The Vinyl Roof

Strap in, you pathetic wankers, for Cortina Carnage—the latest episode of The Vinyl Roof, where your host, the gloriously unfiltered Jason, rips the Ford Cortina a new arsehole. This isn’t your grandad’s boring car show; it’s a pure, filthy venom-fest aimed at Britain’s rustiest family saloon. Expect savage takedowns, two laughably pathetic letters from ex-owners who probably shagged in the backseat, and enough rude sarcasm to make your mum blush and your priest cry. From its underpowered engines to its bin-bag vinyl roofs, Jason spares no one in this single-host sh*tstorm. Tune in, laugh, and try not to puke—you’ve been warned, you sad bastards

Welcome to The Vinyl Roof, where your host Jason—a loudmouthed, sarcastic git with a gob full of filth—rips into the shambolic world of Reliant vehicles. In this episode, "Three Wheels and a Shitload of Tears," we’re diving arse-first into the history, design, and sheer bollocks of Britain’s wobbliest automotive fuck-ups. From the Regal’s lawnmower bastardry to the Robin’s knack for tipping over faster than a pissed-up slapper, and even the Scimitar’s midlife-crisis fibreglass wankery, Jason’s got the lot covered. Expect X-rated rants, two disgustingly hilarious letters from ex-owners who’d rather shag a cactus than drive one again, and enough foul-mouthed piss-taking to make your nan blush. Email your own tales of three-wheeled misery to [email protected], you masochistic twats. Strap in—this one’s a proper shitshow.

The Vinyl Roof with Jason: "The Austin Allegro – Britain’s Shitebox Supreme"
Join Jason, your foul-mouthed, lager-swilling host, as he tears into the Austin Allegro—a car so bloody awful it makes a kick in the bollocks feel like a spa day. In this filthy, X-rated episode of The Vinyl Roof, we dive arse-first into the history of this British Leyland disaster: a rust-bucket born in the ‘70s that couldn’t outrun a three-legged dog. From its hideous jelly-mould design to its knack for breaking down mid-motorway, Jason rips the piss out of every dodgy detail—think wonky steering wheels, vinyl roofs peeling like a prossie’s knickers, and engines with less grunt than a pensioner’s fart.  

Hear two gut-busting letters from ex-owners—Mick from Doncaster and Sharon from Swindon—who lived the Allegro nightmare and survived to tell the tale (barely). It’s crude, it’s loud, and it’s packed with enough sarcasm to choke a Tory MP. Tune in for 4000 words of unhinged ranting about the car that proves Britain can’t build anything worth a toss. Warning: not for the faint-hearted or anyone who thinks beige is a personality. Available now—grab it, you filthy bastards!