Lesson 7 – Sponsor
Principle 4: Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.
"Happy are the pure in heart."
Matthew 5:8a (TEV)
Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. Lam 3:40 (NIV)
We need 3 relationships – Jesus Christ, church family (recovery group), and sponsor.
An inventory without a sponsor is like peeling an onion to find the core—you're left with peelings and tears.
Moral inventory – getting rid of "truth" decay.
Proverbs 15:14 – The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.
1) Why do I NEED a Sponsor and/ or an Accountability Partner?
a) It's Biblical - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – 9, "Two are better than one…" Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
b) Having a Sponsor and/or Accountability Partner is BIBLICAL.
c) "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up…Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV)
d) Having a Sponsor and/or Accountability Partner is a KEY PART of your recovery program.
e) (4 key aspects)
(1) Maintaining an honest view of reality as you work each step
(2) Make attendance at recovery group a priority in your schedule
(3) Maintain relationship with Christ – prayer, meditation, and study of His Word.
(4) Get involved in service, which includes serving as a sponsor or accountability partner.
f) Having a Sponsor and/or Accountability Partner is the best guard against RELAPSE.
Ecclesiastes 7:5, "It is better to heed a wise man's rebuke than to listen to the song of fools
2) Prerequisites for Sponsors
a) Completed CR Step Study Group/Completed the 12 Steps
b) One continuous year of sobriety/abstinence.
c) Actively attending Celebrate Recovery meetings.
d) Have their own Sponsor and Accountability Partner(s).
e) Must be the same sex as Sponsee.
3) What are the QUALITIES of a sponsor?
Though good advice lies deep within a counselor's heart, the wise man will draw it out.
(Proverbs 20:5 LB)
4) A Word to our Sponsors:
a) Set a Good Example
b) You exhibit the qualities and characteristics that your sponsee strives to achieve, such as honesty, integrity, willingness and compassion.
c) You have the experience of keeping your own house in order – your spiritual life that is. Seek a greater knowledge of God's Word and "practice your principles in all of your affairs."
d) A sponsor leads with their weaknesses and with their strengths. If you lead only with your strengths, you may appear prideful or arrogant, and this will turn people away.
e) Prayer
f) As a sponsor, you must pray for your sponsees need for:
i) Physical, emotional and spiritual healing.
ii) The lifting of the fog of denial.
iii) Their protection during times of temptation.
g) Oneness with Christ
5) Sponsors can avoid being judgmental by:
a) Be a good listener.
b) Respond with sensitivity.
c) Prayerfully consider feedback.
d) Practice deference (yield to someone's opinions or wishes out of respect for that person).
e) Share Your Personal Experience
f) Sharing is important because:
i) Continues the sponsors personal healing.
ii) Offers hope.
iii) Demonstrates freedom from our hurts, habits and hang-ups.
g) Open and Honest Communication
h) Be compassionate. Be careful not to try to "fix" people, the Lord will heal them in His time.
i) Listen. Carefully consider situations before offering a suggestion.
j) Confront denial and procrastination. Be strong to point out, in a loving manner, detrimental patterns of behavior in you sponsee.
k) Being available, yet having boundaries (you do not have to answer every call or text).
l) Protecting anonymity and confidentiality.
m) Offer suggestions and do not make demands.
n) Rejoice in victories.
6) Sponsees must initiate their own recoveries and seek new relationships; which includes seeking out Sponsors and Accountability. A Newcomer must take responsibility for their own recovery. You cannot work someone else's program.
7) What is the ROLE of a sponsor?
a) He can be there to discuss issues in detail that are too personal or would take too much time in a meeting.
b) He is available in times of crisis or potential relapse.
c) He serves as a sounding board by providing an objective point of view.
d) He is there to encourage you to work the principles at your own speed. He does not work the steps for you!
e) Most important, he attempts to model the lifestyle resulting from working the eight principles.
f) A sponsor can resign or be fired.
8) How do I FIND a sponsor and/or an accountability partner?
a) First, your sponsor or accountability partner MUST be of the same sex as you. After you have narrowed the field down with that requirement, listen to people share. Do you relate to or resonate with what is spoken? Ask others in your group to go out for coffee after the meeting. Get to know the person before you ask him or her to be your sponsor or accountability partner!
9) What is the difference between a sponsor and an ACCOUNTABILITY partner?
a) See SPONSOR QUICK GUIDE
10)5 Reasons to Fire Your Sponsor and 2 Reasons to Fire Your Sponsee
a) So, let's say you're working with somebody but they suggest you do something that frankly makes you want to bolt. It's so easy to think "whatever, we just aren't a good match" and move on. However, it's exactly that temptation to bail, when things get tough mentality, that helped land us in the rooms to begin with.
b) However, sometimes you really do need to make a change. So how do you know when it IS a good time to fire your sponsor? Well, I'm going to tell ya.
11)TOP 5 reasons to get rid of a sponsor:
a) They aren't trustworthy.
i) You should be able to be completely honest with your sponsor and you should have faith that they are going to keep your secrets and not shoot their mouth off to your parole officer, your ex or TMZ.
b) They cross an intimacy line.
i) They get more involved with you or your family than you are comfortable.
c) They relapse.
d) They are making ultimatums.
i) I have seen sponsors try to take control of every aspect of a person's life. It is wrong and it is them being power-hungry. When our lives are a mess, it is appealing to have someone else "take the wheel," but that position is reserved for Jesus.
e) A quote from my first sponsor Bob (as best as I can remember it), "If I tell you what to do and it seems to have worked, you may become dependent on me. If I tell you what to do and it seems to have not worked, you may resent me. And I don't want your resentment or your dependency. So what I'm going to do is ask you a few questions, give you some decision-making tools, and let you decide. As long as you've looked at your motives and consequences (are your motives clean and are you willing to take responsibility for the consequences), I'll support you in any decision you make."
f) They are abusive.
i) No yelling, hang-ups, name calling. Respect is given and respect is received.
12)TOP 2 reasons to get rid of a sponsee:
a) They are lying to you. And, then they are lying about lying.
i) If they are not ready to get honest, then they are not ready to get sober. Let them go out a practice some more "controlled using."
13) They won't do the work.
a) Meetings are not work, they are fellowship and life. Step work is not work, it is the thing that creates lasting sobriety and real change.
14)I have never fired a sponsee because they did not follow my suggestions. I have never fired a sponsee because they were acting out.
15)I have never fired a sponsee because they relapsed.
16)I have fired a sponsee for lying about lying.
17) Sponsors, be loving…but every once in a while the sponsee needs a healthy dose of, "it's time to adult-up."
2 Samuel 12:1--12
18) It is often crushing when we find out that someone that we admire has faults.
a) Pastors
b) Leaders
c) And here…David; king, poet, warrior. His faith is mentioned
19)Why does God hold up such men and women with such obvious flaws?
a) First, God is a realist.
Romans 3:10-11 (NKJV), "As it is written: There is none righteous, no, not one; there is none who understands; there is none who seeks after God."
b) There is no let's pretend that there are whitewashed believers.
i) So we too can come to God regardless of our weakness and shortcomings.
c) The revealing of the saint's weaknesses helps us identify with them. They are real people.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV), "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man, but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
