Crack The Behavior Code

Christine Crandell, President of New Business Strategies, is our special guest for this insightful episode of the Crack the Behavior Code podcast where we discuss the importance of finding opportunity in times of crisis and much more.

Christine is an award-winning expert in customer experience optimization and B2B marketing strategy who has helped over 100 companies across the globe generate an average of 40-50% increase in revenue and ROI.

Connect with Christine and New Business Strategies here:

Twitter: @chriscrandell

http://newbizs.com/

SmartTribesInstitute:

https://smarttribesinstitute.com/

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How to Stop Workplace Bullies in Their Tracks

The VP of Finance constantly interrupts and actively prevents others from speaking in meetings. He scoffs when they share ideas or make suggestions.

A Managing Director at a financial services firm publicly trashes another Director’s new strategy, tearing it apart, without having the domain expertise to truly understand what she is saying.

The lead software engineer makes snide remarks about the product development process during team meetings. He publicly denounces the marketing team too.

What do these three have in common? They’re bullies.

Bullies are scary, shocking, embarrassing and far too often tolerated in the workplace. Why? Because we don’t want to have to deal with them, we don’t want the attack, the conflict, the discomfort. So we either pretend they aren’t wreaking havoc, or we grit our teeth and tolerate them.

It’s time to stop.

How We Let Bullies Thrive

"Paul," the COO of a consumer-packaged goods company manages the VP of Finance bully I mentioned earlier. During coaching, Paul realized how he tolerates, and even allows, this unacceptable behavior.

Here’s how Paul is enabling the bully:

• He lets inappropriate conduct occur in meetings – when Paul could stop the bully from constantly interrupting and preventing others from speaking. Paul must clarify what appropriate meeting etiquette specifically is, and ensure it is honored.
• He acts as a go-between when the bully refuses to interact with people he thinks are “stupid”– when Paul could make it clear to both parties that they need to work things out together.
• He holds his anger in and compromises his integrity – when Paul could just deal with this issue directly, modeling leadership for his team and showing them a safe, respectful, collaborative work environment is required at the company.
• He lets others vent to him about the bully — instead of creating an opportunity to let disgruntled parties communicate their grievances directly and interface with HR.

We all avoid uncomfortable human relations issues sometimes… but what is the cost? Exorbitant--as we daily give our power away, compromise our integrity, and inadvertently teach our team that bullying is acceptable.

The Surprising Truth About What Bullies Want

I have talked before about how we all crave safety, belonging and mattering. Often one of these is exactly what the bully wants – he or she is just trying to get it in an ineffective and inappropriate way. Take a guess at what each of the following bullies wants:

• Person X puts others down, makes them feel small, condescends… because inside they don’t feel they …what?
• Person Y spreads fear, rumors, negative gossip… because inside they don’t feel …what?
• Person Z talks about inequality, unfairness, how others get special treatment because inside they feel they don’t …what?

The answers are mattering, safety, and belonging. Once you uncover what a bully wants, you can start to give it to them, to begin reducing what Seth Godin calls the tantrum cycle. We can also then help shift the bully from tension to empowerment. More on this in a minute.

The Three-Step Bully Rehab Plan

There are three steps to stop bullying:

1. Identify how you are enabling it, like Paul, the COO in our example earlier.

2. End the enabling system

The bully is generally playing the persecutor role, which creates the need for a rescuer to protect the victim. Then the train has left the proverbial station and we’re zooming ahead on a ride to a place we don’t want to go. We want to shift from Problem-Focused to Outcome-Focused.

We want to quickly interrupt the pattern of persecutor-victim-rescuer and step out of the system by using an Outcome Frame. Ask the bully:

1. What would you like? (the outcome they desire that they can create and maintain)
2. What will having that do for you? (how they’ll feel and the benefits they’ll get)
3. How will you know when you have it? (proof or criteria that will be present)
4. Where, when, with whom do you want this? (timing, who else, scope)
5. What might of value you have to risk to get this? (is it ok for them to have this outcome?)
6. What are the next steps?

Ask the question “What will having that do for you” a few times, as often this is where what they really want is revealed. The Outcome Frame is a potent tool to get a person to focus on the outcome, and not the problem—it helps them get unstuck. Then you can shift to an outcome-focused pattern, where the victim/rescuer/persecutor have shifted to their positive alternative.

The Third Step in the Bully Rehab Plan is to:

-Set up a new system with healthy boundaries and behaviors (rich with safety, belonging, mattering and shifting from tension to empowerment.)

Note that if the bully is above you on the org chart, you’ll need a mentor equal or greater in stature to the bully to do the following.

Our clients love our conflict resolution process (bullies or not).

1. Set the stage – explain why you’re meeting and the outcome you want (to form a collaborative turnaround plan)
2. State observable data/behavior – this is where you describe specific behaviors that must change and examples so the bully can “step into” the past scenarios
3. Describe impact – the damage that these behaviors are doing to others/the company/the bully themselves
4. Check problem acknowledgement – do they agree that there is a problem? Do they agree this problem now must end?
5. Co-create a plan – set a time period (of 30 to 60 days) where you’ll meet weekly for 15-30 minutes to track their progress on releasing the challenging. Make the plan very specific in terms of what you need to see and when you’ll know you got the outcome you wanted (use the Outcome Frame tool to help). If the turnaround doesn’t occur, state clearly what the consequences will be (such as losing their job).
6. Check understanding – is everything clear? Anything else we need to cover? Reiterate desire for a positive resolution so the consequences can become irrelevant.
7. Build small agreements – launch the plan and commit to ending the conflict once and for all. Be sure to track it frequently and make sure all concerned see the behavior change too.

I’m thrilled to report that the Managing Director and software engineer now play well with colleagues, and the VP of Finance is in the turnaround process with positive momentum.

Try this process and let me know how it goes!

Show Notes

1.    Safety, Belonging, Mattering infographic

2.    Tantrum cycle: Seth’s Blog: https://seths.blog/2013/11/extinguishing-the-tantrum-cycle/

3.    Power Your Tribe graphic: Shifting from Problem-Focused to Outcome-Focused

4.    Outcome Frame infographic

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There are about 350 new CEOs at the world’s largest public companies right now, with 102 new CEOs in North America alone.

What do new or incoming CEOs need to know? Three key things.

1-    Secure Acceptance From The Team Overall

Successful CEOs frequently take the pulse of their culture. When you’re just starting out, it’s crucial to establish a baseline in order to:

• Gain insights into how to grow the company in a healthy, optimal way supporting core company objectives
• Improve and expand a unified company culture—and discover any silos or warring factions
• Effectively motivate team members—what truly motivates them may surprise you
• Identify the next generation of leaders—and determine who is your best investment

When we’re brought in to help a current or new CEO take the pulse of their culture, we’ll look at the company’s org chart. We’ll pick a sampling of 5% of the employee base or 15-20 people (whichever # is smaller) to interview across different departments, roles (up and down the org chart) and tenures with the company.

We’ll then ask them a series of questions including:

What is it like to work here now?

What frustrates you the most?

What motivates you the most?

How do you feel about your role and responsibilities?

If you could wave a magic wand and have the culture be any way you want, what would that be like?

How would you describe the executive team’s leadership style?

Be sure to add a number of additional questions based on what you learn from the above. When we do a Cultural Assessment, we gain tremendously valuable info that helps us:

1-    Reduce CEO direct reports by up to 50%

2-    Increase CEO and key executive strategic/high value time by 5-15 hours per week

3-    Increase annual profit per employee by up to 40%

4-    Increase gross revenue by up to 60%

5-    Shorten the sales cycle by up to 50%

6-    Increase accountability and team performance by up to 35%

Whether you do it yourself or get outside help, be sure to keep your eye on this information. Simply interviewing the team won’t move the needle. Interviewing, assessing, creating and executing a plan, and generating results is key to turn the tide to your favor.

One of the top new CEO team mistakes includes:

• Avoiding the “regular people” and only spending time with the exec team and Board. This makes them feel they aren’t safe and you don’t care. How to remedy this:

1.    Institute Town Hall meetings, where a brief company update is provided, a vision for the year and quarter is reinforced, team members are celebrated, and a 20-minute educational session is provided. Then, end with a Q&A session where anonymous questions may be submitted in advance… no topic is off limits. A culture of candor with kindness is key. Use social technologies to create increased communication and collaboration too.

2.    Remember your team needs to feel safety, belonging, mattering… continually foster this.

The other top CEO team mistake is:

• Not having a key team member assess and enroll outside help in performing a complete Cultural Assessment and then following it with a People Plan to optimize your culture.

The 2nd Key Thing a new CEO Needs to do is:

-Secure Acceptance from the Executive Team (will they follow you?)

Next, a new CEO (or existing leader wanting to optimize their impact) needs to gain acceptance from their executive team.

How: Inquiry vs Advocacy.

Ask tons of questions—focus on 5 inquiries (questions) per each tendency to advocate (give orders). You must show the executive team from the start that you don’t support a culture of order takers. You support a culture of leadership, and you create them and grow them via inquiry. Ask your executive team members individually (or get outside help if you think you’ll get more pure answers) the following questions:

What frustrates you the most? Have you tried to change this? If so, what happened?

What motivates you the most? What motivates your team the most?

If you could wave a magic wand and have the culture be any way you want, what would that be like?

What is the company’s vision? Do you feel aligned with it? Do you think the entire exec team is aligned with it and executing toward it?

What are our top 3 business priorities? What should they be?

Then, lay out or enhance the People Plan I mentioned above. You will win the hearts and minds of your team post haste. To summarize the People Plan, you’ll need:

• Individual Development Plans
• Leadership Development Programs
• Lean Training
• Accountability Structures and Rewards/Consequences

Top new CEO exec team mistakes include:

• Not getting everyone aligned and focused on the fresh new priorities asap
• Not setting up communication and accountability structures immediately
• Not focusing on culture immediately

The Third Key Thing a New CEO Needs to do is

-Secure Acceptance from the Board

How: In my Boardroom Ninja blog, I outline exactly how to manage your Board of Directors to avoid a rip tide.

Here are some tips:  Provide a format for Board reporting. You need to make your brand equal results immediately. Provide a 90-day plan with tangible deliverables, and monitor and communicate your progress every 2 weeks. Find out who the tribal leader of the Board is and establish deep rapport---and run all potentially challenging situations past them way in advance.

Top new CEO board mistakes:

• Not meeting with each board member one-on-one to find out what their biases are, their past challenges with the prior CEO, their past challenges with one another, their top issues with the current company performance

• Not communicating to the entire board in a structured manner every 2 weeks for the first 90 days. This is the make it or break it time. Overcommunicate so the Board sees you’re on top of things. Highlight concerns so they don’t feel blindsided later.

Being a new CEO, or even a CEO in a growing company can be super stressful at times. Pressure is reduced considerably when a CEO gets clear on his/her areas of strength and improvement. Every CEO must assess their degree of Focus, Directness, Accountability, Influence, Sustainability. To do so, take 5 minutes by taking the SmartTribes Leadership Assessment. Your confidential results will be emailed to you immediately.

Are you a new leader? What are your top priorities?

SHOW NOTES

1.    STI’s Culture Quick Win (see our website and link to it) or reach out to us for a Cultural Assessment

2.    Safety, Belonging, Mattering infographic

3.    IDP sample from STP 4.0

4.    #1 CEO Mistake Blog with People Plan: https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2012/05/08/the-1-ceo-mistake-that-will-kill-your-company/#3d7dcefa18f5

5.    Boardroom Ninja Blog: https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2012/06/04/leo-apotheker-jack-griffin-michael-woodford-beware-the-boardroom-ninja-and-prevent-being-blindsided/#6f409065c422

6.    Leadership Assessment: http://app.keysurvey.com/f/402861/2c73/

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In my experience, leaders either use power well or they don’t. Thankfully, I’ve met more that fall into the “use power well” category. Here are four powerful leaders and the lessons they taught me. I hope their wisdom will touch you too.

Andy Grove: Be Gracious

Andy Grove always tried to feed me. He was that kind of man, making sure others were comfortable. He was the most gracious billionaire of the dozen or so I’ve met, and the one I’ve most wanted to emulate. When I first pitched him to invest in my venture capital fund he told me my presentation was “lucid.” That to me was a huge compliment. Later, when he introduced me to his wife, he said “this is the woman that is managing our money”—which was too generous as I managed an infinitesimal amount of his staggering net worth.

The more wealth and power he acquired, the more gracious, considerate, kind he was to me. He always met me “where I was” intellectually and asked questions that were simple, straightforward and effective. His assistant always worked with my calendar to find a mutually appropriate meeting time so I felt respected and like we were equals. That equality was a remarkable and rare experience.

Bill Gates: Be Certain

It was 1985 and Windows was being trashed in the press. It had recently been launched and was full of bugs, was a commercial disaster, and was nearly unanimously ridiculed. Bill was unfazed. He said Windows was going to be the world standard, it was just a matter of time. We just had to keep plugging away at it, people would come to embrace it, they just didn’t “get it” quite yet.

Society often implies that we need to succeed to then be confident. But Bill taught me the exact opposite: you start with certainty, with confidence and then the proof shows up. It took until 1990 for Windows to become the desktop standard. Bill kept believing and moving through all the criticism for five years. Why? Because Windows was going to be the world standard. It was just a matter of time. He was certain of it.

Larry Ellison: Be Bold

Back in the day before Oracle was the market leader, their competitor Sybase regularly ate Oracle’s proverbial lunch. Head to head on sales calls Sybase was technically superior… and yet Larry told the world he’d eat their lunch. As his team marketed and sold with bold claims of superiority Oracle got lucky: Sybase had some problems, their stock price crashed, and things started to fall apart. Larry seized the day and put Oracle on top. When one of my startups needed Oracle licenses and we couldn’t afford them I decided to be bold with him. I offered Larry stock options in my company in exchange for Oracle software. He told me I had guts to try that. I said I learned the behavior by observing him. He laughed, signed the stock document, and had his people give me six-digits worth of software. And he never even executed the stock options.

Stephen Hawking: Be Warm

I met Stephen at a White House lecture he was giving. This excerpt from my book Rules for Renegades says it all:

“Hi,” I say crouching before the seated man. He’s alone, slumped over the little desk attached to his wheelchair. “Your speech was terrific,” I tell him. “You make physics so . . . accessible. Thanks.” He smiles and shifts a little, preparing to type a reply into his speech synthesizer. Aware of the effort I say, “You needn’t respond.”

He looked up at me, into me, with deep dark eyes—no black holes here. His eyes embraced me in a down-duvet hug. And there it was: connection. I could feel his anguish, his giant, potent mind trapped in a tiny, twisted body. And right then my insecurity evaporates: I no longer care that I’m not a player, that I’ll probably never be all that important. Because my quest for success had been about being seen, about banishing the perpetual feeling of invisibility and inconsequence, about making sure I mattered. And right then, I did. I felt seen all the way through.

And I realized that this...this is a moment that I’ll remember, this very real, better-than-a-handshake moment: the touchless shake, the soulshake, of Professor Stephen Hawking.

Be Gracious. Be Certain. Be Bold. Be Warm.

Great leaders choose to lead, and they work hard to be the person that others choose to follow. They provide a vision for the future and a mission that their team believes in. They cultivate the desire to improve. Are you cultivating that intangible drive and passion for excellence, for being all that you can be? How can you cultivate the traits discussed above, not only for you but for your team members?

Show Notes:

Energetic Weight and Say What You Mean infographics

5 Ways Great Leaders Make Work Meaningful: https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2016/04/30/5-ways-great-leaders-make-work-meaningful-for-employees/#41bc52275742

Link to RFR: https://www.amazon.com/Rules-Renegades-Money-Career-Individuality/dp/0071489754

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Over the past 5 years we’ve been tracking how our clients, executives in senior leadership, sales, marketing, finance, operations, improve performance in three key areas by working from home .5 to 2 days per week.

The results are surprising.

1-Make Better Decisions—Faster

40 = the number of hours per week that companies expect people to be strong decision-makers

3-5 = the actual number of peak decision-making hours that people report

You make better decisions when you have a chance to reflect on all aspects of what needs to be considered—and not when you have the proverbial gun to your head. As we know from meta programs (see the Show Notes for more on this topic, they are essentially the lens through which a person experiences the world), if you’re on the reflective end of the Active (take fast action)-Reflective (consider, ponder, analyze THEN decide) continuum, this is even more crucial. When you are insulated from interruptions and can control your environment you make better decisions, because your brain experiences less stress.

Speaking of stress, let’s consider the massive amount of uncertainty that exists in today’s workplace. Thanks to Harvard Medical School research we now know that 75% of people in uncertain scenarios will make decisions based on fearful assumptions—they are expecting something bad to happen. The result is decisions that are risk-mitigation and pain avoiding, with little or no strategic vision in mind. Vision isn’t possible because fear shuts down the prefrontal cortex, so we have no access to our innovative, problem solving, planning parts of our brain.

Client result:

●    300% increase in hours of peak decision-making time each week- based on training their brain in managing their emotional state.

2-Design Better Strategies and Solutions--Faster

10% share of people who do their best thinking at work

39% share of people who do their best thinking at home

In the relentless pursuit to be strategic, extract and demonstrate value, and provide optimal solutions all the time, the workplace is a continuous pressure cooker. This means the brain is often in fear and disaster prevention instead of in analysis and designing the outcomes we want. What happens on our best day? How did Einstein form strategies and solutions? When asked how he created his theory of relativity he said first he felt it, then he saw it, then he could articulate it. He let his mind wander, have visions, form connections, then he formulated the visions into something he could tangibly communicate.

Einstein also said “Imagination is everything. It is the preview of coming attractions.” We need to engage the emotional brain by seeing, hearing, feeling ourselves standing in the future when the strategy is being executed. How is it going? How are people feeling? Are they embracing it? What’s working? What’s not? Now take this learning and ask yourself what you need to adjust right now, before you lock in and launch the strategy.

As leaders the more we balance the logical (prefrontal cortex) planning part of the brain with the emotional (mammalian) area of the brain the more effective our strategies will be.

Client result:

●    200-400% increase in the quality of strategies - by giving their brains space to feel into the future before a strategy is deployed.

●    73-97% increase in ability to influence outcomes/others – due to more time to thoughtfully craft communications.

3-Increase Focus and Have More New Ideas

Ever had the feeling that something isn’t quite right, but you can’t quite put your finger on it? That’s the intuitive part of our brain, the insula, at work. This is why we often have great ideas when on vacation, or when shooting hoops or hiking in nature. Our brain is wandering, forming connections, resolving incongruencies, testing out theories. Working from home enables more vision time. Many of our most successful clients allocate one half to one full day per week (Fridays are best) for Vision Time. This is where they let their brains wander, and countless new products, strategies, alliances have resulted.

Our clients that allow Vision Time or even Vision Retreats (solo time in nature for a weekend) consistently crank out market-leading products, ideas competitors haven’t had, and innovative approaches to leverage assets and efficiencies. Give your brain a break and see the great insights that come from it.

Client results:

●    300-500% increase in innovation across the company when they first followed this process themselves, then taught their teams.

●    20-47% weekly increase in time on high value activities – due to reduced distractions and drama of the workplace

So working at home makes us faster and better!

Harvard Medical School Research: https://hbr.org/2013/09/nice-or-tough-what-engages-emp

Meta Programs blog https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2013/06/26/how-to-influence-anyone-any-time-anywhere-4-subconscious-secrets/#109a5cb61ec8

Make Your Team Smarter Overnight - 5 Brain-based tools: https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinecomaford/2014/01/06/make-your-team-smarter-overnight-5-brain-based-tools-in-pictures-infographics/#4aa8350e460a

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Are You Killing Your Career By Avoiding Conflict?

Bob is the CEO of a thriving construction company. The only trouble is he works 75-hour weeks, because he “picks up the pieces” when his key leaders drop the ball. Yet he hasn’t made it clear they need to own their work. 

Sharon is the SVP Sales at a mid-sized software company. Her salespeople are highly compensated, yet continue to miss their numbers. And their compensation hasn’t been reduced. 

What do both leaders have in common? 

They’re avoiding conflict.  

How Your Brain Handles Conflict 

Many of us have been socialized or learned as adults that conflict is “bad” and in order to succeed, we should appear optimistic and positive at all times. Yet while this avoidance of conflict leads to superficial harmony, it denies what is really going on, and undermines genuine trust. 

When conflict occurs, many leaders (like Bob and Sharon) have a tendency to participate in it versus lead through it. It’s comfortable to do this, because our brains are wired to want to belong. Fear of ostracism leads to fear of conflict… but when we avoid conflict, it has a tendency to escalate . 

The state of conflict or friction in the workplace (or life) is something I call the Critter State. [explain Critter State] We dive into Critter State when we feel threatened. Any time there’s conflict, the animalistic instincts in our limbic and survival systems kick into gear. This undermines communication and teamwork — and fuels aggression. All of this leads to even more issues.  

Here’s what to do:

1. Unpack How Your Culture Creates Conflict, And Address It. 

Chances are good you’ll find:  

• Recurring low/incomplete communication, leading to mis-matched expectations and misunderstandings in general, so make sure communication is actionable, accurate (have the communication “receiver” echo back what they heard) and complete (ensure dependencies and contingencies are being considered) 
• Infrequent or incomplete feedback, leading to people not knowing if they are on or off track 
• No consequences for dropped accountability, so the pattern repeats. 

Follow the above links for brain-based tools to help in each scenario. 

2. Know Your Conflict Avoidance Strategy. 

Avoiding conflict comes in three flavors:  

• Passivity—doing nothing and hoping the problem will go away, or waiting for the actions of others to fail,  
• Overly compliant and trying not to rock the harmony boat of the relationship versus trusting that the relationship will be stronger when ideas and opinions are discussed honestly,  
• Overly controlling without including time for discussion and connection.  

While each of these strategies has a time and a place where they are effective, they will damage results, morale, and sustainability if they aren’t stopped. Through coaching Bob and Sharon came to understand their conflict avoidance pattern. Next, I needed to give them some tools to move through conflict more comfortably… 

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions to Design A Shared Outcome.

This will enable you and the other person(s) to move from the Critter State and into the prefrontal cortex (woo hoo! Now you’re in your Smart State). To design the better-feeling reality that you all want you’ll use an Outcome Frame. An Outcome Frame helps you create a strong vision of the state you want to be in. Here are the basic questions:  

• What would you like? 
• What will having that do for you? 
• How will you know when you have it? 
• When, where, and with whom would you like it? 
• What of value might you risk or lose? 
• What are your next steps? 

Use this tool to discover how your team can move forward in conflict. Have them answer these questions in order to assess where they really want to be. The Outcome Frame is a terrific conflict prevention tool as well.   

4. To Stir Up Healthy Conflict, Use A Pinata.  

Consider yourself the “Pinata Maker.” Offer potential solutions as if you were hanging up a Pinata and expecting everyone to take a hit at it. No whacks to the idea, no candy comes out. This mindset may help your team to not get too attached to an idea or solution before others have had their say. And at the same time, it’ll allow you a way to offer ideas for discussion before they are fully formed in your own mind. Work with your coach to make this collaborative solution-forming style feel safe and productive. 

Recognize that when you are willing to have direct, non-judgmental conversations about topics like low accountability, blaming behavior and boundaries, you are able to create powerful learning opportunities for your team and for yourself. Scan your relationships and identify with whom you are holding resentments, festering worries about some of their behaviors, or withholding some other information out of worry they may not like what you have to say or because you have written them off. 

Net-Net 

• Learn why your culture has conflict avoidance, and put the tools mentioned above in place to reduce it.
• Understand your conflict avoidance strategy. With this awareness you can “catch” it, become conscious of it, and choose to use our conflict navigation tools.  
• Use an Outcome Frame to set a plan for the future, and understand where your team wants to be. 
• Use a Pinata when you need to mix it up! 

How will you overcome workplace conflict by using these tools? Let’s discuss!  

SHOW NOTES

Tools to unpack cultural conflict: communication, feedback, accountability

Feedback Frame infographic

Outcome Frame infographic

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In this week's podcast episode, Christine shares a mindfulness practice to help you get more energy!

Show notes:

https://smarttribesinstitute.com/outcome-frame/

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The Art Of Showing Up: How To Own Your Leadership Role And The Authority It Brings

Sue, CMO at a Midwest insurance company, receives a litany of excuses from her VP Marketing when deadlines are missed. And he continues to miss them.

Dan, VP Sales at a Silicon Valley software company, runs ragged tracking the performance of his sales people and cajoling them into using the CRM. He often donates time from his own assistant to do the sales people’s CRM data entry.

Karen, VP Talent at an East coast professional services firm, has frequent challenges with one of the firm’s top consultants. He changes agreements constantly, says he doesn’t remember promises made, and even bullies her and her team.

What do all these leaders have in common?

They’re not owning their role and the power and authority it brings. They’re not standing in their energetic weight. They're being "inappropriately small" and letting their direct reports become "inappropriately big" by default. Nature abhors a vacuum. If you don't stand in your energetic weight either someone else will, or if you're the leader, anarchy will result.

The Art Of Showing Up: Standing In Your Role And Its Weight

Energetic weight is the energy, the power, the authority that comes with a given role. Now the role has it, sure, but does the individual with that role choose to use it? Standing in one’s energetic weight is about standing up for what you believe is right, it’s about doing the right thing, it’s about treating others with respect and also drawing the line when others are not honoring who you are and what your role represents.

Too many leaders, in an attempt to “be nice,” to fit in, to be popular miss the opportunity to stand in their energetic weight. Then they wonder why they are mired in low value activities, when their team doesn't perform, when it’s hard to just get things done through other people.

Think of energetic weight like a mantle you wear, or even a crown. When you accept the responsibility of a given role, you “take on” or wear an energetic mantle of sorts. You agree to hold yourself to a higher standard than your prior role perhaps, because this new role may convey more authority, carry more responsibility (financial, larger team, etc.). This does require you to ensure your team honors your "weight".

A while back one of our junior team members made a mistake. It was a big one, and she didn't have the capacity to clean it up. So her leader had to dive in to fix things at a level she shouldn't have had to work at. This reduced the leader's energetic weight. Next, since the leader's weight had been reduced and she was now doing more Low Value Activities than she should've had to, this impacted her leader. Which is me. So now my energetic weight was reduced because I wasn't getting the support I need. Make sure your direct reports and their direct reports understand energetic weight!

What’s Your Weight?

Here’s a quick quiz to provide some insight into your energetic weight. Answer Yes or No to each:

1. I spend 70% or more of my time on High Value Activities.

2. I hold others accountable to their commitments even if they go into victim or persecutor behavior  and try to make me “the bad guy.”

3. My team knows what is expected of them and they come forth when they drop the ball—rarely do I have to mention it.

4. My peers know what to expect in our interactions, what’s OK and what’s not, and where the line is that they shouldn’t cross.

5. My supervisor/boss/leader wouldn’t dream of delegating work to me that could be given to someone more junior.

6. My team wouldn’t dream of bouncing delegated work back to me, their leader.

7. I am known as fair, direct, collaborative and a straight shooter. This is why people trust me—I don’t play games, I give others credit when due, and continuously elevate and cultivate others.

8. I see my role as a privilege and not an entitlement. I am here to serve my company’s mission, fulfill its vision, and honor its values, and make a positive contribution to its clients, partners, and team.

9. I complete the work I am able to complete that is appropriate for my role and the amount of time I dedicate to work. I don’t self-sacrifice and work excessive hours--that would reduce my work quality and also mean I either am not delegating enough or am taking on more work than is healthy or appropriate.

10. I am OK with conflict and stress. If I disagree with something I say so, in a respectful way, with the reasons why. If others try to shoot down my ideas I get curious and find out what I may have missed. If under stress I stay calm and move through it. We’re all works in progress and that’s OK. We’ll get through this together.

If you have:

0-3 Yes Answers: It’s time to get a coach or work solo on building your energetic weight. Start to uncover the stories you’re telling yourself about being seen, having power, claiming your rightful place. It may be time to rewrite them.

4-6 Yes Answers: You’re on your way. Hone your skills, expand your heart, ground your energy into the earth and be the glorious human being you are. Now comes the best part: You get to help others understand this too.

7+ Yes Answers: Optimization is your adventure now. Let’s see how mentally clear, how inwardly still, how authentic and transparent you can be. It will be of great benefit to those you have the great good fortune to work with.

So what happened to the three leaders I mentioned earlier?

Once I coached them in their energetic weight and they began to stand in it, the results were fantastic.

Sue no longer receives a litany of excuses from her VP Marketing when deadlines are missed. Because he doesn’t miss them. He understands now that this isn’t OK.

Dan no longer runs ragged tracking the performance of his sales people and cajoling them into using the CRM. They now understand that if they don’t enter the CRM data timely, they can find a job elsewhere. And his assistant now has time to implement cool sales contests to increase revenue.

Karen let the consultant prima donna go. Her team is much happier now.

How is your energetic weight? Where would you like to grow?

Show Notes:

Energetic Weight and Say What You Mean infographic

ERA Assessment: http://smarttribesinstitute.com/era 

Podcast Episode - Emotions Have Energy https://shows.acast.com/crack-the-behavior-code/episodes/emotions-have-energy

HVA/LVA tutorial

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What creates passion, loyalty, drive, peak performance and even love for one’s organization?

Motivation.

And what creates motivation?

Well, it’s not a quick answer. In this podcast, you’ll learn how to unpack the motivators beneath human behavior, to understand why we do what we do, and how to offer alternative behaviors that feel even better than the behaviors a person is currently choosing.

Before we get into tools, here’s a quick refresher on emotional intelligence. This is key because most people could use some work on one--or both--of the below paths.

For example, if a person isn’t very self-aware they may not be receptive to participating in using the below tools—you’ll need to use them on your own, then over time invite them in. If a person isn’t very socially aware, they may struggle with reading social cues or may be too wrapped up in their own experience to notice the impact their behavior has on others. So again, you’ll use the below tools on your own initially.

But first, let’s look at some research.

What Kills Motivation

Richard Clark of USC Center for Cognitive Thinking recently did some research on motivation. Here’s a high level of his findings, and I’ll help you implement them with our brain-based tools.

The net-net is people lose motivation when they fall into what Clark calls motivation traps. The 4 motivation traps are:

1) Values Mismatch: “I don’t care enough to do this” – if the project isn’t tied to something that the person values, they won’t be motivated to do it. Key is to find out what they value (hopefully your projects can be tied to your organization’s emotionally engaging core values that everyone is inspired by!), ensure the project is interesting, help them expand their identity via the project and check in on what they are believing about it.   

Humans experience change in the above 6 “levels”. Might your Environment be affecting their motivation? It is conducive to collaboration and communication, as well as bonding and connection? How are the Behaviors of others: are they helpful, supportive, goal-oriented? Do they have the Capabilities, the skills, and tools they need? I’ll jump next to Core, because if the organization’s purpose isn’t compelling you’ll want to tune it up. In my coaching work, I’ve helped hundreds of organizations create an emotionally engaging mission/purpose and vision in even the most challenging industries. Identity and Beliefs are deeply connected to Core.

2) Lack of Self-Efficacy: “I don’t think I’m able to do this” – If an employee doesn’t feel they have the capability (either skill set or available time) they will lose motivation. Often confidence is the key factor here, and clarity on the project will help a lot. With a clear spec as to what success will look like, what resources the person has access to, who they can get mentoring/have check-ins with, you can often move past this de-motivator. Also making priorities and energy allocation clear with a High Value/Low-Value process will help a great deal. These tools will help:

• HVA (High Value Activities) = tasks you are energized by, tap into your strengths, may be challenging but feel good to do, are how you add the most leverage to the company
• LVA (Low Value Activities) = tasks you know you should ditch, delegate, defer as they don’t bring great value to your organization (and they are draining, boring, something you’re not good at) or tasks you must do but need to move through them effectively
• Notice the total for both columns equals 100% (this represents their time at work).

Then help the person to prioritize or ditch, delegate, defer or reframe tasks/projects to get them re-motivated.

Next, you may have some identity work to do. Again, go back to the Logical Levels graphic and note in our book Power Your Tribe we unpack identity in great detail. See number 4 below for another tool to help here.

3) Disruptive Emotions: “I’m too upset to do this” – This is where emotional resilience comes in. Since humans are highly emotional beings it’s essential that we all become more aware of our own and the emotions of others. If someone is snared by anxiety or depression or even good old fight/flight/freeze, it’s essential that we use these tools:

Emotion Wheel – find out how they’re feeling

Meta Model – ask “what specifically is [the emotion they named] about this?”

Outcome Frame – and now ask them what they’d like, and if a lengthy Outcome Frame is inappropriate or would take too long (you’ll need 15 mins), do some quick Reframing. 

The goal is to help the person get back into their Smart State so they have more behavioral choice and emotional resilience.

4) Attribution Errors: “I don’t know what went wrong with this” – When something goes wrong and we can’t figure out why it’s deeply unsettling. This is where Quarterly or Monthly Business Reviews, project post mortems, and feedback help us understand the people, process, tools challenges that may have occurred. Also when we feel we can’t complete a task or succeed, due to an outside force. This is when it’s key to unpack what the person is believing (there we go again with beliefs!) so we can help the person get back in motion. I find attribution errors often are connected to Organismic Rights.

Here’s a quick summary:

We all have 5 basic rights as human beings:

1-The Right to Exist

2-The Right to Have Needs

3-The Right to Take Action

4-The Right to Have Consequences for Our Actions

5-The Right to Love and Be Loved

For an infographic on Org Rights, see the STI Organismic Rights graphic in the show notes., I also did a podcast on this topic.

Once we understand which Organismic Right(s) the person is struggling with, we can help them increase it to build more confidence in themselves, to feel better, to have more self-awareness and self-compassion.

The Net-Net:

• Clark found there are 4 “Motivation Traps” in the workplace
• The great news is there are brain-based tools that will help you and your team get out of these traps
• Use the above tools to re-boot motivation for yourself and others
• Key to helping someone exit these traps is to understand their emotional experience and beliefs

What will you do to motivate someone today?

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Whether you're new to the show, or you've been with us all along, we wanted to take a moment to review just a few of this season's big takeaways:

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EQ = money, according to Drs. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves (see resources below).

“The link between EQ and earnings is so direct that every point increase in EQ equals $1,300 to an annual salary. If that’s not enough, EQ accounts for 58% of performance in all types of jobs”.

Here’s how to start becoming more emotionally intelligent:

1. Figure out what you’re feeling. It’s essential to be in tune with your emotions—this is Self-Awareness.

2. Take a breather. Holding off on sending a nasty-gram until you cool down is Self-Management.

3. Consider the recipient. While you are practicing #1 or #2 above, consider what the recipient might feel upon receiving your communication. This is Social Awareness.

4. Focus on the outcome. What is the outcome you’d actually like to achieve? How would you like to make someone feel in order to empower them and move the ball forward? It’s time to craft a message that will get the result you want and make the person feel powerful, effective, enrolled, engaged, whatever positive emotion you want. This is Relationship Management.

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Disconnection possibly from yourself, from others, your purpose, your place in the grand scheme of things, and even your relationship with nature. Today we see increasing chaos, distrust, aggressiveness, and many other behavioral challenges in our world due to disconnection caused by excessive stress.

3 Ways To Cure Stress-Based Isolation

1. Come Together. 
2. Practice Compassion. 
3. Manage Your Energy During Change and Stress. 

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In every communication, in every conflict, we are subconsciously either reinforcing or begging for safety, belonging, mattering or a combination.

As a leader, and as a human, you must identify whether it is safety and or belonging and or mattering that is most important to the people in your life… and then do everything you can to satisfy that subterranean subconscious need.

Safety + belonging + mattering = TRUST.

How do you boost the experience of safety, belonging, mattering within your company? Do what my super successful clients do--deliver safety, belonging, mattering through your behavior and communication. Here are behavior examples:

• Engaging Mission, Vision, Values – draws people together for a greater cause, helps us see where we’re headed together, sets our “code of conduct” as a tribe
• Individual Development Plans – shows how we matter and belong here, how our company sees us as a long term investment (we’re safe)
• Cultural Rituals: Rock Star, High Fives, Shout Outs, Public Appreciation – reinforces mattering and tribal customs (safety, belonging)
• Transparency: Accountability Structures, Open Communication, Fairness – we’re safe, belong, matter since we know where the performance “bar” is and how to jump over it

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Here’s the counterintuitive secret of developing more executive presence: Focus, it’s that simple. You know what’s great about this secret? It’s skill based. And that means anyone can learn it. The first step - seek first to understand.

Clarity of purpose is the embodied state that allows you to effectively stay in inquiry mode and be present. Clarity of purpose is the most effective criteria for deciding what is an HVA and what is an LVA. Clarity of purpose creates focus, and focus creates executive presence.

Go to it!

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Some Resources Mentioned This Season:

• EQ Research: https://www.talentsmart.com/about/emotional-intelligence.php
• Emotion Wheel: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/emotion-wheel/
• Stress, Change, Isolation infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/stress-change-isolation/
• SBM Decoder Infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/sbm-decoder/
• STI Maslow pyramid: https://www.dropbox.com/s/5lmh2lrfh2ezzgw/STI%20Maslow.jpg?dl=0
• STI Feedback Frame Infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/the-feedback-frame/
• HVA/LVA Tutorial: https://www.dropbox.com/s/l8vf7300q09vhi9/HVA%20and%20LVA%20Tutorial.pdf?dl=0
• 15 Phrases That Make Leaders Look Weak infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/15-phrases-that-make-leaders-look-weak/
• Energetic Weight infographic: https://smarttribesinstitute.com/energetic-weight/

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You’re busy growing. Let’s have a strategy session when it makes sense, which means you are…

· Committed to getting better results and finding out how awesome your performance can truly be

· Ready to make this a priority and get started in the next few months

· Allocating budget to improving the leadership, culture and results of you and your company

· Able to make the decision to move forward (or can convince the person who can)

Ready? Great! Please fill out the form here. If not, check out our resources and subscribe to receive news and more tools as they become available, and we’ll work together when the time is right.

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