Most people think of narcissists as obnoxious and self-absorbed. They’re flashy, loud and charismatic. And it’s obvious that they’re looking out for #1.

But a covert narcissist is much harder to identify.

They are generally well-liked and well-respected by others. And the way they manipulate their partner is much more subtle and difficult to recognize.

So, how do you know if you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist? Is there anything you can do to make the divorce process more manageable?

Debbie Mirza is a speaker, singer/songwriter and restorative coach with expertise in helping people heal from covert narcissistic abuse.

Debbie is also the bestselling author of The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse and The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Debbie joins Katherine to discuss what differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert one, explaining why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in your marriage to a covert narcissist.

Debbie walks us through the three phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist, describing how a covert narcissist cuts off their partner during the discard phase and makes divorce particularly brutal.

Listen in for Debbie’s insight on choosing an attorney who understands narcissism and learn how to protect yourself and your children through divorce from a covert narcissist.

Topics Covered

What it means to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder

What differentiates an overt narcissist from a covert narcissist

Why it’s challenging to recognize a lack of empathy in a covert narcissist

Debbie’s advice for someone divorcing a covert narcissist

The type of person a covert narcissist targets for a relationship

How a covert narcissist’s words and actions don’t match

How a covert narcissist uses their partner as an energy supply

The 3 phases of a relationship with a covert narcissist

1. Love bombing

2. Demeaning and devaluing

3. Discard

What to look for in an attorney when divorcing a covert narcissist

Protecting yourself and your children in divorce from a covert narcissist

Connect with Debbie Mirza

Debbie’s Website:

https://www.debbiemirza.com/

Debbie on Twitter:

https://twitter.com/debmirza

Debbie on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/debbiemirzacoaching

Debbie on Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/debbiemirza_author/

Debbie on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/@debbiemirza1744

Connect with Katherine Miller

The Center for Understanding Conflict: http://understandinginconflict.org/

Miller Law Group: https://westchesterfamilylaw.com/

Katherine on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kemiller1

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller: https://www.amazon.com/New-Yorkers-Guide-Collaborative-Divorce/dp/0692496246

Email: [email protected]

Call (914) 738-7765

Resources

DSM-5 Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

https://www.mind-diagnostics.org/blog/narcissistic-personality/narcissistic-personality-disorder-dsm-5-criteria-and-treatment-option

The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza:

https://www.amazon.com/Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-Recognizing-Psychological/dp/099862134X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Worthy of Love: A Gentle and Restorative Path to Healing After Narcissistic Abuse by Debbie Mirza:

https://www.amazon.com/Worthy-Love-Restorative-Narcissistic-Narcissism/dp/0998621382/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1637933306&sr=8-1

The Safest Place Possible: A Guide to Healing and Transformation by Debbie Mirza:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0998621307/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1