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We watched a Ron Howard movie, and not a good one. Cotton Candy, a TV movie from 1978, stars Charles Martin Smith as George, Clint Howard as Corky, and Rance Howard as Mr. Bremmercamp. It was also written by Ron and Clint Howard.

A down on his luck high school senior starts a band.

The villain band is Rapid Fire, and they somehow have an entourage, even though they always play a cover of "I Shot the Sheriff." The lead singer, Corbin, is a jerk. You do root for Cotton Candy, but you'll never root for them as strongly as Corky. And this is high school!  

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub? 

Cotton Candy is available on YouTube, courtesy of thebeasles.

Movie image courtesy of YouTube. 
 
Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV 

Cotton Candy is #134

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We did a "live" episode! Well, kinda. The hosts of Corpse Tub finally hung out in person, with Greg's girlfriend as our audience. That's us doing the applause this time, and Mari's a little drunk, which helps as we discuss the horrendously bad Terror at Bigfoot Pond.

A group of friends go camping and are attacked by a Bigfoot.

There are boobs, literally and physically. It was all filmed with GoPros (cool?) The Bigfoot is a little too smart and definitely corny.  The real terror is that these people skinny dip in said pond, which is essentially a muck puddle in a field.

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub? 

Terror at Bigfoot Pond is available on Amazon Prime, YouTube, and Plex. 

Movie image courtesy of Amazon Prime
 
Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV 

Terror at Bigfoot Pond is #259

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This month we talk about a 1989 movie called Warbirds, a sorry excuse for a movie that tries to rip-off Top Gun.

It's about a covert mission that goes bad. Then another one does. Then they succeed.

Sure, that sounds interesting, but it really isn't. Of all the things that bug us in this movie, it's the music and the shirtless Costello that stands out the most. Don't worry, though, because we mention plenty more reasons for this movie to be avoided.

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub? 

Warbirds is available on YouTube. 

Movie image courtesy of YouTube
 
Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV 

Warbirds is #160.

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For this episode, we cover our many problems, starting with the title, with The Mermaid's Curse, a 2019 ITN production.

Jake is writing a story about disappearances in the area when he falls for a siren.

Yeah, siren. Mermaid is in the title, but there are no mermaids in the movie. There is not even a  mention of mermaids!  Or a curse! We talk about that a lot, about as much as we talk about how Jake is an idiot.

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub? 

The Mermaid's Curse is free to stream on tubi, freevee, and flex, and available for purchase on Amazon.

 Movie image courtesy of tubi
 
Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wearecorpsetub/
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 Email: [email protected] 

Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV 

Mario's book, Crusaders:The Crystal Dawn:Book One, is available at Game Knight Games in Pueblo, Colorado, and on Amazon for $10 paperback and $5 on kindle.

The Mermaid's Curse  is #207

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In this episode, we take a break from the awful by discussing Pulgasari, a movie with a sorted past that we actually enjoyed.

A creature fights with villagers to stop an evil king.

Director Shin Sang-ok and his wife, Son Hui Chang, who plays Ami, were kidnapped by Kim Jong-Il in the late 70s to make propaganda films. They escaped in 1986, shortly before this movie was finished. Although we contemplate possible messages Shin inserted into this movie, we mostly gush over the adorable little Pulgasari. He's so darn cute!

Will you stay clean or will you soak in this Corpse Tub?

Pulgasari is available on YouTube. 

Movie image courtesy of YouTube.

Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wearecorpsetub/
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Email: [email protected]

Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV.

Pulgasari is #85.

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For this episode, we went above and beyond for you, dear listeners, by watching 2018's Amityville: Mt. Misery Rd.  It is called that, even though they never mention Amityville in the movie.

Directed, produced, edited, etc., etc., etc., by Chuck Morrongiello and Karolina Morrongiello, who play Charlie and Buzi, respectively, it follows a couple of self-described "ghost enthusiasts" who go to Mt. Misery Rd. to look for orbs and ghosts.

This movie is the biggest "look at my cool stuff, and hot wife, and cool car, and rich life" display ever. Karolina's Buzi uses the words "spooky," "creepy," and "scary" so much that we wonder if there was even a script. Chuck does four songs in the movie, and TWO are about his wife's ass, because this movie isn't awful enough. They are horribly ill-prepared "ghost enthusiasts," who seem to have done zero research beforehand, take no equipment, and don't even have a map. Oh, and Buzi wears pajama pants into the woods! 

Join us as we give you every reason to stay clean and not soak in this Corpse Tub.

Amityville: Mt. Misery Rd. is available on tubi.

Movie image courtesy of tubi.

Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV

Amityville: Mt. Misery Rd. is #158.

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Welcome to our newest episode. This time we throw you into the travesty of Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla.

Two performers on a USO tour get stranded on an island, are found by a tribe, and tussle with a mad scientist on the island.

Yes, Bela Lugosi is in this horror/comedy, but the real "stars" are the Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo, a couple of Martin and Lewis impersonators that make this movie unwatchable. Sammy (as Sammy) and Duke (as Duke) fill the movie with obvious and terrible attempts to replicate the famous duo. Sammy's facial expressions and jokes fall flat, even with the characters in the movie. Duke's singing gets awkward and creepy. The only light we find is the captions on YouTube, and the multiple times "Dukie" (Sammy's nickname for Duke) is said. Seriously, make Dukie jokes. We make them! You should, too! Let us tell you how much we hated this movie, and how sad we are that Bela Lugosi is forever attached to it.

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub? 

Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla is available on Amazon Prime, tubi, YouTube, MGM+, Fandor, Filmbox, Paramount +, and Plex.

 Movie image courtesy of tubi.

The Automat is available on HBO Max 

Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV

Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla is #7.

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In this episode, we confess we don't just watch bad movies, we truly watch the worst we can find, because we discuss our experience with  Mark Polonia movies that began with his 2017 movie, Land Shark.

Two researchers hunt down genetically mutated sharks that escaped their lab. Mark Polonia wrote and directed, as well as cameoed on purpose, and by accident. There is also an appearance by one of his regulars, Jeff Kirkendall. 

Sorry that we enjoyed this. It is not good by any standard. We admit Polonia's movies are bad. We've seen many more, and mention them by name without shame. The CGI is bad. The blood is blood spray that seems to come from a diner ketchup bottle. There is a Polonia checklist we mark whenever it comes up with what we believe is an appropriate sound effect.  Crew reflections! Fire! Elaborate music descriptions in the captions! Regular cast members! Polonia cameo! Post production blood! Bad props! Yes we have our usual level of questions. Are the sharks puppets? Paper mache? Plaster of Paris? How do the sharks get around inside buildings, and even get away? Is that an arm with one bone? Is this Polonia's house? Do laser blasters have recoil? It's so bad, but it's glorious in how bad it is. Unfortunately, we love it.

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub?   

Credit due the the Amity Jaws Group on Facebook for suggesting this movie to Greg and starting us on our Polonia rabbit hole.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2079064075677592/?ref=share&mibextid=NSMWBT

Land Shark is available on Amazon Prime
Movie image courtesy of IMDb

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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV

Land Shark is #251

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It's a new year, which means it's time for a new season! We start our season as we did last year, with a Wings Hauser movie. This time it's The Carpenter.

From 1988, Mr. Hauser stars as a carpenter named Ed who becomes a guardian angel, and then a problem, for Alice (Lynne Adams.)

Alice's husband Martin is a jerk. The men renovating the house are slimy. A sheriff makes a brief yet creepy appearance. Ed the carpenter starts out as such a nice guy. Too bad he's not. Alice is so unfazed by Ed's murders, even having a casual conversation with him as he desecrates a corpse.  We wonder how much of the movie is a metaphor for what will happen, and how much of that we are looking into too deeply. Is her cleaning the house supposed to be a sex scene? How does Ed clean up blood so quickly? Where is he hiding the bodies? Why is Alice so nonchalant about him murdering people? Can she really walk away from this? A lot of this movie has some hilarious nonsense. We admit it's not great, but we also admit we love Wings Hauser, so we are willing to forgive it all for him.

We want to thank everyone for 150 downloads last year! It's a small milestone, but it's a proud one for us. We're just a couple of friends who wanted to tell people about our experiences watching the worst we could find, and we're glad to entertain who we can. So enjoy our season premiere, and we are excited for a new season to help you decide if you'll stay clean or soak in this Corpse Tub. 

The Carpenter is available on tubi
Movie image courtesy of IMDb

Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo and episode artwork by Mario Wendorf IV

The Carpenter is #100

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Welcome to Episode 12, our season finale! You are in for a treat, as we cover the fifth movie we ever watched, and the one where we got our podcast name, the one we borrowed our logo image from, 2015's Most Likely To Die.

Starring Perez Hilton as Freddie, Jake Busey as Tarkin, and some other people we don't really know, it's about a group of high school friends who gather the night before their ten year reunion, only to be killed off by a murderer in a cap and gown. 

This movie holds a special place in our hearts, but not because it's good. It's because, at 47:00, you will see our logo picture and where we got our favorite riff, Corpse Tub! Beyond that, it's crap. It wants you to wonder who the killer is. It makes you think you know, but tries to make you question that thought.  You'll hate every one of these people.  There are heart to hearts you don't care about. There is drama that doesn't matter. We raise the unimportant questions. How did the killer get around everyone so quickly? Where is the path in relation to the house and the shed? Is there one killer or two? Why don't they shoot the guy when they get the chance? Enjoy some interesting kills with us, the error of Jade onscreen waiting for her cue, Mari "Wow" over Ray, and nothing else. We over analyze this, but luckily we catch ourselves, remembering how bad it is. 

Will you stay clean, or will you soak in this Corpse Tub?

Movie image courtesy of Netflix

Twitter: @wearecorpsetub
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Logo artwork by Mario Wendorf IV

Most Likely To Die is #5