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Complex Grief: What It Actually Is and the 7 Things That Help When You're Stuck
Here’s what nobody tells you about grief: you can do every single thing right and still feel like you’re failing at it.
In this deeply personal episode, psychologist Dr. Therese Mascardo draws on both her clinical expertise and her own experience as a suicide loss survivor to explain complex grief: what it actually is, how it differs from typical grief, and why high achievers often struggle with it the most. She breaks down why doing everything “right” can still leave someone feeling stuck months or even years later, exploring examples from suicide loss to leaving abusive relationships to the complicated grief of new motherhood. Dr. Therese offers seven concrete strategies for working with complex grief, including permission to stop performing grief for others, tools for managing survivor’s guilt, and a reframe on letting grief transform rather than destroy.
Why This Episode Matters:
After my brother died by suicide, I tried to handle grief the way I handled everything else in my life: by not dealing with it and staying busy. I didn’t go to therapy for a long time. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk about it much. Here’s the spoiler: that doesn’t work very well.
What I’ve learned from both my personal experience and working with clients is that complex grief doesn’t follow the rules we think it should. High achievers especially struggle because we think if we just work hard enough at grieving, we’ll graduate from it faster. But grief isn’t a performance review.
This episode shares what I wish someone had told me back then: that you can do everything right and still feel stuck, that grief has layers too heavy to carry alone, and that there are specific strategies that actually help when the normal grief process gets derailed.
The 7 Strategies Covered in This Episode:
* Stop Performing Your Grief
* Lean Into Your Support Network
* Let Your Grief Speak
* Own Your Grief Story
* Track Patterns Without Trying to Control the Grief
* Release Yourself From Guilt About Laughing or Enjoying Life
* Let Grief Change You Instead of Destroy You
You’ll also learn:
* The difference between typical grief and complex grief (hint: it’s like a layer cake)
* Why high achievers struggle especially hard with grief
* Examples of what makes grief complex—from suicide loss to new motherhood
* How to stop performing your grief for other people
* Why survivor’s guilt keeps you stuck and what to do about it
* How to let grief transform you instead of destroy you
Quotes from this episode:
* “Grief isn’t a performance review. There’s no gold star for finishing ahead of schedule.”
* “You’re allowed to grieve who you were while loving who you’re becoming.”
* “Grief can’t be optimized or performed. It can only be carried.”
* “You can carry grief and still have joy. You can miss someone deeply and still build a beautiful life.”
* “Let this grief transform you instead of destroying you.”
🎧 Listen Everywhere
🍎 Apple Podcasts → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast
🎵 Spotify → https://open.spotify.com/show/0JYJn4AqCeUU67dKcmhnyg?si=18d779b8e3384ddd
🪴 Substack Audio → https://exploringtherapy.substack.com/podcast
📺 YouTube → https://youtu.be/cz08nk3SjeY
📚 Resources & Support:
Immediate Crisis Support:
* 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - Call or text 988 (available 24/7)
* Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741 (available 24/7)
* The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Youth) - Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
* International Association for Suicide Prevention - https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Suicide Loss Survivor Support:
* American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) - https://afsp.org/find-support
* Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors - https://allianceofhope.org
* The Compassionate Friends -
https://www.compassionatefriends.org
* Find local survivor support groups through AFSP or NAMI
Additional Mental Health Resources:
* NAMI Helpline - Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or text “HelpLine” to 62640
* SAMHSA National Helpline - 1-800-662-4357
* Psychology Today Therapist Finder - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
💙 SPONSOR: This episode is made possible by TherapyNotes, the all-in-one practice management software that helps therapists handle notes, scheduling, billing, and telehealth so they can focus on people, not paperwork.
🩵 Try it free for 2 months with code DRTHERESE → https://bit.ly/3IjR482
If you loved this episode:
💬 Leave a comment below - What resonated with you most?
📧 Share it with someone who needs to hear this
⭐ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
🔔 Subscribe so you never miss a conversation
Join the newsletter community for weekly insights on building a life you don’t need to escape from:
✨ About This Podcast
You know how sometimes you wish you could just call up your therapist when you’re having a moment? That’s what this podcast is.
This is for high-achievers, perfectionists, and eldest daughters who look like they have it all together but are silently struggling. Think of Dr. Therese like a big sister with a doctorate who’s been there too and knows what actually helps.
No confusing academic jargon or pretending she has all the answers. Just real conversations about building a life you don’t need to escape from.
🗓️ New episodes every Thursday.
✨ Connect with Dr. Therese
📸 Instagram → https://instagram.com/exploring.therapy
🗞️ Free Weekly Newsletter → https://exploringtherapy.substack.com/
🌐 Website →
https://www.exploringtherapy.com
🪶 About Dr. Therese
Dr. Therese Mascardo is a Filipina-American psychologist and author of Love The Journey. For over a decade, she’s been in therapy rooms noticing patterns most people never get to see: what happens right before someone breaks through to genuine joy, what keeps people stuck, and what actually helps when everything feels heavy.
Her mission is simple: to help people build lives they don’t need to escape from.
Topics: mental health, therapy, complex grief, grief support, high achievers, perfectionism, suicide loss, self-worth, psychology, healing, emotional health
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exploringtherapy.substack.com
View all episodes
By Dr. Therese MascardoHere’s what nobody tells you about grief: you can do every single thing right and still feel like you’re failing at it.
In this deeply personal episode, psychologist Dr. Therese Mascardo draws on both her clinical expertise and her own experience as a suicide loss survivor to explain complex grief: what it actually is, how it differs from typical grief, and why high achievers often struggle with it the most. She breaks down why doing everything “right” can still leave someone feeling stuck months or even years later, exploring examples from suicide loss to leaving abusive relationships to the complicated grief of new motherhood. Dr. Therese offers seven concrete strategies for working with complex grief, including permission to stop performing grief for others, tools for managing survivor’s guilt, and a reframe on letting grief transform rather than destroy.
Why This Episode Matters:
After my brother died by suicide, I tried to handle grief the way I handled everything else in my life: by not dealing with it and staying busy. I didn’t go to therapy for a long time. I didn’t cry. I didn’t talk about it much. Here’s the spoiler: that doesn’t work very well.
What I’ve learned from both my personal experience and working with clients is that complex grief doesn’t follow the rules we think it should. High achievers especially struggle because we think if we just work hard enough at grieving, we’ll graduate from it faster. But grief isn’t a performance review.
This episode shares what I wish someone had told me back then: that you can do everything right and still feel stuck, that grief has layers too heavy to carry alone, and that there are specific strategies that actually help when the normal grief process gets derailed.
The 7 Strategies Covered in This Episode:
* Stop Performing Your Grief
* Lean Into Your Support Network
* Let Your Grief Speak
* Own Your Grief Story
* Track Patterns Without Trying to Control the Grief
* Release Yourself From Guilt About Laughing or Enjoying Life
* Let Grief Change You Instead of Destroy You
You’ll also learn:
* The difference between typical grief and complex grief (hint: it’s like a layer cake)
* Why high achievers struggle especially hard with grief
* Examples of what makes grief complex—from suicide loss to new motherhood
* How to stop performing your grief for other people
* Why survivor’s guilt keeps you stuck and what to do about it
* How to let grief transform you instead of destroy you
Quotes from this episode:
* “Grief isn’t a performance review. There’s no gold star for finishing ahead of schedule.”
* “You’re allowed to grieve who you were while loving who you’re becoming.”
* “Grief can’t be optimized or performed. It can only be carried.”
* “You can carry grief and still have joy. You can miss someone deeply and still build a beautiful life.”
* “Let this grief transform you instead of destroying you.”
🎧 Listen Everywhere
🍎 Apple Podcasts → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast
🎵 Spotify → https://open.spotify.com/show/0JYJn4AqCeUU67dKcmhnyg?si=18d779b8e3384ddd
🪴 Substack Audio → https://exploringtherapy.substack.com/podcast
📺 YouTube → https://youtu.be/cz08nk3SjeY
📚 Resources & Support:
Immediate Crisis Support:
* 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline - Call or text 988 (available 24/7)
* Crisis Text Line - Text HOME to 741741 (available 24/7)
* The Trevor Project (LGBTQ+ Youth) - Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678-678
* International Association for Suicide Prevention - https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Suicide Loss Survivor Support:
* American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) - https://afsp.org/find-support
* Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors - https://allianceofhope.org
* The Compassionate Friends -
https://www.compassionatefriends.org
* Find local survivor support groups through AFSP or NAMI
Additional Mental Health Resources:
* NAMI Helpline - Call 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or text “HelpLine” to 62640
* SAMHSA National Helpline - 1-800-662-4357
* Psychology Today Therapist Finder - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
💙 SPONSOR: This episode is made possible by TherapyNotes, the all-in-one practice management software that helps therapists handle notes, scheduling, billing, and telehealth so they can focus on people, not paperwork.
🩵 Try it free for 2 months with code DRTHERESE → https://bit.ly/3IjR482
If you loved this episode:
💬 Leave a comment below - What resonated with you most?
📧 Share it with someone who needs to hear this
⭐ Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify
🔔 Subscribe so you never miss a conversation
Join the newsletter community for weekly insights on building a life you don’t need to escape from:
✨ About This Podcast
You know how sometimes you wish you could just call up your therapist when you’re having a moment? That’s what this podcast is.
This is for high-achievers, perfectionists, and eldest daughters who look like they have it all together but are silently struggling. Think of Dr. Therese like a big sister with a doctorate who’s been there too and knows what actually helps.
No confusing academic jargon or pretending she has all the answers. Just real conversations about building a life you don’t need to escape from.
🗓️ New episodes every Thursday.
✨ Connect with Dr. Therese
📸 Instagram → https://instagram.com/exploring.therapy
🗞️ Free Weekly Newsletter → https://exploringtherapy.substack.com/
🌐 Website →
https://www.exploringtherapy.com
🪶 About Dr. Therese
Dr. Therese Mascardo is a Filipina-American psychologist and author of Love The Journey. For over a decade, she’s been in therapy rooms noticing patterns most people never get to see: what happens right before someone breaks through to genuine joy, what keeps people stuck, and what actually helps when everything feels heavy.
Her mission is simple: to help people build lives they don’t need to escape from.
Topics: mental health, therapy, complex grief, grief support, high achievers, perfectionism, suicide loss, self-worth, psychology, healing, emotional health
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit exploringtherapy.substack.com