To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women. More than just the key opening for my wedding vows, Conan really got to the heart of what made all of us men tick. I mean, if overweight middle-aged dads with gaming PCs can't slay enemies and make women lament stuff, who can?

Conan the Barbarian is one of those rare 80's gems that really doesn't feel like an 80's movie. Sure, it has a few moments of "what the hell were they thinking", but it is a shockingly solid movie, and absolutely worth a watch if it's been ages since you've seen it last. And if you've never watched it before, please do - at the very least, it will inspire you to conquer your neighbourhood with a battleaxe.

Some of the things we waste an hour and a half talking about:

- James Earl Jones truly brings classical sophistication and a wicked crazy-person mullet to his role as the main baddie- Arnie says MAYBE 15 lines in the entire movie, but acts the part perfectly. This was one of the best "welcome to showbiz" castings in movie history, hands down- They really work overtime to sell the "life and war are brutal" aspects of this world- For a 1982 movie, this really feels like it could be a modern watch- Benny laughing hysterically as Jay discusses Conan's MMA-like ability to drop a camel, or to dismiss random women with a single, hilarious word