Conversations with Jane Newman

In this episode

Jane Newman is joined by Kim Olver to explore Mental Freedom, a practical framework for reducing unnecessary suffering, understanding ourselves more deeply and finding ways to move forward through life's challenges.

* How Mental Freedom began: Kim shares how almost four decades of learning, personal mistakes and difficult experiences shaped the principles behind her work.
* Taking responsibility for your own life: Why your happiness, needs, problems, choices and contribution to relationships are yours to take responsibility for, rather than waiting for others to do it for you.
* The three pillars of Mental Freedom: Open your heart, free your mind and transform your life.
* Becoming kinder to yourself: Recognising the critical things we say to ourselves and learning to understand ourselves with greater compassion.
* What it means to find the glow: Kim introduces a practical framework for exploring what may exist alongside a painful experience.
* Learning from grief: Kim shares the experience of losing her husband and how she gradually found gifts and new possibilities alongside the pain.
* Changing the story we tell ourselves: How a shift in perspective can help us recognise possibilities without denying what has been difficult.
* Why timing matters: Finding the glow is not a quick fix. Painful experiences need time to be processed, and some people may need professional support before exploring this approach.
* Finding a pathway forward: How Mental Freedom can offer practical tools before, during and after life's challenges.

The GLOW framework

Kim explains four areas to explore when you feel ready to look at a painful experience differently.

G: Gifts
What do you have now that you didn't have before? What might you have because of what happened?

L: Lessons
What have you learned from the experience?

O: Opportunities
What opportunities are now available to you?

W: Wisdom
How might you use what you've learned in your life? Has the experience helped you develop a perspective or understanding that you can carry forward?

You don't need to find something in all four areas. Finding even one meaningful insight can be a starting point. The process takes time, and what you discover may change as you continue to reflect.

A note on grief and pain
Finding the glow does not mean that a painful experience was good, that you should be grateful for it or that you need to move on before you're ready.

As Kim explains, the aim is not to remove the pain but to help you recognise that pain may not be the only thing that remains. It is about finding a way to process what happened and live with greater freedom.

Learn more about Kim's work

Kim's Mental Freedom resources, including her programmes and free email offering, are available at https://mentalfreedom.net.

What do students really remember about the teachers who made a difference in their lives?

In this episode of Conversations with Jane Newman, Jane is joined by Christine Duffield, a retired teacher with 45 years of experience in education, to explore the lasting impact of relationships.

Christine shares how her understanding of relationships has shaped the way she works with young people, particularly teenagers. From asking questions about their interests to taking the time to genuinely get to know them, she explains how small moments of connection can build trust, create a sense of safety and open the door to influence.

Together, Jane and Christine reflect on the growing demands on educators, the pressure to get through the work and the risk of allowing relationships to become an afterthought. They consider what students remember about the teachers who inspired them, why connection matters just as much between colleagues, and how investing time in relationships can make the work that follows easier.

This is a conversation about looking beyond behaviour, making people feel that they matter, and remembering that sometimes the most important thing we teach is not found in a lesson plan.

In this episode

What if the person you wish would change simply doesn't?

Jane Newman is joined by Kim Olver for a personal and thought provoking conversation about control, relationships, parenting and learning to focus on what we can actually influence.

Kim shares how her journey began professionally but eventually became something much more personal. She talks about the experiences that changed the way she approached her own life, including raising her sons, supporting her youngest through the loss of his father, and recognising how easily even well intentioned parenting can become an attempt to control another person's behaviour.

Together, Jane and Kim explore:

• Why trying to change other people can be so exhausting

• The difference between wanting something from another person and expecting them to give it to you

• What happens when we stop trying to make other people change so that our lives will be better

• Why accepting someone doesn't necessarily mean staying close to them

• How we can make choices about our own behaviour even when someone else continues behaving in ways we don't like

• The unexpected ways control can show up, including praise and encouragement

• What Kim learned from parenting her teenage son after he broke an agreement

• Why sometimes changing our own response can protect rather than damage a relationship

• The idea that there are always choices, even when there aren't any easy choices

• Why trying to live this way perfectly isn't the goal

• How self awareness helps us recognise when old patterns of control are creeping back in

A lifetime of practice

One of the most important messages from Kim is that this isn't something we “arrive” at.

She describes it as a lifetime of practice. We are all human, we all want things from other people and we will all have moments where we fall back into old patterns.

The goal isn't perfection. It's noticing, learning and choosing again.

Be patient with yourself

Kim's advice for anyone beginning or continuing this journey is simple: be patient and kind with yourself.

If we're constantly berating ourselves for getting it wrong, we're not creating the conditions that help us improve. The same patience and understanding we want to extend to other people needs to be something we practise with ourselves too.

What happens when one mistake feels much bigger than the mistake itself?

In this raw and unscripted conversation, Jane Newman and Kass explore what happens when making an error triggers self doubt, catastrophising and a harsh internal story about our own competence.

Kass shares a recent experience at work where incorrect data led her to question herself and worry about what others thought of her. Jane helps her unpack what actually happened, what she assumed had happened, and what evidence she was using to judge herself.

Together they explore:

• Why one mistake can quickly become “I did it all wrong”

• The difference between what actually happened and the story we tell ourselves about it

• How catastrophising can turn a small error into something that feels enormous

• Why being capable and competent doesn't mean getting everything right

• The pressure we can put on ourselves to respond immediately

• The difference between something being important and something being urgent

• How mistakes can affect us physically as well as emotionally

• Why reassurance from someone else isn't always enough when we're judging ourselves harshly

• What it means to create a safe space where people can make mistakes

• How our need to feel capable and competent can influence the way we respond to mistakes

• The idea of “emptying” and “refilling” your power cup

• Using emotional agility to identify what you're feeling and what might be underneath it

• Looking for evidence that challenges the story we've created about ourselves

• Why sometimes the best response to an email is to wait before replying

You made a mistake.

That doesn't mean you are a mistake.

It doesn't mean you're incompetent.

And it doesn't mean everyone else is judging you.

Sometimes we need to stop, look at the evidence and remind ourselves that we are still learning.

In this episode Jane Newman is joined by Brett Shackleton for a conversation about leadership, self awareness and the way we influence the people around us.

Brett spent 40 years with the Queensland Department of Education, including 34 years as a school principal, before moving into executive coaching with school leaders and leadership teams.

The conversation begins with Brett reflecting on how his own learning changed the way he viewed leadership and people.

From there, Jane and Brett explore:

• Why trying to control what other people do can create stress and disengagement

• How our own experiences and beliefs can shape the way we show up in conversations and leadership

• The importance of becoming more deliberate and self reflective about our behaviour

• What happens when leaders acknowledge that they don't have everything right

• Why understanding who we are, what matters to us and what energises us can strengthen our leadership

• The difference between trying to fix people and helping people become better at what they already do

• Why strengths can be more useful to focus on than constantly looking for weaknesses

• The role of a leader in helping other people think and make better decisions

• Creating environments where people feel psychologically safe enough to engage and contribute

A few ideas to take away

"Nobody needs fixing."

Rather than looking for what is wrong with people, what might happen if we became more curious about what is already working and helped people build on their strengths?

"Empty their brain before I enter it."

Brett describes his approach to coaching as creating space for people to do their own thinking before offering advice.

"Better thinking for better decisions."

The conversation explores the value of helping people think rather than simply telling them what to do.

A question to sit with

Where in your life or leadership might you be trying to fix, control or change someone else, when your greatest influence might actually begin with looking at yourself?

About Brett Shackleton

Brett Shackleton is an executive coach working with school leaders and leadership teams. He spent 40 years with the Queensland Department of Education, including 34 years as a school principal, and now supports leaders to better understand themselves, their strengths and the people they lead.

Are You Listening to Respond or to Understand?

When someone we care about shares something difficult, our instinct can be to help.

We want to solve the problem, offer a perspective, ask the right questions or help them find a way forward.

But what if they aren't asking us to fix anything?

In this episode, Kass reflects on a conversation with a friend where her desire to help led her to overstep. The situation was repaired, but it prompted her to reflect on her role in the conversation and why she so quickly moves into "fixing mode".

Jane and Kass explore what can happen when we assume someone wants their problem solved, when they may simply want to be heard.

In this episode, we explore:
- Why we can be so quick to move into fixing mode
- The difference between helping and solving
- How our role can change depending on the relationship and situation
- Why not everyone wants their problem solved
- The importance of listening before offering advice or questions
- How our own learned patterns can influence the way we respond
- What it means to listen with curiosity
- How we can recognise when someone may simply need a friendly ear
- Why listening is a skill that can be practised and developed

Kass also reflects on her tendency to want to bring what she has learned into conversations with other people. Jane explores how having more knowledge and skills can sometimes make us even more eager to help, while the person we're talking to may not have asked for that help.

The conversation comes back to a simple but powerful question:

Am I listening to truly hear, or am I listening to respond?

Jane shares that she has had to intentionally practise this herself, moving away from listening in order to respond, ask the next clever question or demonstrate what she knows, towards simply listening with curiosity.

The episode is a reminder that sometimes the most helpful thing we can offer someone isn't a solution. It is our attention, our curiosity and the space to be heard.

Life can feel full very quickly.

Work, parenting, relationships, health, family, friendships and all the other roles we carry can leave us trying to be everything to everyone.

In this episode, Jane and Kass explore what it means to be present and intentional, particularly when life feels busy.

They begin with their regular Celebrate, Challenge and Support check-in, where Kass reflects on a recent comment that she wasn't always as present as she could be. Rather than dismissing it or becoming defensive, she considers it information and starts thinking about what she might want to do differently.

That leads into a bigger conversation about how we can create more intentional moments of presence in our everyday lives.

In this episode, we explore:
- What being present actually means when life is busy
- The many roles we carry and the pressure to do them all well
- Why we can't be everywhere and everything for everyone
- The importance of being intentional about where we put our time and energy
- Creating small, protected moments for connection
- Why looking after ourselves isn't selfish
- How taking time for ourselves can help us be more present with the people we love
- What it means to receive feedback as information rather than immediately becoming defensive
- How we can recognise when we need some time and space to regroup

Jane shares examples of the small, intentional moments she creates with her family, including phone-free family meals, playing cards and dedicated “eclair Friday’ time with her youngest son. She also talks about intentionally protecting time around important relationships and celebrations.

A key part of the conversation is the idea that we don't have to get presence right all the time. We are human, we have limited time, and sometimes not being present is simply information that we may need a break or some space.

The conversation finishes with a reminder, particularly for those approaching a busy end of term, to take some time to be present with themselves too.

In this episode, Jane and Kass explore what sits beneath the behaviour we see and what can change when we become curious rather than immediately reacting.

They begin with a simple check in around celebration, challenge and support, a practice Jane uses in her workshops, meetings and everyday life. They explore how recognising a challenge can help us consider what support might actually be useful, rather than automatically trying to fix the problem.

The conversation then turns to one of Kass's early aha moments from learning alongside Jane: all behaviour is purposeful.

Jane and Kass explore:

• How behaviour can be a form of communication
• What might be underneath behaviour that we find difficult or unhelpful
• Why behaviour is not necessarily about us
• How tiredness, hunger and overwhelm can influence our behaviour
• What can change when we become curious about what is happening underneath a reaction
• How this applies to children, adults and our own behaviour
• The difference between receiving information and reacting to it
• How we can consider who we want to be in the moment

Kass shares a real life parenting moment when her daughter called her a "grumpy mum". Rather than becoming defensive, Kass was able to stop and consider what information she was receiving and recognise what was happening for her in that moment.

In this introductory episode, meet your hosts, Jane Newman and Kass Weaver, and discover the heart behind the Conversations with Jane Newman podcast.

Jane shares why she's passionate about helping people strengthen relationships, navigate life's challenges and create meaningful change, drawing on decades of experience working with individuals, families, educators, leaders and organisations.

Joining her is Kass, wife, mum to three girls, and Jane's sister-in-law - who brings curiosity, real-life questions and a genuine desire to understand what helps people thrive. Having learned alongside Jane for the past four years, Kass represents the listener, asking the questions many of us are already thinking.

Together, they'll explore everyday situations, unpack different perspectives and offer practical insights to help you communicate more effectively, build stronger relationships and live with greater intention.

Whether you're a parent, partner, educator, leader or simply someone looking for fresh perspectives, Conversations with Jane Newman is a place for thoughtful conversations that are practical, relatable and grounded in real life. Thank you for joining us at the beginning of this journey - we're so glad you're here.

In This Episode:

• Meet Jane Newman and Kass Weaver

• Learn the story behind Conversations with Jane Newman

• Why this podcast was created

• What you can expect from future episodes