Conversations in Compassion

“If you have the chance to be compassionate with somebody or to do nothing at all, I hope that you choose compassion.”

And not on the righteousness of telling them what “they” should be doing, or not doing. "They" probably don't have all of the right answers, but then neither do we, or anyone. Affording everyone the dignity of having agency over their own lives.

Rehabilitation and rejuvenation thanks to the grace of those who remained supportive even when it felt undeserved. Holding onto the light of compassion through years of disappointment.

What if even in your worst moments, you could still love yourself and look upon your past behaviors not through the lens of shame, but accept that you were taking care of yourself in the best way that you could at the time? Could you expand and strengthen this practice by relating with others in your community not with judgment and shame but with compassion?

In a very personal conversation, Stephen talks to his son about the challenges facing the generation coming of age today. The ability to focus on their own passions and creativity has been so exhausted by ceaseless stimulation and endless anonymous streams of ambiguous uncertainty that they often “fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way”.

Early trauma can cause fear to become our first thought because we are afraid of getting hurt again and may feel that we don’t matter. Can we find the compassion and courage to focus on the memories and voices of those who believed in us more than on our fear, and anger, and negative self-talk?

A world-class athlete is struck down by injury due to an unknown genetic condition triggered early by the effects of childhood trauma. After a decade of missed diagnoses, abusive treatment, judgment, and self-doubt, she learns to harness her own tenacious determination to accept and have empathy for her body, herself, and others with struggles of their own.

How do we handle the shame that seems to keep derailing our own personal journey toward wellness? Every time we take a positive step forward, or sometimes even when we just contemplate taking that step, shame arises and we often retreat into our learned avoidance behavior: isolation, overeating, substance misuse, distracting ourselves with work, shopping, or other activity. Can we learn to sit with that sense of shame, share it with others, listen as they share their own? In that shared experience we can shift our shame to gratitude and allow ourselves to move toward wellness and embrace others on their journey.

The coronavirus pandemic has laid bare the inequities experienced by many in our community. Access to the great equalizer that is public education is no longer a matter of heading down to the local school in the morning, but of technology and resources that are not always readily available to all. Even when access can be arranged, the lack of relationships fostered in the local school community can lead vulnerable students to remain silent and invisible.

The stories in our own head around shame can become so unbearable that it leads to avoidance; of family, of friends, of our own better self through addiction. Someone who can quietly listen to that story with empathy can allow us a path back. Exposing our vulnerable self to others and letting them do the same with us can be the hardest, but most valuable service we can perform.