Strap in, you pathetic wankers, for Cortina Carnage—the latest episode of The Vinyl Roof, where your host, the gloriously unfiltered Jason, rips the Ford Cortina a new arsehole. This isn’t your grandad’s boring car show; it’s a pure, filthy venom-fest aimed at Britain’s rustiest family saloon. Expect savage takedowns, two laughably pathetic letters from ex-owners who probably shagged in the backseat, and enough rude sarcasm to make your mum blush and your priest cry. From its underpowered engines to its bin-bag vinyl roofs, Jason spares no one in this single-host sh*tstorm. Tune in, laugh, and try not to puke—you’ve been warned, you sad bastards