Divorce Dialogues

What if the biggest mistake in divorce recovery isn't moving too slowly, but rushing straight past the parts that actually need to heal?

Psychotherapist, relationship expert, and founder of Sussman Counseling Rachel Sussman joins the show to unpack the framework from her book, The Breakup Bible. She breaks recovery into three phases: healing, understanding, and transformation, and explains why skipping straight to the last one usually backfires.

Katherine and Rachel talk through why breakup grief can look a lot like grieving a death, how anxious and avoidant attachment patterns often show up years before a marriage ends, and why dating too early can undo months of hard work. Listen for a grounded look at what actually helps someone move forward after divorce.

What you'll learn:

• Why breakup grief mirrors the grief of losing someone to death
• How to build the support system that makes recovery possible
• How to tell anxious attachment from avoidant attachment in your own patterns
• Why waiting to date until you've rebuilt your identity leads to better outcomes

Highlights:

(00:00) Meet Rachel Sussman
(02:52) Why recovery works in three distinct phases
(05:49) Healing from a breakup, like healing a broken bone
(08:11) Why building a support system comes first
(13:27) What the Understanding phase actually requires
(18:09) The difference between anxious and avoidant attachment
(22:47) The conflict trap
(24:06) Untangling your identity from the marriage
(27:08) Why dating should be the last step, not the first
(31:48) One piece of advice for the earliest, hardest days

About our guest, Rachel Sussman
Website: sussmancounseling.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rachel-a-sussman-lcsw-48033a5

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Most parents brace for the fight over money and assume custody will sort itself out. What if the custody process itself is what turns co-parents into opponents?

André Rainey, Chair of the New York Affiliate of the National Parents Organization and former mayor of Peekskill, joins the show to share what four years in New York family court taught him about shared parenting.

Katherine and André explore how the custody process can drive co-parents apart and why mediation works best before a judge decides anything. Parents facing court get practical steps to use right away.

What you'll learn:

• How joint custody differs from shared custody
• Why a standard schedule can leave one parent as a visitor
• What to document while your case moves through court
• Why more parenting time shouldn't be a way to dodge child support

Highlights:
(0:00) Meet André Rainey
(3:14) What four years in New York family court taught him
(5:04) Why a "joint custody" schedule meant four days a month
(7:44) Why domestic violence and shared parenting advocates see court so differently
(9:31) Why mediation should come first
(11:54) Joint custody versus shared custody, explained
(14:43) Why the National Parents Organization doesn't align with fathers' rights groups
(20:11) How attorneys can drive co-parents apart
(25:55) What to do before and during a custody case
(29:22) The one thing every parent should know before custody starts

About our guest, André Rainey
Website: sharedparenting.org
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andr%C3%A9-rainey-09270819/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

You've probably thought about how you'd split assets in a divorce, but have you thought about who's going to take care of you at 85?

Raymond Lavine, Founder of Lavine LTC Benefits, joins Katherine Miller to talk about the financial risk most divorce settlements never touch: long-term care.

Katherine and Raymond dig into why long-term care insurance gets cheaper the earlier you buy it, what happens to life insurance policies people forget they own, and why even his own mother, worth nine figures, still needed a care plan.

Listen in for a grounded look at protecting your next chapter, not just your settlement.

What you'll learn:

• Why long-term care insurance is cheaper to buy before your divorce is final;
• How gender-based pricing on long-term care plans changed and what that means for you now;
• Why you should never let a life insurance policy lapse, even if you need the cash; and
• What Raymond's own family taught him about affording care, no matter how much you have saved

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Raymond Lavine
(03:34) Why divorce ranks among life's most stressful transitions
(05:03) What a good divorce attorney actually does for you
(05:48) Why marriage has always been an economic contract
(07:07) The discount hiding in long-term care insurance
(09:16) Why women face a different caregiving risk after divorce
(09:53) What your wedding vows leave out about caregiving
(11:49) Why you should never let a life insurance policy lapse
(17:34) The nine-figure estate that still needed a care plan
(20:34) A rewritten Kipling poem on caregiving and responsibility

About our guest, Raymond Lavine

Lavine LTC Benefits: http://www.lavineltcins.com/

Website: https://raymondlavineofficial.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ltc-benefits/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Every dollar spent fighting over a 50/50 schedule might be solving the wrong problem. What if the split barely matters to your kid at all?

Family psychologist and custody researcher Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett joins the show to break down what decades of research actually say about parenting time, and why the number of overnights rarely predicts how kids adjust.

Katherine and Marsha dig into why "quality time" can't be scheduled, what separates a real safety concern from a values disagreement, and how co-parenting quality (not competition) shapes both parents' relationships with their kids. Listen in for research-backed clarity you can use the next time a custody conversation gets heated.

What you'll learn:

• Why there's no research link between 50/50 time and better outcomes for kids;
• What "quality time" actually looks like from a child's perspective;
• How to build new family traditions instead of recreating old ones; and
• How to tell a genuine safety concern from a values disagreement with your co-parent

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett
(02:59) Why "it depends" is the honest answer on custody
(04:16) What actually predicts how kids adjust to divorce
(05:17) Why there's no such thing as scheduled quality time
(10:25) The research behind the 50/50 custody myth
(16:12) Building new holiday traditions after divorce
(22:20) The scaffolding kids need: warmth and structure together
(24:48) How to tell a safety concern from a values disagreement
(31:13) The reframe: co-parenting isn't a competition
(32:33) What surprised her most after decades of research

About our guest, Dr. Marsha Kline Pruett
Website: https://www.marshapruett.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marsha-pruett

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group
Katherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/
More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

What if the same advice that helps most couples divorce well is exactly what keeps you stuck with a difficult one?

In this episode, Dr. Deborah Wilder, a licensed psychologist, divorce mediator, and Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician at the Center for Therapy and Mediation, breaks down how emotional abuse and coercive control change the rules of divorce, and how to tell the difference between a hard marriage and a harmful one.

Deborah walks through the warning signs your body picks up before your mind does, why compromise can backfire with a high-conflict ex, and a simple communication tool to protect your energy without escalating the fight.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to tell the difference between normal conflict and coercive control;
• Why gaslighting makes you question your own reality;
• The BIFF method for communicating with a difficult ex; and
• How to protect your kids without disparaging the other parent

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Dr. Deborah Wilder
(03:19) What Actually Defines A High-Conflict Divorce
(07:43) The Body's Early Warning Signs Of Abuse
(08:37) Why Gaslighting Works
(11:09) Common Traits Of A Narcissistic Partner
(13:55) Isolation, Financial Abuse, And Control Tactics
(15:58) Why It's Never Personal
(18:42) The BIFF Method For Boundaried Communication
(22:06) Protecting Kids From Being Used As Pawns
(25:07) Redefining What Divorcing With Dignity Means

About our guest, Dr. Deborah Wilder
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deborah-s-wilder-ph-d-5a016033/
Center for Therapy and Mediation: https://www.drdeborahwilder.com/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Created in partnership with Share Your Genius: shareyourgenius.com

Divorce doesn't have to be a conversation you dread having with your kids. What if it's the beginning of showing them they can get through something hard?

Childhood Grief Specialist and Award-Winning Author Dr. Korie Leigh joins the show to break down how to talk to kids about divorce without overwhelming them or trying to make it painless.

Katherine and Korie explore how to figure out what your child already knows before you say anything, how the conversation shifts by age, and why getting it wrong the first time isn't the failure it feels like. Listen in for practical, developmentally grounded guidance you can use today.

What you'll learn:

• Why divorce is a form of loss for kids, even when it's the right decision for the family;
• How to "dose" information about divorce so kids aren't overwhelmed;
• How to adjust the conversation based on your child's age; and
• What actually gives kids a sense of safety and stability across two homes

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Dr. Korie Leigh 
(03:11) What kids are actually grieving during divorce 
(04:46) Why parents need to process their own emotions first 
(09:26) Why "treat it like a business deal" is bad advice 
(12:15) Why you should start by asking kids what they already know 
(13:48) What "dosing" information actually means 
(15:39) How the conversation should change by a child's age 
(22:53) What gives kids the greatest sense of safety 
(26:11) One piece of advice before you have "the talk" 
(28:32) The reframe every parent needs about protecting kids from grief

About our guest, Dr. Korie Leigh

Website: korieleighphd.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/korie-leigh-phd-ccls-ft

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Created in partnership with Share Your Genius: shareyourgenius.com

Could securing a divorce attorney actually heighten complications instead of safeguarding your interests?

Certified family law specialist, mediator, and Hello Divorce founder and CEO Erin Levine explains why navigating a divorce doesn't have to mean choosing between going at it completely alone or turning everything over to a lawyer.

Erin shares the three problems she saw repeatedly in twenty years of practicing family law: unpredictable cost, unnecessary conflict, and a legal-only approach that ignores everything else changing in someone's life. She and Katherine talk through how transparency and the right mix of support, whether that's a mediator, a financial expert, or a lawyer for one piece of the process, can lower the temperature of a divorce instead of raising it.

Learn how to figure out what kind of help you actually need, and how to stay the decision-maker in your own divorce.

What you'll learn:

• Why the "lawyer up or DIY" choice is a false one, and what exists in between;
• The three biggest problems driving people away from traditional divorce;
• How transparency in the process can lower conflict between spouses; and
• Why relying on AI for major divorce decisions comes with real risk

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Erin Levine

(05:06) The three problems with traditional divorce: cost, conflict, and complexity

(07:39) What exists between DIY and "lawyer takes over"

(08:43) Inside Hello Divorce: procedural help vs. expert support

(11:59) How a divorce navigator helps you figure out what you need

(14:35) Why silence and lack of transparency make divorce messier

(21:15) Where AI helps, and where it creates false confidence

(23:54) How to stay the decision-maker with your own lawyer

(28:57) What "protecting yourself" actually means

About our guest, Erin Levine
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erinlevine
Hello Divorce: https://hellodivorce.com/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Created in partnership with Share Your Genius: shareyourgenius.com

Most people going through divorce ask, "How do I keep the house?" But what if that's the wrong question entirely?

Katherine sits down with Jody Bruns, founder and president of the Divorce Lending Association and author of A House Divided: A Guide to Mortgage Financing and Divorce, to unpack the emotional and financial complexities of housing decisions during divorce.

Jody explains why treating the house as a purely financial asset misses the point, and why feasibility today doesn't guarantee sustainability tomorrow. She and Katherine dig into the hidden costs people overlook, from insurance and title risk to the tax trade-offs of holding onto a low mortgage rate, and why "can I qualify" is a very different question than "can I actually afford my life."

Get insights about separating the emotional pull of the family home from the numbers, and why real stability might mean letting go.

In this conversation, you'll learn:

• Why the mortgage math is only part of the equation, and what "feasible, affordable, and sustainable" really means;
• The hidden risks in insurance and title that most divorcing homeowners never see coming;
• Why refinancing hesitancy over a low interest rate can cost you more than it saves; and
• How reframing "how do I keep the house" as "how do I create a stable future" changes the decision entirely

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Jody Bruns
(00:58) Why the house is so hard to let go of
(03:16) Why the house sits at the intersection of finances and identity
(05:01) The Colorado mom and the baseball tournament story
(07:40) Why "treat it like a business deal" is bad advice
(09:13) Home, security, and identity
(10:31) The onboarding process and building a Plan B
(13:06) The stories people tell themselves about affording the house
(20:17) Legal vs. mortgage pitfalls, and the "netting effect"
(23:35) Insurance and title risks after divorce
(25:53) What helps people make thoughtful housing decisions
(26:44) The better question to ask instead of "how do I keep the house"

About our guest, Jody Bruns
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jodylbruns/
Divorce Lending Association: https://www.divorcelendingassociation.com/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group
Katherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/
More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

When a child says “I don’t want to go,” the most important question may be: why?

In this episode, Michael Saini, professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Law and Social Work at the University of Toronto, breaks down how courts, lawyers, and parents can separate genuine safety concerns from the noise of custody conflict.

Drawing on nearly two decades of research and parenting plan evaluations, Michael explores why labels like alienation or abuse can miss the complexity of a child’s experience, why a quiet child may still be struggling, and what helps protect children through separation.

Tune in to learn why conflict, not divorce itself, is what actually harms kids, and how one competent parent can be enough to help a child come through separation okay.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to tell the difference between alienating behavior and a genuine safety concern;
• Why professionals shouldn't assume a quiet or agreeable child is doing fine;
• How to reframe anger toward a co-parent into identifying the real underlying worry; and
• Why "good enough" parenting, not perfect parenting, is what protects kids through divorce.

Highlights:

(00:00) Meet Michael Saini

(03:14) What splitting looks like and why kids get caught in the middle

(05:10) Why it's so hard to separate real risk from conflict fallout

(06:40) Alienation, denigration, and the umbrella of parent-child contact problems

(08:52) The research-backed assumptions professionals get wrong

(11:48) The conflict-driven custody narrative and how it takes shape

(15:18) Winnicott's "good enough" parenting and why it protects kids

(22:17) What to do when a safety concern is genuine

(24:10) The one reframe that changes how you handle co-parent anger

(25:10) Why exposure to conflict, not divorce itself, is what harms kids

About our guest, Michael Saini
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-a-saini-5693044a/
University of Toronto, Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work: https://socialwork.utoronto.ca/profiles/michael-saini/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group
Katherine's LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/
Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/
More on her book "The Emotionally Savvy Divorce" at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/

Grief after a divorce doesn't wait for the paperwork to catch up, and it rarely leaves the same moment the case closes.

In this episode, Oona Metz, LICSW, CGP, psychotherapist, and author of Unhitched: The Essential Divorce Guide for Women, joins Katherine to map the emotional side of divorce that the legal process never touches.

After running weekly divorce support groups for 16 years, Oona built a five-phase model that reflects how women actually move through loss, from the first heartbreak through the rollercoaster of conflicting emotions to finally reinvesting in a new life. She also speaks to where traditional divorce resources leave LGBTQ+ women out of the picture.

Tune in to understand why healing from divorce rarely moves in a straight line, and how naming what you're feeling can lead to clearer decisions and a more dignified path forward.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• The five phases of divorce grief, from heartbreak to moving on;
• Why grief resurfaces even years after a divorce is final;
• How to tell the difference between a partner's behavior and their character;
• Where traditional divorce resources fall short for LGBTQ+ women; and
• Why understanding your feelings can lead to steadier, clearer decisions

Highlights:
(00:00) Meet Oona Metz
(06:39) Phase One: Heartbreak
(10:35) Behavior versus character in a marriage
(12:18) Phase Two: The Rollercoaster
(13:54) Phase Three: Mending
(14:33) Phase Four: Letting Go
(17:06) Phase Five: Moving On
(19:11) Why divorce grief doesn't move in a straight line
(24:33) Where traditional divorce resources fail LGBTQ+ women
(28:46) Oona's advice before you start the divorce process
(29:17) Reframing grief as part of healing

About our guest, Oona Metz
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/oona-metz-licsw-cgp-6a14a41b/
Website: https://www.oonametz.com/

About Divorce Dialogues and Miller Law Group

Katherine’s LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kemiller1/ 

Miller Law Group: https://miller-law.com/

More on her book “The Emotionally Savvy Divorce” at: https://katherinemiller.com/book/