's episode, she shares her research on empathy and her dedication to helping people achieve a better understanding of themselves and others.

Key Takeaways:

[2:17] Kristen shares about her role at Abbey Research.

[4:30] Kristen started a research company that has the mission of helping people to be human in a better way.

[5:12] During the pandemic, Kristen realized that generally, people lack empathy.

[6:30] Kristen decided to focus her work on helping people practice empathy; practice understanding with themselves and others.

[9:35] Kristen defines empathy as the consistent mindset that allows you to choose understanding before assumptions about yourself and others.

[11:01] How is empathy a mindset?

[13:43] Mindset can be cultivated.

[14:55] Kristen explains why people tend to assume instead of understand.

[16:30] We dehumanize people accidentally all the time.

[20:09] We are really bad at admitting we are wrong; we are going to make mistakes and that needs to be part of our mindset too.

[21:34] Kristen talks about applying empathy to ourselves.

[26:46] What are some things we can do to improve empathy with ourselves and others?

[29:25] None of us can do everything by ourselves.

[30:17] Kristen talks about the connection between empathy and compassion.

[33:30] Kristen encourages everyone to be human and messy, we are capable of terrible and wonderful things, all at the same time.

[35:52] Dr. Nate shares his three key takeaways from an amazing conversation with Kristen Donelly.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

"How Embracing Tolerance Has Failed Us" TEDx Talk by Kristen Donelly

Abbey Research

Click to Read Full Transcript

Tweetables:

"It is not universal to associate empathy with emotions, but it is universal to associate it with understanding." #oncompassion

"Empathy is the consistent mindset that allows you to choose understanding before assumptions about yourself and others." #oncompassion

"A posture of curiosity has to be part of your mindset in order to practice empathy." #oncompassion

"We can all learn to understand each other better if we want to." #oncompassion

"We forget that people are human all the time." #oncompassion

"As you learn and grow, who you were is not a bad person, you were only doing your best, but make sure you can do better, you can keep expanding and evolving." #oncompassion

Dr. Nathan Regier welcomes Douglas E. Noll to today's episode. Doug has stumbled upon a communication strategy that is changing lives around the world, from boardrooms to prisons. Doug is a business and commercial trial lawyer who teaches people to bring compassion even to the most difficult places.

For his innovative work, Doug Noll has been voted as one of the Best Lawyers in America since 2005, by US News & World Report and has been recognized since 2006 as a Northern California Super Lawyer. He is listed in the Who's Who of International Commercial Mediators. He has been honored as Lawyer of the Year in 2014 by Best Lawyers in America. In 2014, Doug was honored as a Purpose Prize Fellow by Encore.org. In 2018, Doug was named the Distinguished Neutral of the Year by The National Academy of Distinguished Neutrals.

Along with his colleague Laurel Kaufer, Doug Noll was named California Attorney of the Year in 2012 for their pro bono Prison of Peace project.

Doug Noll is the author of the book De-Escalate: How to Calm an Angry Person in 90 Seconds or Less, which was the winner of the Book Excellence Award for 2017.

Today, Doug is sharing the methodology outlined in his book called Listening Others into Existence, a counterintuitive method that is backed by science and proven to be effective in deescalating even the most charged situations.

Key Takeaways:

[2:21] Doug shares his journey from being a lawyer to becoming a peacemaker.

[6:00] Doug talks about his experience when conflict infects workplaces.

[8:03] We learn conflict patterns at a very young age.

[9:09] Doug gives an overview on how he discovered his deescalating method.

[10:55] Doug talks about how he found the bases of his methodology in neuroscience.

[12:21] Doug realized he needed to help people start "listening to the emotions".

[13:55] Doug explains why his method works based on what happens on the brain when you level someone's emotions.

[17:22] Doug dives deep into where emotions come from.

[19:58] How does "Listening others into existence" work?

[22:18] We have been lied about our human nature, we believed humans are distinguished because of their rationality, but in fact humans are 98% emotional and only 2% rational.

[24:31] There is not such thing about rationality, it is a complete myth.

[25:33] Doug describes the three step process of his technique.

[26:00] Nate and Doug try the technique while Nate shares a personal experience.

[27:58] Listening is no conversation.

[28:54] Nate and Doug try the technique with a negative experience he recently had.

[33:13] Doug talks about the work he has been doing in prison.

[38:49] Nate shares his three top takeaways from a powerful conversation with Doug Noll.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

Visit Doug Noll's Website and access amazing resources.

Click to read Full Transcript

Dr. Nathan Regier welcomes Julie Bartkus to today's episode, she is an award-winning business owner, internationally known speaker, coach, and best-selling author. For more than 20 years she has been helping leaders across the globe experience a workplace detox so they can cultivate a more harmonious workplace culture that leads to higher productivity, staff retention, and profits.

Julie has overcome several significant challenges in her life and in a pivotal moment she realized that she had to detox and begin thinking new thoughts, her mindset became a powerhouse that not only lifted far beyond what she thought possible in her life, but she also began a career of helping others do the same.

In today's episode, Julie shares her unique definition of leadership: Doing what you love through other people. She shares her more formative leadership experiences, as well as the major transformation she assisted as a coach. Julie dives deep into mindset transformation and emphasizes the power of awareness as the beginning of any significant change. Julie shares the most common things that demotivate employees and tips to begin detoxing your workplace.

Key Takeaways:

[2:50] Julie talks about the great resignation.

[3:50] Julie speaks about how she got into helping teams and cultures.

[7:30] Leaders do what they love but through other people

[8:14] What are some of the aspects that stand up from her best bosses?

[11:54] Julie shares the most outstanding transformations she helped facilitate with her work.

[14:35] How connected is the leader feeling with the organization's vision?

[16:00] Julie shares another big transformation she experienced.

[17:20] The problem of staff retention can be a result of the leader's connection to the organization's vision, and not only a consequence of the current market conditions.

[18:29] What is Workplace Detox about?

[19:57] What do we need to take away from the workplace to make it exciting and fun again?

[24:28] Was there a thought that Julie stopped thinking in particular and as a result triggered a significant change in her life?

[28:40] Everything starts with having awareness.

[30:22] What are the most common things leaders do that demotivate people?

[34:19] Julie talks about communication gaps.

[36:30] Julie shares quick tips to detox the workplace.

[38:08] What is Julie currently passionate about?

[41:24] Nate shares his key takeaways from an amazing conversation with Julie Bartkus.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Compassion Mindset

JulieBartkus.com

Click to Read Full Transcript

Tweetables:

"Many leaders do not know what is the right and wrong thing to say and how to cultivate a positive atmosphere towards the organization's mission." #oncompassion

"The leader needs to feel connected with the overall vision of the organization." #oncompassion

"The problem of staff retention can be a result of the leader's connection to the organization's vision and not only a consequence of the current market conditions." #oncompassion

"What thoughts do you need to stop thinking so you can achieve different results in you life personally and professionally?" #oncompassion