Self-awareness takes brutal honesty. We all have parts of ourselves that we like, parts that we don’t, parts that we showcase, and parts that we try to hide away. It’s really difficult to be honest about all sides of who we are—the good, the bad, the messy and the downright ugly. But recognizing and confronting all of our parts is really important if ever we are to move through this world with a healthy sense of clarity and intentionality.

Today’s episode is about all kinds of bad words our society likes for us to keep on the DL—words like limitations, weaknesses, submission, boundaries and, you guessed it, self-awareness. These words ain’t pretty … they ain’t sexy … and they sure as ain’t great conversation starters. But they are important words. They are words we shouldn’t be afraid to embrace nor speak about. And they are words Cindy & Renae spend an entire episode confronting.

“There are quick choices in life to either act out of our strengths in really beautiful and positive ways, or to lash out through our weakness. I think the centerpiece that holds the power for all of our choices is intense self-awareness.” —Cindy Keating

“It really is an incredible thing to look back over your past year and recognize what you did get right.” —Cindy Keating 

Sometimes in life we veer off course without notice. When we choose to live intentionally and to pursue a specified life destination, we have to continually correct our path to ensure we end up where we intended to. This process can lead to some pretty interesting questions and ponderings, but also, it can lead us to step into some pretty intense self-reflection.

In this first episode of 2020, Cindy and Renae discuss the beautiful gift of reflection and recalibration with questions such as the following:

* What would you do this year if you were not afraid?

* What would you do with your life if you only had 5 years left? 

* What does living curiously look like for you this year? 

* What would it look like for you to hold life loosely?

As you step into this New Year and this new decade, remember how each and every day is a gift and it is never too late to recalibrate your life to match your desired destination.  

CHALLENGE: Look up the definition of “intentionality” and ask yourself how it might apply to your 2020. 

Mentioned In This Episode 

* Book: The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield and Shawn Coyne 

* Book: Unfollow: A Memoir of Loving and Leaving The Westboro Baptist Church, by Megan Phelps-Roper 

* Book: Confessions of a Funeral Director, by Caleb Wilde 

* Book: Option B, by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant 

* Website: The Enneagram Institute Type Descriptions

It’s the most wonderful time of the year … or so we sing — ‘tis the season for full bellies, family festivities, delicious baking, gift-giving/receiving, carols and more. But ‘tis also the most difficult time of the year for many — a season that isn’t particularly cheerful, jolly, merry and bright.

Wounded and grieving people are all around, and yet, most of the time we’re fairly oblivious to them amidst the hustle and bustle of our own to-do lists:

* Parents whose children are terminally ill

* Couples in the middle of divorce

* People grieving the loss of loved ones

* Kids being bullied at school

* Teenagers who want to end their lives

* Spouses whose partners are deployed in combat

* Families with no idea how to keep the lights on

* Single parents with little help and little sleep

Today’s episode is a gentle reminder to remember that not everyone around you is experiencing the Christmas season the same way you are. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be gracious. Create space whenever and wherever space may be needed, because you just never know how meaningful and needed your small act of kindness may be.

It’s through and with this awareness that our greatest Christmas opportunities present themselves — that we can become the spirit of Christmas by offering hope, peace, love, joy and light to an otherwise worrisome, fearful and grieving season.

It’s what we sing about after all:

* Good will to men

* All is calm, all is bright

* Joy to the world

* Peace on earth

* O come all ye faithful

Mentioned In This Episode

* Episode 51: Confronting Life w/ Matt Rigby — Do We Sanitize The Dark Side A Little Too Much?

* Blog post: Everyone Around You is Grieving, Go Easy by John Pavlovitz

“The way of Jesus is a lot more than a set of beliefs. Beliefs are a part of it, but it has a lot more to do with how you interact with the world.” —Alex Marriott 

Warning: You are going to need a flow chart to follow this conversation, friends!

Today we sit down with friends of the podcast, Matt Rigby and Alex Marriott, to discuss, well, Kayne West, Bono, Billy Graham, Relevant Magazine, Rob Bell, Mars Hill, and seemingly everything in between—ha! You really don’t want to miss this gem of an episode.   

In classic Confronting Normal style, there is little in the way of answers, but we all did leave challenged by the idea that the way of Jesus is indeed a lot more than a set of beliefs, and that as much as ever before we need to think critically and not just consume all that comes at us.   

Thoughts To Consider 

Do you read/listen/research for yourself or just follow other people’s reviews and opinions?

Do you agree that there can be a reluctance to accept complexities? Where have you seen and/or experienced this in your own sphere? Do you see it in yourself?

Do you take time to stand back and consider longevity of character? Are you intentional about building longevity in your own character? Do you take into consideration the longevity of character over just quick acceptance of “right language”?

How can you participate in creating safe spaces in your world—places where people feel safe enough to be honest?

Mentioned In This Episode  

Kayne West’ Album, Jesus Is King 

Bono 

Podcast: OnBeing, Krista Tippett 

Blog Post: Matt Rigby’s, Something From Everything (Post Re: Pete Holmes) 

Book: Richard Rohr’s, Falling Upward 

Book: David Brooks’, The Road To Character  

Peter Rollins 

David Letterman’s NetFlix Series, My Next Guest Needs No Introduction 

Book: Rob Bell’s, Love Wins 

Book: Henri Nouwen’s, In The Name of Jesus 

 

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with someone outside of your religious context, stumbling upon your words as you realize that although your beliefs and vocabulary have changed, the old scripts of your faith upbringing are still there, in your mind, fighting to come out?   

In this episode Cindy and Renae have a candid conversation about their upbringing in church, their shifting beliefs, and how living out this faith intentionally requires some serious reprogramming.

People, not projects.

Relationships, not agendas.

Love, not fear.

Trust, not control.

These are all easy things to say and easy things to ‘Pin’, but they can leave some of us ‘born and raised’ types fighting against internal scripts and crippling pressures.   

Thoughts To Consider 

When was the last time you stopped to think, I might be wrong? 

How have your beliefs shifted over the last 1/5/10 years? 

Do you carry agenda’s into your relationships—knowingly or unknowingly?  

Do you trust God with the people you love? 

Episode Quotes 

* “What I find more interesting is, how do your beliefs impact how you treat people.” –Renae Kulhawe 

“When was the last time you actually stopped to think, ‘I might be wrong,’ or, ‘I was wrong’?” –Cindy Keating 

“There’s so much to learn from everybody, and that includes those in other religions.” –Renae Kulhawe 

“You might have to go off script, the script doesn’t work, and it’s not as clear cut as what we were taught.” –Cindy Keating 

Mentioned In This Episode 

*  Book: Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol S. Dweck 

* Color-blindness glasses: “People See Color For The First Time“

Light and dark coexist at every given moment of every given day. Holidays like Halloween and places like Vegas become easy targets of definable darkness because they’re overt in expression. But darkness is part of life always; it’s present in the form of heartache, grief, sadness, discouragement, sickness, failure and everything else that weighs us down. Turning a blind eye is not as simple as turning off our lights and choosing to not participate.

Today’s episode is a conversation about what it means to think critically about how we’re going to engage these tensions and how we’re going to participate in being the light amidst the dark.

In the same way we can’t fully sanitize Halloween or Vegas, we also can’t sanitize life and all the hardships, sadness and grief it brings. Instead, we can use these tensions as learning opportunities to know where we stand, what we think, how we feel, and to embrace who we’re meant to be for others who are also experiencing the same tensions.

Perhaps instead of sanitizing what is uncomfortable to deal with, what we need instead, is the grace and space to walk through what’s hard, messy and ugly.

Thoughts To Consider

* Is our current worship music a little too sanitized?

* If we really think about it and dive into it, how sanitized is the book of Psalms?

* How “light” was David a majority of the time?

* Have we sanitized ourselves so much as a Christian culture that we’ve become unrelatable to the outside world—the culture we’re supposed to be influencing?

Episode Quotes

* If you can’t include it all, stop. —Matt Rigby

* There is something about facing something that you’re afraid of and seeing it for what it is. —Matt Rigby

* The overarching point is this: how are you loving your street? How are you loving your community? You can’t just skip a culturally important night like Halloween. You need to figure out what you’re going to do with it. —Renae Kulhawe

* Life is a mixed bag … and you don’t get to choose. You have to deal with the light and the dark; the good and the bad; the happy and the tragedy. —Renae Kulhawe

* Instead of critically thinking about each circumstance or each holiday or each situation on a case-by-case basis, we make them easy, blanket statements of all or nothing: I’m all in or I’m all out. Instead, they could become important opportunities for consideration. —Cindy Keating

Mentioned In This Episode

* Then There’s Halloween — Episode #50, The Confronting Normal Podcast

* Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey

* The book of Psalms

* The Sunday Morning Gathering — Episode #49, The Confronting Normal Podcast

* Imagine Dragons:  Song: Real Life, Album: Origins. Lyrics: I wish I had the answers … something you could hold too … only thing that’s real to me is … you.

We talk about the Confronting Normal community being an invitation to a number of things including wrestling through the tensions we feel about faith, life and culture – and that is exactly what this episode it all about. You see, you can go about pursuing a life and faith that is filled with intentionality and purpose but then, you’re a parent, in North America, and there is Halloween.   

Halloween is one of our cultures largest retail holidays and it is rooted in all kinds of things that don’t resonate with a life of faith. What are we supposed to do when we can no longer just ignore the things in our culture that clash with our faith? Traditionally there are two options on the 31st, you can head to church or turn off your lights and hide in the basement.   

But what if there was another way? What if we viewed this evening as an opportunity to turn on our lights, open our doors and meaningfully connect with our neighbours?   

“The one night our neighbours are out, have time, and come knocking on our doors we turn off the lights and hide in the basement.”

The Confronting Normal community is an invitation: 

To ask questions, think critically and live curiously 

To step outside of your comfort zone 

To embrace a deeper journey of learning 

To live a life that’s a little less scripted and a little more open to wonder, imagination, innovation and creativity 

To think about and wrestle through the tensions you feel about faith, life and culture 

To pursue a life and a faith that is intentional, meaningful and filled with purpose 

Mentioned In This Episode  

Matt Rempel, episode 005 – Connecting At The Ground Level 

Today’s church/faith/Christian structure takes the shape of—and places high importance on—the Sunday morning gathering. It’s just how it is. We all know it and we all get it.

But here are a few questions that Cindy and Renae can’t help but openly and honestly discuss in today’s episode:

* Why does the Christian faith have to come packaged as one standard structure?

* What if the structure we’re placing a lot of weight in is flawed?

* What if the Sunday morning gathering isn’t enough?

* What if there are so many more ways to experience and enjoy God than simply sitting in a pew?

And more importantly, what if you attend this structure Sunday after Sunday and struggle with this structure Sunday after Sunday?

In today’s conversation, Cindy and Renae discuss their tensions with the Sunday morning gathering, while vulnerably encouraging others who (maybe) feel the same way, to talk about how they’re feeling, too.

“If you are someone where Sunday morning just does it for you, and that that is where you are fed spiritually—and you just love it all—this maybe isn’t your conversation. But remember, there are some people in the pews beside you who don’t experience it that same way … and that’s real and true too.” —Renae Kulhawe

Quotes From This Episode

* By losing places and opportunities of openness and honesty, we shut down so much of what could be. —Cindy Keating

* Don’t look for the people who agree with you. Look for the people who aren’t scared off by your questions and who are willing to talk to you about them. —Renae Kulhawe

* It’s easy to assume narratives about other people. We tell ourselves what we think it going on in other people’s lives, or what they’re thinking or feeling or believing without actually realizing, ‘Whoa, they’re actually on a similar journey as me.’ But it takes someone to go first; to be vulnerable in saying, ‘This doesn’t cut it for me. This is not resonating with me. I really struggle with this, this, this, this and this.’ —Cindy Keating

Mentioned In This Episode

* Wayne Jacobsen, episode 9 — Living Loved

* Wayne Jacobsen, episode 21 — Let’s Call It Friendship

* Wayne Jacobsen, episode 22  — On Differences & Conflict

* The Alpha program

* “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” —Maya Angelou

Welcome to Season 3—another season for conversation, curiosity, learning and growing. In today’s episode, Cindy and Renae discuss their summers, the journeys they’ve been on and the lessons they’ve learned that have brought surprising new insights about God, themselves and their lives.

As Season 3 gets under way, Cindy and Renae hope it does exactly what Seasons 1 & 2 have done, which is, to inspire, encourage, challenge and empower listeners to explore new depths of themselves, God, church, faith, the world around them, and the communities they live in.

The Confronting Normal community is an invitation:

* To ask questions, think critically and live curiously

* To step outside of your comfort zone

* To embrace a deeper journey of learning

* To live a life that’s a little less scripted and a little more open to wonder, imagination, innovation and creativity

* To think about and wrestle through the tensions you feel about faith, life and culture

* To pursue a life and a faith that is intentional, meaningful and filled with purpose

Welcome to Season 3.

“We all need that sense of awareness in our lives. We have to always take time to stop and reflect. We can get so caught up living “the good life,” that we end up failing to live any sort of good life at all, and nobody does anything well. It’s like being the jack of all trades but the master of none.” —Cindy Keating

Mentioned In This Episode

* Andy Harrington — Season 1, Episode 15 — We Must Be Servants

* The Wellspring Foundation

* Wellspring’s fundraiser — Lake2Lake

* Angi Fletcher episode — Season 1, Episode 8 — Sharing Our Stories

* Scripture: faith in action — James 2:22 (NIV)

* Scripture: a time for everything — Ecclesiastes 3 (NIV)

* Scripture: to work out our faith — Philippians 2:12 (NIV)

We are creatures of habit; it’s true. We don’t naturally go to places of self-reflection and self-discovery for the simple fact of self-preservation. We keep change at a distance for fear of what might surface. But practices such as self-examination and Sabbath are great reflective exercises that draw us into greater places of awareness if we’re willing to go there.

It’s in these reflective places and spaces where we can ask ourselves and God some very honest questions:

* Does the way I’m living actually line up with the things I say I believe?

* Do the systems in my life align with my personal values and the ways in which Christ calls me to live?

It may not be comfortable to do so, but by examining your life, you empower your faith to grow and reveal itself in unexpected ways. And you might just fantastically discover the thing that’s been bothering you all this time is actually something so much more. Today’s episode is a simple conversation about the possibilities that just might be on the other side of self-examination.

Examine: to inspect something in detail and determine the nature or condition; to investigate thoroughly; to survey, look at, look into, inquire into, study, investigate, scan, sift, delve into, dig into, explore, probe, check out, consider, weigh, analyze and review.

“I think the trick is not to only examine. I think the trick is not to just keep assessing and assessing and assessing. I think you have to be in a rhythm of assessment and adjustment; you examine and then you walk it out. Then you examine, and then you walk it out.” —Sarah Marriott

Mentioned In This Episode

* The Collective with Matt Rigby & Alex Marriott — Episode #11

* The Sleep Revolution — Arianna Huffington

* Seth Godin article — The Learning/Doing Gap