If we’re going to become the kind of mentors who heal and don’t harm, who guide with wisdom instead of pressure, we have to learn this one truth: talk to people where they’re at; not where you wish they were. That’s not just a suggestion. It’s the cornerstone of leading from a healed place. When we forget this, we fall into a damaging mindset that says: I have to correct them constantly or they’ll never grow. That belief doesn’t build people. It breaks them. It turns mentorship into a cycle of shame instead of a journey of transformation. The truth is, your presence, your posture, and your peace will do more than constant critique ever could. Showing up as the most healed, whole version of yourself; that’s half the battle. You living out what love, consistency, and wholeness looks like in your family, your faith, your fitness, and your finances becomes the foundation for others to trust you and to follow.

The other half of the battle comes in the skills of mentorship, and we’ll get to that, but first we’ve got to dismantle some false ideas. One of the worst ones is this: Urgency equals wisdom. Correction equals care. These are lies we’ve believed, often because of how we were raised. But love is most powerful when it is patient. Love doesn’t demand instant change. It doesn’t rush fruit to appear. Love sees the person in process and says, “You’re safe with me while you grow.” When we mentor from pressure, we create fear. When we mentor from peace, we build trust.

The faulty version of mentorship we’re dismantling today says we need rapid correction, super high standards, quick turnarounds, and pressure for maturity. But let’s set that model aside. The truth is, real mentorship is a slow, steady presence. It’s being patient, being loving, being wise, and offering encouragement over and over again. It’s not about producing quick results; it’s about walking with someone long enough that they actually believe they’re loved; even when they fail. This is what changes people: not our pressure, but our presence.

Now if we hold on to that old model; the pressure-based model; we’re going to hit some problems. The first is performance-based identity. In this mindset, people believe their value to you is based on how fast they grow or how “good” they are. That creates fear. That creates insecurity. People start to feel like projects. They start to feel like they’re always behind. They start to feel like they’re constantly being corrected. That breaks trust. That makes them hide. That shuts down the heart.

But when we show up differently, when we become safe people instead of scary ones, we offer something rare: a relationship that isn’t based on performance. In that kind of relationship, people are seen. They’re heard. They’re known. They’re still loved even when they stumble. That’s when trust builds. And trust opens the door to real growth.

Now we become what we behold. If you see God as a drill sergeant, you’ll become harsh. But if you see God as a patient coach, a loving Father, a gentle leader, then you’ll start to treat others that way too. If you’re not experiencing that kind of connection with God, it will be hard to give it to others. But when you do; when you see that God isn’t rushing you, isn’t shaming you, isn’t waiting to punish you; something shifts inside. You start mentoring like He mentors. That’s where the real impact starts.

Now let’s talk about the root of this false correction model. Most of us grew up with something called progressive discipline. I did. Maybe you did too. It starts small; maybe a checkmark on the board or sitting in the hallway. Then it escalates; writing sentences, sticking your nose on a frown face drawn on the chalkboard (yes, that actually happened), getting sent to the principal, getting suspended, and so on. The system is built on the idea that punishment produces change. But it doesn’t. Not real change. Not heart change.