Here at Regular Features, we like to barge our way through old hotel doors and stumble into the room to find nothing but an open window and a fluttering curtain, then saying "he's gone", before YOU, our trusty sidekick, spots a hat on the hatstand and says "well wherever he's gone.. he's not wearing his hat". That's just how we like to do things, as you well know.

In this episode, Log imagines what it might be like when eventually Laurence Fox leaves us all behind. Matt sets out to invent an entire arts and crafts movement. And Steve's friend deals with news of an impending vape ban.

Ready!?

556: Condor Wallpaper Vapes

Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week

Comedy

If you don't know what we're talking about in your episode, that's actually on you, because you haven't done the research. Joe's discussing his very personal view on a smash hit television series everyone except Log and Steve has hopefully seen. Log, meanwhile, hopes you're au fait with a 1970s album that DOESN'T include Diana Ross. Steve stand, blinking and confused, amidst all of the above.

564: Wide, Wide Nathan Jones

JUMP! For my love. JUMP IN! And feel my touch. Please, wife, you have to jump now before it's too late. The cruise ship is sinking and this is the last lifeboat. If you don't jump, I'll float away and you'll be left to drown alone on that cursed boat. So, if you want to taste my kisses in the night, or ever again, my sweet love, then... JUMP!

In this episode, Joe is horrified to learn the true meaning behind the 1990 glam rock FILTH anthem "Cherry Pie". Steve wakes up from a nap to discover three-time Grammy award winner Dua Lipa has become trapped inside his walls. And Gav is here too, making a big hoo-hah over nothin'.

563: Dua Lipa Cherry Pie

"Stop, Children, what's that sound?"

Let me stop you right there, Buffalo Springfield, because I think I know the answer to this one. "That sound" is Episode 562 of Regular Features. And you know what? It very nearly wasn't. This is an unusual episode, in that it survived the total post-recording elimination of one participant, "Log", thanks entirely to "Log".

This is the Little Podcast That Survived. It is a perfectly lovely Frankenstein of an episode. If you were a Lady Frankenstein, I reckon it'd be right up your street. 

If you *are* a Lady Frankenstein, and you want me to put you in touch, please send an SAE marked "I promise not to scream when Episode 562 calls me FRIEND, sending it into a  suicidal rage" to 

WE BELONG DEAD
PO Box 562
Ashby De La Zouch

Thanks for being you. (Unless you're awful)

Features Scheming Weasel by Kevin McLeod off of Incompetech.com

562: How Three Became Two

Well, I ate the whole thing. Shrug emoji!

In this episode, Joe brings us to the aid of an ailin' 'n' flailin' maestra flautist, Gav discovers a hidden side effect of jelly boy bonification, and Steve delves deep into the Regular Features agony auntsack.

561: Vegetariana Lasagne

Did you know that the famous advertising slogan "got milk?" was almost something very different? Originally the tagline for milk was going to be "gimme da heffer wets, brother", until a marketing executive decided the phrase was too long to be coherently burped into a mother's face after downing the last pint of refreshing milk, straight from the fridge.

In this episode, Steve imagines what it must like to be a ravenous baby. And Log's pub got incredibly wet for an afternoon, compelling him to seek an untroubled life of solitude among the pines. Pump it up.

556: Condor Wallpaper Vapes

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