All US citizens are now eligible to get their immunity chips updated to stave off COVID-30. You don’t want your eyeballs to fall out, do you? If you want to visit your local Amazon restaurant, the only approved mask is an upside-down fishbowl. Remember, to stop COVID-30, we need to maintain the human chain. Grab the person next to you and don’t let go. This has been a public service announcement from the office of President Kardashian.