Friendship. It’s one of the most important ingredients of a well-lived life. And yet, real friendship in which we can show up as and share care for our full, authentic selves, can be so hard to find—and so hard to maintain—in these times. Especially interracially, especially between white women and black women.

That’s why I was so excited that my guests this week, Tanisha Arena and JAC Patrissi agreed to get real with me and share their real-life story of growing a deep, abiding friendship.

About Tanisha & JAC:

Tanisha Arena is a Black woman in community leadership as the Executive Director of Arise for Social Justice in Springfield, Ma. She holds a Masters in Non-Profit Management and is an educator at Growing A New Heart, where she trains regularly on Holding Space: holding affinity, anti-racism, self-education and support groups and Dialogues Across Differences of social location, including race and ethnicity. Tanisha has deep roots in the field of anti-violence work, specializing in community advocacy and responses to intimate partner violence within the LGBTQ community.

JAC Patrissi is white woman engaged in kinship minded anti-racist work within a loving multi-racial transformative collective at Growing a New Heart. JAC was tutored in Popular Education by Paolo Freire and is a trained body-centered trauma clinician. She is co-founder of A Call For Change, a non-carceral helpline for people who cause harm in intimate relationships and community. Since 1989, she has been and anti-violence advocate working with survivors while learning and practicing non-carceral accountability practices for people using violence and control and other tools of dominance.

Learn More from Tanisha & JAC’s Work:

Growing a New Heart

Learn More from Katherine:

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Katherine’s LinkedIn page

Center for Callings & Courage

When we look at the state of waning democracy and rising authoritarianism in the US, it can be so hard to know what to do. Because our power to impact national policy is so limited, for many of us, it can feel like our hands are tied.

Yes, we can attend rallies, boycott companies that support authoritarianism, and vote in local elections. But these actions can feel small compared to the federal government's incessant violence.

So, what are we to do?

In this episode, we’ll share practical steps you can take now to grow democracy in your community and develop the collective strength to undermine authoritarianism. Hint: It’s all about how we engage conflicts with each other and develop our ability to widen our tent.

About Jiva Manske:

Jiva Manske has been organizing since he was twelve years old. He’s now a strategist, partner, and dad who works with people around the world to build powerful, transformational movements.

As Director of Strategic Initiatives for the 22nd Century Initiative, Jiva works to build a more resilient, innovative, and aligned pro-democracy field. He grounds his approach in commitments to accountability through collective action, organizing led by those most impacted by injustice, and healing-centered practice.

Learn more from Jiva:

22ci.org

The Anti-Authoritarian Playbook

The Anti-Authoritarian Podcast

Harnessing Our Power to End Political Violence

Learn More from Katherine:

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

Center for Callings & Courage

Related Episodes:

Imagination is Political: Dreaming Together with Desiree Adaway

How to Address Harmful Impact using Nonviolent Communication with Roxy Manning

If you ever feel overwhelmed by everything you read online, torn between wanting to keep up with what’s happening and wanting to protect your peace, or struggling in your relationship with online information in another way, my conversation with Danielle Reiff is for you.

Danielle and I talk about:

How to interact with online information in ways that diffuse rather than inflame conflict.

How we can stay informed in these times without draining our time or energy.

What to watch out for to not feed into the rumors, lies, and gossip out there.

How to engage with social media and online news in ways that make us stronger, not weaker.

About Danielle Reiff:

Danielle Reiff is a peacebuilder, writer, and editor of Overcoming Information Chaos: A Guide to Building Peaceful Communities in the Digital Age. As a member of the U.S. diplomatic corps for twenty years, Danielle specialized in supporting democratic transitions and peacebuilding around the world.

After retiring, she founded the non-partisan Peacebuilders initiative to promote empathy, dialogue, consultation, and other forms of nonviolence for advancing social change and political reform. Danielle has been a Baha’i since 1997.

Learn More with Danielle:

 www.peacebuildersunite.com

Danielle on LinkedIn

Danielle on Instagram

Danielle on Facebook

Additional Resources:

Dangerous Speech Podcast

Roxy Manning: How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication (Conflict Decoded episode)

Learn More with Katherine:

Callingsandcourage.com

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

If we are to have any chance of bringing forth a world in which all people have the power necessary to meet their needs, we must develop the governance structures necessary to wield our power effectively.

In this episode, I speak with Ted Rau, co-founder of Sociocracy for All, about ways to govern our groups and organizations that empower people to work together well. We talk about:

Why majority rules systems inevitably lead to conflict

The difference between consent-based decision-making and consensus

The four pillars of resilient organizations

How to move from brainstorming to action

How to experiment with new governance and new projects in safe enough ways

And much more!

Even if you love the people in your group and your mission, if you don’t share clarity about who decides what and how we decide, then problems will emerge.

If you want your group to do what needs to be done, while avoiding power games, drama, and the decision-making bottlenecks, this is for you.

About Ted:

Ted is an advocate, trainer and consultant for self-governance. After earning a PhD in linguistics and working in academia, Ted co-founded the membership organization Sociocracy For All in 2016 and spends his days consulting mission-driven organizations, advocating and training on self-governance, and deeply immersed in the work as a member within Sociocracy For All.

Ted is the author of four books on self-governance, which I link to in the show notes, and he has five children between 12 and 22 years old.

Learn More from Ted:

Sociocracy for All

75-Minute Free Video Primer on Sociocracy

Ted’s Books: Many Voices One Song (2018), Who Decides Who Decides (2021), Collective Power (2023), From Here to There (2025)

Learn More from Katherine:

Episode with Donnie MacClurcan: Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it (Donnie’s organization, the Post-Growth Institute governs itself with sociocracy and is a great model for how this process can work)

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

Center for Callings & Courage

In this weeks episode of Conflict Decoded, I share:

One reason we often get stuck focusing on what doesn’t work,

How focusing on what’s good increases effectiveness,

Step-by-step instructions for facilitating Appreciative Interviews, and

2 quick questions to start team meetings with immediate connection.

If you long for your team to experience greater cohesion, joy, and resilience in these times, then 'Appreciative Interviews: One Hour to Boost Team Joy & Pride' is for you.

Related episodes:

Appreciation at Work: How to Grow Strengths, Not Toxic Positivity

How to Center Radical Love in Challenging Times with Shiree Teng

Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About it with Donnie Maclurcan

Learn more from Katherine:

Team Coaching

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

Callingsandcourage.com

Do you have family or friends in the religious right or with vastly different political views than you?

Knowing how to disagree with people you love is crucial in these situations.

If so, this one is for you.

About Sara:

For the first four decades of her life, Sara was a devout Mormon. Then, a series of realizations called her to change course. Since then, Sara has helped thousands of high-achieving women as a master certified life coach to turn people-pleasing into personal power—guiding them to stop overextending, find their authentic voices, and lead with clarity and authority. Part of this journey often involves learning how to disagree with people you love.

Through her signature Stop People Pleasing group coaching program, Sara has coached women into leadership roles, helped coaches grow thriving businesses, and supported women in building deeper, more vulnerable relationships. Her work weaves together feminist insight, nervous system and somatic tools, and her own lived experience of breaking free from religious “good girl” rules. Embracing how to disagree with people you love is a vital part of her teachings.

Learn More from Sara:

sarafisk.coach

Instagram: @sarafiskcoach

Podcast: The Ex-Good Girl Podcast

Facebook Page

Facebook Group

LinkedIn

Learn more from Katherine:

Center for Callings & Courage

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

Research shows that the highest-performing teams give each other about five positive comments for every one negative comment. And yet, when things are uncertain, the stakes are high, and we feel frustrated by others' actions, it can be challenging to focus on what’s good.

This week, Lana Jelenjev and I discuss how to restore this balance. We explore:

Why focusing on appreciation is so challenging,

How to build a habit of celebrating strengths,

The connection between naming strengths and sharing our full essence,

How to offer feedback without alienating people,

The difference between celebrating what’s good and toxic positivity,

A strengths-based approach to meeting check-ins, hiring, and performance reviews,

And more.

If you want a deeper connection with yourself and your important people, more flow at work, and an all-around greater sense of joy, this one is for you.

About Lana:

Lana Jelenjev is co-founder of the Neurodiversity Foundation and the Neurodiversity Education Academy. She is the co-author of “What’s Strong With You? and “What’s Alive in You?” toolkits for coaches, teachers, leaders, and facilitators to bridge the gap for all neurotypes to thrive.

Rooted in the Filipino values of kapwa (seeing ourselves in our shared humanity) and pakikiramdam (deep, attuned sensing), Lana creates spaces for people to reconnect with themselves, with each other, and to witness and appreciate what has always been sacred. She lives in the Netherlands with her husband and two children.

Related Episodes:

How to Address Harmful Impact with Nonviolent Communication

Why Capitalism Makes Us Tense & What to do About It with Donnie Maclurcan

Learn More from Lana:

Lana’s Website

 Neurodiversity Education Academy

Neurodiversity Foundation

Lana on LinkedIn

Lana’s Substack: Refugia

80 Check-In Prompts for Children

Learn more from Katherine:

Center for Callings & Courage

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers

We often blame ourselves for the tensions of modernity.

But we can become much more effective—and feel better—when we focus on the root causes of our problems.

In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with @Donnie Maclurcan, Co-Founder and Director of Strategy at the Post-Growth Institute. We explore:

The difference between capitalist and post-capitalist economies (which will likely surprise many listeners)

How capitalism disconnects us from our bodies

How that disconnection makes us susceptible to authoritarianism

Governance structures that allow for a real circulation of power

Simple steps to redistribute money and power away from the accumulative market

And more.

If you want to feel less guilty and focus more on the root causes of our collective problems, you’ll enjoy this one.

About Donnie:

Donnie Maclurcan designs frameworks, methodologies and experiences for creative collaboration and collective liberation. These include the Offers and Needs Market, the Post Growth Fellowship, the Post Growth Alliance, and Free Money Day, and an intuitive model for a post-capitalist market economy that builds on what's already working.

Donnie lives on Mapuche lands in Patagonia, with his Argentinian wife and their three cats.

Learn more from Donnie:

Post Growth Institute

Post Growth Alliance email alerts

Post Growth Institute newsletter

Donnie’s LinkedIn page

Learn more from Katherine:

Center for Callings & Courage

Katherine’s LinkedIn page

To receive new episodes along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.

If we are to reclaim collective power, redistribute it equitably, and cultivate the multiracial multicultural democracies we long for. We must develop the ability to read power in our institutions and our lives.

We must become power literate.

In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded, I talk with the brilliant Karla Monterroso about what power actually is. How the internet and demographic shift are changing it, our relationship to it. Methods for distribution of it, and its role in a more just society.

About Karla Monterroso:

Karla is a strategic power-builder, transformative leader, and coalition architect. She is dedicated to supporting the leadership of multiracial multicultural institutions across sectors. As Founder and Managing Partner of Brava Leaders, she serves as a trusted coach, advisor, and strategist to organizations, social justice leaders, academics, and artists, helping them navigate power dynamics and bridge institutional divides.

With over two decades of experience scaling social enterprises, Karla’s work challenges conventional management theories that perpetuate homogeneous power structures, offering frameworks designed for integrated organizations.

Hire Karla:

Brava Leaders

Brava Leaders’ Public Sessions

Learn More:

Karla on LinkedIn

Brava Leaders on LinkedIn

The Purpose of Power, by Alicia Garza

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We are currently in a collective battle of the imagination.

While the power of the 99% may be limited. We grow our power when we reclaim our ability to imagine from dominant narratives.

As Desiree Adaway shares in this episode, imagining the world we long for is one of the most powerful and radical acts there is. Even if we do not live to see the fruits of our imagination, the billionaire class does not get to tell us what is possible. We get to be good ancestors. We get to choose what we long for.

If you need inspiration and a soothing balm to help you see beyond the confines of our current realities, this is for you.

About Desiree Adaway:

Desiree Adaway, CEO of the Adaway Group, is a trainer, speaker, and consultant dedicated to intersectional race equity. And DEI change work. For over 25 years, she has helped build resilient, equitable, and inclusive organizations across all sectors. She has educated over 50,000 people on the most crucial issues of our time.

She embraces the difficult conversations required to help organizations reduce harm, center equity, and build meaningful relationships while teaching others how to do the same. Desiree supports leaders and teams in upleveling their analysis and skills around identity, power, and institutional inequities that lead to lasting culture, process, and policy change.

Connect with Desiree:

 Instagram

LinkedIn

Blue Sky

Resources Desiree Recommends:

A Great Starter on Time

The Cycle of Liberation, by Bobbie Harro

The Cycle of Socialization by Bobbie Harro

The Adaway Group

Resources from Katherine:

Your Core Values Practice: to help you imagine and center what matters most to you

To receive new episodes to your inbox along with other nourishment for the fight ahead, subscribe to Love Letters for Changemakers.