What happens when betrayal doesn’t only shake your relationship — but also your faith, your understanding of God, and your sense of who you are?

In this deeply compassionate conversation, Jane is joined by New Zealand counsellors and spiritual directors Andrew and Susannah Connolly to explore the intersection of betrayal trauma, spiritual abuse, spiritual trauma and spiritual healing.

Andrew and Susanna bring both professional expertise and lived experience to this conversation. Together, they unpack some of the subtle ways spiritual environments, theological beliefs and misuse of authority can diminish a person’s voice, autonomy and ability to trust their own inner knowing.

Spiritual abuse is not always dramatic or immediately obvious. It can look like coercion, gaslighting, shame, misuse of Scripture, or another person claiming authority over what God is saying to you. Over time, this can erode your internal sense of authority and leave you questioning yourself, your faith and even your understanding of God.

One of the most powerful images in this episode describes spiritual trauma as an earthquake. Your faith life and sense of self can feel shattered, with pieces of you buried beneath the rubble — and you may feel as though you are the only rescue crew trying to find yourself again.

But this conversation is also deeply hopeful.

Andrew and Susannah introduce spiritual direction as a gentle space where you can explore your relationship with God without another person telling you what you should believe, hear or experience. Rather than creating dependence on the spiritual director, healthy spiritual direction seeks to strengthen your own relationship with God and move you towards greater freedom, agency and wholeness.

We also explore the sometimes frightening process of deconstruction and reconstruction — letting go of beliefs, expectations or images of God that no longer feel true, while rediscovering the person God created you to be.

In this episode, we talk about:

• What spiritual abuse can look like — including its subtle forms
• The relationship between spiritual abuse and betrayal trauma
• How gaslighting, coercion, shame and misuse of Scripture can affect your sense of self
• The difference between spiritual abuse and spiritual trauma
• Why betrayal can create a profound spiritual crisis
• The image of being “under the rubble” after spiritual trauma
• Deconstruction — and why questioning does not necessarily mean abandoning faith
• The difference between your “true self” and the versions of yourself shaped by outside expectations
• Reconnecting with a God characterised by love, kindness and compassion
• What spiritual direction actually is
• How a spiritual director can witness your journey without becoming the authority over it
• Why agency is such an important part of spiritual healing
• How spiritual direction and counselling can work alongside each other
• Why betrayal-trauma-specific training matters when choosing a counsellor or spiritual director

Susannah describes the healing process as slowly untying the knots that have been wrapped around us — until the box begins to open and we rediscover beauty, love and ourselves.

And importantly, spiritual direction is not a substitute for counselling or trauma treatment. Andrew and Susannah emphasise that the two can work beautifully together, and encourage people impacted by betrayal trauma to ask potential practitioners specifically about their training and understanding of this area.
If betrayal or spiritual pain has left you wondering:

Who am I now?
Can I trust myself?
What do I believe about God?
And is there a way to find my way back?

This episode offers permission to explore those questions gently.

Healing does not have to mean returning to exactly what you believed before. Sometimes it includes reconstructing — coming home to your own God-given self and discovering a relationship with God that makes more room for love, freedom, compassion and truth.

Connect with Andrew & Susannah

Counselling Creatively

Relationship Recovery Center Asia Pacific

APSATS - find a practitioner

A gentle note

This episode discusses spiritual abuse, betrayal trauma, sexual addiction and experiences of spiritual disillusionment. Please care for yourself as you listen and seek appropriate support if anything feels overwhelming.

Spiritual direction can be a meaningful part of healing, but it is not a replacement for counselling, therapy or other professional care when those supports are needed.

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

Healing Through Art with Beth Woessner

Healing after betrayal can feel exhausting. Sometimes you are tired of talking, analysing and trying to find the right words for what you have experienced.

In this episode, Jane speaks with artist, educator and betrayal trauma coach Beth Woessner about how creativity can offer another pathway towards healing.

Beth brings together a lifetime of artistic practice, her own experience of trauma and healing, and her trauma-informed training. She explains how art can create a calming, embodied experience in which the nervous system is able to let down its guard.

This is not about artistic skill, producing something beautiful or getting it “right.” It is about curiosity, play and giving yourself permission to choose.

Beth describes art as a bottom-up approach to healing. While education, conversation and talk therapy help us process experiences through the mind, creative activities also engage the body and the senses. Choosing a colour, making a mark or noticing how a material feels in your hands can become a gentle way to practise listening to yourself.

These small choices matter. Betrayal can undermine your sense of voice, agency and self-trust. Creative play offers a low-risk space to notice what you are drawn towards, make a choice and allow that choice to be enough.

Jane and Beth also explore the connection between tenderness and resilience. True resilience is not built by demanding that we try harder or “get over it.” It grows through compassion, nourishment and the steady message: I believe in you. You can do this.

In this episode, we discuss:

• The difference between art as a skill and art as a healing experience
• How creativity can support reconnection with yourself
• Art as mindfulness, spiritual practice and embodied expression
• Why the nervous system needs experiences of calm, pleasure and play
• The difference between top-down and bottom-up approaches to healing
• How simple creative choices can rebuild voice, agency and confidence
• Making art without judgement, pressure or a required outcome
• Why adults need play just as much as children do
• How self-compassion helps us become more resilient
• Beth’s art-based support group, Tender Resilience

Beth also guides listeners through a simple creative experience designed to encourage calm, curiosity and present-moment awareness.

You do not need to consider yourself artistic to benefit. You can begin with whatever is available: crayons, pencils, markers, paint, Play-Doh, collage materials or even activities such as gardening, cooking, sewing, crochet or embroidery.

The invitation is simply to notice:

What helps my body soften?
Where do I feel able to be myself?
What am I curious about?
What would it be like to create without needing to perform?

Healing requires many different kinds of support. Creativity may become one more safe and gentle place in which your nervous system can rest, your confidence can grow and you can begin to reconnect with yourself.

To download Beth's free art lesson "Painting a Cone Flower", click here.

To join the Tender Resilience group in October 2026, click here.

To join the monthly art healing support group, click here.

To see Beth's art and other offerings, click here.

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

When betrayal, infidelity or pornography addiction ruptures a relationship, parents are often consumed by their own pain and uncertainty. But what is the experience like for the teenagers living alongside that crisis?

In this episode, Jane speaks with youth and family coach Ellia Markham about how adolescents may be affected by betrayal within the family—and how parents can support them without expecting themselves to handle every moment perfectly.

Ellia brings both professional expertise and deeply personal experience to the conversation. As the daughter of a ruptured family and a mother who has navigated betrayal within her own marriage, she understands how confusing and isolating family crisis can feel for a young person.

Jane and Ellia explore the ways teenagers may sense that something is wrong, even when parents believe they are protecting them from the details. Changes in routines, whispered conversations, emotional distance, arguments and unpredictability can leave teens trying to fill in the gaps themselves. They may wonder whether they caused the problem, whether they are responsible for fixing it, or whether loving one parent will hurt the other.

Teen distress does not always look like sadness. It may appear as anger, withdrawal, perfectionism, declining grades, disrupted sleep, risk-taking, people-pleasing or becoming the “easy child” who asks for nothing. Rather than seeing these behaviours only as defiance, Ellia encourages parents to approach them with curiosity: What might this behaviour be communicating?

This conversation offers practical guidance for creating an environment of both safety and connection. Parents can maintain loving boundaries around destructive or disrespectful behaviour while also making space for their teenager’s anger, grief, fear and confusion.

Jane and Ellia also discuss how to speak honestly with teenagers about betrayal. Children deserve truthful, age-appropriate explanations—but not adult-level details or the burden of caring for their parents emotionally. The purpose of the conversation is not for the parent to unburden themselves or protect their image. It is to help the child make sense of their reality, feel secure and understand that the situation is not their fault or responsibility to repair.

You will also hear why parental repair matters so much. Parents will become dysregulated, lose their patience and sometimes say the wrong thing. What teenagers need is not perfection, but a parent who can return, take appropriate responsibility, apologise and continue moving towards connection.

In this episode

• What teenagers may see, hear and sense during a family rupture
• Why adolescent distress can show up as anger, isolation or acting out
• Recognising behaviour as communication rather than simple defiance
• Holding loving boundaries while validating difficult emotions
• How a parent’s nervous-system care supports their children
• Why repair is often more important than getting everything right
• Talking honestly without sharing adult-level information
• Avoiding secrecy, triangulation and asking children to take sides
• Supporting teens who already know more than parents realise
• How betrayal may affect trust, relationships and self-worth
• Why these impacts are possibilities—not permanent predictions
• The power of small, predictable moments of connection
• When to seek support from a coach, therapist, counsellor or trusted adult

Ellia reminds us:

One healing parent who continues showing up can become a powerful source of stability.

About Ellia Markham

Ellia Markham is a coach and brainspotting practitioner who supports teenagers, adult children and parents navigating family crisis. Her certifications include mental health coaching, youth, parent and family coaching, and sex addiction peer facilitation.

She is also the founder and editor of Turning to Peace, a monthly digital magazine offering accessible information and support for people healing from betrayal trauma.

Resources

Visit Mood Well Coaching to learn more about Ellia’s work and access:

• A free guide about talking with children about family infidelity
• Turning to Peace magazine 

Affiliate disclosure: The link to Turning to Peace magazine is an affiliate link. If you subscribe through this link, I may receive a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only share resources I believe may be genuinely helpful.

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

What does it really take for the person who caused the betrayal to become safe enough to support his wife’s healing?

In this episode, Jane speaks with Carol Juergensen-Sheets—also known as Carol the Coach—about the betraying partner’s role in recovery after the discovery of secret sexual behaviours or infidelity.

Carol is a marriage and family therapist, certified sex addiction therapist, certified clinical partner specialist with APSATS, coach, author and creator of the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. She brings decades of experience supporting individuals and couples through the devastating effects of intimate betrayal.

Together, Jane and Carol explore the principles behind Carol’s book Help Her Heal, which teaches betraying partners the empathy and relational skills they need to respond to the harm they have caused.

They discuss:

• Why stopping the behaviour is essential, but not sufficient for relational healing
• What empathy looks like in practice after betrayal
• How the betraying partner can learn to recognise and respond to his wife’s emotions
• Why he must lean towards her pain rather than becoming defensive or withdrawing
• How betrayal trauma can appear as anger, agitation, searching and sleeplessness—or as shutdown, numbness and collapse
• Why these responses need to be understood non-judgmentally
• The importance of letting the betrayed partner communicate what she needs in the moment
• When couples recovery work is—and is not—appropriate
• Why relational work cannot create safety when the betraying partner is continuing to lie, act out or avoid recovery
• The roles of disclosure, emotional impact and restitution work
• How grief, mourning and anger fit into the recovery process
• Why the betraying partner must pace his recovery expectations according to his wife’s healing, not his own
• How compassion fatigue can affect the betraying partner
• The gradual rebuilding of self-trust for the betrayed partner
• What post-traumatic growth can look like for the individual and the relationship

Carol explains that healing is not about returning to the relationship as it existed before discovery. It may require creating an entirely new relationship—with greater honesty, empathy, emotional maturity, boundaries and shared meaning.

There is hope for the coupleship when both people are willing to undertake the work. There is also hope for the betrayed partner, whether or not the relationship ultimately survives.

Resources mentioned

Help Her Heal by Carol Juergensen-Sheets

Help Them Heal: Navigating Sexual Betrayal by Carol Juergensen-Sheets

Helping Couples Heal and Find Love Again by Carol Juergensen-Sheets

Intimate Deception by Dr Sheri Keffer

Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model—ERCEM

Sex Help with Carol the Coach
Carol’s website includes books, courses, professional resources and information about finding an ERCEM-trained therapist or coach.

Quiet Wisdom
quietwisdom.com.au

Please remember that this conversation provides general education and support. It is not a substitute for personalised mental health, medical or relationship advice.

If this episode encouraged you, please rate, review and share it so that other women can find this support too.

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

Financial uncertainty can add another layer of fear and vulnerability when a relationship is fragile, ending, or already over. You may be worried about where you will live, how you will support yourself, what assets you have—or whether important financial information has been hidden from you.

In this episode, Jane speaks with Genene Wilson about moving from financial vulnerability and confusion towards greater clarity, confidence and empowerment.

Genene draws on her experience as a former accountant and licensed financial planner, as well as her current work as a business and financial coach, entrepreneur and author. Together, Jane and Genene explore why many women feel disconnected from the structure of their family finances, and why gaining financial knowledge matters even when you have trusted your partner to take care of that area.

They discuss:

• Why knowing your current financial position is an essential first step
• How fear, shame and past criticism can lead to financial avoidance
• The importance of gathering documents, accessing accounts and noticing financial red flags
• Why women sometimes give away too much just to bring a painful separation to an end
• How to prepare for mediation or financial negotiations
• The value of understanding your best-case, worst-case and middle-ground outcomes
• Who you may need on your professional support team
• How to choose advisers who are qualified, values-aligned and able to communicate clearly
• Why financial empowerment is about dignity, choice and long-term security—not simply dollars and cents

Genene also shares stories of women who rebuilt their financial confidence after divorce, loss and even homelessness. Her central encouragement is simple: there is no need to solve everything at once. Focus on the next step you can take today.

Please note that the information in this episode is general education and does not constitute personal financial, accounting or legal advice. Seek appropriately licensed professional advice for your individual circumstances.

Resources

Genene Wilson
Website: genenewilson.com

Live Well: Your Guide to Navigating Divorce by Genene Wilson

Quiet Wisdom
Website: quietwisdom.com.au

If this episode encouraged you, please rate, review and share the podcast so that other women can find this support too.

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

What if the word we most avoid is the word that brings the most clarity?

In this powerful conversation, Jane is joined by Noni and Dave Yates to talk about “the A word” — abuse — and why it matters in the context of intimate betrayal.

Together, they explore the painful reality that betrayal is not only about sexual acting out or infidelity. It is also about deception, secrecy, gaslighting, manipulation, minimisation, deflection, stonewalling, and the misuse of power. These behaviours can slowly erode a partner’s sense of reality, safety, intuition, autonomy, and self-trust.

Noni and Dave share from their own lived experience, as well as their trauma-informed work supporting individuals, couples, and families impacted by betrayal. Their honesty offers language for what can feel confusing, hidden, or hard to name — and helps make sense of why betrayal can feel so destabilising.

This episode is not about using the word abuse as a weapon or an identity. It is about naming harmful behaviours clearly, understanding their impact, and opening a pathway towards accountability, safety, and healing.

If you have ever felt like you were “going crazy,” doubting your gut, silencing your voice, or struggling to explain why something feels wrong, this conversation may help you find words for your experience.

Please listen gently and take care of yourself as you do.

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

It’s not about his recovery plan — it’s about your safety.

In this powerful conversation, Jane is joined by trauma-informed recovery coach, consultant, writer and educator Pam Blizzard to explore a life-altering shift in how we think about boundaries after intimate betrayal.

So often, betrayed partners get pulled into monitoring, managing or debating their husband’s recovery plan. But as Pam explains, his recovery is his responsibility. Your work is not to control the details of his healing, but to pay attention to the fruits of recovery: honesty, responsibility, maturity, repair, safety and changed behaviour.

Together, Jane and Pam unpack what empowered boundaries really look like, why boundaries are not about forcing someone else to change, and how they help you stay connected to reality, your nervous system, your agency and your own sense of self.

This episode is for you if you feel exhausted from doing the heavy lifting, afraid of what the “cold, hard data” might reveal, or unsure how to step back without jumping straight to separation or divorce.

Pam offers practical, compassionate wisdom for protecting your nervous system, responding instead of reacting, and remembering that boundaries can become your superpower.

To contact Pam

To check out Choose Connection Academy

To join Pam's Facebook Group, Recovering Spouses of SA Men

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

What happens when you’ve spent years saying “I’m fine” when you’re really not?

In this episode of Confident Again, I’m joined by betrayal healing coach and group facilitator Amy Graziano for a tender and honest conversation about the journey from self-abandonment to self-trust.

Amy shares pieces of her own betrayal healing story, including the devastating discovery of her husband’s affair after 32 years of marriage, and how that experience helped her recognise a deeper pattern of walking on eggshells, people-pleasing, ignoring her gut, and disconnecting from her own needs.

Together, we explore what self-abandonment can look like after betrayal: saying yes when you mean no, keeping your thoughts and feelings inside to avoid conflict, struggling to know what you want, and feeling afraid that using your voice will cost you connection.

We also talk about the brave, healing work of rebuilding self-trust. Amy shares how learning about boundaries helped her begin to show up for herself, especially when a boundary was broken and she followed through with what she needed for her own safety. That moment became a powerful step towards trusting herself again.

This conversation is full of gentle honesty, practical wisdom and deep compassion for the woman who has learned to make herself small in order to survive.

In this episode, we talk about:

•  What self-abandonment can look like in betrayal trauma recovery 
•  Why many women learn to say “I’m fine” when they’re not 
•  The fear of being “too much,” too needy, controlling or difficult 
•  How betrayal can disconnect you from your gut, intuition and needs 
•  Why boundaries are a powerful way to rebuild self-trust 
•  The importance of support groups and safe connection 
•  How to practise using your voice in small, kind, honest ways 
•  Listening to your body as part of rebuilding confidence 
•  The powerful choice to stop abandoning yourself 

Amy reminds us that self-trust does not usually return all at once. It grows through small brave moments: pausing, listening inward, telling the truth to yourself, asking for what you need, and following through when your safety matters.

A gentle mantra from this episode:

I am not going to abandon myself.

If you have felt disconnected from your own needs, unsure of your voice, or afraid to take up space after betrayal, I hope this episode helps you feel less alone and more able to begin coming home to yourself.

Reflection questions for listeners

Where am I saying “I’m fine” when I’m actually not?

What is one small place where I could practise telling myself the truth?

What does my body tell me when something feels unsafe, uncomfortable or important?

Where might I be choosing connection with someone else at the cost of connection with myself?

What is one small way I can show myself, “I will not abandon you”?

To contact Amy: Reflections in the Waves

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

What if the thing that feels unsurvivable could also become a pathway toward healing, self-connection, and transformation?

In this episode of Confident Again, Jane is joined by Sharalyn Drayton for a rich and hope-filled conversation about “the gift in the wound” — a phrase that gently points to the possibility that even deep betrayal pain does not have to be wasted.

This is not about minimising harm, rushing healing, or pretending betrayal is somehow good. Instead, Jane and Sharalyn explore how suffering, when held with safety, support, and time, can become a place where new strength, self-awareness, autonomy, integrity, and confidence begin to emerge.

Sharalyn shares from her decades of personal and professional experience in the betrayal trauma field, including her early work supporting women when there was very little language or specialist support available in Australia. Together, Jane and Sharalyn talk about survival, support, post-traumatic growth, the importance of safety and stabilisation, and the slow process of finding “diamonds in the muck.”

This episode is for you if you need hope that the pain you are carrying today is not the end of your story.

In this episode, we explore:

•  Why betrayal can feel so isolating and unsurvivable 
•  The importance of specialist support and safe connection 
•  What “the gift in the wound” means — and what it does not mean 
•  Why safety and stabilisation come before meaning-making 
•  How suffering can become a pathway toward transformation 
•  The gifts of self-awareness, autonomy, voice, values, and boundaries 
•  Why healing is not about going back, but becoming more fully yourself 

As Sharalyn says, what feels unsurvivable can become a pathway — and over time, the glints in the muck may turn out to be diamonds.

Sharalyn is connected with :

The Women's Healing Sanctuary

The Relational Recovery Centre Asia Pacific

SASA - help and training in New Zealand

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support

What if self-care wasn’t selfish… but essential?

In this heartfelt conversation, I’m joined by Kendra DeVito to explore the role of self-care in healing after intimate betrayal. Together, we unpack the guilt, exhaustion and survival-mode thinking that can make caring for yourself feel impossible — especially when you’re overwhelmed, caring for others, or simply trying to get through the day.

Kendra shares pieces of her own healing journey after multiple D-Days, raising five children and spending many years without access to trauma-informed support. Through her story, we explore how self-care became more than bubble baths and coffee runs — it became a pathway back to clarity, nervous system regulation, confidence, voice and self-worth.

This episode is a gentle invitation to reconnect with yourself in small, meaningful ways.

In this episode, we discuss:

•  Why self-care can feel selfish after betrayal 
•  The connection between self-care and nervous system healing 
•  How betrayal trauma disconnects us from our own needs 
•  Tiny, practical acts of self-care that actually help 
•  Why “what makes me happy?” can feel like such a difficult question 
•  The role of self-talk in rebuilding confidence 
•  Self-care during demanding seasons of motherhood and overwhelm 
•  Receiving “glimmers” of goodness in everyday life 
•  The importance of both self-care and support from others 
•  Moving beyond survival toward flourishing 

Memorable moments from this conversation:

Practical self-care ideas mentioned in this episode:

•  Journaling 
•  Walking in nature 
•  Yoga or stretching 
•  Lighting a candle 
•  Drinking coffee slowly and intentionally 
•  Taking deep breaths 
•  Listening to music 
•  Spending time with safe people 
•  Watching something funny 
•  Baking 
•  Painting or colouring 
•  Reading 
•  Bubble baths 
•  Resting without guilt 
•  Turning off your phone 
•  Buying yourself flowers 
•  Watching a sunrise or sunset 
•  Letting yourself cry 
•  Celebrating small wins 

Connect with Kendra:

Kendra offers support groups and coaching through her Ruined to Radiant program.

Website: https://ruined2radiant.com

Instagram: @coachkendralee

Connect with Jane

If this episode encouraged you and you’d like more support for healing after betrayal, visit Quiet Wisdom

If this conversation resonated with you, please consider rating, reviewing and sharing the podcast with someone who may need encouragement today.

Gently does it with your beautiful self. 💛

Send Jane a note

Support the show

Connect with Jane at Quiet Wisdom

Check out Reclaim your Confidence Group Support