For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/xvDCFU85faA.

Our guest in this episode, Caroline Kobylinski, overcame a history of emotional chaos, substance use, eating disorders, and toxic relationships. She’s applied what she learned through those struggles to helping both individual clients and couples. And she does it with humor and refreshing forthrightness. We had a lot of fun talking with Caroline.

Caroline’s website is http://www.cwkcounseling.com.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/UG6QrQsK-Uo.

Our guest in this episode, Padmini Pandya, has lived and worked all over the world. She shares her experiences, especially in the area of relationships.

Padmini’s website is https://www.youtube.com/@PiecesOfMissMini.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/7rhyEG5S260.

Pornography can be addictive. Our guest in this episode, Chandler Rogers, has founded Relay, an app that helps people with their recovery. We talk about Chandler’s own experience that led him to found the app, how connecting with other people in an atmosphere of supportive acceptance can help heal the shame, and ways couples can rebuild their relationships after a partner discovers behavior they experience as a betrayal.

Chandler’s website is https://www.joinrelay.app/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/VuKfsIb8Fe4.

Is everyone mentally ill? Or is it possible that most of us need support from a caring human being, rather than treatment of a diagnosed illness?

Our guest in this episode, Dr. Alison Greco, is reanimating an idea from last century: paratherapy. She is training people in what she calls Structured Emotional Support, to provide help for people who might need psychotherapy, but want help.

Alison’s website is https://para-thera.com/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/i3vNYsGMDtc.

Why do couples so often start off passionately in love, and over time end up feeling miles apart? And if you’re in that situation, what can you do about it?

In this episode, we talk about how that happens and how to deal with it.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review.

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/B4933wXvmY8.

Our guest in this episode, Malisa Hapner, told us she maxed out the Adverse Childhood Experiences questionnaire—which means she went through an enormous load of trauma. Judy and I found her journey of overcoming shame and finding compassion for herself and others to be inspiring, and I hope you do too.

Malisa’s website is https://linktr.ee/Mdhepner.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/s5dehbrTc84.

Why are couples surprised when they first experience conflict with each other. And how can they manage it without freaking out? Our guest in this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins, works with couples to help them get past problem patterns and turn toward each other.

Dr. Higgins’s website is https://drjessicahiggins.com/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/.

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/qcNpMScyLWE.

I’ve worked with couples for whom how to load the dishwasher has been the topic that has brought them close to divorce. What’s going on? Our guest in this episode, Talia Bombola, applies insights from psychodynamic therapy to help couples and individuals figure out what’s going on, and save themselves from a lot of misery in the process.

Talia’s websites are  https://www.therapywithtalia.com/ and https://taliabombola.com/.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/oSYU5GCa0YM.

Our guest in this episode, Kristan Swan, has been a landscape designer and business coach. We talk about how her work helping entrepreneurs has often overlapped with the kind of relational work that Bruce does with couples.

Kristan’s book Spaghetti on the Wall is designed to help people learn more about themselves and thereby make better decisions. She has also developed an eight-week workshop called “Discovering Your Spiritual Autobiography.”

Kristan’s website is https://kristanswan.com/.

The Stability and Intimacy Assessment form Bruce mentioned is at https://forms.gle/1Pj8MUQDH2cYfbVW7.

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is now available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review?&asin=B0D4B6KL79

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.

For the video of this episode, go to https://youtu.be/NFNHWEpG2nM.

In my book Betrayal and Forgiveness, I define forgiveness as an “inside job.” Among other things, that means that you can forgive people who have committed acts of pure evil—because forgiving just means you can think about what happened without being consumed by anger or panic. Forgiveness is about healing yourself. To paraphrase Anne Lamott, forgiveness gets the rat poison out of you. Then you can think about how to handle the rat.

Defined in that way, forgiveness has essentially nothing to do with your relationship with whoever hurt you. You can forgive people you still don’t trust. You can forgive people you’ll still divorce, or sue, or prosecute. You can even forgive people you went to war against, and would do so again if necessary.

I commented in the book that this implies that I, a Jew, could forgive the Nazis.

Well, Judy and I put that to the test. We returned recently from a Jewish heritage trip to Germany. It was…well, listen and see what you think!

Do you have ideas for topics or guests for our podcast? Go to https://ctin7.com and send us a message. And you can also sign up for Dr. Chalmer’s newsletter right from our homepage.

Our sponsor is The Blue Tent: Erotic Tales from the Bible by Laria Zylber. Find out more at https://lariazylber.com.

Bruce’s latest book, Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again is available! More information at https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/. And here’s the link to leave a review.

***

RESOURCES FROM DR. BRUCE CHALMER:

If your relationship is facing a passionless phase, deep resentment, or an active crisis, find clarity with these private, self-paced tools and video roadmaps.

Feeling like roommates? Pinpoint if you are facing an intimacy deficit or stability crisis with this free 2-page guide.

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/clarity-check-request/

💔 Rebuilding Trust After Cheating (Betrayal & Forgiveness):

If your marriage suffered a sudden fracture from infidelity, emotional affairs, or broken secrets, watch the free overview video lesson here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/betrayal-and-forgiveness/

🤔 Should I Stay or Leave? (Relationship Discernment):

Stuck in relationship limbo, facing marriage deal-breakers, or trying to decide if it's healthy to work on it or call it quits? Explore this clinical framework:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/discernment/

🔥 How to Fix a Sexless Marriage (The Passion Paradox, Reigniting the Spark):

If you love each other but the emotional warmth and physical desire have faded, learn how to break the "death spiral for passion" here:

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/the-passion-paradox-course/

👉 https://brucechalmer.com/reigniting-the-spark/

Connect with relationship psychologist Dr. Bruce Chalmer online to read free guides, stream podcast episodes, or inquire about direct couples consultations at https://brucechalmer.com.