Episode Summary

Ever felt exhausted by the pressure to appear confident, even when you’re not?In this frank, funny, and insightful conversation, Bernie sits down with Jon Torrens, a former stand-up comedian turned communication coach, to tackle this.

They reveal why true confidence is not about volume or bravado, but rather about how authentically you present yourself, even when it’s awkward, uncomfortable, or just plain messy.

Jon shares how bombing on stage prepared him perfectly to coach others in speaking up at work.

Bernie reveals the hidden toll people-pleasing took on him when managing a coworking community, and why trying to keep everyone happy nearly broke him.

You’ll also hear practical strategies to lead engaging conversations around coworking tables, why sharing your quirks (even tofu recipes) creates deeper connections, and how leaning into discomfort can become your greatest strength.

If you're tired of superficial tips and are ready for a conversation that feels like real life, this episode delivers.

It’s permission to stop performing confidence and start living it.

Timeline Highlights

[00:00] Emily invites you to the next Unreasonable Connexion

[00:41] Jon: “I can only store one question at a time”

[01:20] Stand-up comedy instead of a dissertation? Comedy as a university module

[02:43] The golden age of weirdos on stage—before Edinburgh commercialised comedy

[04:02] Why walking away from comedy felt like both failure and freedom

[05:13] How bombing taught Jon everything he now teaches

[06:08] Bernie on finding your real energy source (and why Susan Cain’s Quiet Matters)

[07:31] The Ed Sheeran & Jack Dee paradox: stop caring, start connecting

[08:20] Bernie on burnout from trying to keep everyone happy

[09:33] People-pleasing as performance—why it drains community managers

[10:46] Real connection starts with “Me too”—not networking tricks

[13:52] How to lead a lunch table without sounding like a life coach

[14:50] Tofu tips and other unlikely conversation starters

[17:32] Small talk: survival tool or soul-sucking nonsense?

[18:41] How to speak first, set the tone, and keep it human

[23:14] The power of hooks—film quotes, parenting fails, and biscuits

[27:35] Coffee jugs, awkward silences, and why noticing is underrated

[28:11] Why Jon’s training sessions fly by—and yours should too

Episode Breakdown

Confidence Isn’t Always LoudJon dismantles the myth that louder equals more confident.

Real confidence shows up quietly, consistently, and authentically—even in moments of doubt. It’s about accepting yourself exactly as you are, rather than performing how you think others want you to be.

The Hidden Cost of People-PleasingBernie gets personal about the hidden emotional labour community managers face, especially when they’re younger or newer than their community.

Jon offers a powerful remedy: honesty and owning discomfort. Admitting when things aren’t perfect often creates stronger connections than pretending they are.

Silence, Hooks, and Tofu ConversationsEver been trapped in awkward silence?

Jon gives a masterclass in conversational hooks—from referencing immediate surroundings (weather, lunch, coffee mishaps) to niche film quotes.

This isn’t just small talk—it’s practical wisdom for sparking genuine dialogue.

Why Owning Discomfort is a Strength Jon shares why openly admitting discomfort is one of the strongest leadership moves you can make.

It dismantles tension, creates psychological safety, and invites others to be equally authentic.

It's a risky move that pays off in trust and real engagement.

Comedy Techniques for Real-Life CommunicationJon explains why his comedy-inspired communication training feels effortless and fun rather than draining and tense.

It’s about embracing playfulness, honesty, and vulnerability to connect deeper and communicate clearly.

Links & Resources

* Jon Torrens Website

* Jon Torrens on LinkedIn

* Quiet by Susan Cain

* Getting the Joke by Oliver Double

* Unreasonable Connection – Lu.ma

* Coworking Values Podcast on LinkedIn

* Register for European Coworking Day

* Visit the Workspace Design Show

* Join the 8k+ LinkedIn Coworking Group

* Connect with Bernie on LinkedIn

One more thing

Coworking brings communities together, helping people find and share their voices.Each episode of the Coworking Values Podcast explores Accessibility, Community, Openness, Collaboration, and Sustainability—values that shape the spaces where we gather, work, and grow.

Rate, follow, and share the podcast if this resonates with you. Your support amplifies our reach, helping others discover how coworking enriches lives, builds careers, and strengthens communities.

Community is the key 🔑

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit coworkingvaluespodcast.substack.com