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Conquer A Mountain Or Slide Down The Side Of It With Nick McGowan
“We’ve all been through tough situations where we’ve reacted in a way that we don’t want to.”
Episode summary:
In this episode, Nick talks about reactions, specifically our first reaction, and how we can conquer that first reaction. It can either help you climb up a mountain, or it can have you just slide directly down the side of it.
What to listen for:
“There have been times where I’ve reacted to things and then thought afterward like oh, oh shit I probably shouldn’t have said that or I probably shouldn’t have done that or I probably shouldn’t have acted that way or I shouldn’t have felt like that. Can you relate?”
“Here I am, closer to 40, and there are times when somebody will say something to me, and I can feel that I’m triggered inside, and I can feel that the reaction is about to come out. And I’ve started over the past handful of years being able to really capture that energy as it’s getting closer to coming out.”
“When you think about the times that you’ve been through, where you’ve reacted to something in a way that you didn’t want to react, think about other times where you have reacted in a way that you wanted to react. Maybe you took that second. It may have even been subconscious. It may have been something that kind of knocked you off your rocker and you were like, whoa, I need a second to process through that.”
About Nick McGowan
I’m Nick McGowan, entrepreneur, podcaster, and mental health advocate, and I’ve been on a 20+ year journey of personal development, learning to master my mindset, emotions, and the art of living with purpose.
As a Mindset and Self-Mastery Mentor, I work with ambitious men and women who want to live their most authentic and joyous life, by helping them master their mindset, emotional awareness, and authentic communication. My mission is to empower people to lead lives that feel aligned, grounded, and truly their own.
Throughout my career, I’ve built teams, streamlined systems, and improved client experiences across SaaS, media, marketing, and personal development spaces. Whether I’m leading cross-functional projects, optimizing SEO, Podcasting, designing strategies, or guiding clients through transformation, I bring a hands-on, solution-focused approach to everything I do.
I’m also the host of The Mindset and Self-Mastery Show, where my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, challenge us, and ultimately guide us back to who we are at our core. On this show, we uncover the secret gems others have discovered through trial, error, and breakthroughs so you can fast-track your growth, and master your mindset on your pursuit toward self-mastery.
With years of podcasting and two decades of marketing experience, I’ve mastered the storytelling, interview flow, strategy, and technical production that elevate a podcast from “just content” to something truly impactful. Whether you’re a leader looking to amplify your message, or a seasoned speaker and podcast host looking to sharpen your edge or even a beginner who is wondering how to share their message, I mentor thought leaders through every step of having the conversation they’re here to have on this planet.
So, what message are you here to share?!
Resources:
Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? Send Nick an email or schedule a time to discuss your podcast today!
Thank you for listening!
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Your Friends at “The Mindset & Self-Mastery Show”
Click Here To View The Episode Transcript
Nick McGowan (00:09.782)
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host Nick McGowan. And today on the show, I’m going to talk about reactions and specifically the first reaction that you have and how you can conquer that first reaction. It can either help you climb up a mountain or it can have you just slide directly down the side of it. So when I think of reactions, I think of most people’s reaction is a real quick.
Nick McGowan (00:39.058)
Instinct where they just go. Hey, it’s this thing. It’s that thing. It’s whatever this thing may be and it’s something that to them is sometimes really difficult to be able to pinpoint why they reacted such a way or How they reacted I know specifically for me over the course of my life There have been times where I’ve reacted to things and then thought afterwards like oh, oh shit I probably shouldn’t have said that or I probably shouldn’t have done that
Nick McGowan (01:08.054)
or I probably shouldn’t have acted that way or I shouldn’t have felt like that. Can you relate? Have you had experiences where there have been times that you’ve just reacted and then afterwards you went, oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that. And you have to reel yourself back in or you have to go on an apology tour because you’ve said some crazy stuff to somebody or you did something wrong or you maybe physically went a little nuts.
Nick McGowan (01:36.406)
So how you react in that first split second is really going to affect what happens afterward. I’ll give you an example. If somebody were to punch you right in the face, what do you think you’d do? I know for me, if I got punched in the face, I would have that punch hit me. You know, let’s just say it. You take that hit and wonder why am I being hit and probably go back to attack that person that’s.
Nick McGowan (02:06.23)
that’s hitting me. That would have been my gut reaction throughout most of my life. I remember being in high school, getting into fights with people. As soon as a swing would pass my face or clip me in the jaw or whatever, I’d have both my fists up and instantly just start going crazy. That’s not the reaction that I want to have. I started to slide down the side of that mountain because of that.
Nick McGowan (02:34.698)
There was one in particular, I remember some kid that I hung out with and skated with, he was at a different school, maybe two, three towns away. He and a bunch of his cronies came to my school, walked in to the building, and started to walk up the steps. There was a flight of steps up, then a platform, then another flight going up, and then you’d be on the second floor. And I was…
Nick McGowan (03:01.606)
on that platform going down to the first floor and he was on the steps walking up. He said something to me about, I hear you talking shit or something like that. I mean, we were dumb kids and I don’t remember if I was, if I wasn’t, I was an asshole kid. So probably, but that didn’t give him right to be able to walk into the school and go after me and assault me, but we’re kids. So this is what happened. He walks up and he’s like, I hear you saying shit, blah, blah.
Nick McGowan (03:28.938)
and he goes to swing and I see him start to pull back and my reaction was just like, fuck that, I’m not gonna get hit. And I punched him in the face and knocked him all the way down. And then jumped, I don’t know, 10 steps, jumped on top of him and just started going crazy because my reaction was, I’m not gonna let him or his guys try to beat me up and I wanna show them I’m tougher than all of you and a little fucking crazy. And I think about that time often, even.
Nick McGowan (03:59.854)
20 years, 20 plus years after I graduated from high school and I think, man, that’s not what I wanted to do. That’s not how I wanted that to go down. It’s not the person I wanted to be. That’s not the reaction I wanted to have. And to think about it now, if that were to happen, I’d like to think that I would move away from it and try to either…
Nick McGowan (04:23.074)
hold him back or do something that would allow us to be able to have a conversation. I would like to think that most people as they get closer to 40 or even older can have a conversation even if they’re loud yelling screaming whatever you can be like alright hold up let’s talk about this because most people I would think don’t actually want to hurt somebody and they don’t want to go through the consequences of getting arrested or anything crazy like that.
Nick McGowan (04:52.534)
Now this is just one, one story that I have of being in different fights with people and having to react. I remember being jumped by five or six people that supposedly were my friends. And I remember getting hit the first time somebody tried to pull my shirt over my head, like they do in hockey fights and I wasn’t allowing it and I went berserk on them. That’s not the reaction that I want. I’m not, I’m not a fighter. I’m a lover we can say. And.
Nick McGowan (05:22.17)
I don’t want to actually react like that. But here I am, closer to 40, and there are times where somebody will say something to me and I can feel that I’m triggered inside and I can feel that the reaction is about to come out. And I’ve started over the past handful of years being able to really capture that energy as it’s getting closer to coming out. So if you think of…
Nick McGowan (05:45.57)
let’s say something kind of welling up from your belly or the middle of your chest and starting to come out and wanting to actually scream or whatever that looks like, you can capture that and you can stop it before it happens because that initial reaction is either gonna help you climb up that mountain or it’s just gonna send your ass directly down the side of it, just sliding down it, screaming, crying, and just being full of emotions. So one of the things that I’ve really understood
Nick McGowan (06:15.158)
is that you need to take a little bit of a step back. You need to take a beat. You need to just breathe for a second. And I’ve had different situations that have triggered me and I’ve allowed the trigger to touch a really sensitive spot and I react. I react in a way where I say something that’s flippin’ or it’s pretty much at this point, me just saying something or yelling something back.
Nick McGowan (06:44.926)
I don’t do anything physical anymore. It’s not like I throw stuff or I throw a fist at anybody or anything like that. Again, I’m more of a lover than a fighter and I’ve realized that. I’ve realized that ever since I was younger, but my reaction and the amount of energy that comes out will sometimes just make me so amped that I need to get that energy out. And I remember being in high school.
Nick McGowan (07:12.63)
and having so much energy and so much angst and so So much anger inside of me that I wouldn’t know what to do like I would hit walls or I would Throw things there was one time. I remember I punched a hole in the wall in my house Because i’m so angry and I had no idea how to handle it. I just Reacted to a situation and I went bam and just punched a hole in the wall and as soon as I did it I thought
Nick McGowan (07:42.71)
I didn’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that. And fuck, now I have to fix it. How am I going to fix this? And I remember my friend was with me and he looked and saw what I did and was like, why are you getting so angry and why did you just punch a hole in the wall? And I was like, uh, can you help? I’m sorry I’m so angry and I reacted, but can you help me patch this hole? I tried to hide it from my mom, but I remember.
Nick McGowan (08:10.058)
I don’t know, maybe like 15, 20 minutes into her being home, she was saying things. And it was like, Oh, by the way, the fuck is there a hole in the wall that you tried to patch up? It’s like, Oh, let me explain. She got upset. I reacted and there was yelling and screaming and all of that. And again, the reaction I slid down that mountain. So think about times, whether with your partner or in your work environment or with your family members or your kids or anybody that you come across.
Nick McGowan (08:39.934)
Maybe you’re out at a store or something and you see something where something happens to you and you’re triggered and that trigger sets off a reaction. It’s how you actually grab that reaction and what you do with it is important. So if it’s something that just comes out of you and you just start going crazy and maybe you’ll feel alright in the moment, just being able to be a little crazy, that’s not actually going to help you. Have you seen that in your experience? Can you relate to that?
Nick McGowan (09:09.078)
I’m sure you can think of a handful of different times where maybe you’ve reacted in such a way where you’re like, if I took a second, if I took even a minute or a nanosecond and thought through what was going on, then I wouldn’t have gone down that path and I wouldn’t have to apologize and I wouldn’t have to feel so bad and I wouldn’t have made somebody else feel bad and I wouldn’t have gone through all this craziness. So in those split seconds.
Nick McGowan (09:38.346)
when you are triggered by something, what you need to do to figure out how to react appropriately, the easiest way to go about it is to just take a beat. Just breathe for a second. Now I get it. I get it. That can be easier said than done. For me, even, it’s hard to do that at times. But when you feel that coming up and you feel like you’re triggered or you’re about to react to something, take a second. I’m telling you.
Nick McGowan (10:07.746)
The situation, in most every situation, will allow for you to take a second. And if somebody questions you taking a second to process through what’s going on, then you can tell them, look I need a second, I just need to process through this. Would you rather me freak out on you? Of course not. So give me a second. Just let me have this second to process through.
Nick McGowan (10:34.238)
When you think about the times that you’ve been through, where you’ve reacted to something in a way that you didn’t want to react, think about other times where you have reacted in a way that you wanted to react. Maybe you took that second. It may have even been subconscious. It may have been something that kind of knocked you off your rocker and you were like, whoa, I need a second to process through that. How you responded to that is really going to help.
Nick McGowan (11:03.554)
whole situation. Again, can you think about those different times that you’ve done that? Can you think about the experiences that you’ve had where you’ve gone through those different situations and things worked out better than maybe you thought they were going to? So how you reacted in the initial first handful of seconds is vastly important. Now I don’t want to just sit here and just tell you, look you need to calm down for a minute, you need to actually process through things.
Nick McGowan (11:31.786)
You’ll be alright and everything will work out. Okay really you need to be mindful of how you react to situations and Figure out why you are triggered why you’re about to react a different way. I had a situation happen recently where I felt like My whole world is flipped upside down because I was understanding how my winning strategy from what I’ve Created over the course of my entire life
Nick McGowan (12:00.79)
And what I thought was helping me win in life was really not. And it was really detracting me from the way that I could actually serve and live a life that I want to live. And I had a situation happen where I was called out about that. And I felt really defensive. I felt like I was poked in a soft spot.
Nick McGowan (12:26.89)
And I took a second.
Nick McGowan (12:30.99)
And I remember thinking in that moment, one, why am I feeling this way right now? And two, being pretty proud of myself for taking that, that moment and being able to react mindfully and being able to react with an intention that wasn’t a defensive intention or something that just replied back like I’m hurt.
Nick McGowan (12:59.702)
And I think an easy way to think about that is if you have a hot stove and you were to touch it, your body’s going to react and you’re going to pull your finger back, it’s going to snap back. You’re going to think, Oh my God, that hurts so bad. We all know that we pretty much don’t do that anymore in our adult years. You know, maybe you’ve done that as a, as a child where you’re like, is this thing warm? And you touch it and you’re like, Oh my God, it hurts so bad. And you’ll learn from that. You reacted in such a way.
Nick McGowan (13:29.386)
that you knew not to ever do that again. But we still do things like that in different scenarios. And it’s understanding what you do in that moment and really what has triggered you and what has.
Nick McGowan (13:47.054)
pushed your buttons in that way to make you want to react in that, that sort of situation. So I shared how I’ve had a recent moment where I was cool, calm, and collected, and I felt like I was triggered, but I took a second. Now there was also a time, also pretty recently, where that similar experience based on my winning strategy, I was triggered and I reacted in a way that I didn’t want to react.
Nick McGowan (14:17.066)
in the way that it made me have to apologize to my partner and to myself for the entire situation and it put me in a spot where I needed to actually go through and do more work on the situation and on my relationship than I first intended to. All because I took something, interpreted it the wrong way and I put a story behind it.
Nick McGowan (14:47.122)
almost instantly and just reacted in such a way that I wasn’t being true to myself and I wasn’t being true to my partner and I wasn’t being true to what my actual feelings were because it was a feeling of being triggered from something a long time ago and going through that situation sucked just straight up sucked and I remember thinking why couldn’t I just take that second?
Nick McGowan (15:16.998)
just process through. It’s not like she wouldn’t have allowed me to. It’s not like the entire situation wouldn’t have allowed me to. It was that I was in an immature moment just saying, I want to let this energy out. And it didn’t even feel like it was a conscious thought. It was just a reaction based on that trigger, which is similar again to like touching that hot stove and going, wow, this hurts.
Nick McGowan (15:45.842)
Instead of the, ow, this hurts. I started to throw verbal daggers at somebody or to defend myself or to get really amped in a negative way instead of being able to take that second and react a bit differently. So again, from the beginning of this, where I talked about, you think of the mountain that you’re climbing up, how you react, whether help you continue to climb.
Nick McGowan (16:14.79)
or it will just quickly push you down the side of the mountain and you’re going to slide all the way down to the bottom. It’s what we do in those key moments, the crucial moments, that crucial nanoseconds, let’s say, when you feel like you’re going to react in such a way where you hold it. You become aware of what the actual feeling is from. If your partner, if your coworker, if your kids…
Nick McGowan (16:44.686)
Again, if some rando says something to you and you’re about to react, you got to figure out why. Why do you want to react that way? Just like think about the situations where somebody says something and it has no meaning to you at all. Like you just don’t give a shit. Even if that person is really angry or really upset and they’re reacting in such a way, you’re like, well, this is kind of crazy. Why, why are they yelling? What’s their deal? I don’t feel anything from it.
Nick McGowan (17:12.013)
And there are other times where you do feel something from it and it comes from that trigger from years ago or Maybe it’s just the wrong time of the day because something happened and again, you’re just reacting to it But it’s so crucial for you to be able to take that quick second To figure out. All right, what’s actually going on here? What’s real in this situation? Why am I feeling this? Is it because of this situation? Is it because of something else?
Nick McGowan (17:41.79)
Is it because of some story that you’re coming up with or some story that you came up with years ago that is interpreting in your mind right then and there that this is a fight or flight moment? Because most of them aren’t. Now look, if somebody has a gun to your head or somebody’s about to kill your family or whatever and you need to react, that’s a different situation. If somebody does something stupid at work or you’re…
Nick McGowan (18:11.746)
knock something over or your wife forgets to do something or your husband forgets to do something or whatever that is. Those aren’t life-ending situations and your crazy reaction shouldn’t be like their life-ending situations but sometimes they can be. I believe most every bit of our trauma and the stuff that we deal with comes from our childhood.
Nick McGowan (18:40.138)
and the traumas that we dealt with as children. We’ll continue to keep those moving and seeing different situations for the craziness that it may or may not be due to the fact that we’ve gone through trauma as a child. You’ve gotta be able to stop that. I don’t care how old you are. If you’re a teenager or if you’re 90 some years old.
Nick McGowan (19:06.094)
We’ve all have been through tough situations where we’ve reacted in a way that we don’t want to react. So my suggestion to you is to take a quick second and figure out what do you wanna do from here and what’s really going on? Why do you feel triggered? And if that takes you a little bit and you need to step away from the situation, go do it. Again, if you’re a teenager or if you’re 90 years old, you can take that second.
Nick McGowan (19:34.41)
And if somebody questioned you for it, tell them, I need a second. I just need to be able to process through this. But what you do in those moments is crucial to being able to actually heal for yourself and to heal the situation. Because if you’re just reacting and throwing negative energy or negative verbal daggers at somebody or being physical in a negative way, it’s not going to turn out.
Nick McGowan (20:03.818)
Well, again, think about the different times where you’ve gone through it. Go ahead. I know they’re there. Think about it. Did it ever really work out the way that you wanted it to? Don’t lie to me. Don’t lie to yourself.
Nick McGowan (20:23.47)
having that negative reaction is never ever going to help or heal you. So again, how you handle that initial reaction while you’re climbing through life and you’re on your path of growth.
Nick McGowan (20:41.526)
What you do in that specific second where you could react a negative way is going to impact the way that you continue for that climb or that you start the descent downward on the side of the mountain, literally free falling or just going down on your ass and sliding down and having to figure out how to climb your way back up with a lot of extra baggage.
Nick McGowan (21:10.05)
And if this is something that you struggle with, understand that you’re not alone. This is something that a lot of people struggle with. Even the people that are super calm and peaceful, they have different reactions. And sometimes those reactions will shut them down. And sometimes those reactions will come screaming out of them. And if you’re somebody with a lot of energy or somebody that reacts really easily to things, likewise for you. But again, it’s what you do in that split second.
Nick McGowan (21:39.37)
and taking a beat and taking it just a quick second to be able to figure out where’s this actually coming from? What’s real and what’s going on? And what reaction do I need to give to this situation? Not an emotional thing of like, even if you’re like, I really want to hit this person. Okay, we’ll find out why. Why do you want to hit them? What’s going on? What happened in the past that has led you in this situation to want to hit somebody or to throw a…
Nick McGowan (22:09.218)
verbal dagger at them or whatever. So if you have these situations that happen often, then I’d encourage you to be able to journal them out and think about those situations. And so and so at work really pissed me off today. And the reason why they pissed me off was this. Maybe you state what exactly happened at that point, or maybe you just jump directly into what you believe had happened. And then figure out where that comes from.
Nick McGowan (22:37.986)
why you get upset with that. And I’d really encourage you to be able to speak with somebody. Speak with somebody that you love to find out how often do you do this? Is this something that maybe you’re unaware that you do more often than not? And be mindful of your reaction when they tell you, yes, you’re an asshole at times and you do this a lot. Don’t go crazy on them. You’re trying to grow here. So respect that somebody else feels like you do that at times.
Nick McGowan (23:07.382)
You might also get people that are like, no, usually you’re totally fine. But there are a few times where you go a little crazy and ask some questions with that. How did you feel when I did that? What, what was the situation from your perspective that was going on? Did you feel it was warranted for me to do that? Now I suggest that you talk to people that are probably a little bit more mature in life and.
Nick McGowan (23:35.41)
a little bit more self-control and self-awareness or you’re going to get some bad advice. And simultaneously while having these conversations with yourself and with people that are around you I’d also suggest that you get some coaching and talk to somebody that can actually help you process through the stuff that you’ve been through. Because I tell you this, if you process through the stuff that you’ve been through and actually work through it from a mental and
Nick McGowan (24:04.918)
then your reactions will change. You may still have those reactions. I do. I’ve done a lot of work over the course of my life and specifically over the past 15, 20 years and I’m still learning. There are still times where I have a reaction and I’m like, shit, that is not what I wanted to do. That is not how I wanted that to come out. And there are also times where I probably look like an idiot to people because something will happen and the reaction will start to come up. I’m like…
Nick McGowan (24:34.666)
I need a minute, let me process through this. And most everyone I’ve said that to has been like, all right, that’s fine. Because they either get it or they appreciate that I’m taking a second, taking a quick beat to be able to breathe through it and figure out what’s going on to then be able to have that conversation. But I don’t always do it that way. But I do always learn from it and I work through it. So if you need someone to speak with about that.
Nick McGowan (25:04.066)
definitely reach out, we can talk about it. If you need ways for yourself to be able to do it throughout the days when you’re maybe not able to talk to me or talk to anybody else, then take a beat. No matter what it is, if you’re out driving and you see somebody cut you off and you wanna get angry, use it as a good activity to be able to go, all right, why do I wanna get angry? Well, maybe it was because this person put us in jeopardy. We could have been really hurt. Okay, well, what, where does that come from?
Nick McGowan (25:34.154)
What makes you think about that? Maybe it was somebody that you loved, gotten into a bad car accident. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was something that triggered you from some different ways. But the biggest point is that you were triggered and understanding where that came from will help you understand what you do with it at that point and how you move through it and you’ll start to see patterns too. You may see that as you journal things out or as you even just mentally kind of go through them, you go, wow, I really get upset in these situations.
Nick McGowan (26:04.074)
and they react in these ways in those situations. And you can start to make incremental progress. Now, if you wanna take that incremental progress and you’re okay with that, great. If you wanna start to make quantum leaps, then that’s where I say you reach out to me. Let’s have a call, let’s talk through what it is that you’re doing, and figure out a plan of exactly how we can figure out the best approach for you to be able to do this in an instant, and to be able to work through those things. Again, I’m not perfect.
Nick McGowan (26:33.386)
And I’m not going to tell you that I am, and I am absolutely not a guru in this shit, but I am an addict when it comes to being able to understand what’s going on and how I work through this stuff. And being able to put processes in place to be able to make sure that I do at least less of it as I move forward. So I appreciate you being with me today. Please check out the other episodes to hear how other people handle this sort of situation. And
Nick McGowan (27:02.574)
how other people react to things with my guest episodes as well as my solo episodes. If you have any questions or wanna be able to understand how to best work through situations like this, please feel free to reach out to me, schedule a time for a free clarity call or send me a message about the Reset Button program. That’s a awesome program that’ll help you actually be able to hit Reset Button on your life and figure out what you need to do moving forward to live the life that you want.
Nick McGowan (27:32.046)
Again, thank you so much for being with me on the Mindset and Self-Mastery Show today. I appreciate you.
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By Nick McGowan“We’ve all been through tough situations where we’ve reacted in a way that we don’t want to.”
Episode summary:
In this episode, Nick talks about reactions, specifically our first reaction, and how we can conquer that first reaction. It can either help you climb up a mountain, or it can have you just slide directly down the side of it.
What to listen for:
“There have been times where I’ve reacted to things and then thought afterward like oh, oh shit I probably shouldn’t have said that or I probably shouldn’t have done that or I probably shouldn’t have acted that way or I shouldn’t have felt like that. Can you relate?”
“Here I am, closer to 40, and there are times when somebody will say something to me, and I can feel that I’m triggered inside, and I can feel that the reaction is about to come out. And I’ve started over the past handful of years being able to really capture that energy as it’s getting closer to coming out.”
“When you think about the times that you’ve been through, where you’ve reacted to something in a way that you didn’t want to react, think about other times where you have reacted in a way that you wanted to react. Maybe you took that second. It may have even been subconscious. It may have been something that kind of knocked you off your rocker and you were like, whoa, I need a second to process through that.”
About Nick McGowan
I’m Nick McGowan, entrepreneur, podcaster, and mental health advocate, and I’ve been on a 20+ year journey of personal development, learning to master my mindset, emotions, and the art of living with purpose.
As a Mindset and Self-Mastery Mentor, I work with ambitious men and women who want to live their most authentic and joyous life, by helping them master their mindset, emotional awareness, and authentic communication. My mission is to empower people to lead lives that feel aligned, grounded, and truly their own.
Throughout my career, I’ve built teams, streamlined systems, and improved client experiences across SaaS, media, marketing, and personal development spaces. Whether I’m leading cross-functional projects, optimizing SEO, Podcasting, designing strategies, or guiding clients through transformation, I bring a hands-on, solution-focused approach to everything I do.
I’m also the host of The Mindset and Self-Mastery Show, where my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, challenge us, and ultimately guide us back to who we are at our core. On this show, we uncover the secret gems others have discovered through trial, error, and breakthroughs so you can fast-track your growth, and master your mindset on your pursuit toward self-mastery.
With years of podcasting and two decades of marketing experience, I’ve mastered the storytelling, interview flow, strategy, and technical production that elevate a podcast from “just content” to something truly impactful. Whether you’re a leader looking to amplify your message, or a seasoned speaker and podcast host looking to sharpen your edge or even a beginner who is wondering how to share their message, I mentor thought leaders through every step of having the conversation they’re here to have on this planet.
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Nick McGowan (00:09.782)
Hello and welcome to the mindset and self mastery show. I’m your host Nick McGowan. And today on the show, I’m going to talk about reactions and specifically the first reaction that you have and how you can conquer that first reaction. It can either help you climb up a mountain or it can have you just slide directly down the side of it. So when I think of reactions, I think of most people’s reaction is a real quick.
Nick McGowan (00:39.058)
Instinct where they just go. Hey, it’s this thing. It’s that thing. It’s whatever this thing may be and it’s something that to them is sometimes really difficult to be able to pinpoint why they reacted such a way or How they reacted I know specifically for me over the course of my life There have been times where I’ve reacted to things and then thought afterwards like oh, oh shit I probably shouldn’t have said that or I probably shouldn’t have done that
Nick McGowan (01:08.054)
or I probably shouldn’t have acted that way or I shouldn’t have felt like that. Can you relate? Have you had experiences where there have been times that you’ve just reacted and then afterwards you went, oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean that. And you have to reel yourself back in or you have to go on an apology tour because you’ve said some crazy stuff to somebody or you did something wrong or you maybe physically went a little nuts.
Nick McGowan (01:36.406)
So how you react in that first split second is really going to affect what happens afterward. I’ll give you an example. If somebody were to punch you right in the face, what do you think you’d do? I know for me, if I got punched in the face, I would have that punch hit me. You know, let’s just say it. You take that hit and wonder why am I being hit and probably go back to attack that person that’s.
Nick McGowan (02:06.23)
that’s hitting me. That would have been my gut reaction throughout most of my life. I remember being in high school, getting into fights with people. As soon as a swing would pass my face or clip me in the jaw or whatever, I’d have both my fists up and instantly just start going crazy. That’s not the reaction that I want to have. I started to slide down the side of that mountain because of that.
Nick McGowan (02:34.698)
There was one in particular, I remember some kid that I hung out with and skated with, he was at a different school, maybe two, three towns away. He and a bunch of his cronies came to my school, walked in to the building, and started to walk up the steps. There was a flight of steps up, then a platform, then another flight going up, and then you’d be on the second floor. And I was…
Nick McGowan (03:01.606)
on that platform going down to the first floor and he was on the steps walking up. He said something to me about, I hear you talking shit or something like that. I mean, we were dumb kids and I don’t remember if I was, if I wasn’t, I was an asshole kid. So probably, but that didn’t give him right to be able to walk into the school and go after me and assault me, but we’re kids. So this is what happened. He walks up and he’s like, I hear you saying shit, blah, blah.
Nick McGowan (03:28.938)
and he goes to swing and I see him start to pull back and my reaction was just like, fuck that, I’m not gonna get hit. And I punched him in the face and knocked him all the way down. And then jumped, I don’t know, 10 steps, jumped on top of him and just started going crazy because my reaction was, I’m not gonna let him or his guys try to beat me up and I wanna show them I’m tougher than all of you and a little fucking crazy. And I think about that time often, even.
Nick McGowan (03:59.854)
20 years, 20 plus years after I graduated from high school and I think, man, that’s not what I wanted to do. That’s not how I wanted that to go down. It’s not the person I wanted to be. That’s not the reaction I wanted to have. And to think about it now, if that were to happen, I’d like to think that I would move away from it and try to either…
Nick McGowan (04:23.074)
hold him back or do something that would allow us to be able to have a conversation. I would like to think that most people as they get closer to 40 or even older can have a conversation even if they’re loud yelling screaming whatever you can be like alright hold up let’s talk about this because most people I would think don’t actually want to hurt somebody and they don’t want to go through the consequences of getting arrested or anything crazy like that.
Nick McGowan (04:52.534)
Now this is just one, one story that I have of being in different fights with people and having to react. I remember being jumped by five or six people that supposedly were my friends. And I remember getting hit the first time somebody tried to pull my shirt over my head, like they do in hockey fights and I wasn’t allowing it and I went berserk on them. That’s not the reaction that I want. I’m not, I’m not a fighter. I’m a lover we can say. And.
Nick McGowan (05:22.17)
I don’t want to actually react like that. But here I am, closer to 40, and there are times where somebody will say something to me and I can feel that I’m triggered inside and I can feel that the reaction is about to come out. And I’ve started over the past handful of years being able to really capture that energy as it’s getting closer to coming out. So if you think of…
Nick McGowan (05:45.57)
let’s say something kind of welling up from your belly or the middle of your chest and starting to come out and wanting to actually scream or whatever that looks like, you can capture that and you can stop it before it happens because that initial reaction is either gonna help you climb up that mountain or it’s just gonna send your ass directly down the side of it, just sliding down it, screaming, crying, and just being full of emotions. So one of the things that I’ve really understood
Nick McGowan (06:15.158)
is that you need to take a little bit of a step back. You need to take a beat. You need to just breathe for a second. And I’ve had different situations that have triggered me and I’ve allowed the trigger to touch a really sensitive spot and I react. I react in a way where I say something that’s flippin’ or it’s pretty much at this point, me just saying something or yelling something back.
Nick McGowan (06:44.926)
I don’t do anything physical anymore. It’s not like I throw stuff or I throw a fist at anybody or anything like that. Again, I’m more of a lover than a fighter and I’ve realized that. I’ve realized that ever since I was younger, but my reaction and the amount of energy that comes out will sometimes just make me so amped that I need to get that energy out. And I remember being in high school.
Nick McGowan (07:12.63)
and having so much energy and so much angst and so So much anger inside of me that I wouldn’t know what to do like I would hit walls or I would Throw things there was one time. I remember I punched a hole in the wall in my house Because i’m so angry and I had no idea how to handle it. I just Reacted to a situation and I went bam and just punched a hole in the wall and as soon as I did it I thought
Nick McGowan (07:42.71)
I didn’t want to do that. I don’t want to do that. And fuck, now I have to fix it. How am I going to fix this? And I remember my friend was with me and he looked and saw what I did and was like, why are you getting so angry and why did you just punch a hole in the wall? And I was like, uh, can you help? I’m sorry I’m so angry and I reacted, but can you help me patch this hole? I tried to hide it from my mom, but I remember.
Nick McGowan (08:10.058)
I don’t know, maybe like 15, 20 minutes into her being home, she was saying things. And it was like, Oh, by the way, the fuck is there a hole in the wall that you tried to patch up? It’s like, Oh, let me explain. She got upset. I reacted and there was yelling and screaming and all of that. And again, the reaction I slid down that mountain. So think about times, whether with your partner or in your work environment or with your family members or your kids or anybody that you come across.
Nick McGowan (08:39.934)
Maybe you’re out at a store or something and you see something where something happens to you and you’re triggered and that trigger sets off a reaction. It’s how you actually grab that reaction and what you do with it is important. So if it’s something that just comes out of you and you just start going crazy and maybe you’ll feel alright in the moment, just being able to be a little crazy, that’s not actually going to help you. Have you seen that in your experience? Can you relate to that?
Nick McGowan (09:09.078)
I’m sure you can think of a handful of different times where maybe you’ve reacted in such a way where you’re like, if I took a second, if I took even a minute or a nanosecond and thought through what was going on, then I wouldn’t have gone down that path and I wouldn’t have to apologize and I wouldn’t have to feel so bad and I wouldn’t have made somebody else feel bad and I wouldn’t have gone through all this craziness. So in those split seconds.
Nick McGowan (09:38.346)
when you are triggered by something, what you need to do to figure out how to react appropriately, the easiest way to go about it is to just take a beat. Just breathe for a second. Now I get it. I get it. That can be easier said than done. For me, even, it’s hard to do that at times. But when you feel that coming up and you feel like you’re triggered or you’re about to react to something, take a second. I’m telling you.
Nick McGowan (10:07.746)
The situation, in most every situation, will allow for you to take a second. And if somebody questions you taking a second to process through what’s going on, then you can tell them, look I need a second, I just need to process through this. Would you rather me freak out on you? Of course not. So give me a second. Just let me have this second to process through.
Nick McGowan (10:34.238)
When you think about the times that you’ve been through, where you’ve reacted to something in a way that you didn’t want to react, think about other times where you have reacted in a way that you wanted to react. Maybe you took that second. It may have even been subconscious. It may have been something that kind of knocked you off your rocker and you were like, whoa, I need a second to process through that. How you responded to that is really going to help.
Nick McGowan (11:03.554)
whole situation. Again, can you think about those different times that you’ve done that? Can you think about the experiences that you’ve had where you’ve gone through those different situations and things worked out better than maybe you thought they were going to? So how you reacted in the initial first handful of seconds is vastly important. Now I don’t want to just sit here and just tell you, look you need to calm down for a minute, you need to actually process through things.
Nick McGowan (11:31.786)
You’ll be alright and everything will work out. Okay really you need to be mindful of how you react to situations and Figure out why you are triggered why you’re about to react a different way. I had a situation happen recently where I felt like My whole world is flipped upside down because I was understanding how my winning strategy from what I’ve Created over the course of my entire life
Nick McGowan (12:00.79)
And what I thought was helping me win in life was really not. And it was really detracting me from the way that I could actually serve and live a life that I want to live. And I had a situation happen where I was called out about that. And I felt really defensive. I felt like I was poked in a soft spot.
Nick McGowan (12:26.89)
And I took a second.
Nick McGowan (12:30.99)
And I remember thinking in that moment, one, why am I feeling this way right now? And two, being pretty proud of myself for taking that, that moment and being able to react mindfully and being able to react with an intention that wasn’t a defensive intention or something that just replied back like I’m hurt.
Nick McGowan (12:59.702)
And I think an easy way to think about that is if you have a hot stove and you were to touch it, your body’s going to react and you’re going to pull your finger back, it’s going to snap back. You’re going to think, Oh my God, that hurts so bad. We all know that we pretty much don’t do that anymore in our adult years. You know, maybe you’ve done that as a, as a child where you’re like, is this thing warm? And you touch it and you’re like, Oh my God, it hurts so bad. And you’ll learn from that. You reacted in such a way.
Nick McGowan (13:29.386)
that you knew not to ever do that again. But we still do things like that in different scenarios. And it’s understanding what you do in that moment and really what has triggered you and what has.
Nick McGowan (13:47.054)
pushed your buttons in that way to make you want to react in that, that sort of situation. So I shared how I’ve had a recent moment where I was cool, calm, and collected, and I felt like I was triggered, but I took a second. Now there was also a time, also pretty recently, where that similar experience based on my winning strategy, I was triggered and I reacted in a way that I didn’t want to react.
Nick McGowan (14:17.066)
in the way that it made me have to apologize to my partner and to myself for the entire situation and it put me in a spot where I needed to actually go through and do more work on the situation and on my relationship than I first intended to. All because I took something, interpreted it the wrong way and I put a story behind it.
Nick McGowan (14:47.122)
almost instantly and just reacted in such a way that I wasn’t being true to myself and I wasn’t being true to my partner and I wasn’t being true to what my actual feelings were because it was a feeling of being triggered from something a long time ago and going through that situation sucked just straight up sucked and I remember thinking why couldn’t I just take that second?
Nick McGowan (15:16.998)
just process through. It’s not like she wouldn’t have allowed me to. It’s not like the entire situation wouldn’t have allowed me to. It was that I was in an immature moment just saying, I want to let this energy out. And it didn’t even feel like it was a conscious thought. It was just a reaction based on that trigger, which is similar again to like touching that hot stove and going, wow, this hurts.
Nick McGowan (15:45.842)
Instead of the, ow, this hurts. I started to throw verbal daggers at somebody or to defend myself or to get really amped in a negative way instead of being able to take that second and react a bit differently. So again, from the beginning of this, where I talked about, you think of the mountain that you’re climbing up, how you react, whether help you continue to climb.
Nick McGowan (16:14.79)
or it will just quickly push you down the side of the mountain and you’re going to slide all the way down to the bottom. It’s what we do in those key moments, the crucial moments, that crucial nanoseconds, let’s say, when you feel like you’re going to react in such a way where you hold it. You become aware of what the actual feeling is from. If your partner, if your coworker, if your kids…
Nick McGowan (16:44.686)
Again, if some rando says something to you and you’re about to react, you got to figure out why. Why do you want to react that way? Just like think about the situations where somebody says something and it has no meaning to you at all. Like you just don’t give a shit. Even if that person is really angry or really upset and they’re reacting in such a way, you’re like, well, this is kind of crazy. Why, why are they yelling? What’s their deal? I don’t feel anything from it.
Nick McGowan (17:12.013)
And there are other times where you do feel something from it and it comes from that trigger from years ago or Maybe it’s just the wrong time of the day because something happened and again, you’re just reacting to it But it’s so crucial for you to be able to take that quick second To figure out. All right, what’s actually going on here? What’s real in this situation? Why am I feeling this? Is it because of this situation? Is it because of something else?
Nick McGowan (17:41.79)
Is it because of some story that you’re coming up with or some story that you came up with years ago that is interpreting in your mind right then and there that this is a fight or flight moment? Because most of them aren’t. Now look, if somebody has a gun to your head or somebody’s about to kill your family or whatever and you need to react, that’s a different situation. If somebody does something stupid at work or you’re…
Nick McGowan (18:11.746)
knock something over or your wife forgets to do something or your husband forgets to do something or whatever that is. Those aren’t life-ending situations and your crazy reaction shouldn’t be like their life-ending situations but sometimes they can be. I believe most every bit of our trauma and the stuff that we deal with comes from our childhood.
Nick McGowan (18:40.138)
and the traumas that we dealt with as children. We’ll continue to keep those moving and seeing different situations for the craziness that it may or may not be due to the fact that we’ve gone through trauma as a child. You’ve gotta be able to stop that. I don’t care how old you are. If you’re a teenager or if you’re 90 some years old.
Nick McGowan (19:06.094)
We’ve all have been through tough situations where we’ve reacted in a way that we don’t want to react. So my suggestion to you is to take a quick second and figure out what do you wanna do from here and what’s really going on? Why do you feel triggered? And if that takes you a little bit and you need to step away from the situation, go do it. Again, if you’re a teenager or if you’re 90 years old, you can take that second.
Nick McGowan (19:34.41)
And if somebody questioned you for it, tell them, I need a second. I just need to be able to process through this. But what you do in those moments is crucial to being able to actually heal for yourself and to heal the situation. Because if you’re just reacting and throwing negative energy or negative verbal daggers at somebody or being physical in a negative way, it’s not going to turn out.
Nick McGowan (20:03.818)
Well, again, think about the different times where you’ve gone through it. Go ahead. I know they’re there. Think about it. Did it ever really work out the way that you wanted it to? Don’t lie to me. Don’t lie to yourself.
Nick McGowan (20:23.47)
having that negative reaction is never ever going to help or heal you. So again, how you handle that initial reaction while you’re climbing through life and you’re on your path of growth.
Nick McGowan (20:41.526)
What you do in that specific second where you could react a negative way is going to impact the way that you continue for that climb or that you start the descent downward on the side of the mountain, literally free falling or just going down on your ass and sliding down and having to figure out how to climb your way back up with a lot of extra baggage.
Nick McGowan (21:10.05)
And if this is something that you struggle with, understand that you’re not alone. This is something that a lot of people struggle with. Even the people that are super calm and peaceful, they have different reactions. And sometimes those reactions will shut them down. And sometimes those reactions will come screaming out of them. And if you’re somebody with a lot of energy or somebody that reacts really easily to things, likewise for you. But again, it’s what you do in that split second.
Nick McGowan (21:39.37)
and taking a beat and taking it just a quick second to be able to figure out where’s this actually coming from? What’s real and what’s going on? And what reaction do I need to give to this situation? Not an emotional thing of like, even if you’re like, I really want to hit this person. Okay, we’ll find out why. Why do you want to hit them? What’s going on? What happened in the past that has led you in this situation to want to hit somebody or to throw a…
Nick McGowan (22:09.218)
verbal dagger at them or whatever. So if you have these situations that happen often, then I’d encourage you to be able to journal them out and think about those situations. And so and so at work really pissed me off today. And the reason why they pissed me off was this. Maybe you state what exactly happened at that point, or maybe you just jump directly into what you believe had happened. And then figure out where that comes from.
Nick McGowan (22:37.986)
why you get upset with that. And I’d really encourage you to be able to speak with somebody. Speak with somebody that you love to find out how often do you do this? Is this something that maybe you’re unaware that you do more often than not? And be mindful of your reaction when they tell you, yes, you’re an asshole at times and you do this a lot. Don’t go crazy on them. You’re trying to grow here. So respect that somebody else feels like you do that at times.
Nick McGowan (23:07.382)
You might also get people that are like, no, usually you’re totally fine. But there are a few times where you go a little crazy and ask some questions with that. How did you feel when I did that? What, what was the situation from your perspective that was going on? Did you feel it was warranted for me to do that? Now I suggest that you talk to people that are probably a little bit more mature in life and.
Nick McGowan (23:35.41)
a little bit more self-control and self-awareness or you’re going to get some bad advice. And simultaneously while having these conversations with yourself and with people that are around you I’d also suggest that you get some coaching and talk to somebody that can actually help you process through the stuff that you’ve been through. Because I tell you this, if you process through the stuff that you’ve been through and actually work through it from a mental and
Nick McGowan (24:04.918)
then your reactions will change. You may still have those reactions. I do. I’ve done a lot of work over the course of my life and specifically over the past 15, 20 years and I’m still learning. There are still times where I have a reaction and I’m like, shit, that is not what I wanted to do. That is not how I wanted that to come out. And there are also times where I probably look like an idiot to people because something will happen and the reaction will start to come up. I’m like…
Nick McGowan (24:34.666)
I need a minute, let me process through this. And most everyone I’ve said that to has been like, all right, that’s fine. Because they either get it or they appreciate that I’m taking a second, taking a quick beat to be able to breathe through it and figure out what’s going on to then be able to have that conversation. But I don’t always do it that way. But I do always learn from it and I work through it. So if you need someone to speak with about that.
Nick McGowan (25:04.066)
definitely reach out, we can talk about it. If you need ways for yourself to be able to do it throughout the days when you’re maybe not able to talk to me or talk to anybody else, then take a beat. No matter what it is, if you’re out driving and you see somebody cut you off and you wanna get angry, use it as a good activity to be able to go, all right, why do I wanna get angry? Well, maybe it was because this person put us in jeopardy. We could have been really hurt. Okay, well, what, where does that come from?
Nick McGowan (25:34.154)
What makes you think about that? Maybe it was somebody that you loved, gotten into a bad car accident. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was something that triggered you from some different ways. But the biggest point is that you were triggered and understanding where that came from will help you understand what you do with it at that point and how you move through it and you’ll start to see patterns too. You may see that as you journal things out or as you even just mentally kind of go through them, you go, wow, I really get upset in these situations.
Nick McGowan (26:04.074)
and they react in these ways in those situations. And you can start to make incremental progress. Now, if you wanna take that incremental progress and you’re okay with that, great. If you wanna start to make quantum leaps, then that’s where I say you reach out to me. Let’s have a call, let’s talk through what it is that you’re doing, and figure out a plan of exactly how we can figure out the best approach for you to be able to do this in an instant, and to be able to work through those things. Again, I’m not perfect.
Nick McGowan (26:33.386)
And I’m not going to tell you that I am, and I am absolutely not a guru in this shit, but I am an addict when it comes to being able to understand what’s going on and how I work through this stuff. And being able to put processes in place to be able to make sure that I do at least less of it as I move forward. So I appreciate you being with me today. Please check out the other episodes to hear how other people handle this sort of situation. And
Nick McGowan (27:02.574)
how other people react to things with my guest episodes as well as my solo episodes. If you have any questions or wanna be able to understand how to best work through situations like this, please feel free to reach out to me, schedule a time for a free clarity call or send me a message about the Reset Button program. That’s a awesome program that’ll help you actually be able to hit Reset Button on your life and figure out what you need to do moving forward to live the life that you want.
Nick McGowan (27:32.046)
Again, thank you so much for being with me on the Mindset and Self-Mastery Show today. I appreciate you.
https://youtu.be/vp1t59fp-MI