A student can understand the assignment and still have no idea how to get themselves started. Carrie Bonnett is back on Complicated Kids, and this time we are talking about executive function in the classroom. Carrie is an executive function coach and veteran teacher, and she has a wonderfully simple definition of executive function: the brain skills that help us get important things done. That includes organization and time management, of course, but also planning, getting started, staying focused, regulating emotions, getting back on track after a distraction, finishing, and remembering where the finished thing is supposed to go. In other words, "Go do your work" is asking a brain to do A LOT. Carrie shares the story of a teacher who suddenly realized that a student sitting through independent work without starting might not be choosing not to work. Getting started is a skill. The student may understand the assignment and still be stuck on the first step, how to organize the page, how long the task will take, or any number of things we cannot see from across the classroom. Carrie offers one of my favorite questions from this conversation: What if this is a skill thing and not a will thing? That little shift creates room for curiosity. Maybe the student needs the task broken into a smaller chunk. Maybe they need help identifying the first step. Maybe there is a routine we assumed they knew but never actually taught. And routines are a big part of this conversation. Carrie points out that brains like structure, consistency, and predictability. Teaching students how to begin independent work or what to do when they get stuck is not wasted classroom time. It is teaching the skills that make the rest of the work possible. We also get into the language adults use around executive function. Instead of turning a struggle into an identity, Carrie encourages talking about brains: "My brain needs support with working memory," rather than "I'm terrible at this." I LOVE this. Kids need to understand how their brains work if we want them to choose useful strategies, advocate for themselves, and develop a healthy sense of who they are. And yes, somehow laundry makes an appearance, because I currently have clean, folded laundry sitting in a basket on my bedroom floor and apparently that makes an excellent executive function teaching tool. Adults have unfinished tasks too. Maybe giving ourselves a little grace for that can help us bring more curiosity to the kids in front of us. Key Takeaways <ol> <li>Executive function includes the brain skills that help us start, organize, plan, focus on, regulate ourselves through, and finish important tasks.</li> <li>A student who is not starting an assignment may understand the work but still need support with task initiation.</li> <li>Independent work requires many executive function skills at once, including understanding directions, starting, sustaining attention, recovering from distractions, finishing, and turning work in.</li> <li>Asking "What if this is a skill thing and not a will thing?" can help adults move from assumptions to curiosity.</li> <li>Breaking a task into a smaller first step can make getting started more accessible for a student who feels stuck.</li> <li>Classroom routines support executive function because structure, consistency, and predictability reduce how much students have to figure out in the moment.</li> <li>Skills such as task initiation should not automatically be treated as things students already know simply because of their age or grade.</li> <li>Brain-based language can separate a skill difficulty from a student's identity and create a more useful starting point for support.</li> <li>Helping students understand their own executive function profiles can make it easier for them to choose strategies and advocate for what they need.</li> <li>Adults struggle with executive function too, and acknowledging our own imperfect brains can normalize those differences for students.</li> </ol> About Carrie Bonnett Carrie Bonnett is a veteran teacher, lifelong list-maker, and executive function coach based in Bend, Oregon. She works with students and families around the country using a practical, no-shame, brain-first approach that empowers students to thrive, helps parents and teachers better support them, and gives adults tools to stay on top of all that life requires. In addition to coaching, Carrie creates digital resources, including her signature course Get the Brain on Board and a series of No-Shame Guides for Parents, and provides brain-based workshops and trainings for parents, teachers, and other professionals. She is also an adjunct instructor at the University of Portland, where she supports early-career teachers. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 <a href= "http://www.gabrielenicolet.com">www.gabrielenicolet.com</a> 📅 Schedule a free intro call: <a href= "https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session">https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session</a> 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: <a href= "https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured">https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured</a> 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story</a> 📝 Read my latest blog posts: <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog</a> 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops</a> 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays</a> ➡️ Instagram: <a href= "http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet">http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet</a> ➡️ Facebook: <a href= "http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet">http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet</a> ➡️ LinkedIn: <a href= "https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/">https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/</a> 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: <a href= "https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/">https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/</a> Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

A student can understand the assignment and still have no idea how to get themselves started. Carrie Bonnett is back on Complicated Kids, and this time we are talking about executive function in the classroom. Carrie is an executive function coach and veteran teacher, and she has a wonderfully simple definition of executive function: the brain skills that help us get important things done. That includes organization and time management, of course, but also planning, getting started, staying focused, regulating emotions, getting back on track after a distraction, finishing, and remembering where the finished thing is supposed to go. In other words, "Go do your work" is asking a brain to do A LOT. Carrie shares the story of a teacher who suddenly realized that a student sitting through independent work without starting might not be choosing not to work. Getting started is a skill. The student may understand the assignment and still be stuck on the first step, how to organize the page, how long the task will take, or any number of things we cannot see from across the classroom. Carrie offers one of my favorite questions from this conversation: What if this is a skill thing and not a will thing? That little shift creates room for curiosity. Maybe the student needs the task broken into a smaller chunk. Maybe they need help identifying the first step. Maybe there is a routine we assumed they knew but never actually taught. And routines are a big part of this conversation. Carrie points out that brains like structure, consistency, and predictability. Teaching students how to begin independent work or what to do when they get stuck is not wasted classroom time. It is teaching the skills that make the rest of the work possible. We also get into the language adults use around executive function. Instead of turning a struggle into an identity, Carrie encourages talking about brains: "My brain needs support with working memory," rather than "I'm terrible at this." I LOVE this. Kids need to understand how their brains work if we want them to choose useful strategies, advocate for themselves, and develop a healthy sense of who they are. And yes, somehow laundry makes an appearance, because I currently have clean, folded laundry sitting in a basket on my bedroom floor and apparently that makes an excellent executive function teaching tool. Adults have unfinished tasks too. Maybe giving ourselves a little grace for that can help us bring more curiosity to the kids in front of us. Key Takeaways Executive function includes the brain skills that help us start, organize, plan, focus on, regulate ourselves through, and finish important tasks. A student who is not starting an assignment may understand the work but still need support with task initiation. Independent work requires many executive function skills at once, including understanding directions, starting, sustaining attention, recovering from distractions, finishing, and turning work in. Asking "What if this is a skill thing and not a will thing?" can help adults move from assumptions to curiosity. Breaking a task into a smaller first step can make getting started more accessible for a student who feels stuck. Classroom routines support executive function because structure, consistency, and predictability reduce how much students have to figure out in the moment. Skills such as task initiation should not automatically be treated as things students already know simply because of their age or grade. Brain-based language can separate a skill difficulty from a student's identity and create a more useful starting point for support. Helping students understand their own executive function profiles can make it easier for them to choose strategies and advocate for what they need. Adults struggle with executive function too, and acknowledging our own imperfect brains can normalize those differences for students. About Carrie Bonnett Carrie Bonnett is a veteran teacher, lifelong list-maker, and executive function coach based in Bend, Oregon. She works with students and families around the country using a practical, no-shame, brain-first approach that empowers students to thrive, helps parents and teachers better support them, and gives adults tools to stay on top of all that life requires. In addition to coaching, Carrie creates digital resources, including her signature course Get the Brain on Board and a series of No-Shame Guides for Parents, and provides brain-based workshops and trainings for parents, teachers, and other professionals. She is also an adjunct instructor at the University of Portland, where she supports early-career teachers. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

A student can understand the assignment and still have no idea how to get themselves started. Carrie Bonnett is back on Complicated Kids, and this time we are talking about executive function in the classroom. Carrie is an executive function coach and veteran teacher, and she has a wonderfully simple definition of executive function: the brain skills that help us get important things done. That includes organization and time management, of course, but also planning, getting started, staying focused, regulating emotions, getting back on track after a distraction, finishing, and remembering where the finished thing is supposed to go. In other words, "Go do your work" is asking a brain to do A LOT. Carrie shares the story of a teacher who suddenly realized that a student sitting through independent work without starting might not be choosing not to work. Getting started is a skill. The student may understand the assignment and still be stuck on the first step, how to organize the page, how long the task will take, or any number of things we cannot see from across the classroom. Carrie offers one of my favorite questions from this conversation: What if this is a skill thing and not a will thing? That little shift creates room for curiosity. Maybe the student needs the task broken into a smaller chunk. Maybe they need help identifying the first step. Maybe there is a routine we assumed they knew but never actually taught. And routines are a big part of this conversation. Carrie points out that brains like structure, consistency, and predictability. Teaching students how to begin independent work or what to do when they get stuck is not wasted classroom time. It is teaching the skills that make the rest of the work possible. We also get into the language adults use around executive function. Instead of turning a struggle into an identity, Carrie encourages talking about brains: "My brain needs support with working memory," rather than "I'm terrible at this." I LOVE this. Kids need to understand how their brains work if we want them to choose useful strategies, advocate for themselves, and develop a healthy sense of who they are. And yes, somehow laundry makes an appearance, because I currently have clean, folded laundry sitting in a basket on my bedroom floor and apparently that makes an excellent executive function teaching tool. Adults have unfinished tasks too. Maybe giving ourselves a little grace for that can help us bring more curiosity to the kids in front of us. Key Takeaways <ol> <li>Executive function includes the brain skills that help us start, organize, plan, focus on, regulate ourselves through, and finish important tasks.</li> <li>A student who is not starting an assignment may understand the work but still need support with task initiation.</li> <li>Independent work requires many executive function skills at once, including understanding directions, starting, sustaining attention, recovering from distractions, finishing, and turning work in.</li> <li>Asking "What if this is a skill thing and not a will thing?" can help adults move from assumptions to curiosity.</li> <li>Breaking a task into a smaller first step can make getting started more accessible for a student who feels stuck.</li> <li>Classroom routines support executive function because structure, consistency, and predictability reduce how much students have to figure out in the moment.</li> <li>Skills such as task initiation should not automatically be treated as things students already know simply because of their age or grade.</li> <li>Brain-based language can separate a skill difficulty from a student's identity and create a more useful starting point for support.</li> <li>Helping students understand their own executive function profiles can make it easier for them to choose strategies and advocate for what they need.</li> <li>Adults struggle with executive function too, and acknowledging our own imperfect brains can normalize those differences for students.</li> </ol> About Carrie Bonnett Carrie Bonnett is a veteran teacher, lifelong list-maker, and executive function coach based in Bend, Oregon. She works with students and families around the country using a practical, no-shame, brain-first approach that empowers students to thrive, helps parents and teachers better support them, and gives adults tools to stay on top of all that life requires. In addition to coaching, Carrie creates digital resources, including her signature course Get the Brain on Board and a series of No-Shame Guides for Parents, and provides brain-based workshops and trainings for parents, teachers, and other professionals. She is also an adjunct instructor at the University of Portland, where she supports early-career teachers. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links: 🌎 <a href="http://www.gabrielenicolet.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">www.gabrielenicolet.com</a> 📅 Schedule a free intro call: <a href="https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session</a> 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured</a> 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story</a> 📝 Read my latest blog posts: <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog</a> 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops</a> 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays</a> ➡️ Instagram: <a href="http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet</a> ➡️ Facebook: <a href="http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet</a> ➡️ LinkedIn: <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/</a> 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: <a href="https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/</a> Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Executive Function for Teachers with Carrie Bonnett

If we spend childhood teaching a kid that adults know their body, needs, and limits better than they do, it is a pretty big leap to expect self-trust to magically appear in adulthood. Jenn Glacel is back on the podcast, and this time we are talking about what she calls radical acceptance of children's inner knowing or wisdom. Before anybody starts rolling their eyes, this is not an argument that a four-year-old has all the information necessary to run the household. Jenn makes an important distinction between knowing something about your own experience and having the language, context, or skills to explain it. Kids may know what they are feeling or what they need without being able to communicate it in a particularly useful way. We also talk about the difference between autonomy and independence. We tend to treat autonomy as something children earn once they can be independent in the ways adults expect. But needing help does not mean a person should lose their say over their own body, preferences, or experiences. The humble winter coat becomes our case study. If your child says, "I'm not cold," and you repeatedly respond, "Yes, you are," what are they learning? Maybe they are learning about coats. But they may also be learning that their own bodily experience is less trustworthy than an adult's interpretation of it. This does not mean we let a kid wander into ten-below weather in shorts because autonomy. Context matters. Sometimes the adult has information the child simply does not have yet, and safety requires us to step in. But at 45 degrees, maybe we bring the coat and let the kid gather some data. A lot of learning can happen without a lecture. That trust becomes especially important when we ask children to try something new. Jenn makes a point I love: when a child knows that their "no" will actually be honored, a push can feel safe. They can try the roller coaster, the new activity, or the unfamiliar experience because they know that if they change their mind, the adult will listen. If we say, "You can stop anytime," and then immediately argue when they want to stop, we have changed the deal. We also talk about shifting from judgment to curiosity. Jenn's starting assumption is that if a child can do something, they will. If it is not happening, instead of jumping immediately to lazy, defiant, disrespectful, or "they just don't want to," we can ask what is getting in the way. As I say in the episode, you can be right and indignant, or you can be curious and in relationship. And yes, sometimes what we discover is that the dishes are not going to get done on our preferred timeline and, tragically, we may have to wash them ourselves. That same idea of mutual respect comes up in the tiny daily interactions too. If we want children who say please and thank you, are we saying please and thank you to them? If we want respect, are we treating them as people worthy of respect? Kids are watching what we do much more closely than they are memorizing the lecture. None of this requires children to communicate their needs beautifully. Dysregulated kids can express themselves in some truly spectacularly unappealing ways. Our job is not to assume that a badly delivered need is not a real need. Our job is to become detectives, slow things down, and figure out what the child may not yet be able to tell us clearly. Because helping kids trust themselves starts with showing them that we are willing to listen. Key Takeaways <ol> <li>Children can know something about what they need or feel even when they cannot explain it clearly.</li> <li>Autonomy and independence are different. Needing support does not mean a child should lose their voice or choices.</li> <li>Children build self-trust when adults take their bodily experiences and signals seriously.</li> <li>Supporting autonomy does not mean ignoring safety. Adults still provide protection, context, and support when the stakes require it.</li> <li>Kids may be more willing to try something new when they trust that their "no" will actually be honored.</li> <li>If a child is not doing something we expect, curiosity is more useful than immediately assuming laziness, defiance, or disrespect.</li> <li>Sometimes the question is not "How do I make my child do this?" but "What is preventing this from happening?"</li> <li>Respect works both ways. Children learn respect by experiencing it, not just by being told to show it.</li> <li>Dysregulation can make it difficult for kids to express what they need in ways adults can easily hear.</li> <li>Parents can become detectives, slowing down enough to look beneath the behavior and figure out what their child may be communicating.</li> </ol> About Jenn Glacel Jenn Glacel is an autistic licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with a private practice in Falls Church, Virginia. Through Seven Corners Psychotherapy, she works with children, adults, parents, and families through a radically neurodiversity-affirming lens. Her work includes child-centered play therapy, family support, and education for parents and practitioners about what neurodiversity-affirming care looks like in practice. Jenn's approach focuses on helping people better understand and trust themselves while building relationships rooted in mutual trust, respect, and acceptance. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: <a href= "http://www.gabrielenicolet.com">www.gabrielenicolet.com</a> 📅 Schedule a free intro call: <a href= "https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session">https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session</a> 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: <a href= "https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured">https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured</a> 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story</a> 📝 Read my latest blog posts: <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog</a> 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops</a> 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: <a href= "https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays</a> ➡️ Instagram: <a href= "http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet">http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet</a> ➡️ Facebook: <a href= "http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet">http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet</a> ➡️ LinkedIn: <a href= "https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/">https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/</a> 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: <a href= "https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/">https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/</a> Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

If we spend childhood teaching a kid that adults know their body, needs, and limits better than they do, it is a pretty big leap to expect self-trust to magically appear in adulthood. Jenn Glacel is back on the podcast, and this time we are talking about what she calls radical acceptance of children's inner knowing or wisdom. Before anybody starts rolling their eyes, this is not an argument that a four-year-old has all the information necessary to run the household. Jenn makes an important distinction between knowing something about your own experience and having the language, context, or skills to explain it. Kids may know what they are feeling or what they need without being able to communicate it in a particularly useful way. We also talk about the difference between autonomy and independence. We tend to treat autonomy as something children earn once they can be independent in the ways adults expect. But needing help does not mean a person should lose their say over their own body, preferences, or experiences. The humble winter coat becomes our case study. If your child says, "I'm not cold," and you repeatedly respond, "Yes, you are," what are they learning? Maybe they are learning about coats. But they may also be learning that their own bodily experience is less trustworthy than an adult's interpretation of it. This does not mean we let a kid wander into ten-below weather in shorts because autonomy. Context matters. Sometimes the adult has information the child simply does not have yet, and safety requires us to step in. But at 45 degrees, maybe we bring the coat and let the kid gather some data. A lot of learning can happen without a lecture. That trust becomes especially important when we ask children to try something new. Jenn makes a point I love: when a child knows that their "no" will actually be honored, a push can feel safe. They can try the roller coaster, the new activity, or the unfamiliar experience because they know that if they change their mind, the adult will listen. If we say, "You can stop anytime," and then immediately argue when they want to stop, we have changed the deal. We also talk about shifting from judgment to curiosity. Jenn's starting assumption is that if a child can do something, they will. If it is not happening, instead of jumping immediately to lazy, defiant, disrespectful, or "they just don't want to," we can ask what is getting in the way. As I say in the episode, you can be right and indignant, or you can be curious and in relationship. And yes, sometimes what we discover is that the dishes are not going to get done on our preferred timeline and, tragically, we may have to wash them ourselves. That same idea of mutual respect comes up in the tiny daily interactions too. If we want children who say please and thank you, are we saying please and thank you to them? If we want respect, are we treating them as people worthy of respect? Kids are watching what we do much more closely than they are memorizing the lecture. None of this requires children to communicate their needs beautifully. Dysregulated kids can express themselves in some truly spectacularly unappealing ways. Our job is not to assume that a badly delivered need is not a real need. Our job is to become detectives, slow things down, and figure out what the child may not yet be able to tell us clearly. Because helping kids trust themselves starts with showing them that we are willing to listen. Key Takeaways Children can know something about what they need or feel even when they cannot explain it clearly. Autonomy and independence are different. Needing support does not mean a child should lose their voice or choices. Children build self-trust when adults take their bodily experiences and signals seriously. Supporting autonomy does not mean ignoring safety. Adults still provide protection, context, and support when the stakes require it. Kids may be more willing to try something new when they trust that their "no" will actually be honored. If a child is not doing something we expect, curiosity is more useful than immediately assuming laziness, defiance, or disrespect. Sometimes the question is not "How do I make my child do this?" but "What is preventing this from happening?" Respect works both ways. Children learn respect by experiencing it, not just by being told to show it. Dysregulation can make it difficult for kids to express what they need in ways adults can easily hear. Parents can become detectives, slowing down enough to look beneath the behavior and figure out what their child may be communicating. About Jenn Glacel Jenn Glacel is an autistic licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with a private practice in Falls Church, Virginia. Through Seven Corners Psychotherapy, she works with children, adults, parents, and families through a radically neurodiversity-affirming lens. Her work includes child-centered play therapy, family support, and education for parents and practitioners about what neurodiversity-affirming care looks like in practice. Jenn's approach focuses on helping people better understand and trust themselves while building relationships rooted in mutual trust, respect, and acceptance. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story 📝 Read my latest blog posts: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays ➡️ Instagram: http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/ 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/ Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

If we spend childhood teaching a kid that adults know their body, needs, and limits better than they do, it is a pretty big leap to expect self-trust to magically appear in adulthood. Jenn Glacel is back on the podcast, and this time we are talking about what she calls radical acceptance of children's inner knowing or wisdom. Before anybody starts rolling their eyes, this is not an argument that a four-year-old has all the information necessary to run the household. Jenn makes an important distinction between knowing something about your own experience and having the language, context, or skills to explain it. Kids may know what they are feeling or what they need without being able to communicate it in a particularly useful way. We also talk about the difference between autonomy and independence. We tend to treat autonomy as something children earn once they can be independent in the ways adults expect. But needing help does not mean a person should lose their say over their own body, preferences, or experiences. The humble winter coat becomes our case study. If your child says, "I'm not cold," and you repeatedly respond, "Yes, you are," what are they learning? Maybe they are learning about coats. But they may also be learning that their own bodily experience is less trustworthy than an adult's interpretation of it. This does not mean we let a kid wander into ten-below weather in shorts because autonomy. Context matters. Sometimes the adult has information the child simply does not have yet, and safety requires us to step in. But at 45 degrees, maybe we bring the coat and let the kid gather some data. A lot of learning can happen without a lecture. That trust becomes especially important when we ask children to try something new. Jenn makes a point I love: when a child knows that their "no" will actually be honored, a push can feel safe. They can try the roller coaster, the new activity, or the unfamiliar experience because they know that if they change their mind, the adult will listen. If we say, "You can stop anytime," and then immediately argue when they want to stop, we have changed the deal. We also talk about shifting from judgment to curiosity. Jenn's starting assumption is that if a child can do something, they will. If it is not happening, instead of jumping immediately to lazy, defiant, disrespectful, or "they just don't want to," we can ask what is getting in the way. As I say in the episode, you can be right and indignant, or you can be curious and in relationship. And yes, sometimes what we discover is that the dishes are not going to get done on our preferred timeline and, tragically, we may have to wash them ourselves. That same idea of mutual respect comes up in the tiny daily interactions too. If we want children who say please and thank you, are we saying please and thank you to them? If we want respect, are we treating them as people worthy of respect? Kids are watching what we do much more closely than they are memorizing the lecture. None of this requires children to communicate their needs beautifully. Dysregulated kids can express themselves in some truly spectacularly unappealing ways. Our job is not to assume that a badly delivered need is not a real need. Our job is to become detectives, slow things down, and figure out what the child may not yet be able to tell us clearly. Because helping kids trust themselves starts with showing them that we are willing to listen. Key Takeaways <ol> <li>Children can know something about what they need or feel even when they cannot explain it clearly.</li> <li>Autonomy and independence are different. Needing support does not mean a child should lose their voice or choices.</li> <li>Children build self-trust when adults take their bodily experiences and signals seriously.</li> <li>Supporting autonomy does not mean ignoring safety. Adults still provide protection, context, and support when the stakes require it.</li> <li>Kids may be more willing to try something new when they trust that their "no" will actually be honored.</li> <li>If a child is not doing something we expect, curiosity is more useful than immediately assuming laziness, defiance, or disrespect.</li> <li>Sometimes the question is not "How do I make my child do this?" but "What is preventing this from happening?"</li> <li>Respect works both ways. Children learn respect by experiencing it, not just by being told to show it.</li> <li>Dysregulation can make it difficult for kids to express what they need in ways adults can easily hear.</li> <li>Parents can become detectives, slowing down enough to look beneath the behavior and figure out what their child may be communicating.</li> </ol> About Jenn Glacel Jenn Glacel is an autistic licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist with a private practice in Falls Church, Virginia. Through Seven Corners Psychotherapy, she works with children, adults, parents, and families through a radically neurodiversity-affirming lens. Her work includes child-centered play therapy, family support, and education for parents and practitioners about what neurodiversity-affirming care looks like in practice. Jenn's approach focuses on helping people better understand and trust themselves while building relationships rooted in mutual trust, respect, and acceptance. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: <a href="http://www.gabrielenicolet.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">www.gabrielenicolet.com</a> 📅 Schedule a free intro call: <a href="https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session</a> 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.youtube.com/@complicatedkids/featured</a> 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story</a> 📝 Read my latest blog posts: <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/blog</a> 🎤 Explore my upcoming live workshops: <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/live-workshops</a> 🎥 Explore my on-demand workshops: <a href="https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.gabrielenicolet.com/workshop-replays</a> ➡️ Instagram: <a href="http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet</a> ➡️ Facebook: <a href="http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet" rel="noopener noreferrer">http://facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet</a> ➡️ LinkedIn: <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet/</a> 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: <a href="https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/" rel="noopener noreferrer">https://www.raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up/</a> Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Radical Acceptance of Children's Own Wisdom with Jenn Glacel

In this week's podcast I sat down with author, non-profit creator, dietician, and nutritionist, Kelly Dorfman. Kelly has worked with doctors throughout the country and children and their families throughout the world in order to help those that have developmental issues figure out if the food they are eating may be the cause of some of those issues.

In this week's podcast I sat down with author, non-profit creator, dietician, and nutritionist, Kelly Dorfman. Kelly has worked with doctors throughout the country and children and their families throughout the world in order to help those that have developmental issues figure out if the food they are eating may be the cause of some of those issues.

In this week's podcast I sat down with author, non-profit creator, dietician, and nutritionist, Kelly Dorfman. Kelly has worked with doctors throughout the country and children and their families throughout the world in order to help those that have developmental issues figure out if the food they are eating may be the cause of some of those issues.

Late Talking Children with Kelly Dorfman Ep 4

During this interview, I get to talk to the amazing Martha Adler about a tough subject. Tune in to hear more about our children's experience with death and what different ways we frame it for them can result in.

During this interview, I get to talk to the amazing Martha Adler about a tough subject. Tune in to hear more about our children's experience with death and what different ways we frame it for them can result in.

Martha Adler on Death and Dying Ep 3

In this week's interview I had a great opportunity to sit down with Jackie Beach from Rally Supports Families to discuss the amazing services that they offer families and children. Rally Supports Families does great work helping parents navigate the professional services that their children may need, how to advocate in the best interest of their children, and answering questions they may not be comfortable asking the pros.

In this week's interview I had a great opportunity to sit down with Jackie Beach from Rally Supports Families to discuss the amazing services that they offer families and children. Rally Supports Families does great work helping parents navigate the professional services that their children may need, how to advocate in the best interest of their children, and answering questions they may not be comfortable asking the pros.

Supporting Young Children & Their Families With Jackie Beach Ep 2

Welcome to the first episode of the Complicated Kids Podcast! This week I'm talking about accepting that your child is an autonomous, independent being who has their own path to walk in life. You can guide them, but you can't control them.

Welcome to the first episode of the Complicated Kids Podcast! This week I'm talking about accepting that your child is an autonomous, independent being who has their own path to walk in life. You can guide them, but you can't control them.

It's Complicated! Ep 1

Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive.

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